Four Letter Word
Page 26
If you could save a life, what’s stopping you?
I took it all and it was good. So fucking good.
But I took only what I could handle.
I knew if I let her tell me where she worked, I would go there no matter how far away it was and I would look at her closely and openly where she could see it, where she could see me, and I didn’t know if she was the type of girl who watched porn. We talked about everything but we didn’t talk about shit like that. It didn’t seem important. But I couldn’t risk her recognizing me and reacting, ending this when I wasn’t nearly finished.
If I allowed her to tell me her last name, I’d search. If I allowed her to tell me where she lived, I’d move.
My world was one miserable mistake-shaping second after another, except for the breaks in my misery that belonged to her.
And no way was I ready to give that up.
Best two and a half weeks of my life came from a girl who was never meant to give me anything.
And she was giving me everything.
I was still smiling with the sounds of waves and wind surrounding me as I focused on the life in my hands, typed my question, and waited.
What about you, Wild? Who do you want to have dinner with?
That smile vanished the second I read her response.
Alive? You. Dead? Barrett.
Because what the fuck was worth smiling over. She’d never get her shot at either.
Chapter Eight
SYDNEY
Girls’ nights are awesome just being what they are, getting together with your friends and getting loud and laughing a lot, but throw in a theme and a very creative wardrobe courtesy of your best friend and they become a whole new level of awesome. And tonight’s theme was eighties night.
I was in luck. Red hair teased out and sprayed stiff looked totally kick-ass on me.
I felt wild. I liked feeling wild. It made me think of Brian.
And I really liked thinking about him.
Kali got her mom to keep Cameron so she could come out with the girls, which included myself, Tori, and Shay, who looked like she stepped straight out of a Madonna video with her black mesh top concealing little of her black lace bra, a black tutu over black tights, spiked black pumps, and bangles covering her arms, all in black and metal. Her hair was teased high enough to reach heaven and she had star earrings dangling from her ears that touched her shoulders.
She looked rocker chic and could totally pull wearing stuff like that daily if she wanted to.
I told her that and she said she’d consider it, joking how much her tips would probably increase if she did just that.
Kali kept it simple with a Flashdance-style oversized sweatshirt that hung off her shoulder, black leggings, and leg warmers. She said she couldn’t fit into cute stuff yet because she still had fifteen pounds to lose from being pregnant with Cameron, which the three of us argued.
She looked hot and had great curves. And the men in the bar were taking notice of those curves every time she stood up, so she stopped hating what she was wearing about fifteen minutes into our night.
Tori and I stuck to similar looks—neon tanks and bright-colored tutus over fishnets, multicolored bangles on our wrists, and the highest heels we owned, mine being hot pink Jimmy Choos I’d purchased at the Nordstrom sale last year and cherished with all of my heart.
They were patent leather and made my calves look amazing.
And when you find heels that make your calves look amazing, you cherish them.
We were the only ones keen to eighties night at The 13th Floor, but we didn’t care how badly we stood out. We were having a great time, talking and laughing while drinking lemon drop martinis.
They were delicious, and I was sipping my second one while staying in the conversation going on around me and the one I was secretly having in my lap.
They’re sweet and sour. And I think Oprah’s favorite drink if I’m remembering that episode correctly.
2nd one?
Gearing up for 3rd.
Get a cab.
I smiled because I liked Brian worrying about how I was going to get home. I wanted him to care and he did, and he didn’t keep that from me either. He wanted me to know it.
I really liked that.
But I kept that smile on the inside as I looked up at Shay, who had just brought up Stitch for the second time tonight.
Once was a coincidence. Twice and you knew it wasn’t a coincidence.
She was thinking about him.
“Is there something going on with you two?” I asked, keeping one hand in my lap concealing my phone and the other on the stem of the martini glass in front of me.
Shay was always hanging around that window, leaning in and conversing like she and Stitch had loads to discuss, and Stitch didn’t look like he minded it too much even though the man was harder to read than a Chinese Bible and could’ve absolutely minded it. I just wasn’t reading him correctly.
He never showed much emotion and barely spoke two words if you asked him something.
“You say no and I’m calling bullshit,” Tori threw out, doing this pointing a finger at Shay.
