From Twinkle, with Love
Page 21
“What? Nah,” I said with a flick of my wrist while still keeping my arms locked firmly around my torso. “This is fine. It’s a nice rest for my eyeballs anyway. I mean, they’re always on, you know?”
I thought Sahil was giving me a weird look, but I couldn’t be sure. “Um, okay,” he said, coming to stand with me in the center.
A sudden wind gusted through the single open window (the glass was completely missing), and I shivered.
It didn’t even seem like Sahil thought about it; he just put his arms around me. I froze again, but this time it was a totally different kind of freeze. “Are you cold?” he asked, rubbing his big, warm hands up and down my arms. Goose bumps sprouted immediately.
I tried to think about Neil in that moment. I did. The slight problem was, all I knew about Neil was that he had nice abs and calves. And all I knew about N was that he had questionable poetry skills (though of course I’d never tell him that) and favored an air of mystery. But Sahil? He made me laugh. I looked at things differently because of him. He supported me as an artist. How was Neil supposed to compete with that?
Oops, Sahil had asked me a question. “Um, yep,” I said, my voice all high and squeaky as I tried to remember to breathe. I don’t think he noticed, though, because he didn’t say anything. “I just hope this cabin doesn’t flood. That would be bad.”
“Very bad,” he said softly. “I can’t swim.”
I laughed a little. “You can’t? But Neil’s a swimming superstar.”
Sahil’s hands stilled and then dropped; his body tensed. “Yeah,” he said, his voice hard. “He is, not me.”
I looked up at Sahil. His eyes were glowing in the dim light, a drop of water on his thick eyelashes. The same thick eyelashes I’d always admired on Neil. “What’s that about?”
His face was closed off now. “What?”
I studied him carefully. “You don’t … you don’t like talking about your brother?”
A muscle in his jaw jumped as he looked somewhere over my head. He looked down at me a moment later. “No, I don’t. I’m sorry, though. I didn’t mean to bring that here.”
I shook my head and wrapped my arms around myself, shivering a little. “Don’t be sorry.”
“It’s just …” He sighed. “I’ve always been compared to him. It probably happens with all siblings, but it’s worse when you’re a twin, I think. And it really sucks when your twin is a rock star and you’re just an average nothing.”
“You’re not an average nothing,” I said vehemently.
He shrugged.
“No, look. Neil’s the kind of person who maybe ends up on the Fortune 500 list by the time he’s thirty. But you’re the kind of person I’d want holding my hand in the hospital if my grandmother was sick. And you tell me, which one’s more meaningful?” As I said the words, I understood how true they were. I’d trust Sahil with anything.
He met my eye and gazed at me for a long moment, his eyes softening bit by bit. “Thanks, T,” he whispered.
Outside, the thunder rumbled and lightning cracked into something. A tree, I think. I reveled in our cleverness at having come in here. Well, I sorta reveled. My brain was pretty tied up with other matters, to be honest. Like how I’d just gotten Sahil’s eyes to soften. How I seemed to be able to get to him just like he got to me. How he was still standing extremely close, and I didn’t know whether that was for warmth or … other reasons.
Smiling, I said in a slightly trembling voice, “I think I just heard a tree get smoked. Aren’t you glad we’re not out there?”
He didn’t return my smile. His eyes were intense, and he was studying my face. “I’m glad I’m here with you,” he said, coming closer.
His body heat was making it hard to think. I was beginning to lose sight of why, exactly, this was a bad idea. I should’ve thought of all the reasons kissing Sahil would be a bad thing, not the least of which is one of Dadi’s maxims: Desire has brought great women to their doom as surely as the Germanic leader Odoacer brought Rome to its knees. (It’s not very pithy—I mean, you couldn’t embroider it on a pillow or anything—but she swears it’s true.)
All I thought about, though, was Sahil’s eyes. How kind and funny and talented he is. How he lets me sit with him at lunch now. And so I leaned in when I should’ve leaned away. And I kissed him.
My first-ever kiss, and it takes place in the middle of a freaking thunderstorm, in a deserted cabin. And not an ax murderer in sight. How romantic is that? Nora Ephron couldn’t have planned it better. And all those things they say in romance novels about how your heart beats faster and your knees get wobbly and the boy’s stubble against your chin is the most delicious sensation ever? All of that is 100 percent true.
I sank into that kiss. It was perfect.
And it can never happen again.
Because in case you missed it, shiny, future Twinkle dates Neil. Neil, not Sahil. Maybe my heart didn’t care about that, but my brain did. My brain remembered just how long I’d been ignored and belittled. It remembered how badly I wanted to break free. And it knew my time to shine, to do what I was meant to do in this world, was just around the corner.
