Forever, Jack
Page 38
“Come inside,” I managed. “I don’t care what Joey thinks.”
“Yes, you do. I do. He thinks I only want one thing from you. In this split–second of time, he wouldn’t be far wrong. But I want more, a lot more.” He exhaled and brought one hand up to the back of his neck. “Please. Go inside, Keri Ann.”
Trying to get my head working through the haze of hormones that had been unleashed, I didn’t respond for a few moments. Then I nodded and jogged up the stairs and inside without looking back.
I closed the door and sagged against it, my heart pounding in my ears. My body was a flushed and gooey mess of confusion and want.
Taking a deep breath, I tried to calm down. I was confused because I’d been wanting to take it slow. But all of a sudden I was willing to throw my fears of having a public relationship with Jack aside. I couldn’t reconcile the way I was reacting to being with him with the part of me that shied away from who he was and what he stood for.
The kitchen light was still on.
“You okay?” Joey asked, making me jump as he came around the corner.
I put a hand to my chest. “Yep, Fine. You startled me. You gonna stay up and study?”
“Actually, no. Did you see the moon? It’s almost full. I think I’m going to go for a full moon paddle. You want to join?”
It had been one of our favorite things to do growing up. It was always an even bigger treat for me, as I’d get to stay up late, and hang out with my older brother who at other times was too busy with friends and football to spend time with me. But I just wasn’t in that mind-set tonight.
I sighed. “Nah, but you should go ahead. Actually you should call Jazz, she’d love it. She can use my kayak.” I don’t know where the suggestion came from.
Joey started. “It’s late,” he said. “She won’t want to come.”
“Are you afraid she’ll read more into the invitation than you want her to?”
He turned away. “Maybe. Anyway, she’s with someone now.”
“Yes, yes, she is. So you could, I dunno,” I rolled my eyes, “go as friends?”
“Come on. Come with me, I need to talk to you.”
I did love a midnight paddle. “Just a short one, I’m beat.”
He held his hand out. “Keys. I’ll get the kayaks in the truck.”
I nodded and fished around in my purse then tossed them.
Joey caught the keys and I stepped aside to let him out the back door.
“Joey,” I said, stopping him before I changed my mind. “I want to be with Jack, and I’d really like you to get over your reservations about him, about us together.”
“Look, Keri Ann. I get it, but I don’t have to like it. As far as I’m concerned, he could and probably will, leave anytime, and you’d be right back where you were.”
I swallowed my disappointment at his reaction. “Jack wouldn’t come inside tonight, or even kiss me, out of deference to you. So I believe he got your message loud and clear. Thank you for being so protective, but … do you think you could tone it down a bit?”
“Go get ready, let’s talk on the water.”
We drove with the windows down. The spring night air washed over us, the smell of the marsh riding the wind.
“I’m not sure I trust him.” Joey ruined the calm I’d finally collected on the ride to the parking pad under the bridge.
Instead of answering, I hopped down and pulled my kayak out the back. The normally inky dark of the island and its inland estuary was splashed with silver from the moon.
Working in silence, Joey held my kayak while I got in and settled myself. Then I leaned over and held his steady for him.
“Up the creek?” he asked.
I smiled. “As long as I have my paddle.” It was always our joke when we decided to head away from the open sound. “Yeah, let’s stay close.”
I back-paddled and turned, waiting and drifting slowly. The water was black and eerie but beautiful with the light from the moon. It was a full moon high tide, so the water level was higher than normal. If we had an early warm snap, the mosquitoes would hatch in larger batches than usual in the water left behind.
As Joey pulled up close, we moved in silence, soaking up the peace.
I kept my eyes pealed for dolphins. It was the best part of full moon paddles.
Joey cleared his throat to warn me he was about to speak. “I know he’s got a movie coming up here and all, but what about after that? I mean if you two are still together, what then? Will you just follow him around the world?”
Sighing, I tried not to get upset. “God, Joey, I don’t know. Why are you worried about something so far in the future? We’ll figure that out when we get there.” I kept up the rhythm of my paddle strokes and my breathing.
“Why aren’t you worried about it?”
“Because it feels right, because I feel like I’m supposed to be with him.” I didn’t think he needed to know about Nana’s letter. That I believed she’d been involved in getting Jack and me back together. He’d never consider that anything but a coincidence.
“And you think if you give up your life and your dreams to follow him around he’ll still respect you? That he won’t get tired of feeling responsible for you all the time? He’s not giving up his life for you, but you seem pretty wishy-washy about sacrificing not only your future, but this town’s respect, and frankly my respect, and our family name.”
