From Twinkle, with Love
Page 23
We begin filming tomorrow—my first real movie and chance to be a director! This is so surreal, I keep looking around for Salvador Dalí to make an appearance. I just hope I can live up to expectations—everyone else’s and my own.
Love,
Twinkle
Thursday, June 11
Homeroom
Dear Valerie Farris, I ran into Sahil today before first bell. “Hey, T,” he said, his mouth quirked in a mischievous half smile. “Where’re you rushing off to in such a hurry?”
Do not be taken in by his charm, I told myself. You have something important to do. Stay focused. “Um, I was hoping to catch you on your way to class.”
His smile got brighter and he took a half step toward me. “Oh, yeah?”
“Yeah.” I kept my face serious and looked straight into his eyes. His gorgeous, soft brown eyes. Those eyes I’d fallen into right before we kissed. Focus, Twinkle. “Look, I know the other day at lunch I might’ve seemed like I didn’t care too much, but …” I took a breath and said the rest in a rush. If I waited, I’d lose my nerve and change the subject to the cafeteria’s chocolate milk or something. “Sahil, it was a big deal to me that you chose the cyclorama over the backdrop I wanted. I mean, I’m not saying that you bullied me into it or anything—I should’ve spoken up at Thoroughly Thespian. That’s something I struggle with, so that’s what I’m doing now. I’m speaking up. I wanted the backdrop, not the cyclorama. And I didn’t like the way you spoke to me at lunch the other day when I brought it up.”
He stepped back and shifted his weight. “Look, what’s the big deal, Twinkle? It’s just one prop in the movie. I thought we talked about this in the caf.”
“I know we did. It’s just—Sahil, the big deal is that it’s not what I wanted. And I feel like you’re just rolling over me with what you want. You’re not even hearing what I’m saying.”
He shook his head. “Well, you picked out the majority of the props.”
“Right, but you agreed the creepy stuff probably wouldn’t fly with the administration, remember? You wanted to change those out after we talked about it. I didn’t want to change this. Why are you so attached to this cyclorama, anyway?” My voice shook a little, but I held steady. This was important; I had to speak up and hold my own here. Sahil was being weirdly pushy, but that didn’t mean I was going to let myself be intimidated into silence. I’m sure you’ve dealt with the same thing, Valerie, as a woman trying hard to make her voice heard in what has been a boys’ club for way too long.
He shrugged. “It’s … bold. It screams, Look at me! And I feel like that’s what we need for this movie. We need to be noticed. We need people to see us for who we are.”
I got the strange feeling that there was a lot more under the surface than what Sahil was saying. But his eyes kept darting around, his jaw was clenched, and his arms were folded across his chest. It felt like he didn’t want me to get too close.
I sighed, sensing that we weren’t going to get anywhere right then. Maybe I could regroup and try again later, when we had more time. “Sahil, I don’t know what’s going on here, but I feel like you’re keeping something from me. You’re not even really listening. So fine. Let’s just pick this up later. I gotta get to class.”
“Okay,” he said, his expression shifting, becoming more thoughtful. “Talk soon.”
I don’t know how this whole thing is going to play out in the end, whether Sahil will finally see my point of view or if we’ll have to have some ugly argument, but at least I spoke up. Not too shabby for a groundling, eh, Valerie? I’m just trying not to be too disappointed at Sahil’s response.
Love,
Twinkle
Thursday, June 11
AP Bio
Dear Sofia Coppola, The polar ice caps must’ve shifted because Maddie just passed me a note. In bio. When Mrs. Mears is talking about the genome project.
I’ll paste it in here when we’re done talking.
Love,
Twinkle
The auditions were fun yesterday.
I’m psyched we cast all the roles. TY again for getting people excited.
Sure. Hey, did Victoria speak to you when I was in the bathroom?
About Hannah’s party next weekend. Why?
I don’t think it’s a good idea for you to come to the party.
Oh. Why not? I was going to get some behind-the-scenes footage.
You won’t have any fun, Twinkle. Why don’t I throw you another, smaller party and you can get your footage extras there?
Why don’t you think I’ll have fun, though??
Don’t get upset!
I’m not upset!
The “??” are clearly an indication of an upset emotional state. I know you.
Oh, right, just like you KNOW how I shouldn’t go to this party. Because I’m too much of a groundling.
Of a what??
Who’s upset now?? And let me just say, Maddie, that I’m going. And I’m bringing Sahil, who happens to be my producer. And if you or Hannah have a problem with that, you can just take it up with Victoria, who invited me in the first place and whose parents own the freaking cabin. Okay??