For some reason, though, when it came to Sahil, it was getting really hard for me to hold on to what my brain was saying. Something was happening between us, something very real, and it was getting more difficult to ignore. But maybe until I figured it out—whatever “it” might be—I should be more careful.
So as soon as we pulled apart for breath, I put a hand up to my mouth and stepped back, my eyes wide. “Whoa.”
“Are you okay?” Sahil asked, frowning slightly. I looked at his reddened mouth and felt my cheeks grow warm. I did that. Me, Miss Wallflower. “Was that … okay?”
Oh God. Now he thought I was reacting like that because he was a bad kisser. Which was so not the case it was almost funny. “N-no! I mean, yes!” I corrected when I saw his face fall. “Sahil, you’re … you’re a good kisser.”
“You mean that?” His face lit up so much, the cabin almost brightened. He took a step closer to me. “Then … why …?”
I opened my mouth to say, But … there’s something you should know. I have a secret admirer, and it’s probably your brother. By the way, I want to date him. Only how could I say that to Sahil now that my heart and my brain were warring? And after he’d told me about Neil and their sibling rivalry?
So I chose another, smaller truth. “We work together. And if we … do this … it might complicate things.”
“I can keep things professional.”
I took a deep breath as I looked into his clear brown eyes. It would be so easy to say yes. It would be so easy to be with Sahil. “I’m sorry,” I said instead, the words physically hurting me like they had sharp edges.
He studied my face for a long second and then nodded. “So … are you saying we can go out after Midsummer Night?” He grinned mischievously.
I laughed and pushed his chest, avoiding an answer.
Sahil’s phone beeped in his pocket. “Huh. I must have reception again.” He fished it out and looked at the screen. “It’s Skid and Aaron. ‘Did you see the news? Apparently big storm on the way.’ They want to postpone so no one gets drenched.”
We looked at each other, our cold, wet clothes clinging to us, our hair dripping, and then burst out laughing.
Sahil typed back a response and slipped the phone back in his pocket. “It would’ve helped if they’d sent that text about an hour ago.”
“Ah, well. Next time we’ll know to check the weather before we come.”
Sahil smiled a half smile that made my heart stutter. “I enjoyed being stuck here with you, though. I’d do it again.”
I bit my lip. “So would I.”
That’s when I realized the truth: I’d get stuck with Sahil in a cabin any day of the week, anytime. I’d even get stuck with Sahil in an econ class because I like being with him so much. I’d choose spending time with him over peanut butter chocolate ice cream. And over the Peanut Butter Chocolate Mountain Majesty cupcake.
I thought Sahil was giving me a weird look, but I couldn’t be sure. “Um, okay,” he said, coming to stand with me in the center.
A sudden wind gusted through the single open window (the glass was completely missing), and I shivered.
It didn’t even seem like Sahil thought about it; he just put his arms around me. I froze again, but this time it was a totally different kind of freeze. “Are you cold?” he asked, rubbing his big, warm hands up and down my arms. Goose bumps sprouted immediately.
I tried to think about Neil in that moment. I did. The slight problem was, all I knew about Neil was that he had nice abs and calves. And all I knew about N was that he had questionable poetry skills (though of course I’d never tell him that) and favored an air of mystery. But Sahil? He made me laugh. I looked at things differently because of him. He supported me as an artist. How was Neil supposed to compete with that?
Oops, Sahil had asked me a question. “Um, yep,” I said, my voice all high and squeaky as I tried to remember to breathe. I don’t think he noticed, though, because he didn’t say anything. “I just hope this cabin doesn’t flood. That would be bad.”
“Very bad,” he said softly. “I can’t swim.”
I laughed a little. “You can’t? But Neil’s a swimming superstar.”
Sahil’s hands stilled and then dropped; his body tensed. “Yeah,” he said, his voice hard. “He is, not me.”
I looked up at Sahil. His eyes were glowing in the dim light, a drop of water on his thick eyelashes. The same thick eyelashes I’d always admired on Neil. “What’s that about?”
His face was closed off now. “What?”
I studied him carefully. “You don’t … you don’t like talking about your brother?”
A muscle in his jaw jumped as he looked somewhere over my head. He looked down at me a moment later. “No, I don’t. I’m sorry, though. I didn’t mean to bring that here.”
I shook my head and wrapped my arms around myself, shivering a little. “Don’t be sorry.”
“It’s just …” He sighed. “I’ve always been compared to him. It probably happens with all siblings, but it’s worse when you’re a twin, I think. And it really sucks when your twin is a rock star and you’re just an average nothing.”
“You’re not an average nothing,” I said vehemently.
He shrugged.
“No, look. Neil’s the kind of person who maybe ends up on the Fortune 500 list by the time he’s thirty. But you’re the kind of person I’d want holding my hand in the hospital if my grandmother was sick. And you tell me, which one’s more meaningful?” As I said the words, I understood how true they were. I’d trust Sahil with anything.
