Four Letter Word
Page 49
His mouth jerked with a smile.
“Missed you too,” he said. “Past two days have been Hell.”
I nodded in agreement, grabbed his face with both of my hands, inhaled deep, then spoke.
“I learned after losing my brother that you shouldn’t wait to tell someone something you’re really feeling, that you never know how much time you have with them, and in a second, they could be gone and you regret everything you never told them.”
His eyes held mine, sure and steady. He didn’t even blink.
I swallowed and continued on.
“That being said, I know what happened between us happened fast and it happened in a way neither one of us can explain, and at the start of it, I wasn’t even legally separated from my husband.”
His jaw flexed under my palm.
“Which, by the way, has changed,” I assured him. “I signed the papers today and they’re going out Monday. In the eyes of the law, I am now legally separated and free of Marcus.”
“That’s good, babe,” he told me.
“Thank you. I agree,” I said, pulling my bottom lip into my mouth and sucking on it while I stared up at him.
He quirked an eyebrow.
“Thought you were leading up to telling me something with that speech, Syd.”
I released my lip.
“I was. I’m just …wondering if now is the best time to say it.”
“This ain’t a good time?”
I looked down at myself, then back up at him.
“Well, I am naked. Mostly.” I glared at his tear-soaked shirt, then wiped my hand across his chest, hoping the friction would dry it while I muttered, “And I totally cried all over you. I’m sorry.”
“Wouldn’t be the first time.”
Hand stilling, I lifted my head and tilted it.
“Mm?”
He smiled.
“Nothing.” He bent and gave me a soft kiss. “You won’t? I’ll say it.”
I gasped against his mouth, watched him lean back an inch and slid my other hand to his chest to join the one I already had pressing there.
“Told you I was gone for you,” Brian started. “Think you know what that meant. Think you might be feeling me the same way and that’s what you were wanting to tell me.” He ran his thumb along my jaw down to my neck. “Am I right?”
I nodded. “Yes.”
“Good,” he said, smiling. “That’s ours, Wild. What we have, how we build on it, and I don’t give a fuck if it makes sense or not. It was fast but I don’t care. People might not get it like we do but again”—he dipped closer—“I do not fuckin’ care. What I do care about is you, everything that involves you, and right now, getting you covered up enough so I can get you inside to my room and into my bed where I’ve dreamed about getting you, and straight up, Syd, in case you didn’t know, I’ve dreamed about it a lot.”
My eyes were round, had been since Brian said what we had was ours.
I liked knowing something was ours.
I liked it a lot.
I also was as anxious as he was to get me into his bed.
“I’ve dreamed about it, too,” I admitted softly, watching his smile reappear.
It was beautiful and something I wanted to stare at and study for hours, but first I needed to put on pants.
I went about doing that and doing it quickly, letting Brian help me when he insisted on sliding my leggings up and over my ass, taking that hands-free moment to wipe at my face with my hoodie sleeve before slipping my bra on, Brian also helping with that, and finally, pulling my hoodie over my head.
I tugged awkwardly at the hood strings as I stepped into my flipflops.
“I wasn’t coming here to impress anyone so I just wore this,” I told Brian, feeling the need to explain my wardrobe selection. “I normally dress a little nicer.”
He finished tying his shoe, stood, and looked me over, slow and purposefully.
“You’re beautiful,” he said, green eyes sweet and filled with honesty.
I really didn’t want to, but damn it, I couldn’t help it.
Head falling into my hands, I burst into tears again.
His arms curled around me and drew me close as his lips pressed to my hair.
“Didn’t know my girl was so sensitive to compliments,” he said, laughter touching his voice.
His girl.
My chest warmed as it continued vibrating with my cries.
I took several minutes to collect myself, wrapped up in Brian’s arms while I did it.
Then I let my boy lead me back to the party.
Chapter Thirteen
BRIAN
I walked with Sydney tucked against my side down the sandy path that led to the house, my arm over her shoulder, keeping her close, and her arm around my waist, pressing closer. Even when we took the stairs to get up to the deck, we stayed like that.