Shay shook her head. The star earrings sparkled in the light when she did it.
“It’s not like that. He just lets me talk as much as I want and he doesn’t tell me to shut the hell up when I do it. It’s a nice change. I know I talk a lot. It annoys my brothers.”
“What do you two talk about?” Kali asked, disbelief in her voice.
“Whatever. Work stuff. Things I’m dealing with at home. The weather.” Shay shrugged and sipped her drink, then added, “And it’s just me doing the talking most of the time. He listens. He’s good at that. Sometimes he’ll comment on what I said or ask me something, but that’s rare. Most of the time he just keeps cooking while I ramble. It’s sweet of him.”
Kali looked at Tori. Tori looked at me. I looked from Tori to Kali to Shay, then questioned, “He’s sweet? Stitch is sweet?”
The man was edge and hard looks. Anything but sweet.
Shay looked between the three of us as if we’d all lost our minds in thinking Stitch was anything but sweet.
“He is. You talk to him enough, you’ll get it. His eyes are the warmest shade of copper I’ve ever seen.”
Kali looked at Tori. Tori looked at me. I looked from Tori to Shay to Kali, watching the lip curls on everyone minus Shay.
Oh, we all got it all right. Stitch could have the hardest looks and the most edge of any man living and breathing and Shay would’ve still had that opinion.
She liked him. She might not admit it right now, but it was clear.
“Well, in that case,” Kali chuckled. “I mean, copper eyes on a man who looks like he’s done time is seriously sweet. I guess I just don’t get to look at him close enough to see it. You’re always hogging that damn window and blocking the view.”
Shay crumpled up her cocktail napkin and chucked it at Kali’s face. They both giggled.
“You find another job yet, Sydney?”
I looked at Kali after her question, doing this shaking my head.
“There’s nothing available right now. I’ve only applied for one and never heard back. I’m thinking they found someone to fill it already.”
“Well,” Kali started, then pressed her lips together while looking at the other two girls and told me on a rushed breath, “I really don’t hope you find anything. Sorry. I know that’s awful but I’d hate to see you go. I love working with you.”
I took it all and it was good. So fucking good.
But I took only what I could handle.
I knew if I let her tell me where she worked, I would go there no matter how far away it was and I would look at her closely and openly where she could see it, where she could see me, and I didn’t know if she was the type of girl who watched porn. We talked about everything but we didn’t talk about shit like that. It didn’t seem important. But I couldn’t risk her recognizing me and reacting, ending this when I wasn’t nearly finished.
If I allowed her to tell me her last name, I’d search. If I allowed her to tell me where she lived, I’d move.
My world was one miserable mistake-shaping second after another, except for the breaks in my misery that belonged to her.
And no way was I ready to give that up.
Best two and a half weeks of my life came from a girl who was never meant to give me anything.
And she was giving me everything.
I was still smiling with the sounds of waves and wind surrounding me as I focused on the life in my hands, typed my question, and waited.
What about you, Wild? Who do you want to have dinner with?
That smile vanished the second I read her response.
Alive? You. Dead? Barrett.
Because what the fuck was worth smiling over. She’d never get her shot at either.
Chapter Eight
SYDNEY
Girls’ nights are awesome just being what they are, getting together with your friends and getting loud and laughing a lot, but throw in a theme and a very creative wardrobe courtesy of your best friend and they become a whole new level of awesome. And tonight’s theme was eighties night.
I was in luck. Red hair teased out and sprayed stiff looked totally kick-ass on me.
I felt wild. I liked feeling wild. It made me think of Brian.
And I really liked thinking about him.
Kali got her mom to keep Cameron so she could come out with the girls, which included myself, Tori, and Shay, who looked like she stepped straight out of a Madonna video with her black mesh top concealing little of her black lace bra, a black tutu over black tights, spiked black pumps, and bangles covering her arms, all in black and metal. Her hair was teased high enough to reach heaven and she had star earrings dangling from her ears that touched her shoulders.
She looked rocker chic and could totally pull wearing stuff like that daily if she wanted to.
I told her that and she said she’d consider it, joking how much her tips would probably increase if she did just that.
