From Twinkle, with Love
Page 26
“That is not me” is the first thing I said. Victoria laughed.
I looked … like some magical fairy version of myself. My hair was in these long, loose curls that looked effortless (but obviously weren’t), and one side was clipped back. My eyes were huge and expressive, dark brown popping against the copper-colored eyeshadow. I had dangerously sharp cheekbones that looked like Maddie’s, and my acne scars—even the deep one on my nose—had been covered up.
“Concealer,” Victoria said when I ran a finger over it. “I have a kind that works for most skin tones.”
Something dawned on me. The reflection in the mirror? It was her. The future Twinkle I’d always dreamed about, the one who had ideas that other people listened to, the one who was cool because she made movies, not nerdy because she was always hiding behind a camera.
“This is … I don’t know what to say, Victoria,” I said, standing and facing her. “I feel … like a glossy version of myself, if that makes sense. Like I could go places the old me would never have been allowed.” Like your social circle, I wanted to say, but didn’t. Actually, I didn’t even know if that was strictly true anymore. Things were shifting somehow. Victoria was here, in my house, being a friend to me. She’d invited me to her parents’ cabin. Maybe the movie was magic, somehow doing what I’d never been able to do for myself.
“Makeup can do that,” Victoria said, nodding knowingly. “But, Twinkle, you don’t need it. It’s not a golden ticket. You could’ve gone to the carnival in sweats and I’m sure you’d still be able to charm this guy, whoever he is.”
I smiled. “Thanks. That’s sweet.”
“Ugh, don’t call me that,” Victoria said, making a face. “Speaking of makeup, I’m leaving the eyeshadow, blush, and lip gloss I used on you here if you ever want to try this stuff on your own. They don’t work on me anyway, and don’t worry, I always use disposable applicators, so it’s all hygienic.”
“Thank you,” I said, feeling shy all of a sudden. I know I’ve always been all about the groundlings and the silk feathered hats, but right then Victoria didn’t seem like a snob and I didn’t feel like a groundling. We were just two girls hanging out and bonding. “You’re like my teenaged fairy godmother. Only with makeup and hair spray.”
Victoria laughed. “Hey, I like that! I always knew I was special.” She winked and began packing up her stuff. “Now, get that dress on and go wow that boy, whoever he is.”
“I will. And, um …” I wasn’t going to say anything, but if there was ever a time, now was it. “I know you invited me to Hannah’s party, but Maddie—”
Victoria turned to me. “Don’t worry about Maddie. She’s just paranoid.”
“Paranoid?”
“Yeah. She thinks because Hannah doesn’t want you there, it’ll be weird or something. But it won’t. You’re my guest.”
“I don’t think she’s afraid it’s gonna be weird,” I said, trying not to let my hurt show. “I think she just doesn’t want me mixing with her friends.”
Victoria put her hands on her hips. “Well, she doesn’t get to make that decision alone.” After a pause, she said, “Besides, Hannah just needs a chance to get to know you. In fact, I always thought you were this mousy, weak girl with nothing to say—”
“Thanks,” I said, raising a combed and powdered eyebrow.
Victoria held up her hands. “—but you’re this cool, creative, film genius person! Hannah just needs to see that too. Don’t worry.”
“Okay. Thanks for real then.” I grinned at her. “I mean it. You’re pretty cool too.”
She smiled. “I know, right? Anyway, I’ll get out of here now so you can go meet Prince Charming.” Blowing me a kiss, she rolled her suitcase out into the hallway and was gone.
Holy crap, we’re here.
Love,
Twinkle
Saturday, June 13
One fantabulous Ferris wheel ride later
My room
Dear Sofia Coppola, I know, I know. You’re probably dying to know who N is. But first, I must set the stage to tell the story.
So Papa dropped me off at the carnival. Right before I got out of the car, he looked at me and his eyebrows got all furrowed and he said, “Just you and Maddie? No boys?” I almost confessed everything right then and there because Papa was paying attention and he’d thought to ask, unlike another parent I have.
But if I told Papa the truth, he’d follow me around all night with that giant flashlight he keeps under his seat, and somehow I felt that might kill the atmosphere. I promised silently to tell him everything once N and I made it official instead.
After he was gone, I bought enough tickets for one ride and walked in. It was the usual hazy pink sky as dusk fell, the smell of fried stuff smothered in powdered sugar, people laughing and hooting and pushing past me. But it still felt magical. I felt different, like tonight all things were possible. Like every facet of my life would finally shape up and become clear.
For instance, the thing with Victoria showed me that not all non-groundlings are the arrogant, judgmental beasts I’d always thought them to be. (I never thought that about Neil, of course.) And maybe finally seeing N would put the Sahil problem to rest. Maybe I’d finally know what to do with my foolish heart.
