Fragile Eternity
Page 39
Rustling flowers stretched toward the light they were casting in the room.
Then he took away his hand.
Glancing down, she felt like there should be a burned imprint of his touch. There wasnt. There were still four tiny cuts, but the bruising was mostly gone.
Are you okay? she asked him softly.
No. He swallowed, looking just as vulnerable and confused as she felt. I dont want to be without herand without you. She refuses me because of what I feel for you. You both ask me to make choices that go against what I believe Ishould do. I could be happy with either of you, yet I am miserable and weakened by what we are right now.
Im sorry. She felt guiltier than shed ever felt with him.
Me too. He nodded. Id sooner die than see you hurt, but I dont think I could ever strike out at her. Youre my queen, but shesIve loved her for what feels like forever sometimes. If you really wanted me likehe brushed his fingers over her still bare stomachthis, Id say good-bye to her. I knew that Id need to do that when I found my queen.She knew. We accepted it. A king should be with his queen. I feel that. Every time I touch your skin, I feel it. Its like
Inevitability, she finished in a whisper. I know, but I dont love you. I shouldnt have agreed to the healing thing, should I?
You were injured. I didnt tell you it would feel
Like sex? She blushed. Did it feel like that when I healed you?
Not as much, but those were small injuries and it was winter then. His hand was not quite touching her but near enough that she could feel the heat beckoning her closer. He didnt so much as flex his fingers, though. I wasnt to love someone who wasnt my queen. It was to be you I loved, not her, and youyou were supposed to love me.
Tears slipped down her cheeks, and she wasnt sure if they were from shame or pain. Im sorry. She kept saying it. I need space from you. Im sorryI justIm sorry.
Keenan sighed, but he stayed almost-touching her. I had to try. Our being together would simplify everything.
But I dont love you. Donia does. If I could trade places with Donia, I would. Id walk away from our court if I could. If it would fix everything.
Youre stronger than I am then. I want it all: court, queen, and love. Your being my queen gave me my court buthe pulled awaynot you. Not yet. This rush of being unbound has made me foolish. I just need to stay away from you until we make sense of the compulsion to be closer. Maybe we need to keep the guards near us, or not stay in the loft together, orsomething.
Will you help me make Seth
No. Never that. I can try harder to give younow , but I wont curse Seth. Even if I didnt want you. In time, Aislinn, well explore this thing between us. Weare inevitable. For now, though, Ill walk away. He turned toward the door. Im not sure how to make us stay apart, but for as long as you have Seth, Im going to try to be with Don.
So what next?
I confront Donia about stabbing you, and hope that it isnt too late. He looked as injured as she felt as he pulled the door closed behind him.
She stared at the door, and then she let herself cry. She was safe.And alive. Everything had been so overwhelming, so confusing; her entire life had changed, and she was messing up as much as not. Seth wasnt happy. Keenan wasnt happy. Having someone she thought was a friend stab her was beyond what she could handle calmly.
She cried herself to sleep.
When she woke, Seth stood in the doorway of Keenans bedroom, not crossing the threshold to actually enter the room. Is there something you were going to tell me?
She blinked, clearing sleep from her eyes.
Tavish wouldnt tell me what was going on. The girls were either silent or tearful and hugging me, he continued. All they said is that you were in here. If you were here because youre with him, I dont think theyd be crying.
Seth She started to sit up and winced. She put a hand on her stomach.
Youre hurt. He was beside her. Did he
No. Keenan wouldnt hurt me. You know that.
So who?
She brought him up to date, telling him everything except how she felt when Keenan healed her, and added, I guess rapid healing doesnt take away all the tenderness. She showed him her still slightly bruised stomach. Its mostly fine, but sore. Faery healing and all
He sat on the floor beside the bed. So he healed you. Like youve healed him? With a kiss?
Not a kiss. Just his hand. She blushed, and that blush said everything she hadnt spoken.
Tell me it wasnt a big deal, Ash. His voice was low and pain-filled. Look at me and tell me that it wasnt intimate for either of you.
Seth
Tell me Im not losing more of you to him every f**king day. He held her gaze, looking for answers that she didnt have. He closed his eyes and lowered his forehead to the mattress.
Seth, ImI needed healing. You couldntbut I meanIm sorry. But we talked. Hes done pushing. Were going to find a way to sort it out.
For how long?
As long as you she started, but she couldnt finish the words.
As long as Im here? As long as Im still alive? He stood up. And then what? I know how he looks when you touch his skin. I know this wasntthis isnt casual. And I couldnt help you. Again. I wasnt even strong enough for you to call me.
He shook his head.
Im sorry. She reached out her hand.
He took it.
I talked to himabout you. Changing things. She felt tentative as she said it, but she wanted him to know she was trying to find a way.If I live long enough. Lately, it felt like threats were everywhere.
