Forgiving Lies
Page 81
He stood quickly and grabbed the chart off the end of my bed. Laying it near my feet, he started flipping through pages and leaning close to read in the dark. It was only then that I noticed his right arm was in a sling. He was hurt? Had that happened when he tackled Blake off me?
A shudder rolled through my body and I cleared my throat. “I remember you. I remember everything.” He stopped looking through the file and looked back at me. “But I don’t know who you are.”
His face looked pained as realization set in. “Rachel—”
“You look an awful lot like a guy I was engaged to. But that guy—” My voice shook and tears filled my eyes. “See, the funny thing about him . . . is he wasn’t real.”
“Rachel.” His voice was full of anguish as he walked back to the side of the bed and pulled the chair close to me. “I didn’t want you to find out that way . . .”
“Who. Are. You?”
“Babe, you know me.”
“No. I don’t, and you don’t get to call me that.” The tears were now falling freely down my face and my heart began cracking all over again. “What is your name?”
“Logan Ryan. Not Hendricks, and my middle name is Kash; I’ve gone by that my entire life.”
“And Mason?”
“Mason Gates. And he’s not my cousin. We met at the police academy almost five years ago.”
I nodded and tried to swallow the lump in my throat. “So, you’re a cop?”
“Uh, yeah. Mason and I are partners. Up until we moved here, we were undercover narcotics division. Why we’re here is a long story, but we came to find the killer behind the Carnation Murders. We had to stay undercover as we looked for him. And, Rachel”—he leaned forward, putting a hand on my arm and keeping it there even when I tried to jerk it away—“I swear we had no idea it was Blake West. We were following a trail for someone else. If I had known, you wouldn’t have ended up here. Babe, I’m so sorry.”
I let the babe slip as my mind raced. “Carnation Murders? What— I don’t— Wait. Plural? Blake . . . Blake killed people?” I remembered what Blake had said to me: So none of them deserved to have your beauty . . . And like the other Rachel imposters . . . Oh my God.
Kash’s eyes roamed over me, his face twisted in what could only be described as agony. “He won’t hurt anyone again. He’s dead.”
I couldn’t have stopped them even if I tried. My steady tears as my heart broke over Kash suddenly turned into loud sobs as I took everything in. Blake was a killer. He’d tried to kill me. He was dead now. Kash was an undercover cop. Kash, the only person to see through my walls and knock them down, was a stranger.
He hunched over the bed and, with the arm that wasn’t in the sling, cupped my cheek and attempted to brush the tears away. His forehead rested on mine as he tried to calm me.
“It’s okay, Rachel. He’ll never touch you, or anyone, again. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry I failed you. I didn’t protect you, and God, I’m so damn sorry. I love you so much.”
Turning my face away from his hand, I spoke through clenched teeth. “Please stop touching me.” Another sob worked its way from my chest and I took a deep breath, trying to steel my body against the pain that wouldn’t stop coming.
“Babe, you have no idea how many times I wanted to tell you. I’m so sorry. But everything we had was real.”
“I need you to leave.”
“Please don’t ask me to do that. I love you, Rachel. More than life itself.”
“I don’t love you. I’m in love with an illusion. Please just—don’t make this more difficult than it needs to be. I can’t do this with you, Kash. You lied to me. And it wasn’t just something as simple as you telling me I look beautiful when I’m sick. You lied to me about you. That is an unforgivable lie. You hated my shields and broke them all down. You didn’t want anything between us. But you made me fall in love with a man who doesn’t exist.”
“He does. I’m that guy. I’m him, Rachel . . . everything about us was real, I swear to you.”
“When I woke up today, I didn’t even know what your name was. I thought you were a bartender, Kash! And now that I’m thinking about it, you’ve still never told me where you’re from.”
“Tampa Bay, Florida. Ask me anything and I’ll tell you, but you know me.”
I shook my head and blinked back the new tears pricking my eyes. “It’s too little way too late. How can I ever believe anything you say?”
“Rachel—”
“Go. Please.” He started to speak, so I cut him off again. “Don’t come back, Kash. I don’t want to see or hear from you again.”
He stood there staring at me for countless minutes. I could see his eyes gloss over in the dim lighting in the room, and when he turned for the door, I saw the tears start falling down his face.
And then he was gone.
I barely held it together for ten seconds before I felt myself shatter into a million pieces and heard my sobs fill the room. I’d protected myself from ever experiencing this type of hurt again by making sure I never gave anyone my heart. But I had never stood a chance against Kash. From the minute he almost took my car door off, he had taken my heart and kept a firm hold.
