Forsaken
Page 38
“Yes. Yes, it is,” Kamen agreed, not shying or demurring from what was fact. Ahnvil had to grudgingly accept that. “But I think we are safe for a while, in any event. Gods do not injure easily, and when they are wounded badly they do one of two things. Either they retaliate in full fury immediately, in the moment, or they go off and heal…and plot. Apep will not come at us until he is certain he can win. And as long as we have Faith here…”
“True. Still, I willna be relaxing.”
“No. I didn’t imagine you would.”
“I wanted to apologize,” Leo said to Jackson, moving closer to the bed. Jesus. The closer he got the worse Jackson looked. It made him truly cognizant of the fact that they had probably been just minutes away from losing him completely.
“That isn’t necessary. You’ve been through a lot, and I recognize that. I also knew that you were much too strong to let Chatha get away with robbing you of yourself. It was just going to take a little time. Although I have to admit I didn’t expect it to happen this quickly.”
Leo looked Jackson in the eye. “Someone showed me…showed me what I’d be missing if I let hate and bigotry consume me,” he said quietly, feeling the understanding like pain under the marks on his chest. “I just realized…I don’t want to miss out on it. I don’t know if I can even pull it off, but I know I am not going to give up without even trying.”
“You’re being very cryptic,” Jackson mused.
“It won’t seem so once I ask you for a favor.”
“And that is?”
And for the first time since his ordeal had begun, his friend smiled his patented Leo Alvarez smile of mischief.
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
Leo emerged from Jackson’s room and Faith watched him scan the room quickly. His dark, intense eyes landed on her and she could tell instantly she was his target.
Feeling momentarily trapped, she found herself looking for a quick exit. There were too many people in the room and, realistically, he would only go after her or just find her later, so it was a ridiculous idea. Unless, of course, she simply left. Flew off home and never returned. He couldn’t follow her then.
But she was reluctant to leave while Jackson was still so weak. If either Jackson or Leo needed their auras repaired or strengthened, she was by far the best choice. Her skills in this area even rivaled whatever the Djynn could come up with…provided he was willing to do it without asking for compensation. His obligations to Faith’s wish had ended the instant Jackson had awakened.
When Leo made it past the crowd of people pushing to reenter Jackson’s room, he came up to her and took her arm in hand.
“Come with me,” he said. Not a request in the least, not a demand. Just a statement of fact. She was going with him. So she did. She was feeling a little numb as she let him lead her away. It was hard to know what to expect from him. His emotions seemed to vacillate so wildly…as did her own. Tears of hurt and anger stung in her eyes as she tried to remind herself that she’d only known him a pair of days at best, but she couldn’t make herself understand that in any way other than the logical. In her heart she had known him so much longer than that.
Damn Grey anyway. Why did he have to do this to them? Why had he felt it so necessary to manipulate them? But she knew the answers before she even asked the questions. Grey was a Djynn. A Djynn that had wanted something…a nik…and when a Djynn wanted a nik there was nothing they wouldn’t do to get it. She had known that going into this, had been willing to put herself on the line in spite of knowing that. If anything she should be more understanding of Leo. He had been through so much even without Grey toying with their emotions and perceptions of reality. And unlike her, he’d had no idea what he was getting himself into.
And maybe that’s what made this so hard for her. Knowing what a good man he was simply because of the sacrifices he’d so readily made in the name of a man he loved like family…even when he hadn’t been certain he was the same man he knew at all.
No, she was being too hard on him. She had to tell him she was sorry she had laid into him, judged him…been so harsh with him. But she couldn’t help the fact that she had feelings, too.
Leo drew her down the hallway and she followed, dragging her feet a little. She didn’t think she could bear him being so cold to her again. Not when she knew the love he was capable of. But still she let him lead her into a room off the main hall, the suite set up similarly to the master suite. When he let go of her to shut the door, she stood awkwardly, waiting for him to throw more anger at her, ready to watch with an aching heart as he skidded around looking for traction in a world covered in ice.
Just remember, she thought fiercely, he’s in pain. He won’t mean half of what he says. If he needs a whipping boy as he lashes out once more, it’s better if I am his target than anyone else.
Because she knew that as long as he couldn’t come to terms with the changes that had occurred with his beloved friends and family, he would have no one to trust…and no one to lean on.
