Forgive My Fins
Page 64
The thought of having to abandon his mom actually gives him pause. Good! He needs to be thinking about stuff like that.
But then he shakes his head. “We can work that out later. I’m willing to make those sacrifices. Why can’t you see that?”
“You might be,” I shout, my emotions flooding out. “But I’m not.”
“I don’t—”
I have to say something to make him understand. The truth won’t work. I can’t tell him that I hate the thought of him sacrificing everything in his life to be with me…only to regret the sacrifice later. If I tell him that, though, then he might realize that my feelings for him are growing, and he’ll use that as the anchor in his argument. If he knows that I even think I might be falling for him—and what if I’m just as wrong about these feelings as I was about Brody?—he’ll never let go.
And I couldn’t live with that.
We’re from two different worlds. He belongs in his. I belong in mine.
So I say the only thing I know will make him let go.
“I’m not willing to give you the rest of my life.” I shrug his hands off my shoulders and cross my arms. “I don’t want you here.”
I see the hurt in his eyes for an instant before he shuts me out. His eyes, his whole face, go blank.
He doesn’t speak, just kind of floats away.
The door to Daddy’s office opens and Mangrove swims out. “His highness is ready to begin.”
Quince follows him into the office, leaving me alone in the hall. I take a moment to steady myself, to take a deep breath and tamp down the urge to cry. It’s what has to be done.
And the reason I have to do it is the same reason that makes it so very, very hard.
“You are certain?” Daddy asks.
The question is supposed to be for both of us, but Quince doesn’t answer. We both know Daddy’s really just asking me. I nod, not trusting my voice. From the pained look on Daddy’s face, I can tell that my eyes are sparkling. I can’t help it anymore.
Daddy motions his guards forward, and they take position at either side of Quince.
“Then, by the power vested in me by the great sea god Poseidon,” he says, gripping his trident in his right hand, “I declare this bond…irreversibly severed.”
I feel a spark of electricity tingle over my skin. All at once, it feels like every last one of my emotions drains from my body.
Cid, at Quince’s left, grabs him by the arm and says, “Take a deep breath, son.”
He does—his last breath of water—and Cid and Barney kick off through the open window behind Daddy’s desk, with Quince’s now fully human body dragging between them. Once they clear the frame, I hurry to the window and lean out, watching, empty, as they rush Quince to the surface.
How can the right decision feel, all at once, so very wrong?
“It’s not too late,” Daddy says. “Until he breaches the surface I can call him back.”
“No,” I whisper, my throat tight. It wouldn’t be fair. I won’t let my selfish—and unreliable—emotions take his future away.
“You are so very strong, daughter,” he says, pulling me into his arms.
Resting my head against his shoulder, I don’t feel strong. I feel as opposite of strong as you can get.
I feel like a coward.
23
“Next,” Daddy calls out to Mangrove.
His secretary goes off in search of the next parties seeking an audience with the king. And—Daddy reaches over and squeezes my hand—the princess.
“I am so very glad you decided to return home,” he says for the millionth time since I returned for good earlier this week. “I missed you more than I can say.”
I force a smile and try to ignore the part of me that wishes I hadn’t said good-bye to Aunt Rachel last weekend. I’d been back on land for only a few hours after the separation before it became abundantly clear that I couldn’t stay. Being so close to Quince, while feeling an ocean apart, was just painful after everything we’d been through. It was only four days ago, but it feels like forever.
Before I have to come up with some response for Daddy, Mangrove announces the next visitors—a pair of seaholders who have a dispute about the border between their properties.
I zone out.
After the separation, I should have known I couldn’t return to Seaview. No matter how much I miss Aunt Rachel and Shannen, there was too much waiting for me there. Too much emotion. Too much pain. Too much…just too much.
Besides, I belong in the sea, on the throne, so why waste time playing around on land? I was only delaying the rest of my life. I need to stay in Thalassinia, find a suitable—nonhuman—mermate by my birthday three weeks from now, and prepare for my future as queen.
It’s my duty.
“Very well, gentlemermen,” Daddy says. “I don’t expect to hear any more of these petty quibbles over a single inch of seascape. Understood?”
The two men nod enthusiastically and backpaddle out of the royal hall.
Daddy is so good at this. I know he’s had most of a lifetime to practice, but somehow I don’t think I will ever be as strong a ruler. And it doesn’t help that, even though I’m sitting in the queen’s throne—my mother’s throne—and staring out over the lavish hall, all I see is land. Everything in Thalassinia reminds me of something on land. Of Quince.
I was waiting in this hall, right here in Mom’s throne, when Quince came back from his tour with Dosinia. When they swam in, holding hands and laughing, I was so mad, I could have strangled them both. I guess everyone but me saw it for the jealousy it was.
