From Ashes
Page 31
I walked home, my heart racing the entire time as I went through different conversations and scenarios for when he showed up. Most of them ended with me in his arms, his mouth on mine, and by the time I got home, I’d convinced myself this was all going to work out. Shutting the door behind me, I saw a grim-faced Tyler standing in the living room, arms crossed over his chest.
“You okay, Ty?”
He took a deep breath in and out before answering. “He’s gone, Cassi.”
“Who’s gone?”
“Gage. He showed up right after I got home from dropping you off this morning, moved all his stuff out.”
My heart painfully skipped two beats before I took off for his room. A sob stuck in my throat when I saw his bed still there, but bare, and nothing was in his closet, in his drawers, or haphazardly thrown around the room. He had made sure to do all this while I was at work; he left and didn’t even say good-bye. I tried to slip into indifference so Tyler wouldn’t see me lose it over this, but I couldn’t. My knees were weak in the worst way possible, my lips were quivering even as I tried to force them firmly together, and tears were blurring my vision.
“I’m sorry, sweetheart.” Tyler wrapped his arms around me and pulled me into his chest.
“I d— I don’t—why?”
“I don’t know, Cassi, but I’m so sorry.” He turned me so I was facing him and cupped my cheek with one of his hands. “What can I do to make this better?”
“Nothing.”
“Cassi—”
“I’m serious, I just . . . I just need to be alone right now.” I moved out of his arms and went to our room, curling into a ball on the bed. When Tyler opened the door I spoke before he could. “Please, Ty. Just leave me alone for a while.”
After giving me a kiss on my forehead, he turned and left the room.
“SWEETHEART, COME ON. Get dressed, let me take you out to lunch or something.”
I sighed deeply and wrapped the pillow closer to my chest. “I’m not hungry, Ty.”
“You need to eat, you’re losing too much weight.”
“I’m fine.” No, I wasn’t. This couldn’t be normal, not that anything between Gage and me had ever been normal. Not the sudden love I felt for him, not how I felt like I couldn’t breathe unless he was near me, and especially not how I’d slipped into a “zombified version of myself,” as Tyler liked to call it. I stopped doing Saturday shifts, but other than that I still went to work and continued to cook dinner for Tyler and the guys. When I wasn’t doing either of those two things, I was curled into a tight ball in bed, trying to ignore the intense pain of Gage ignoring me. It had been another three weeks since he’d moved all his stuff out, making it a month and a half since I’d seen or heard from him. Tyler still saw him at school, and I was glad that their relationship hadn’t suffered as well, seeing as they were still doing their Saturday-morning breakfasts at Kerbey Lane.
With a huff, Tyler walked out of the bedroom and shut the door behind him. Four hours later, I was just starting to think I should get up and start making dinner for him when he walked back in. His long strides were determined as he made his way to the bed; lifting me up into his chest, he slammed his mouth down onto mine.
I started to protest, but my heart was so shattered, I could barely find the will to turn my head away. “Ty—” I finally managed, but when I opened my mouth, he forced his tongue to meet mine as he laid me back down, his body following.
“Damn it, Cassi,” he growled against my mouth when he realized I wasn’t kissing him back. He pulled away slightly and searched my eyes, pain filling his. “What do I have to do? I’ve loved you since we were kids. What do I have to do to make you love me too?”
“I do love you, Tyler.”
He shook his head. “Not like that, Cassi, I want you, all of you. I want you to be mine, I want to take care of you in every way possible for the rest of our lives. Can’t you see that?”
I just continued to stare into his brown eyes, unblinking.
When I didn’t say anything, he let his head drop into the crook of my neck and sighed. “I can’t keep doing this. I can’t keep waiting for you to see me the way I see you. I kept—I kept hoping one day you would get it. But I see that’s not going to happen. I’m sorry, Cass, but I can’t do this anymore.”
“Wh-what do you mean?”
“This, Cass, all of it. Living here with you, only being your friend. I can’t keep doing this. I want all of you, or nothing at all.”
“What?!”
“You ne—”
“I thought you were my friend!”
“I am, damn it, Cassi, haven’t I always been that? But I’m tired of just being your friend! I can’t keep doing this with you.”
“Tyler—” My chest was heaving up and down quickly. I felt like I was on the verge of a panic attack. “How can you do this to me? I can’t lose you, you’re all I have!”
“Then don’t f**king lose me!”
“That’s not fair, I’ve never thought of you like that, Ty, and Gage—” Tyler’s eyes narrowed and darkened at the mention of his cousin. “You know what he meant to me!”