I wasn’t pulling away and neither was she. I’d waited too damn long for this moment.
Way too damn long. And I never thought I’d get it.
Knowing that, I held on tighter.
Nothing else mattered but this girl. Nothing. And I was planning on keeping her by my side for as long as I could.
I’d been close to beating the shit outta Jamie for going through with tonight, so close I had to step outside, get away from all the motherfuckers filling my house and get some air, hoping to do it alone but gaining Cole’s attention when I slipped out; and getting locked into a conversation on the beach I didn’t fucking feel like having.
I just wanted to be left alone so I caved. Figured telling him would get him off my back. Also figured I could talk about Syd, brief as fuck, then drop it. I wouldn’t think about her again the rest of the night.
I was delusional.
And she was there. Right fucking there, listening and looking at me, really looking at me, and I didn’t know what she was seeing—Dash or me. She wasn’t speaking and I had no idea how to interpret that.
Wild typically spoke a lot.
Then when I was close to losing my fucking mind, she launched into my arms, giving me that sweet mouth and wild pussy and I took it.
All of it.
I was gone for this girl before I came inside her. Now I didn’t know what the fuck I was but it was more than gone. Way past it. There was no going back to what we had before.
Then we talked and even that surprised me. I wasn’t sure how it was all going to go down, but this was Syd and she deserved answers. Knew she’d want to know my why and I didn’t want to hurt her.
I would never fucking hurt her. I’d die first.
That’s how far past gone I was.
And her knowing what I’d been doing before we had whatever the fuck it was we had could hurt her, in some way or another, so I gave her my why and it was nothing short of the truth.
I just held on to the one piece she didn’t need to feel. I did it to protect her. She didn’t need to know that ugly, and I was done with it.
All of it.
I’d make good of that as soon as I could. And maybe one day I could tell her everything, but I needed this to be solid first. I needed to make sure I had Syd in a place where, when I did tell her, she’d understand why I did it. Getting there might take a while, but I wouldn’t keep this from her forever.
She was my girl.
“Missed you too,” he said. “Past two days have been Hell.”
I nodded in agreement, grabbed his face with both of my hands, inhaled deep, then spoke.
“I learned after losing my brother that you shouldn’t wait to tell someone something you’re really feeling, that you never know how much time you have with them, and in a second, they could be gone and you regret everything you never told them.”
His eyes held mine, sure and steady. He didn’t even blink.
I swallowed and continued on.
“That being said, I know what happened between us happened fast and it happened in a way neither one of us can explain, and at the start of it, I wasn’t even legally separated from my husband.”
His jaw flexed under my palm.
“Which, by the way, has changed,” I assured him. “I signed the papers today and they’re going out Monday. In the eyes of the law, I am now legally separated and free of Marcus.”
“That’s good, babe,” he told me.
“Thank you. I agree,” I said, pulling my bottom lip into my mouth and sucking on it while I stared up at him.
He quirked an eyebrow.
“Thought you were leading up to telling me something with that speech, Syd.”
I released my lip.
“I was. I’m just …wondering if now is the best time to say it.”
“This ain’t a good time?”
I looked down at myself, then back up at him.
“Well, I am naked. Mostly.” I glared at his tear-soaked shirt, then wiped my hand across his chest, hoping the friction would dry it while I muttered, “And I totally cried all over you. I’m sorry.”
“Wouldn’t be the first time.”
Hand stilling, I lifted my head and tilted it.
“Mm?”
He smiled.
“Nothing.” He bent and gave me a soft kiss. “You won’t? I’ll say it.”
I gasped against his mouth, watched him lean back an inch and slid my other hand to his chest to join the one I already had pressing there.
“Told you I was gone for you,” Brian started. “Think you know what that meant. Think you might be feeling me the same way and that’s what you were wanting to tell me.” He ran his thumb along my jaw down to my neck. “Am I right?”
I nodded. “Yes.”