But then he shakes his head. “We can work that out later. I’m willing to make those sacrifices. Why can’t you see that?”
“You might be,” I shout, my emotions flooding out. “But I’m not.”
“I don’t—”
I have to say something to make him understand. The truth won’t work. I can’t tell him that I hate the thought of him sacrificing everything in his life to be with me…only to regret the sacrifice later. If I tell him that, though, then he might realize that my feelings for him are growing, and he’ll use that as the anchor in his argument. If he knows that I even think I might be falling for him—and what if I’m just as wrong about these feelings as I was about Brody?—he’ll never let go.
And I couldn’t live with that.
We’re from two different worlds. He belongs in his. I belong in mine.
So I say the only thing I know will make him let go.
“I’m not willing to give you the rest of my life.” I shrug his hands off my shoulders and cross my arms. “I don’t want you here.”
I see the hurt in his eyes for an instant before he shuts me out. His eyes, his whole face, go blank.
He doesn’t speak, just kind of floats away.
The door to Daddy’s office opens and Mangrove swims out. “His highness is ready to begin.”
Quince follows him into the office, leaving me alone in the hall. I take a moment to steady myself, to take a deep breath and tamp down the urge to cry. It’s what has to be done.
And the reason I have to do it is the same reason that makes it so very, very hard.
“You are certain?” Daddy asks.
The question is supposed to be for both of us, but Quince doesn’t answer. We both know Daddy’s really just asking me. I nod, not trusting my voice. From the pained look on Daddy’s face, I can tell that my eyes are sparkling. I can’t help it anymore.
Daddy motions his guards forward, and they take position at either side of Quince.
“Then, by the power vested in me by the great sea god Poseidon,” he says, gripping his trident in his right hand, “I declare this bond…irreversibly severed.”
I feel a spark of electricity tingle over my skin. All at once, it feels like every last one of my emotions drains from my body.
Cid, at Quince’s left, grabs him by the arm and says, “Take a deep breath, son.”
He does—his last breath of water—and Cid and Barney kick off through the open window behind Daddy’s desk, with Quince’s now fully human body dragging between them. Once they clear the frame, I hurry to the window and lean out, watching, empty, as they rush Quince to the surface.
How can the right decision feel, all at once, so very wrong?
“It’s not too late,” Daddy says. “Until he breaches the surface I can call him back.”
“No,” I whisper, my throat tight. It wouldn’t be fair. I won’t let my selfish—and unreliable—emotions take his future away.
“You are so very strong, daughter,” he says, pulling me into his arms.
Resting my head against his shoulder, I don’t feel strong. I feel as opposite of strong as you can get.
I feel like a coward.
23
“Next,” Daddy calls out to Mangrove.
His secretary goes off in search of the next parties seeking an audience with the king. And—Daddy reaches over and squeezes my hand—the princess.
“I am so very glad you decided to return home,” he says for the millionth time since I returned for good earlier this week. “I missed you more than I can say.”
I force a smile and try to ignore the part of me that wishes I hadn’t said good-bye to Aunt Rachel last weekend. I’d been back on land for only a few hours after the separation before it became abundantly clear that I couldn’t stay. Being so close to Quince, while feeling an ocean apart, was just painful after everything we’d been through. It was only four days ago, but it feels like forever.
Before I have to come up with some response for Daddy, Mangrove announces the next visitors—a pair of seaholders who have a dispute about the border between their properties.
I zone out.
After the separation, I should have known I couldn’t return to Seaview. No matter how much I miss Aunt Rachel and Shannen, there was too much waiting for me there. Too much emotion. Too much pain. Too much…just too much.
Besides, I belong in the sea, on the throne, so why waste time playing around on land? I was only delaying the rest of my life. I need to stay in Thalassinia, find a suitable—nonhuman—mermate by my birthday three weeks from now, and prepare for my future as queen.
It’s my duty.
“Very well, gentlemermen,” Daddy says. “I don’t expect to hear any more of these petty quibbles over a single inch of seascape. Understood?”
The two men nod enthusiastically and backpaddle out of the royal hall.
Daddy is so good at this. I know he’s had most of a lifetime to practice, but somehow I don’t think I will ever be as strong a ruler. And it doesn’t help that, even though I’m sitting in the queen’s throne—my mother’s throne—and staring out over the lavish hall, all I see is land. Everything in Thalassinia reminds me of something on land. Of Quince.
I was waiting in this hall, right here in Mom’s throne, when Quince came back from his tour with Dosinia. When they swam in, holding hands and laughing, I was so mad, I could have strangled them both. I guess everyone but me saw it for the jealousy it was.