And now there was nothing left to protect. I somehow knew that I would never have to worry about guarding my heart again. Because even now, through the pain in my chest, through the betrayal I felt down to my core, I knew that Logan Kash Hen—Ryan would always have my heart.
A shudder rolled through my body and I cleared my throat. “I remember you. I remember everything.” He stopped looking through the file and looked back at me. “But I don’t know who you are.”
His face looked pained as realization set in. “Rachel—”
“You look an awful lot like a guy I was engaged to. But that guy—” My voice shook and tears filled my eyes. “See, the funny thing about him . . . is he wasn’t real.”
“Rachel.” His voice was full of anguish as he walked back to the side of the bed and pulled the chair close to me. “I didn’t want you to find out that way . . .”
“Who. Are. You?”
“Babe, you know me.”
“No. I don’t, and you don’t get to call me that.” The tears were now falling freely down my face and my heart began cracking all over again. “What is your name?”
“Logan Ryan. Not Hendricks, and my middle name is Kash; I’ve gone by that my entire life.”
“And Mason?”
“Mason Gates. And he’s not my cousin. We met at the police academy almost five years ago.”
I nodded and tried to swallow the lump in my throat. “So, you’re a cop?”
“Uh, yeah. Mason and I are partners. Up until we moved here, we were undercover narcotics division. Why we’re here is a long story, but we came to find the killer behind the Carnation Murders. We had to stay undercover as we looked for him. And, Rachel”—he leaned forward, putting a hand on my arm and keeping it there even when I tried to jerk it away—“I swear we had no idea it was Blake West. We were following a trail for someone else. If I had known, you wouldn’t have ended up here. Babe, I’m so sorry.”
I let the babe slip as my mind raced. “Carnation Murders? What— I don’t— Wait. Plural? Blake . . . Blake killed people?” I remembered what Blake had said to me: So none of them deserved to have your beauty . . . And like the other Rachel imposters . . . Oh my God.
Kash’s eyes roamed over me, his face twisted in what could only be described as agony. “He won’t hurt anyone again. He’s dead.”
I couldn’t have stopped them even if I tried. My steady tears as my heart broke over Kash suddenly turned into loud sobs as I took everything in. Blake was a killer. He’d tried to kill me. He was dead now. Kash was an undercover cop. Kash, the only person to see through my walls and knock them down, was a stranger.
He hunched over the bed and, with the arm that wasn’t in the sling, cupped my cheek and attempted to brush the tears away. His forehead rested on mine as he tried to calm me.
“It’s okay, Rachel. He’ll never touch you, or anyone, again. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry I failed you. I didn’t protect you, and God, I’m so damn sorry. I love you so much.”
Turning my face away from his hand, I spoke through clenched teeth. “Please stop touching me.” Another sob worked its way from my chest and I took a deep breath, trying to steel my body against the pain that wouldn’t stop coming.
“Babe, you have no idea how many times I wanted to tell you. I’m so sorry. But everything we had was real.”
“I need you to leave.”
“Please don’t ask me to do that. I love you, Rachel. More than life itself.”
“I don’t love you. I’m in love with an illusion. Please just—don’t make this more difficult than it needs to be. I can’t do this with you, Kash. You lied to me. And it wasn’t just something as simple as you telling me I look beautiful when I’m sick. You lied to me about you. That is an unforgivable lie. You hated my shields and broke them all down. You didn’t want anything between us. But you made me fall in love with a man who doesn’t exist.”
“He does. I’m that guy. I’m him, Rachel . . . everything about us was real, I swear to you.”
“When I woke up today, I didn’t even know what your name was. I thought you were a bartender, Kash! And now that I’m thinking about it, you’ve still never told me where you’re from.”
“Tampa Bay, Florida. Ask me anything and I’ll tell you, but you know me.”
I shook my head and blinked back the new tears pricking my eyes. “It’s too little way too late. How can I ever believe anything you say?”
“Rachel—”
“Go. Please.” He started to speak, so I cut him off again. “Don’t come back, Kash. I don’t want to see or hear from you again.”
He stood there staring at me for countless minutes. I could see his eyes gloss over in the dim lighting in the room, and when he turned for the door, I saw the tears start falling down his face.
And then he was gone.
I barely held it together for ten seconds before I felt myself shatter into a million pieces and heard my sobs fill the room. I’d protected myself from ever experiencing this type of hurt again by making sure I never gave anyone my heart. But I had never stood a chance against Kash. From the minute he almost took my car door off, he had taken my heart and kept a firm hold.
And now there was nothing left to protect. I somehow knew that I would never have to worry about guarding my heart again. Because even now, through the pain in my chest, through the betrayal I felt down to my core, I knew that Logan Kash Hen—Ryan would always have my heart.
