Full Circle

Page 46

Those words should make Josiah fly, but instead they were like heavy rocks in the pit of his stomach. They all knew Tristan didn’t say those words often, even though they were true. The fact that he said them now, said them with sadness in his voice after sleeping in his office, Mateo still nowhere in sight, made Josiah shiver.
“I know. We both do. And we love you.”
Josiah stood in the same spot, minutes after Tristan disappeared into their bedroom. Tension rolled through Josiah as he waited, wondered what the hell was going on. Yes, Mateo had been upset about the thing with his PO yesterday, but Tristan had no reason to be acting like this... unless it came from Mateo. What if Teo left? What if he ran again?
Josiah jerked around, taking quick steps to the living room. No, Mateo wouldn’t leave. Tristan would have told him if he had. The truth was, he probably overreacted. He’d been known to do that. And with the way things had gone the past twenty-four hours, it would make sense.
“Teo?” The couch, Josiah could see, was empty, but as he got closer to the one with its back to him, he saw movement.
“Yeah?” His voice was raspy, telling Josiah he’d been asleep.
“Why’d you sleep out here?” Josiah sat beside him, feeling Mateo tense up.
“Woke up and couldn’t go back to sleep. I didn’t want to wake you up.”
“So you happen to sleep on the couch the only night Tristan sleeps in his office?” It was easier to get things out of Mateo than it would be Tristan. Tristan kept himself closed off more, and even though he hated using this against Teo, the truth was, he knew Teo had a harder time denying him anything.
Mateo moaned, sat up and dropped his head backward against the couch. He didn’t look at Josiah when he spoke. “People argue. It’s not that big a deal, Jay. I’ll fix it. I promise you.” With that he rolled his head to the side, still leaning back. His hair was a mess, like he’d run his hands through it over and over.
“Fix what?” he asked, the sour feeling in his stomach getting worse.
At that, Teo gave him a smile. It wasn’t the same smile he’d grown accustom to seeing on his lover’s face lately. “Whatever I have to. You know I’ll always do whatever I have to do to make things okay.”
The problem was, Josiah didn’t want him to. They were both like that, Teo and Tristan. They would both try and fix things on their own, and they needed to do it together. The three of them.
It was then that Tristan came around the corner. He obviously had taken an extremely quick shower, and came out in only a pair of slacks. Mateo turned, his eyes on Tristan. Tristan returned his stare. The look held a world of emotions that Josiah didn’t understand, none of them good.
Josiah pushed to his feet. “What the hell is going on? What happened last night?”
“We had a disagreement. It doesn’t change anything, does it Mateo?” Tristan said.
“Not how we feel,” Mateo answered, but neither of them would look at each other. They both kept their eyes on Josiah. He felt stuck between demanding more information and letting it go. Like he told Rhonda, it was everything to be able to hold them together, to keep their circle intact, but then, would they ever truly get where they needed to be if he always pushed? If they didn’t learn to open up on their own?
“Let’s go to the Wharf this morning. We’ll walk and feed the birds together,” Josiah told them.
This time, Mateo looked at Tristan, and Tristan back at Mateo. Something passed between them again, and then Teo turned back Josiah’s way. “I can’t, mi precioso. Not right now. I just...fuck, I got some shit to work through. You two go. I’m gonna head next door and develop some pictures. I’ll be back later.”
Tristan didn’t say a word, didn’t try to stop Mateo as he stood and walked out.
“It’s me. He’s angry at me and he doesn’t know how to handle it.” Tristan shook his head. “You go. We’ll talk tonight. I have to go to work and deal with a few things.”
And then Tristan turned and headed back toward their room. Josiah stood there a moment, then went to the kitchen and started coffee. He sat at the table, drinking a cup. He was on his second when he heard Tristan leave the bedroom and the front door close.
All the progress they had made felt like it’d all been wiped out, and Josiah didn’t understand why. They were beginning to unravel, their circle cracking, and he hoped like hell he could find a way to keep it from breaking into all the different pieces they had been before they’d gotten together.