He needed desperately to—
The thought was cut off when he abruptly turned to face her, took the steps that were between them with a breathtaking speed, cupped her face in his hands and dragged her up to the strength of his mouth. She gasped as he unleashed the sudden, passionate intensity, unable to move or react for all of ten seconds. And then she felt the warm persistence of a fine, strong male mouth that radiated just how determined he was to have her kiss.
Faith melted into the kiss, all stress and pain forgotten because she wanted it so badly. She felt as though she were starving for need of him, for who he was now and who he had been when Grey had brought them together. Because of Grey she had been able to feel what a passionate man he was in all things, emotionally and physically. And even without Grey’s assistance she could feel it. If he was capable of such passionate anger, she had to believe that he was equally capable of passionate love. And if so, the idea was just as breathtaking as his kiss.
He felt like an immovable thing, like a tree rooted to the spot and refusing to budge…and all the while knowing it was strong enough to withstand just about anything. His strength was always so present in him. Even when he was unsure or battling fear, there was no doubt that he was anything but a powerful force of life. She relaxed against him, her hands, trapped between their bodies, opened and uncurled in order to lay flat against his chest. He suddenly broke off the kiss, and hauled her back up against the door. His dark chocolate eyes were intense, seemingly picking her apart as they swept over the features of her face.
“I owe you a few things,” he said, his words fast on the back of equally fast breaths. “First”—he touched his lips to the right corner of her lips, kissing her very gently—“an apology. I’m beginning to realize I’ve been nothing but an ass since we first set eyes on each other. An ungrateful ass at that. You saved my life, Faith. Apep would have torn me to shreds, but you saved my life. Second”—he touched his lips even more slowly and carefully to the left corner of her lips—“I owe you a thank you. I thank you for saving my brother’s life. You and I are probably the only ones who will ever know what the future would have held if we had not succeeded. He is alive and here and able to fill the future with…well, we may never know the scope of the things that will be affected in the future because we kept him from dying.”
“I—” she said breathlessly, his gentle touches were so heavily laced with a barely controlled desire that she could feel it building within the potency of him.
“And third,” he interrupted her, holding his mouth centered to hers, so close that as he spoke, she could feel his breathy words against her lips. “Third, I owe you…”
He broke off to close the distance between their mouths. He kissed her slow and deep, as though he were the chocolate of desire melting into her mouth. It was just that kiss, his hands braced against the door, caging her in, preventing her from escape…an escape which she didn’t want in any way shape or form anymore. Had she ever? she wondered. Had she ever wanted to run from him when he had radiated this intense desire into her?
No. It had always been him breaking off, pulling away…saying no. And what was to say he wouldn’t do that again? She couldn’t bear it again, she thought in momentary panic. She was too exhausted, too hungry for him, to be able to recover from yet another disappointment.
He must have sensed her resistance, the tension of her anxiety radiating into the kiss.
“What?” he asked gently. There was no anger, no irritation. He was concerned and she felt that even more deeply than she had felt his kiss. The idea that he saw the depths of her outside of the physicality of her needs…their needs.
“I can’t do this again,” she told him in a rushing whisper. “You change like the wind…constant one minute, fading the next. But at least the wind shows me the world around me, shows me the path to take and you…I never know what to do or say that won’t—”
“Hush,” he said softly, a finger coming up to brush over her trembling lips. “You’re right. I am like the wind. Blowing soft one minute, howling the next. I can only ask that you forgive me for the things I’ve done that caused the hurt I see in your eyes just now. I never meant to cause you pain, it’s just that…I’m not used to navigating a world I don’t understand. At least before there were rules and responses to everything that I understood…that I could predict and react to. But ever since Ch—”
He broke from saying Chatha’s name and swallowed. He knew she knew what he was going to say. There was no reason for him to speak such an abhorrent name between them. It didn’t belong there. Not in that moment.
“Chatha,” he said anyway, determined to keep himself from hiding away from the things he feared. “It is a shortcoming I’m not sure can be fixed anytime soon, but I’m hoping you’ll see past that particular deficiency. I promise you, I’ll make it up to you,” he said, a devilish sort of grin appearing on his lips. He lifted a hand and ran a knuckle gently down the length of her face, stopping at her lips, which he touched with his fingers again. “Your mouth fascinates me,” he said, sounding every bit a fascinated man. “Your lower lip is so full, your whole mouth like a succulent blackberry, in color and in taste…”—he brushed his mouth gently over hers, making her breath stop in her throat—“Have I ever told you how very much I love blackberries?”