It was weird, too, because as I walked, random boys kept looking at me. First I didn’t understand what that was about, but after the fourth one I realized: THEY WERE CHECKING ME OUT. This has never, ever happened to me on such a large scale before. Am I “hot” in this outfit, makeup, and hair?? Weird, especially considering not a single thing about me has changed. I just have some paint slapped on me.
I wound through the crowd and found the carousel. (It was hard to miss because of the music and also because the entire top hooded part of it had been covered in these twinkly lights.) I checked the watch I’d borrowed (read: stolen) from Mummy’s drawer: 7:50 p.m. I still had ten minutes. Was it uncool to get there ten minutes before my secret admirer? Probably. I thought about ducking into a nearby stall and waiting behind the stuffed animals, but decided that would be too weird, even for me. So, instead, I watched the little kids on the carousel.
It was pretty cool. Most of them had their eyes closed in total delight, like they were imagining themselves flying or something. Some of the more anxious ones kept their heads turned so they could see their parents at all times. I wondered which one I used to be when I was a kid. I had a feeling I was in the nervy group, constantly reaching for Mummy even if she didn’t want me to. That’s okay, though. Dadi always took her place.
Anyway, do you know they don’t just have horses and pumpkin carriages on carousels now? This one had some Pokémon and Adventure Time characters.
I glanced at my watch again. Only three minutes had passed. This was torture. My palms had literally begun to sweat.
“Get ready, folks!” a voice said on the loudspeaker, startling me. “In just a few minutes, we’re going to blow the horn and open the gates to the rides in this park for a full sixty seconds! That means you can ride for free, noooo tickets needed, as long as you get on the ride before the horn stops blowing! Once again, this is for every ride in the park!”
Huh. That might be fun. Maybe once N got here, we could do that. We could ride the spinning teacup ride thing and maybe he’d kiss me in it, setting my non-groundling future into full force.
Two more minutes left. He might be walking toward me at this very moment. I started to watch the kids again—and felt a big, warm hand on my elbow.
Twelve
Totally cheesy, but I swear time stopped in that moment. My breath caught in my throat. A loose curl blew across my face. I tucked it behind my ear, blinked, and slowly swiveled, the carousel music creating a perfectly surreal, magical backdrop. Sahil grinned down at me, debonair in a yellow button-down shirt with the sleeves rolled up and plaid shorts. I didn’t even think for a second that it might be Neil. I was getting to know all of Sahil’s little quirks, like that silly dimple-like divot on the bridge of his nose when he smiled. “Hey!”
I looked … like some magical fairy version of myself. My hair was in these long, loose curls that looked effortless (but obviously weren’t), and one side was clipped back. My eyes were huge and expressive, dark brown popping against the copper-colored eyeshadow. I had dangerously sharp cheekbones that looked like Maddie’s, and my acne scars—even the deep one on my nose—had been covered up.
“Concealer,” Victoria said when I ran a finger over it. “I have a kind that works for most skin tones.”
Something dawned on me. The reflection in the mirror? It was her. The future Twinkle I’d always dreamed about, the one who had ideas that other people listened to, the one who was cool because she made movies, not nerdy because she was always hiding behind a camera.
“This is … I don’t know what to say, Victoria,” I said, standing and facing her. “I feel … like a glossy version of myself, if that makes sense. Like I could go places the old me would never have been allowed.” Like your social circle, I wanted to say, but didn’t. Actually, I didn’t even know if that was strictly true anymore. Things were shifting somehow. Victoria was here, in my house, being a friend to me. She’d invited me to her parents’ cabin. Maybe the movie was magic, somehow doing what I’d never been able to do for myself.
“Makeup can do that,” Victoria said, nodding knowingly. “But, Twinkle, you don’t need it. It’s not a golden ticket. You could’ve gone to the carnival in sweats and I’m sure you’d still be able to charm this guy, whoever he is.”
I smiled. “Thanks. That’s sweet.”
“Ugh, don’t call me that,” Victoria said, making a face. “Speaking of makeup, I’m leaving the eyeshadow, blush, and lip gloss I used on you here if you ever want to try this stuff on your own. They don’t work on me anyway, and don’t worry, I always use disposable applicators, so it’s all hygienic.”
“Thank you,” I said, feeling shy all of a sudden. I know I’ve always been all about the groundlings and the silk feathered hats, but right then Victoria didn’t seem like a snob and I didn’t feel like a groundling. We were just two girls hanging out and bonding. “You’re like my teenaged fairy godmother. Only with makeup and hair spray.”
Victoria laughed. “Hey, I like that! I always knew I was special.” She winked and began packing up her stuff. “Now, get that dress on and go wow that boy, whoever he is.”
“I will. And, um …” I wasn’t going to say anything, but if there was ever a time, now was it. “I know you invited me to Hannah’s party, but Maddie—”
Victoria turned to me. “Don’t worry about Maddie. She’s just paranoid.”
