Four Letter Word
Page 63
Needing to find my composure since I had eyes on me, I turned my head and looked at the wall by the slider, focusing my gaze on the eight-by-ten picture that hung there of Jamie on the beach, sun beaming down on him, board in hand and a shiny gold medal around his neck.
My nose stopped tingling and my eyes dried up.
Idiot.
“Syd?”
“Perfect,” I answered, calmed and confident, then walked across the room and rounded the couch. I smiled at Brian, gave a little of it to Oliver, then shined it all on Olivia as I sat down next to her. “I’m perfect.”
She smiled back and giggled when I shook my hair and made the clips clack against each other.
I hadn’t taken all of them out yet.
“Can you turn the fireplace on, Uncle Brian?” Olivia asked, tilting her head up. “My toes are cold.”
Brian stood from the couch, walked over to the wall next to the slider, and flipped a switch. The fireplace made a clicking noise like a burner on a stove, then roared to life seconds later.
Olivia hopped off the couch as Brian reclaimed his seat and moved to the floor so she was closer to the fire, stretched her legs out in front of her, and wiggled her feet. Then she looked over her shoulder at Oliver and pushed her glasses higher on her nose.
“Ollie, come down here and watch.”
He joined her without protest, sprawling out on his stomach and tilting his head back to watch the movie, knees bent and feet kicking the air.
I looked from them to Brian, holding on to a smile.
He patted the spot next to him.
“Hey,” I whispered, burrowing against his side and breathing him in.
He smelled like salt water and spring meadow detergent.
“Hey,” he whispered back, throwing his arm around me and holding on to my waist as I leaned on my left hip, dropped my head against his shoulder, and bent my knees, resting my bare feet on the couch.
Olivia giggled at the TV, looked at Oliver when he laughed at the same thing, then turned back and giggled some more.
“They used to live here with you?” I asked quietly.
The thought made me smile. I could picture tiny feet jumping on the bed in the morning and rousing Brian awake.
I felt his head turn and the heat of his mouth against my hair.
“Two years ago. Moved here from Denver and stayed with me until Jenna found them something. It was only for a couple months.”
“Denver? Jeez. That’s crazy far away,” I replied. “What were they doing out there?”
“My parents live there,” he said. “We grew up in Emerald Isle but my dad’s job took him to Denver when I was a senior in high school. Didn’t want to go so I moved in with Jamie and his family. Liked the idea of staying near the water. I’m not much for snow sports. Jenna was fifteen so she didn’t have a choice. My parents took her with them.”
Jenna looked young, maybe close to my age, and I knew the kids were seven.
“How old is Jenna?” I asked.
“Twenty-six.”
I did the math, then sat back to look at him, forcing his arm to slide to my back.
“She had the kids when she was nineteen?” I questioned with shock in my voice.
He nodded.
“Oh, my God. That had to be insane. I can’t imagine two babies at nineteen.” I looked to Oliver and Olivia, then turned back to Brian and leaned in to ask quietly, “Where’s the father?”
His face hardened.
Uh-oh.
“Asshole signed over rights when they were barely a year,” he spat. “Didn’t want Jenna to carry them. Told her to terminate the pregnancy.”
My eyes went round.
“What? Her boyfriend asked her to do that?”
“They weren’t together,” Brian clarified. “Hooked up at a party once and that was it. Jenna wanted something to come of it but Derek didn’t want anything to do with her. Couldn’t even man up and be a dad to those kids.” He shook his head with a clenched jaw. “Good thing I wasn’t living there. Probably would’ve killed him if I ever met the shithead. Know it was tough on her doing it alone but she didn’t have to for long. My parents stepped in and took some of the load off. Watched the kids while she finished school and got her degree. Once she was done, she wanted a fresh start, for her and the kids. Told her to come out here and I’d help out as much as I could.”
I placed my hand on his chest.
“That was sweet of you.”
Brian shrugged, then looked at the floor where they were sitting.
“Wanted to know them. Be someone they could rely on. They’re good kids who got dealt a shit hand.”