Thursday, June 11
AP English
Dear Sofia Coppola, You may think I am upset, but I am, in fact, not. So I had a fight with Maddie. So she doesn’t think I belong with her FANCY, STUPID friends in their FANCY, STUPID cabin. So she thinks I’m the stuff you find under your shoe after walking around in a big city all day. Big freaking deal. We were growing apart anyway. Maybe that’s just what happens to friendships sometimes.
If you think I’m going to break down and cry, you’re mistaken. I was a total idiot to think this movie could mean good things for Maddie’s and my friendship. I was an even bigger idiot to think she’d be impressed by me hanging out with her crowd at the cabin, obviously, because she doesn’t even want me there. Apparently I’m that big of an embarrassment. When people show you who they are, you should believe them. I’m so sick and tired of being treated like this. Everyone has a breaking point, and guess what? I think Maddie found mine.
I mean, will it make it awkward when we have to spend an hour and a half after school today filming? Sure. But I am a professional, as we’ve already established. I can deal with this. I can make it a non-issue.
I can. Yep. I’ve got this.
Love,
Twinkle
Thursday, June 11
Honors Calculus
Dear Nora Ephron, So I was walking to my locker when someone grabbed my arm. I thought it was Maddie, but when I turned, it was Sahil’s goofy smile I was looking at. My heart was more leapy than I would’ve liked, but I managed to keep my answering smile normal and not oversize like it was trying to be.
“Come with me, quick,” Sahil said, dragging me down the opposite way of my locker.
“Um, I have to get to class. School’s almost out; what’s the rush?” I followed him, but I frowned, just so he’d think I had reservations about going with him. (Spoiler alert: I didn’t. Foolish heart. Desire=DOOM, how hard is it to learn that? It’s even an alliteration.)
“I know, and I do too, but I want to show you this one thing in Ms. Rogers’s room quickly.” His voice was fizzing with excitement, so I figured he was over whatever was going on with him the last time we spoke.
I couldn’t afford to miss anything in calculus so close to the final, but my curiosity got the better of me. “Okay. You’ve piqued my interest, Sahil Roy.”
He chuckled. “Excellent.”
We rounded the corner and he opened the door to Ms. Rogers’s room, which was empty. “She’s grading in the teacher’s lounge,” he explained. Then he began to walk toward a large plank of wood that had been covered with a tarp.
“Oh, is that the cyclorama? When did you get this?” I asked, excited to see it even if it did have an evil moon with fangs. It was still part of our set. Our set. We had a SET.
He ran a hand through his hair, looking away for a second. “I went and picked it up.”
“You skipped school?” I was confused. “I thought they were supposed to deliver it tomorrow.”
Love,
Twinkle
Thursday, June 11
Homeroom
Dear Valerie Farris, I ran into Sahil today before first bell. “Hey, T,” he said, his mouth quirked in a mischievous half smile. “Where’re you rushing off to in such a hurry?”
Do not be taken in by his charm, I told myself. You have something important to do. Stay focused. “Um, I was hoping to catch you on your way to class.”
His smile got brighter and he took a half step toward me. “Oh, yeah?”
“Yeah.” I kept my face serious and looked straight into his eyes. His gorgeous, soft brown eyes. Those eyes I’d fallen into right before we kissed. Focus, Twinkle. “Look, I know the other day at lunch I might’ve seemed like I didn’t care too much, but …” I took a breath and said the rest in a rush. If I waited, I’d lose my nerve and change the subject to the cafeteria’s chocolate milk or something. “Sahil, it was a big deal to me that you chose the cyclorama over the backdrop I wanted. I mean, I’m not saying that you bullied me into it or anything—I should’ve spoken up at Thoroughly Thespian. That’s something I struggle with, so that’s what I’m doing now. I’m speaking up. I wanted the backdrop, not the cyclorama. And I didn’t like the way you spoke to me at lunch the other day when I brought it up.”
He stepped back and shifted his weight. “Look, what’s the big deal, Twinkle? It’s just one prop in the movie. I thought we talked about this in the caf.”
“I know we did. It’s just—Sahil, the big deal is that it’s not what I wanted. And I feel like you’re just rolling over me with what you want. You’re not even hearing what I’m saying.”
He shook his head. “Well, you picked out the majority of the props.”
“Right, but you agreed the creepy stuff probably wouldn’t fly with the administration, remember? You wanted to change those out after we talked about it. I didn’t want to change this. Why are you so attached to this cyclorama, anyway?” My voice shook a little, but I held steady. This was important; I had to speak up and hold my own here. Sahil was being weirdly pushy, but that didn’t mean I was going to let myself be intimidated into silence. I’m sure you’ve dealt with the same thing, Valerie, as a woman trying hard to make her voice heard in what has been a boys’ club for way too long.
He shrugged. “It’s … bold. It screams, Look at me! And I feel like that’s what we need for this movie. We need to be noticed. We need people to see us for who we are.”