“Paranoid?”
“Yeah. She thinks because Hannah doesn’t want you there, it’ll be weird or something. But it won’t. You’re my guest.”
“I don’t think she’s afraid it’s gonna be weird,” I said, trying not to let my hurt show. “I think she just doesn’t want me mixing with her friends.”
Victoria put her hands on her hips. “Well, she doesn’t get to make that decision alone.” After a pause, she said, “Besides, Hannah just needs a chance to get to know you. In fact, I always thought you were this mousy, weak girl with nothing to say—”
“Thanks,” I said, raising a combed and powdered eyebrow.
Victoria held up her hands. “—but you’re this cool, creative, film genius person! Hannah just needs to see that too. Don’t worry.”
“Okay. Thanks for real then.” I grinned at her. “I mean it. You’re pretty cool too.”
She smiled. “I know, right? Anyway, I’ll get out of here now so you can go meet Prince Charming.” Blowing me a kiss, she rolled her suitcase out into the hallway and was gone.
Holy crap, we’re here.
Love,
Twinkle
Saturday, June 13
One fantabulous Ferris wheel ride later
My room
Dear Sofia Coppola, I know, I know. You’re probably dying to know who N is. But first, I must set the stage to tell the story.
So Papa dropped me off at the carnival. Right before I got out of the car, he looked at me and his eyebrows got all furrowed and he said, “Just you and Maddie? No boys?” I almost confessed everything right then and there because Papa was paying attention and he’d thought to ask, unlike another parent I have.
But if I told Papa the truth, he’d follow me around all night with that giant flashlight he keeps under his seat, and somehow I felt that might kill the atmosphere. I promised silently to tell him everything once N and I made it official instead.
After he was gone, I bought enough tickets for one ride and walked in. It was the usual hazy pink sky as dusk fell, the smell of fried stuff smothered in powdered sugar, people laughing and hooting and pushing past me. But it still felt magical. I felt different, like tonight all things were possible. Like every facet of my life would finally shape up and become clear.
For instance, the thing with Victoria showed me that not all non-groundlings are the arrogant, judgmental beasts I’d always thought them to be. (I never thought that about Neil, of course.) And maybe finally seeing N would put the Sahil problem to rest. Maybe I’d finally know what to do with my foolish heart.
It was weird, too, because as I walked, random boys kept looking at me. First I didn’t understand what that was about, but after the fourth one I realized: THEY WERE CHECKING ME OUT. This has never, ever happened to me on such a large scale before. Am I “hot” in this outfit, makeup, and hair?? Weird, especially considering not a single thing about me has changed. I just have some paint slapped on me.
I wound through the crowd and found the carousel. (It was hard to miss because of the music and also because the entire top hooded part of it had been covered in these twinkly lights.) I checked the watch I’d borrowed (read: stolen) from Mummy’s drawer: 7:50 p.m. I still had ten minutes. Was it uncool to get there ten minutes before my secret admirer? Probably. I thought about ducking into a nearby stall and waiting behind the stuffed animals, but decided that would be too weird, even for me. So, instead, I watched the little kids on the carousel.
It was pretty cool. Most of them had their eyes closed in total delight, like they were imagining themselves flying or something. Some of the more anxious ones kept their heads turned so they could see their parents at all times. I wondered which one I used to be when I was a kid. I had a feeling I was in the nervy group, constantly reaching for Mummy even if she didn’t want me to. That’s okay, though. Dadi always took her place.
Anyway, do you know they don’t just have horses and pumpkin carriages on carousels now? This one had some Pokémon and Adventure Time characters.
I glanced at my watch again. Only three minutes had passed. This was torture. My palms had literally begun to sweat.
“Get ready, folks!” a voice said on the loudspeaker, startling me. “In just a few minutes, we’re going to blow the horn and open the gates to the rides in this park for a full sixty seconds! That means you can ride for free, noooo tickets needed, as long as you get on the ride before the horn stops blowing! Once again, this is for every ride in the park!”
Huh. That might be fun. Maybe once N got here, we could do that. We could ride the spinning teacup ride thing and maybe he’d kiss me in it, setting my non-groundling future into full force.
Two more minutes left. He might be walking toward me at this very moment. I started to watch the kids again—and felt a big, warm hand on my elbow.
Twelve
Totally cheesy, but I swear time stopped in that moment. My breath caught in my throat. A loose curl blew across my face. I tucked it behind my ear, blinked, and slowly swiveled, the carousel music creating a perfectly surreal, magical backdrop. Sahil grinned down at me, debonair in a yellow button-down shirt with the sleeves rolled up and plaid shorts. I didn’t even think for a second that it might be Neil. I was getting to know all of Sahil’s little quirks, like that silly dimple-like divot on the bridge of his nose when he smiled. “Hey!”