“That’s not true.”
He turned his head to me.
“You saying they aren’t good kids?” he asked.
“Of course not. They’re terrific kids. I love them so much already,” I replied, seeing his mouth twitch. “I’m saying they weren’t dealt a shit hand.”
He cocked his head.
“How’d you figure?”
I got close again, pressing against his side as my hand slid up his chest to his neck and jaw, where I held him there.
“They have a mom who loves them enough she knew she’d be facing a hard road and she took it anyway, doing it because she wanted them,” I explained. “She fought for those kids and she fought alone, and I have no doubt in my mind they aren’t missing out. I only had one parent.”
Brian’s eyes went soft and the hand holding me tensed at my side.
“Up until she couldn’t be a good one anymore, my mom was all the parent I needed,” I continued, sliding my hand down to his shirt. “That being said, I also had a nana who gave me the kind of love only a grandparent can give, which those kids also had, only they had both your parents. That’s a lot of love, Brian. Then they got you when they moved here. I see what you mean to them. The way Olivia smiles at you and Oliver absorbs what you’re doing and watches you closely. Their hearts are very full. In no way did they get dealt a shit hand.”
Brian reached out and snagged one of the butterfly clips dangling at the end of my hair and held it between his fingers.
“You act like you’ve been watching me with them for years,” he said, sliding his eyes to mine. “Only been a couple hours, Wild.”
I swallowed against nerves crawling up the back of my throat.
“It has,” I agreed softly. “But I could watch you with them for five minutes and still come to the same conclusion I’ve come to.”
“That we’re close?”
“Yes.”
He smiled.
“And that I’d very much like that someday.”
Brian chuckled softly.
“Pretty sure we’re close, too, babe.”
“No, not that.”
He released the clip, let his hand drop to my thigh to hold me there, and with eyes curious and calming, searched my face.
“What then,” he pried, dipping closer until his lips touched my temple. “What do you want, Syd? Name it. I’ll get it for you.”
God …
I sucked in a breath, mouth opening to answer just as the timer on the oven buzzed behind us.
I leaned away. “I should get that.” Then I scurried off the couch, moving quickly into the kitchen.
My nose stopped tingling and my eyes dried up.
Idiot.
“Syd?”
“Perfect,” I answered, calmed and confident, then walked across the room and rounded the couch. I smiled at Brian, gave a little of it to Oliver, then shined it all on Olivia as I sat down next to her. “I’m perfect.”
She smiled back and giggled when I shook my hair and made the clips clack against each other.
I hadn’t taken all of them out yet.
“Can you turn the fireplace on, Uncle Brian?” Olivia asked, tilting her head up. “My toes are cold.”
Brian stood from the couch, walked over to the wall next to the slider, and flipped a switch. The fireplace made a clicking noise like a burner on a stove, then roared to life seconds later.
Olivia hopped off the couch as Brian reclaimed his seat and moved to the floor so she was closer to the fire, stretched her legs out in front of her, and wiggled her feet. Then she looked over her shoulder at Oliver and pushed her glasses higher on her nose.
“Ollie, come down here and watch.”
He joined her without protest, sprawling out on his stomach and tilting his head back to watch the movie, knees bent and feet kicking the air.
I looked from them to Brian, holding on to a smile.
He patted the spot next to him.
“Hey,” I whispered, burrowing against his side and breathing him in.
He smelled like salt water and spring meadow detergent.
“Hey,” he whispered back, throwing his arm around me and holding on to my waist as I leaned on my left hip, dropped my head against his shoulder, and bent my knees, resting my bare feet on the couch.
Olivia giggled at the TV, looked at Oliver when he laughed at the same thing, then turned back and giggled some more.
“They used to live here with you?” I asked quietly.
The thought made me smile. I could picture tiny feet jumping on the bed in the morning and rousing Brian awake.
I felt his head turn and the heat of his mouth against my hair.
“Two years ago. Moved here from Denver and stayed with me until Jenna found them something. It was only for a couple months.”