Kali kept it simple with a Flashdance-style oversized sweatshirt that hung off her shoulder, black leggings, and leg warmers. She said she couldn’t fit into cute stuff yet because she still had fifteen pounds to lose from being pregnant with Cameron, which the three of us argued.
She looked hot and had great curves. And the men in the bar were taking notice of those curves every time she stood up, so she stopped hating what she was wearing about fifteen minutes into our night.
Tori and I stuck to similar looks—neon tanks and bright-colored tutus over fishnets, multicolored bangles on our wrists, and the highest heels we owned, mine being hot pink Jimmy Choos I’d purchased at the Nordstrom sale last year and cherished with all of my heart.
They were patent leather and made my calves look amazing.
And when you find heels that make your calves look amazing, you cherish them.
We were the only ones keen to eighties night at The 13th Floor, but we didn’t care how badly we stood out. We were having a great time, talking and laughing while drinking lemon drop martinis.
They were delicious, and I was sipping my second one while staying in the conversation going on around me and the one I was secretly having in my lap.
They’re sweet and sour. And I think Oprah’s favorite drink if I’m remembering that episode correctly.
2nd one?
Gearing up for 3rd.
Get a cab.
I smiled because I liked Brian worrying about how I was going to get home. I wanted him to care and he did, and he didn’t keep that from me either. He wanted me to know it.
I really liked that.
But I kept that smile on the inside as I looked up at Shay, who had just brought up Stitch for the second time tonight.
Once was a coincidence. Twice and you knew it wasn’t a coincidence.
She was thinking about him.
“Is there something going on with you two?” I asked, keeping one hand in my lap concealing my phone and the other on the stem of the martini glass in front of me.
Shay was always hanging around that window, leaning in and conversing like she and Stitch had loads to discuss, and Stitch didn’t look like he minded it too much even though the man was harder to read than a Chinese Bible and could’ve absolutely minded it. I just wasn’t reading him correctly.
He never showed much emotion and barely spoke two words if you asked him something.
“You say no and I’m calling bullshit,” Tori threw out, doing this pointing a finger at Shay.
Shay shook her head. The star earrings sparkled in the light when she did it.
“It’s not like that. He just lets me talk as much as I want and he doesn’t tell me to shut the hell up when I do it. It’s a nice change. I know I talk a lot. It annoys my brothers.”
“What do you two talk about?” Kali asked, disbelief in her voice.
“Whatever. Work stuff. Things I’m dealing with at home. The weather.” Shay shrugged and sipped her drink, then added, “And it’s just me doing the talking most of the time. He listens. He’s good at that. Sometimes he’ll comment on what I said or ask me something, but that’s rare. Most of the time he just keeps cooking while I ramble. It’s sweet of him.”
Kali looked at Tori. Tori looked at me. I looked from Tori to Kali to Shay, then questioned, “He’s sweet? Stitch is sweet?”
The man was edge and hard looks. Anything but sweet.
Shay looked between the three of us as if we’d all lost our minds in thinking Stitch was anything but sweet.
“He is. You talk to him enough, you’ll get it. His eyes are the warmest shade of copper I’ve ever seen.”
Kali looked at Tori. Tori looked at me. I looked from Tori to Shay to Kali, watching the lip curls on everyone minus Shay.
Oh, we all got it all right. Stitch could have the hardest looks and the most edge of any man living and breathing and Shay would’ve still had that opinion.
She liked him. She might not admit it right now, but it was clear.
“Well, in that case,” Kali chuckled. “I mean, copper eyes on a man who looks like he’s done time is seriously sweet. I guess I just don’t get to look at him close enough to see it. You’re always hogging that damn window and blocking the view.”
Shay crumpled up her cocktail napkin and chucked it at Kali’s face. They both giggled.
“You find another job yet, Sydney?”
I looked at Kali after her question, doing this shaking my head.
“There’s nothing available right now. I’ve only applied for one and never heard back. I’m thinking they found someone to fill it already.”
“Well,” Kali started, then pressed her lips together while looking at the other two girls and told me on a rushed breath, “I really don’t hope you find anything. Sorry. I know that’s awful but I’d hate to see you go. I love working with you.”