“Good,” he said, smiling. “That’s ours, Wild. What we have, how we build on it, and I don’t give a fuck if it makes sense or not. It was fast but I don’t care. People might not get it like we do but again”—he dipped closer—“I do not fuckin’ care. What I do care about is you, everything that involves you, and right now, getting you covered up enough so I can get you inside to my room and into my bed where I’ve dreamed about getting you, and straight up, Syd, in case you didn’t know, I’ve dreamed about it a lot.”
My eyes were round, had been since Brian said what we had was ours.
I liked knowing something was ours.
I liked it a lot.
I also was as anxious as he was to get me into his bed.
“I’ve dreamed about it, too,” I admitted softly, watching his smile reappear.
It was beautiful and something I wanted to stare at and study for hours, but first I needed to put on pants.
I went about doing that and doing it quickly, letting Brian help me when he insisted on sliding my leggings up and over my ass, taking that hands-free moment to wipe at my face with my hoodie sleeve before slipping my bra on, Brian also helping with that, and finally, pulling my hoodie over my head.
I tugged awkwardly at the hood strings as I stepped into my flipflops.
“I wasn’t coming here to impress anyone so I just wore this,” I told Brian, feeling the need to explain my wardrobe selection. “I normally dress a little nicer.”
He finished tying his shoe, stood, and looked me over, slow and purposefully.
“You’re beautiful,” he said, green eyes sweet and filled with honesty.
I really didn’t want to, but damn it, I couldn’t help it.
Head falling into my hands, I burst into tears again.
His arms curled around me and drew me close as his lips pressed to my hair.
“Didn’t know my girl was so sensitive to compliments,” he said, laughter touching his voice.
His girl.
My chest warmed as it continued vibrating with my cries.
I took several minutes to collect myself, wrapped up in Brian’s arms while I did it.
Then I let my boy lead me back to the party.
Chapter Thirteen
BRIAN
I walked with Sydney tucked against my side down the sandy path that led to the house, my arm over her shoulder, keeping her close, and her arm around my waist, pressing closer. Even when we took the stairs to get up to the deck, we stayed like that.
I wasn’t pulling away and neither was she. I’d waited too damn long for this moment.
Way too damn long. And I never thought I’d get it.
Knowing that, I held on tighter.
Nothing else mattered but this girl. Nothing. And I was planning on keeping her by my side for as long as I could.
I’d been close to beating the shit outta Jamie for going through with tonight, so close I had to step outside, get away from all the motherfuckers filling my house and get some air, hoping to do it alone but gaining Cole’s attention when I slipped out; and getting locked into a conversation on the beach I didn’t fucking feel like having.
I just wanted to be left alone so I caved. Figured telling him would get him off my back. Also figured I could talk about Syd, brief as fuck, then drop it. I wouldn’t think about her again the rest of the night.
I was delusional.
And she was there. Right fucking there, listening and looking at me, really looking at me, and I didn’t know what she was seeing—Dash or me. She wasn’t speaking and I had no idea how to interpret that.
Wild typically spoke a lot.
Then when I was close to losing my fucking mind, she launched into my arms, giving me that sweet mouth and wild pussy and I took it.
All of it.
I was gone for this girl before I came inside her. Now I didn’t know what the fuck I was but it was more than gone. Way past it. There was no going back to what we had before.
Then we talked and even that surprised me. I wasn’t sure how it was all going to go down, but this was Syd and she deserved answers. Knew she’d want to know my why and I didn’t want to hurt her.
I would never fucking hurt her. I’d die first.
That’s how far past gone I was.
And her knowing what I’d been doing before we had whatever the fuck it was we had could hurt her, in some way or another, so I gave her my why and it was nothing short of the truth.
I just held on to the one piece she didn’t need to feel. I did it to protect her. She didn’t need to know that ugly, and I was done with it.
All of it.
I’d make good of that as soon as I could. And maybe one day I could tell her everything, but I needed this to be solid first. I needed to make sure I had Syd in a place where, when I did tell her, she’d understand why I did it. Getting there might take a while, but I wouldn’t keep this from her forever.
She was my girl.