“Denver? Jeez. That’s crazy far away,” I replied. “What were they doing out there?”
“My parents live there,” he said. “We grew up in Emerald Isle but my dad’s job took him to Denver when I was a senior in high school. Didn’t want to go so I moved in with Jamie and his family. Liked the idea of staying near the water. I’m not much for snow sports. Jenna was fifteen so she didn’t have a choice. My parents took her with them.”
Jenna looked young, maybe close to my age, and I knew the kids were seven.
“How old is Jenna?” I asked.
“Twenty-six.”
I did the math, then sat back to look at him, forcing his arm to slide to my back.
“She had the kids when she was nineteen?” I questioned with shock in my voice.
He nodded.
“Oh, my God. That had to be insane. I can’t imagine two babies at nineteen.” I looked to Oliver and Olivia, then turned back to Brian and leaned in to ask quietly, “Where’s the father?”
His face hardened.
Uh-oh.
“Asshole signed over rights when they were barely a year,” he spat. “Didn’t want Jenna to carry them. Told her to terminate the pregnancy.”
My eyes went round.
“What? Her boyfriend asked her to do that?”
“They weren’t together,” Brian clarified. “Hooked up at a party once and that was it. Jenna wanted something to come of it but Derek didn’t want anything to do with her. Couldn’t even man up and be a dad to those kids.” He shook his head with a clenched jaw. “Good thing I wasn’t living there. Probably would’ve killed him if I ever met the shithead. Know it was tough on her doing it alone but she didn’t have to for long. My parents stepped in and took some of the load off. Watched the kids while she finished school and got her degree. Once she was done, she wanted a fresh start, for her and the kids. Told her to come out here and I’d help out as much as I could.”
I placed my hand on his chest.
“That was sweet of you.”
Brian shrugged, then looked at the floor where they were sitting.
“Wanted to know them. Be someone they could rely on. They’re good kids who got dealt a shit hand.”
“That’s not true.”
He turned his head to me.
“You saying they aren’t good kids?” he asked.
“Of course not. They’re terrific kids. I love them so much already,” I replied, seeing his mouth twitch. “I’m saying they weren’t dealt a shit hand.”
He cocked his head.
“How’d you figure?”
I got close again, pressing against his side as my hand slid up his chest to his neck and jaw, where I held him there.
“They have a mom who loves them enough she knew she’d be facing a hard road and she took it anyway, doing it because she wanted them,” I explained. “She fought for those kids and she fought alone, and I have no doubt in my mind they aren’t missing out. I only had one parent.”
Brian’s eyes went soft and the hand holding me tensed at my side.
“Up until she couldn’t be a good one anymore, my mom was all the parent I needed,” I continued, sliding my hand down to his shirt. “That being said, I also had a nana who gave me the kind of love only a grandparent can give, which those kids also had, only they had both your parents. That’s a lot of love, Brian. Then they got you when they moved here. I see what you mean to them. The way Olivia smiles at you and Oliver absorbs what you’re doing and watches you closely. Their hearts are very full. In no way did they get dealt a shit hand.”
Brian reached out and snagged one of the butterfly clips dangling at the end of my hair and held it between his fingers.
“You act like you’ve been watching me with them for years,” he said, sliding his eyes to mine. “Only been a couple hours, Wild.”
I swallowed against nerves crawling up the back of my throat.
“It has,” I agreed softly. “But I could watch you with them for five minutes and still come to the same conclusion I’ve come to.”
“That we’re close?”
“Yes.”
He smiled.
“And that I’d very much like that someday.”
Brian chuckled softly.
“Pretty sure we’re close, too, babe.”
“No, not that.”
He released the clip, let his hand drop to my thigh to hold me there, and with eyes curious and calming, searched my face.
“What then,” he pried, dipping closer until his lips touched my temple. “What do you want, Syd? Name it. I’ll get it for you.”
God …
I sucked in a breath, mouth opening to answer just as the timer on the oven buzzed behind us.
I leaned away. “I should get that.” Then I scurried off the couch, moving quickly into the kitchen.