He met my eye and gazed at me for a long moment, his eyes softening bit by bit. “Thanks, T,” he whispered.
Outside, the thunder rumbled and lightning cracked into something. A tree, I think. I reveled in our cleverness at having come in here. Well, I sorta reveled. My brain was pretty tied up with other matters, to be honest. Like how I’d just gotten Sahil’s eyes to soften. How I seemed to be able to get to him just like he got to me. How he was still standing extremely close, and I didn’t know whether that was for warmth or … other reasons.
Smiling, I said in a slightly trembling voice, “I think I just heard a tree get smoked. Aren’t you glad we’re not out there?”
He didn’t return my smile. His eyes were intense, and he was studying my face. “I’m glad I’m here with you,” he said, coming closer.
His body heat was making it hard to think. I was beginning to lose sight of why, exactly, this was a bad idea. I should’ve thought of all the reasons kissing Sahil would be a bad thing, not the least of which is one of Dadi’s maxims: Desire has brought great women to their doom as surely as the Germanic leader Odoacer brought Rome to its knees. (It’s not very pithy—I mean, you couldn’t embroider it on a pillow or anything—but she swears it’s true.)
All I thought about, though, was Sahil’s eyes. How kind and funny and talented he is. How he lets me sit with him at lunch now. And so I leaned in when I should’ve leaned away. And I kissed him.
My first-ever kiss, and it takes place in the middle of a freaking thunderstorm, in a deserted cabin. And not an ax murderer in sight. How romantic is that? Nora Ephron couldn’t have planned it better. And all those things they say in romance novels about how your heart beats faster and your knees get wobbly and the boy’s stubble against your chin is the most delicious sensation ever? All of that is 100 percent true.
I sank into that kiss. It was perfect.
And it can never happen again.
Because in case you missed it, shiny, future Twinkle dates Neil. Neil, not Sahil. Maybe my heart didn’t care about that, but my brain did. My brain remembered just how long I’d been ignored and belittled. It remembered how badly I wanted to break free. And it knew my time to shine, to do what I was meant to do in this world, was just around the corner.
For some reason, though, when it came to Sahil, it was getting really hard for me to hold on to what my brain was saying. Something was happening between us, something very real, and it was getting more difficult to ignore. But maybe until I figured it out—whatever “it” might be—I should be more careful.
So as soon as we pulled apart for breath, I put a hand up to my mouth and stepped back, my eyes wide. “Whoa.”
“Are you okay?” Sahil asked, frowning slightly. I looked at his reddened mouth and felt my cheeks grow warm. I did that. Me, Miss Wallflower. “Was that … okay?”
Oh God. Now he thought I was reacting like that because he was a bad kisser. Which was so not the case it was almost funny. “N-no! I mean, yes!” I corrected when I saw his face fall. “Sahil, you’re … you’re a good kisser.”
“You mean that?” His face lit up so much, the cabin almost brightened. He took a step closer to me. “Then … why …?”
I opened my mouth to say, But … there’s something you should know. I have a secret admirer, and it’s probably your brother. By the way, I want to date him. Only how could I say that to Sahil now that my heart and my brain were warring? And after he’d told me about Neil and their sibling rivalry?
So I chose another, smaller truth. “We work together. And if we … do this … it might complicate things.”
“I can keep things professional.”
I took a deep breath as I looked into his clear brown eyes. It would be so easy to say yes. It would be so easy to be with Sahil. “I’m sorry,” I said instead, the words physically hurting me like they had sharp edges.
He studied my face for a long second and then nodded. “So … are you saying we can go out after Midsummer Night?” He grinned mischievously.
I laughed and pushed his chest, avoiding an answer.
Sahil’s phone beeped in his pocket. “Huh. I must have reception again.” He fished it out and looked at the screen. “It’s Skid and Aaron. ‘Did you see the news? Apparently big storm on the way.’ They want to postpone so no one gets drenched.”
We looked at each other, our cold, wet clothes clinging to us, our hair dripping, and then burst out laughing.
Sahil typed back a response and slipped the phone back in his pocket. “It would’ve helped if they’d sent that text about an hour ago.”
“Ah, well. Next time we’ll know to check the weather before we come.”
Sahil smiled a half smile that made my heart stutter. “I enjoyed being stuck here with you, though. I’d do it again.”
I bit my lip. “So would I.”
That’s when I realized the truth: I’d get stuck with Sahil in a cabin any day of the week, anytime. I’d even get stuck with Sahil in an econ class because I like being with him so much. I’d choose spending time with him over peanut butter chocolate ice cream. And over the Peanut Butter Chocolate Mountain Majesty cupcake.