She laughed a short little laugh, part of it humor but the rest of it like a release valve on a steam pipe. She relaxed in his arms once again, and realized she was giving in to him. She would let him do his best, and hope it didn’t turn into his worst. She needed and craved him powerfully enough to make her want to take the risk. No matter what, she reminded herself, you have seen the love he is capable of.
“Are you going to make love to me?” she asked him, as straightforward as ever she was. It made him chuckle.
“But of course I am, little angel. Perhaps even twice. Actually,” he said as he let a hand drift warmly down the swell of her breast, shaping and weighing the fullness of it with palm and fingers, “I hate to put limitations on things.”
She couldn’t help the equally naughty smile that curved across her lips. Then something occurred to her and that smile faltered a little bit. “But in the library…you pulled away because…” She trailed off. They both knew why he had pulled away. As harsh as it had felt at the time, she agreed with him for doing it. Passion was one thing, responsibility quite another. It was just that…
I wanted him to want me beyond caution, beyond fear, beyond everything. It was silly and juvenile, but that had been her desire all the same.
“Ah yes. Well,”—he reached into his back pocket and held up a row of condoms that flipped open like a wallet full of credit cards—“I called in a favor from Jackson. It went like this, ‘Hey bud, seeing as how I saved your ass and all that, can a brother get you to dip into your condom supply and hand some over?’ ”
“You didn’t!” She gasped and pressed a hand to her face, her mouth open in breathless shock. What was more, the strip of condoms was like unfurling a world of sensual possibilities. “He’s going to know what…that you and I…”
“Yes, he quite figured that out. But don’t worry, he’s the soul of discretion if you’re worried about your reputation.”
“Stop it!”—she laughed and swatted his chest—“You are beyond incorrigible. And it’s not my reputation so much as it’s…” She broke off and laughed, the sound a little uneasy. “Jackson is Menes, the Pharaoh king of the Bodywalkers and a powerful ally for the Night Angels to have. My father would disapprove if my behavior caused him to look at me like…like I was somehow…less than I should be.”
“True. Still, I willna be relaxing.”
“No. I didn’t imagine you would.”
“I wanted to apologize,” Leo said to Jackson, moving closer to the bed. Jesus. The closer he got the worse Jackson looked. It made him truly cognizant of the fact that they had probably been just minutes away from losing him completely.
“That isn’t necessary. You’ve been through a lot, and I recognize that. I also knew that you were much too strong to let Chatha get away with robbing you of yourself. It was just going to take a little time. Although I have to admit I didn’t expect it to happen this quickly.”
Leo looked Jackson in the eye. “Someone showed me…showed me what I’d be missing if I let hate and bigotry consume me,” he said quietly, feeling the understanding like pain under the marks on his chest. “I just realized…I don’t want to miss out on it. I don’t know if I can even pull it off, but I know I am not going to give up without even trying.”
“You’re being very cryptic,” Jackson mused.
“It won’t seem so once I ask you for a favor.”
“And that is?”
And for the first time since his ordeal had begun, his friend smiled his patented Leo Alvarez smile of mischief.
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
Leo emerged from Jackson’s room and Faith watched him scan the room quickly. His dark, intense eyes landed on her and she could tell instantly she was his target.
Feeling momentarily trapped, she found herself looking for a quick exit. There were too many people in the room and, realistically, he would only go after her or just find her later, so it was a ridiculous idea. Unless, of course, she simply left. Flew off home and never returned. He couldn’t follow her then.
But she was reluctant to leave while Jackson was still so weak. If either Jackson or Leo needed their auras repaired or strengthened, she was by far the best choice. Her skills in this area even rivaled whatever the Djynn could come up with…provided he was willing to do it without asking for compensation. His obligations to Faith’s wish had ended the instant Jackson had awakened.
When Leo made it past the crowd of people pushing to reenter Jackson’s room, he came up to her and took her arm in hand.