Blood drained from my head leaving a buzzing emptiness in its wake. A sharp prick of hurt stuck me in the back of the throat, and my eyes welled with tears. I pulled the paddle out of the water and laid it across me.
“Joey—” I tried, but it came out a whisper.
“I’m sorry, Keri Ann.” Joey stopped paddling too and reached out the end to grab a hold of my kayak. We paused in the middle of the waterway. It was the dead of night, but the moon was like a spotlight on earth. His features looked pained. “I’m sorry,” he said again. “But this is the way I feel. I don’t think he’s using you. He’s seems like a pretty genuine guy. But I can’t see the two of you together. I just can’t. And I think in the end, you’ll be the one hurt.” He raked a hand through his hair. “God, do you even remember Mom and Dad? Mom danced, did you know that? I loved watching her dance. It was magical to me. She’d take me with her sometimes if I didn’t have school. She was amazing. People told me she was good enough to be in New York, dancing as her career, but she met Dad and fell in love. He promised her they would find a city that had a dance company. He kept promising, promising. Then she had us and eventually all she wanted to find was a teaching job. If she couldn’t dance for herself, then she’d teach others. But no. Dad kept fucking moving, and she eventually gave up. She just gave up.”
I wanted to tell Joey this had nothing to do with me and Jack, but he’d never talked about Mom and Dad, and I wanted to soak it in like a desert rain.
Joey let go of my kayak and started paddling again. Slow and forceful strokes. I followed, pulling my paddle through the inky water.
“When I was nine or so,” Joey said as I pulled up close, “you were twirling around the kitchen in this apartment we’d just moved into in Wilmington. You were so little.” He smiled. “We were there for some other deal Dad was working on. A sales contract or something. And mom, she … she started crying out of the blue. She was crying while you were dancing around the kitchen. I didn’t know what to do. I thought we’d upset her, or something, or you’d done something wrong. I knew she’d been trying to get a job since we’d arrived, so my nine year old mind wanted to help her feel better, and I told her she should teach you to dance. She just looked at me, sobbing, and then stood up and went and pulled out all of her dancing stuff, leotards and ballet shoes, and threw them in this big metal garbage can that was outside.
“Yes, you do. I do. He thinks I only want one thing from you. In this split–second of time, he wouldn’t be far wrong. But I want more, a lot more.” He exhaled and brought one hand up to the back of his neck. “Please. Go inside, Keri Ann.”
Trying to get my head working through the haze of hormones that had been unleashed, I didn’t respond for a few moments. Then I nodded and jogged up the stairs and inside without looking back.
I closed the door and sagged against it, my heart pounding in my ears. My body was a flushed and gooey mess of confusion and want.
Taking a deep breath, I tried to calm down. I was confused because I’d been wanting to take it slow. But all of a sudden I was willing to throw my fears of having a public relationship with Jack aside. I couldn’t reconcile the way I was reacting to being with him with the part of me that shied away from who he was and what he stood for.
The kitchen light was still on.
“You okay?” Joey asked, making me jump as he came around the corner.
I put a hand to my chest. “Yep, Fine. You startled me. You gonna stay up and study?”
“Actually, no. Did you see the moon? It’s almost full. I think I’m going to go for a full moon paddle. You want to join?”
It had been one of our favorite things to do growing up. It was always an even bigger treat for me, as I’d get to stay up late, and hang out with my older brother who at other times was too busy with friends and football to spend time with me. But I just wasn’t in that mind-set tonight.
I sighed. “Nah, but you should go ahead. Actually you should call Jazz, she’d love it. She can use my kayak.” I don’t know where the suggestion came from.
Joey started. “It’s late,” he said. “She won’t want to come.”
“Are you afraid she’ll read more into the invitation than you want her to?”
He turned away. “Maybe. Anyway, she’s with someone now.”
“Yes, yes, she is. So you could, I dunno,” I rolled my eyes, “go as friends?”
“Come on. Come with me, I need to talk to you.”
I did love a midnight paddle. “Just a short one, I’m beat.”
He held his hand out. “Keys. I’ll get the kayaks in the truck.”
I nodded and fished around in my purse then tossed them.
Joey caught the keys and I stepped aside to let him out the back door.
“Joey,” I said, stopping him before I changed my mind. “I want to be with Jack, and I’d really like you to get over your reservations about him, about us together.”