Then he took away his hand.
Glancing down, she felt like there should be a burned imprint of his touch. There wasnt. There were still four tiny cuts, but the bruising was mostly gone.
Are you okay? she asked him softly.
No. He swallowed, looking just as vulnerable and confused as she felt. I dont want to be without herand without you. She refuses me because of what I feel for you. You both ask me to make choices that go against what I believe Ishould do. I could be happy with either of you, yet I am miserable and weakened by what we are right now.
Im sorry. She felt guiltier than shed ever felt with him.
Me too. He nodded. Id sooner die than see you hurt, but I dont think I could ever strike out at her. Youre my queen, but shesIve loved her for what feels like forever sometimes. If you really wanted me likehe brushed his fingers over her still bare stomachthis, Id say good-bye to her. I knew that Id need to do that when I found my queen.She knew. We accepted it. A king should be with his queen. I feel that. Every time I touch your skin, I feel it. Its like
Inevitability, she finished in a whisper. I know, but I dont love you. I shouldnt have agreed to the healing thing, should I?
You were injured. I didnt tell you it would feel
Like sex? She blushed. Did it feel like that when I healed you?
Not as much, but those were small injuries and it was winter then. His hand was not quite touching her but near enough that she could feel the heat beckoning her closer. He didnt so much as flex his fingers, though. I wasnt to love someone who wasnt my queen. It was to be you I loved, not her, and youyou were supposed to love me.
Tears slipped down her cheeks, and she wasnt sure if they were from shame or pain. Im sorry. She kept saying it. I need space from you. Im sorryI justIm sorry.
Keenan sighed, but he stayed almost-touching her. I had to try. Our being together would simplify everything.
But I dont love you. Donia does. If I could trade places with Donia, I would. Id walk away from our court if I could. If it would fix everything.
Youre stronger than I am then. I want it all: court, queen, and love. Your being my queen gave me my court buthe pulled awaynot you. Not yet. This rush of being unbound has made me foolish. I just need to stay away from you until we make sense of the compulsion to be closer. Maybe we need to keep the guards near us, or not stay in the loft together, orsomething.
Will you help me make Seth
No. Never that. I can try harder to give younow , but I wont curse Seth. Even if I didnt want you. In time, Aislinn, well explore this thing between us. Weare inevitable. For now, though, Ill walk away. He turned toward the door. Im not sure how to make us stay apart, but for as long as you have Seth, Im going to try to be with Don.
So what next?
I confront Donia about stabbing you, and hope that it isnt too late. He looked as injured as she felt as he pulled the door closed behind him.
She stared at the door, and then she let herself cry. She was safe.And alive. Everything had been so overwhelming, so confusing; her entire life had changed, and she was messing up as much as not. Seth wasnt happy. Keenan wasnt happy. Having someone she thought was a friend stab her was beyond what she could handle calmly.
She cried herself to sleep.
When she woke, Seth stood in the doorway of Keenans bedroom, not crossing the threshold to actually enter the room. Is there something you were going to tell me?
She blinked, clearing sleep from her eyes.
Tavish wouldnt tell me what was going on. The girls were either silent or tearful and hugging me, he continued. All they said is that you were in here. If you were here because youre with him, I dont think theyd be crying.
Seth She started to sit up and winced. She put a hand on her stomach.
Youre hurt. He was beside her. Did he
No. Keenan wouldnt hurt me. You know that.
So who?
She brought him up to date, telling him everything except how she felt when Keenan healed her, and added, I guess rapid healing doesnt take away all the tenderness. She showed him her still slightly bruised stomach. Its mostly fine, but sore. Faery healing and all
He sat on the floor beside the bed. So he healed you. Like youve healed him? With a kiss?
Not a kiss. Just his hand. She blushed, and that blush said everything she hadnt spoken.
Tell me it wasnt a big deal, Ash. His voice was low and pain-filled. Look at me and tell me that it wasnt intimate for either of you.
Seth
Tell me Im not losing more of you to him every f**king day. He held her gaze, looking for answers that she didnt have. He closed his eyes and lowered his forehead to the mattress.
Seth, ImI needed healing. You couldntbut I meanIm sorry. But we talked. Hes done pushing. Were going to find a way to sort it out.
For how long?
As long as you she started, but she couldnt finish the words.
As long as Im here? As long as Im still alive? He stood up. And then what? I know how he looks when you touch his skin. I know this wasntthis isnt casual. And I couldnt help you. Again. I wasnt even strong enough for you to call me.
He shook his head.
Im sorry. She reached out her hand.
He took it.
I talked to himabout you. Changing things. She felt tentative as she said it, but she wanted him to know she was trying to find a way.If I live long enough. Lately, it felt like threats were everywhere.