“Come with me,” he said. Not a request in the least, not a demand. Just a statement of fact. She was going with him. So she did. She was feeling a little numb as she let him lead her away. It was hard to know what to expect from him. His emotions seemed to vacillate so wildly…as did her own. Tears of hurt and anger stung in her eyes as she tried to remind herself that she’d only known him a pair of days at best, but she couldn’t make herself understand that in any way other than the logical. In her heart she had known him so much longer than that.
Damn Grey anyway. Why did he have to do this to them? Why had he felt it so necessary to manipulate them? But she knew the answers before she even asked the questions. Grey was a Djynn. A Djynn that had wanted something…a nik…and when a Djynn wanted a nik there was nothing they wouldn’t do to get it. She had known that going into this, had been willing to put herself on the line in spite of knowing that. If anything she should be more understanding of Leo. He had been through so much even without Grey toying with their emotions and perceptions of reality. And unlike her, he’d had no idea what he was getting himself into.
And maybe that’s what made this so hard for her. Knowing what a good man he was simply because of the sacrifices he’d so readily made in the name of a man he loved like family…even when he hadn’t been certain he was the same man he knew at all.
No, she was being too hard on him. She had to tell him she was sorry she had laid into him, judged him…been so harsh with him. But she couldn’t help the fact that she had feelings, too.
Leo drew her down the hallway and she followed, dragging her feet a little. She didn’t think she could bear him being so cold to her again. Not when she knew the love he was capable of. But still she let him lead her into a room off the main hall, the suite set up similarly to the master suite. When he let go of her to shut the door, she stood awkwardly, waiting for him to throw more anger at her, ready to watch with an aching heart as he skidded around looking for traction in a world covered in ice.
Just remember, she thought fiercely, he’s in pain. He won’t mean half of what he says. If he needs a whipping boy as he lashes out once more, it’s better if I am his target than anyone else.
Because she knew that as long as he couldn’t come to terms with the changes that had occurred with his beloved friends and family, he would have no one to trust…and no one to lean on.
He needed desperately to—
The thought was cut off when he abruptly turned to face her, took the steps that were between them with a breathtaking speed, cupped her face in his hands and dragged her up to the strength of his mouth. She gasped as he unleashed the sudden, passionate intensity, unable to move or react for all of ten seconds. And then she felt the warm persistence of a fine, strong male mouth that radiated just how determined he was to have her kiss.
Faith melted into the kiss, all stress and pain forgotten because she wanted it so badly. She felt as though she were starving for need of him, for who he was now and who he had been when Grey had brought them together. Because of Grey she had been able to feel what a passionate man he was in all things, emotionally and physically. And even without Grey’s assistance she could feel it. If he was capable of such passionate anger, she had to believe that he was equally capable of passionate love. And if so, the idea was just as breathtaking as his kiss.
He felt like an immovable thing, like a tree rooted to the spot and refusing to budge…and all the while knowing it was strong enough to withstand just about anything. His strength was always so present in him. Even when he was unsure or battling fear, there was no doubt that he was anything but a powerful force of life. She relaxed against him, her hands, trapped between their bodies, opened and uncurled in order to lay flat against his chest. He suddenly broke off the kiss, and hauled her back up against the door. His dark chocolate eyes were intense, seemingly picking her apart as they swept over the features of her face.
“I owe you a few things,” he said, his words fast on the back of equally fast breaths. “First”—he touched his lips to the right corner of her lips, kissing her very gently—“an apology. I’m beginning to realize I’ve been nothing but an ass since we first set eyes on each other. An ungrateful ass at that. You saved my life, Faith. Apep would have torn me to shreds, but you saved my life. Second”—he touched his lips even more slowly and carefully to the left corner of her lips—“I owe you a thank you. I thank you for saving my brother’s life. You and I are probably the only ones who will ever know what the future would have held if we had not succeeded. He is alive and here and able to fill the future with…well, we may never know the scope of the things that will be affected in the future because we kept him from dying.”
“I—” she said breathlessly, his gentle touches were so heavily laced with a barely controlled desire that she could feel it building within the potency of him.
