Fourth Debt
Page 78
She snatched her hand out of my grip. “What was I supposed to do, Kite? I thought you were dead. I became someone I didn’t recognise. And then I heard you were alive and I made a promise to stay that way so we could end this together.”
Her eyes lowered, cutting me off. “Besides, I’ve lived through worse. I just had a weak moment before coming here tonight, that’s all.”
“That isn’t all and you know it.” I swallowed hard as her emotions shouted the obvious while her mouth refused to speak. “You’re on the edge, Nila. I sense it.” Grabbing her shoulders, I shook her. “Goddammit, you’re stronger than they are. Don’t let them win. Promise me.”
She’d lived through worse at my hands.
The ducking stool. The whipping.
But I’d hurt her the most by not being there for her.
“God, Nila.” I brought my knees up, caging myself in. This position had been preferred when I was a kid. Knees up, arms braced, head down—a little fortress from the overwhelming intensity I couldn’t switch off. “I’ll never forgive myself for what I’ve done.”
My eyes pricked with fury at who I’d let myself become. For being so fucking weak.
Nila darted to her knees, snuggling against me. “Stop. You don’t need forgiveness. We’ve moved past that.”
“I’ll never move past that. Not as long as I live.” Looking into her black gaze, I vowed, “I’ll never stop making it up to you.”
She smiled sadly. “There’s nothing to make up.” Cupping my cheek, she ran her thumb over my bottom lip. “After what you just did for me—cutting my hair, giving me back what I’d lost—we’re even. You came back from the dead for me, Kite. You’ve proven yourself far more than words ever could.”
Lashing out, I wrapped an arm around her, hugging her fierce. “I can never again feel your pain. It fucking crippled me before, but it would murder me now.”
She shook her head. “The only pain I’ll ever feel from you, Jethro, is if you die again.” She snorted quietly, doing her best to lighten the mood. “So, promise you won’t do that and the rest will be fine.”
“The only pain I ever want to endure is pain endured protecting and deserving you.”
She stiffened. “What does that mean?”
It means I have a plan to end this but war has casualties on both sides.
“Nothing.” Brushing away her short hair, I nuzzled into her neck. “I don’t want to talk about this anymore.”
Silence fell between us. She wanted to ask more questions, the barbs of curiosity stuck into my skin like thorns, but she swallowed them back.
“You haven’t asked me how I escaped to come see you.” Wriggling out of my embrace, she lay on her back, patting the blanket beside her. “They keep my door locked now, so I couldn’t run through the Hall.”
Reclining again, I inconspicuously held my healing side, granting some pressure from the building discomfort. “How did you get out then?”
Her teeth flashed in the darkness. “I scaled the downpipe outside my bathroom and used the grass lattice on the turret to shimmy to the ground.”
I groaned. “Shit, Nila.” Hawksridge had evolved over the centuries—indoor plumbing being a new addition with unsightly pipes ruining the prettiness of the façade. My ancestors had done their best to hide them with lattice grass, growing the patchwork up the building. It would’ve been an easy climb, but not for someone with the inconvenience of vertigo. “That was stupid.”
If I had known she’d had to sneak and risk breaking her neck, I wouldn’t have summoned her.
Who are you kidding?
I would’ve gone after her if she hadn’t gotten my note. Being on the estate—being so close but so far—I couldn’t stand it. “You could’ve fallen.” I traced her pretty neck beneath the wreath of diamonds. “You could’ve hurt yourself for nothing.”
“Nothing? You’re hardly nothing.” She shivered under my touch. “I would’ve flown here with broken bones just to be with you.”
The air switched from stagnant to electric.
“You make me a better person.” Gathering her close, we lay nose to nose. “I mean to deserve you more every fucking day.”
Her lips parted, her gaze latching onto my mouth. Her thoughts turned from conversation to sex, dragging me deeper into her spell.
I’d lived through years of horror.
I’d gone through so many stages of denial.
And I’d done my best to remember who I was beneath the influx of commands from Cut. But in one look, Nila shredded me into pieces and shone light upon the man I’d forgotten existed. A man who’d found happiness in animals rather than humans. A man who’d tried so hard to please but only became broken. And a boy who’d met a girl in his past, who’d been raised to hate her, told he would torture and kill her, only to find the courage to love her instead.
“I want you.” I bent to kiss her. “I want you forever.” Our lips touched; shockwaves danced down my spine. My cock thickened and Nila once again took me hostage.
Her breathing caught, rattling in her lungs.
I pulled back. She’d been sick with no one to help her. How many other fucking secrets had she kept from me? “You were ill?”