“Look, Keri Ann. I get it, but I don’t have to like it. As far as I’m concerned, he could and probably will, leave anytime, and you’d be right back where you were.”
I swallowed my disappointment at his reaction. “Jack wouldn’t come inside tonight, or even kiss me, out of deference to you. So I believe he got your message loud and clear. Thank you for being so protective, but … do you think you could tone it down a bit?”
“Go get ready, let’s talk on the water.”
We drove with the windows down. The spring night air washed over us, the smell of the marsh riding the wind.
“I’m not sure I trust him.” Joey ruined the calm I’d finally collected on the ride to the parking pad under the bridge.
Instead of answering, I hopped down and pulled my kayak out the back. The normally inky dark of the island and its inland estuary was splashed with silver from the moon.
Working in silence, Joey held my kayak while I got in and settled myself. Then I leaned over and held his steady for him.
“Up the creek?” he asked.
I smiled. “As long as I have my paddle.” It was always our joke when we decided to head away from the open sound. “Yeah, let’s stay close.”
I back-paddled and turned, waiting and drifting slowly. The water was black and eerie but beautiful with the light from the moon. It was a full moon high tide, so the water level was higher than normal. If we had an early warm snap, the mosquitoes would hatch in larger batches than usual in the water left behind.
As Joey pulled up close, we moved in silence, soaking up the peace.
I kept my eyes pealed for dolphins. It was the best part of full moon paddles.
Joey cleared his throat to warn me he was about to speak. “I know he’s got a movie coming up here and all, but what about after that? I mean if you two are still together, what then? Will you just follow him around the world?”
Sighing, I tried not to get upset. “God, Joey, I don’t know. Why are you worried about something so far in the future? We’ll figure that out when we get there.” I kept up the rhythm of my paddle strokes and my breathing.
“Why aren’t you worried about it?”
“Because it feels right, because I feel like I’m supposed to be with him.” I didn’t think he needed to know about Nana’s letter. That I believed she’d been involved in getting Jack and me back together. He’d never consider that anything but a coincidence.
“And you think if you give up your life and your dreams to follow him around he’ll still respect you? That he won’t get tired of feeling responsible for you all the time? He’s not giving up his life for you, but you seem pretty wishy-washy about sacrificing not only your future, but this town’s respect, and frankly my respect, and our family name.”
Blood drained from my head leaving a buzzing emptiness in its wake. A sharp prick of hurt stuck me in the back of the throat, and my eyes welled with tears. I pulled the paddle out of the water and laid it across me.
“Joey—” I tried, but it came out a whisper.
“I’m sorry, Keri Ann.” Joey stopped paddling too and reached out the end to grab a hold of my kayak. We paused in the middle of the waterway. It was the dead of night, but the moon was like a spotlight on earth. His features looked pained. “I’m sorry,” he said again. “But this is the way I feel. I don’t think he’s using you. He’s seems like a pretty genuine guy. But I can’t see the two of you together. I just can’t. And I think in the end, you’ll be the one hurt.” He raked a hand through his hair. “God, do you even remember Mom and Dad? Mom danced, did you know that? I loved watching her dance. It was magical to me. She’d take me with her sometimes if I didn’t have school. She was amazing. People told me she was good enough to be in New York, dancing as her career, but she met Dad and fell in love. He promised her they would find a city that had a dance company. He kept promising, promising. Then she had us and eventually all she wanted to find was a teaching job. If she couldn’t dance for herself, then she’d teach others. But no. Dad kept fucking moving, and she eventually gave up. She just gave up.”
I wanted to tell Joey this had nothing to do with me and Jack, but he’d never talked about Mom and Dad, and I wanted to soak it in like a desert rain.
Joey let go of my kayak and started paddling again. Slow and forceful strokes. I followed, pulling my paddle through the inky water.
“When I was nine or so,” Joey said as I pulled up close, “you were twirling around the kitchen in this apartment we’d just moved into in Wilmington. You were so little.” He smiled. “We were there for some other deal Dad was working on. A sales contract or something. And mom, she … she started crying out of the blue. She was crying while you were dancing around the kitchen. I didn’t know what to do. I thought we’d upset her, or something, or you’d done something wrong. I knew she’d been trying to get a job since we’d arrived, so my nine year old mind wanted to help her feel better, and I told her she should teach you to dance. She just looked at me, sobbing, and then stood up and went and pulled out all of her dancing stuff, leotards and ballet shoes, and threw them in this big metal garbage can that was outside.