“And third,” he interrupted her, holding his mouth centered to hers, so close that as he spoke, she could feel his breathy words against her lips. “Third, I owe you…”
He broke off to close the distance between their mouths. He kissed her slow and deep, as though he were the chocolate of desire melting into her mouth. It was just that kiss, his hands braced against the door, caging her in, preventing her from escape…an escape which she didn’t want in any way shape or form anymore. Had she ever? she wondered. Had she ever wanted to run from him when he had radiated this intense desire into her?
No. It had always been him breaking off, pulling away…saying no. And what was to say he wouldn’t do that again? She couldn’t bear it again, she thought in momentary panic. She was too exhausted, too hungry for him, to be able to recover from yet another disappointment.
He must have sensed her resistance, the tension of her anxiety radiating into the kiss.
“What?” he asked gently. There was no anger, no irritation. He was concerned and she felt that even more deeply than she had felt his kiss. The idea that he saw the depths of her outside of the physicality of her needs…their needs.
“I can’t do this again,” she told him in a rushing whisper. “You change like the wind…constant one minute, fading the next. But at least the wind shows me the world around me, shows me the path to take and you…I never know what to do or say that won’t—”
“Hush,” he said softly, a finger coming up to brush over her trembling lips. “You’re right. I am like the wind. Blowing soft one minute, howling the next. I can only ask that you forgive me for the things I’ve done that caused the hurt I see in your eyes just now. I never meant to cause you pain, it’s just that…I’m not used to navigating a world I don’t understand. At least before there were rules and responses to everything that I understood…that I could predict and react to. But ever since Ch—”
He broke from saying Chatha’s name and swallowed. He knew she knew what he was going to say. There was no reason for him to speak such an abhorrent name between them. It didn’t belong there. Not in that moment.
“Chatha,” he said anyway, determined to keep himself from hiding away from the things he feared. “It is a shortcoming I’m not sure can be fixed anytime soon, but I’m hoping you’ll see past that particular deficiency. I promise you, I’ll make it up to you,” he said, a devilish sort of grin appearing on his lips. He lifted a hand and ran a knuckle gently down the length of her face, stopping at her lips, which he touched with his fingers again. “Your mouth fascinates me,” he said, sounding every bit a fascinated man. “Your lower lip is so full, your whole mouth like a succulent blackberry, in color and in taste…”—he brushed his mouth gently over hers, making her breath stop in her throat—“Have I ever told you how very much I love blackberries?”
She laughed a short little laugh, part of it humor but the rest of it like a release valve on a steam pipe. She relaxed in his arms once again, and realized she was giving in to him. She would let him do his best, and hope it didn’t turn into his worst. She needed and craved him powerfully enough to make her want to take the risk. No matter what, she reminded herself, you have seen the love he is capable of.
“Are you going to make love to me?” she asked him, as straightforward as ever she was. It made him chuckle.
“But of course I am, little angel. Perhaps even twice. Actually,” he said as he let a hand drift warmly down the swell of her breast, shaping and weighing the fullness of it with palm and fingers, “I hate to put limitations on things.”
She couldn’t help the equally naughty smile that curved across her lips. Then something occurred to her and that smile faltered a little bit. “But in the library…you pulled away because…” She trailed off. They both knew why he had pulled away. As harsh as it had felt at the time, she agreed with him for doing it. Passion was one thing, responsibility quite another. It was just that…
I wanted him to want me beyond caution, beyond fear, beyond everything. It was silly and juvenile, but that had been her desire all the same.
“Ah yes. Well,”—he reached into his back pocket and held up a row of condoms that flipped open like a wallet full of credit cards—“I called in a favor from Jackson. It went like this, ‘Hey bud, seeing as how I saved your ass and all that, can a brother get you to dip into your condom supply and hand some over?’ ”
“You didn’t!” She gasped and pressed a hand to her face, her mouth open in breathless shock. What was more, the strip of condoms was like unfurling a world of sensual possibilities. “He’s going to know what…that you and I…”
“Yes, he quite figured that out. But don’t worry, he’s the soul of discretion if you’re worried about your reputation.”
“Stop it!”—she laughed and swatted his chest—“You are beyond incorrigible. And it’s not my reputation so much as it’s…” She broke off and laughed, the sound a little uneasy. “Jackson is Menes, the Pharaoh king of the Bodywalkers and a powerful ally for the Night Angels to have. My father would disapprove if my behavior caused him to look at me like…like I was somehow…less than I should be.”