She flushed. “It’s nothing. Just a cold. I’m fine.”
Her eyes lowered, cutting me off. “Besides, I’ve lived through worse. I just had a weak moment before coming here tonight, that’s all.”
“That isn’t all and you know it.” I swallowed hard as her emotions shouted the obvious while her mouth refused to speak. “You’re on the edge, Nila. I sense it.” Grabbing her shoulders, I shook her. “Goddammit, you’re stronger than they are. Don’t let them win. Promise me.”
She’d lived through worse at my hands.
The ducking stool. The whipping.
But I’d hurt her the most by not being there for her.
“God, Nila.” I brought my knees up, caging myself in. This position had been preferred when I was a kid. Knees up, arms braced, head down—a little fortress from the overwhelming intensity I couldn’t switch off. “I’ll never forgive myself for what I’ve done.”
My eyes pricked with fury at who I’d let myself become. For being so fucking weak.
Nila darted to her knees, snuggling against me. “Stop. You don’t need forgiveness. We’ve moved past that.”
“I’ll never move past that. Not as long as I live.” Looking into her black gaze, I vowed, “I’ll never stop making it up to you.”
She smiled sadly. “There’s nothing to make up.” Cupping my cheek, she ran her thumb over my bottom lip. “After what you just did for me—cutting my hair, giving me back what I’d lost—we’re even. You came back from the dead for me, Kite. You’ve proven yourself far more than words ever could.”
Lashing out, I wrapped an arm around her, hugging her fierce. “I can never again feel your pain. It fucking crippled me before, but it would murder me now.”
She shook her head. “The only pain I’ll ever feel from you, Jethro, is if you die again.” She snorted quietly, doing her best to lighten the mood. “So, promise you won’t do that and the rest will be fine.”
“The only pain I ever want to endure is pain endured protecting and deserving you.”
She stiffened. “What does that mean?”
It means I have a plan to end this but war has casualties on both sides.
“Nothing.” Brushing away her short hair, I nuzzled into her neck. “I don’t want to talk about this anymore.”
Silence fell between us. She wanted to ask more questions, the barbs of curiosity stuck into my skin like thorns, but she swallowed them back.
“You haven’t asked me how I escaped to come see you.” Wriggling out of my embrace, she lay on her back, patting the blanket beside her. “They keep my door locked now, so I couldn’t run through the Hall.”
Reclining again, I inconspicuously held my healing side, granting some pressure from the building discomfort. “How did you get out then?”
Her teeth flashed in the darkness. “I scaled the downpipe outside my bathroom and used the grass lattice on the turret to shimmy to the ground.”
I groaned. “Shit, Nila.” Hawksridge had evolved over the centuries—indoor plumbing being a new addition with unsightly pipes ruining the prettiness of the façade. My ancestors had done their best to hide them with lattice grass, growing the patchwork up the building. It would’ve been an easy climb, but not for someone with the inconvenience of vertigo. “That was stupid.”
If I had known she’d had to sneak and risk breaking her neck, I wouldn’t have summoned her.
Who are you kidding?
I would’ve gone after her if she hadn’t gotten my note. Being on the estate—being so close but so far—I couldn’t stand it. “You could’ve fallen.” I traced her pretty neck beneath the wreath of diamonds. “You could’ve hurt yourself for nothing.”
“Nothing? You’re hardly nothing.” She shivered under my touch. “I would’ve flown here with broken bones just to be with you.”
The air switched from stagnant to electric.
“You make me a better person.” Gathering her close, we lay nose to nose. “I mean to deserve you more every fucking day.”
Her lips parted, her gaze latching onto my mouth. Her thoughts turned from conversation to sex, dragging me deeper into her spell.
I’d lived through years of horror.
I’d gone through so many stages of denial.
And I’d done my best to remember who I was beneath the influx of commands from Cut. But in one look, Nila shredded me into pieces and shone light upon the man I’d forgotten existed. A man who’d found happiness in animals rather than humans. A man who’d tried so hard to please but only became broken. And a boy who’d met a girl in his past, who’d been raised to hate her, told he would torture and kill her, only to find the courage to love her instead.
“I want you.” I bent to kiss her. “I want you forever.” Our lips touched; shockwaves danced down my spine. My cock thickened and Nila once again took me hostage.
Her breathing caught, rattling in her lungs.
I pulled back. She’d been sick with no one to help her. How many other fucking secrets had she kept from me? “You were ill?”
She flushed. “It’s nothing. Just a cold. I’m fine.”