I got the strange feeling that there was a lot more under the surface than what Sahil was saying. But his eyes kept darting around, his jaw was clenched, and his arms were folded across his chest. It felt like he didn’t want me to get too close.
I sighed, sensing that we weren’t going to get anywhere right then. Maybe I could regroup and try again later, when we had more time. “Sahil, I don’t know what’s going on here, but I feel like you’re keeping something from me. You’re not even really listening. So fine. Let’s just pick this up later. I gotta get to class.”
“Okay,” he said, his expression shifting, becoming more thoughtful. “Talk soon.”
I don’t know how this whole thing is going to play out in the end, whether Sahil will finally see my point of view or if we’ll have to have some ugly argument, but at least I spoke up. Not too shabby for a groundling, eh, Valerie? I’m just trying not to be too disappointed at Sahil’s response.
Love,
Twinkle
Thursday, June 11
AP Bio
Dear Sofia Coppola, The polar ice caps must’ve shifted because Maddie just passed me a note. In bio. When Mrs. Mears is talking about the genome project.
I’ll paste it in here when we’re done talking.
Love,
Twinkle
The auditions were fun yesterday.
I’m psyched we cast all the roles. TY again for getting people excited.
Sure. Hey, did Victoria speak to you when I was in the bathroom?
About Hannah’s party next weekend. Why?
I don’t think it’s a good idea for you to come to the party.
Oh. Why not? I was going to get some behind-the-scenes footage.
You won’t have any fun, Twinkle. Why don’t I throw you another, smaller party and you can get your footage extras there?
Why don’t you think I’ll have fun, though??
Don’t get upset!
I’m not upset!
The “??” are clearly an indication of an upset emotional state. I know you.
Oh, right, just like you KNOW how I shouldn’t go to this party. Because I’m too much of a groundling.
Of a what??
Who’s upset now?? And let me just say, Maddie, that I’m going. And I’m bringing Sahil, who happens to be my producer. And if you or Hannah have a problem with that, you can just take it up with Victoria, who invited me in the first place and whose parents own the freaking cabin. Okay??
Thursday, June 11
AP English
Dear Sofia Coppola, You may think I am upset, but I am, in fact, not. So I had a fight with Maddie. So she doesn’t think I belong with her FANCY, STUPID friends in their FANCY, STUPID cabin. So she thinks I’m the stuff you find under your shoe after walking around in a big city all day. Big freaking deal. We were growing apart anyway. Maybe that’s just what happens to friendships sometimes.
If you think I’m going to break down and cry, you’re mistaken. I was a total idiot to think this movie could mean good things for Maddie’s and my friendship. I was an even bigger idiot to think she’d be impressed by me hanging out with her crowd at the cabin, obviously, because she doesn’t even want me there. Apparently I’m that big of an embarrassment. When people show you who they are, you should believe them. I’m so sick and tired of being treated like this. Everyone has a breaking point, and guess what? I think Maddie found mine.
I mean, will it make it awkward when we have to spend an hour and a half after school today filming? Sure. But I am a professional, as we’ve already established. I can deal with this. I can make it a non-issue.
I can. Yep. I’ve got this.
Love,
Twinkle
Thursday, June 11
Honors Calculus
Dear Nora Ephron, So I was walking to my locker when someone grabbed my arm. I thought it was Maddie, but when I turned, it was Sahil’s goofy smile I was looking at. My heart was more leapy than I would’ve liked, but I managed to keep my answering smile normal and not oversize like it was trying to be.
“Come with me, quick,” Sahil said, dragging me down the opposite way of my locker.
“Um, I have to get to class. School’s almost out; what’s the rush?” I followed him, but I frowned, just so he’d think I had reservations about going with him. (Spoiler alert: I didn’t. Foolish heart. Desire=DOOM, how hard is it to learn that? It’s even an alliteration.)
“I know, and I do too, but I want to show you this one thing in Ms. Rogers’s room quickly.” His voice was fizzing with excitement, so I figured he was over whatever was going on with him the last time we spoke.
I couldn’t afford to miss anything in calculus so close to the final, but my curiosity got the better of me. “Okay. You’ve piqued my interest, Sahil Roy.”
He chuckled. “Excellent.”
We rounded the corner and he opened the door to Ms. Rogers’s room, which was empty. “She’s grading in the teacher’s lounge,” he explained. Then he began to walk toward a large plank of wood that had been covered with a tarp.
“Oh, is that the cyclorama? When did you get this?” I asked, excited to see it even if it did have an evil moon with fangs. It was still part of our set. Our set. We had a SET.
He ran a hand through his hair, looking away for a second. “I went and picked it up.”
“You skipped school?” I was confused. “I thought they were supposed to deliver it tomorrow.”