“Why can’t I be that for you? At least I won’t make you destroy yourself like he has from the heartbreak he’s caused you! So decide, Cass, right now. You’re with me, or you leave.”
“You okay, Ty?”
He took a deep breath in and out before answering. “He’s gone, Cassi.”
“Who’s gone?”
“Gage. He showed up right after I got home from dropping you off this morning, moved all his stuff out.”
My heart painfully skipped two beats before I took off for his room. A sob stuck in my throat when I saw his bed still there, but bare, and nothing was in his closet, in his drawers, or haphazardly thrown around the room. He had made sure to do all this while I was at work; he left and didn’t even say good-bye. I tried to slip into indifference so Tyler wouldn’t see me lose it over this, but I couldn’t. My knees were weak in the worst way possible, my lips were quivering even as I tried to force them firmly together, and tears were blurring my vision.
“I’m sorry, sweetheart.” Tyler wrapped his arms around me and pulled me into his chest.
“I d— I don’t—why?”
“I don’t know, Cassi, but I’m so sorry.” He turned me so I was facing him and cupped my cheek with one of his hands. “What can I do to make this better?”
“Nothing.”
“Cassi—”
“I’m serious, I just . . . I just need to be alone right now.” I moved out of his arms and went to our room, curling into a ball on the bed. When Tyler opened the door I spoke before he could. “Please, Ty. Just leave me alone for a while.”
After giving me a kiss on my forehead, he turned and left the room.
“SWEETHEART, COME ON. Get dressed, let me take you out to lunch or something.”
I sighed deeply and wrapped the pillow closer to my chest. “I’m not hungry, Ty.”
“You need to eat, you’re losing too much weight.”
“I’m fine.” No, I wasn’t. This couldn’t be normal, not that anything between Gage and me had ever been normal. Not the sudden love I felt for him, not how I felt like I couldn’t breathe unless he was near me, and especially not how I’d slipped into a “zombified version of myself,” as Tyler liked to call it. I stopped doing Saturday shifts, but other than that I still went to work and continued to cook dinner for Tyler and the guys. When I wasn’t doing either of those two things, I was curled into a tight ball in bed, trying to ignore the intense pain of Gage ignoring me. It had been another three weeks since he’d moved all his stuff out, making it a month and a half since I’d seen or heard from him. Tyler still saw him at school, and I was glad that their relationship hadn’t suffered as well, seeing as they were still doing their Saturday-morning breakfasts at Kerbey Lane.
With a huff, Tyler walked out of the bedroom and shut the door behind him. Four hours later, I was just starting to think I should get up and start making dinner for him when he walked back in. His long strides were determined as he made his way to the bed; lifting me up into his chest, he slammed his mouth down onto mine.
I started to protest, but my heart was so shattered, I could barely find the will to turn my head away. “Ty—” I finally managed, but when I opened my mouth, he forced his tongue to meet mine as he laid me back down, his body following.
“Damn it, Cassi,” he growled against my mouth when he realized I wasn’t kissing him back. He pulled away slightly and searched my eyes, pain filling his. “What do I have to do? I’ve loved you since we were kids. What do I have to do to make you love me too?”
“I do love you, Tyler.”
He shook his head. “Not like that, Cassi, I want you, all of you. I want you to be mine, I want to take care of you in every way possible for the rest of our lives. Can’t you see that?”
I just continued to stare into his brown eyes, unblinking.
When I didn’t say anything, he let his head drop into the crook of my neck and sighed. “I can’t keep doing this. I can’t keep waiting for you to see me the way I see you. I kept—I kept hoping one day you would get it. But I see that’s not going to happen. I’m sorry, Cass, but I can’t do this anymore.”
“Wh-what do you mean?”
“This, Cass, all of it. Living here with you, only being your friend. I can’t keep doing this. I want all of you, or nothing at all.”
“What?!”
“You ne—”
“I thought you were my friend!”
“I am, damn it, Cassi, haven’t I always been that? But I’m tired of just being your friend! I can’t keep doing this with you.”
“Tyler—” My chest was heaving up and down quickly. I felt like I was on the verge of a panic attack. “How can you do this to me? I can’t lose you, you’re all I have!”
“Then don’t f**king lose me!”
“That’s not fair, I’ve never thought of you like that, Ty, and Gage—” Tyler’s eyes narrowed and darkened at the mention of his cousin. “You know what he meant to me!”
“Why can’t I be that for you? At least I won’t make you destroy yourself like he has from the heartbreak he’s caused you! So decide, Cass, right now. You’re with me, or you leave.”
