Full Circle

Page 63

“You say I’m the strongest person you know, then prove it, Teo. And you, too, Tris. We all play our roles. That’s why we work. I get that, and I would never want to change it, but we have to be able to lift each other as well. When you two were breaking apart, I didn’t have the tools to hold us together. I couldn’t make our pieces fit because I didn’t understand what had broken.”
“Jay, you’re what we need. Always.”
Josiah shook his head. “It’s not about jealousy. You don’t think I know you both love me? You don’t think I want you to have things you share between you? That’s all I’ve wanted. It’s the only way we work. I have pieces of Tristan you will never have, and parts of you Tristan doesn’t get. You both have the same with me, but you need it with each other as well. I get that. I worked to make that happen, because balance is the only way this can work. We have parts of us that belong to different pairs...but the main part is our whole. The things we all share together. That can’t stay intact if the other pieces aren’t in unison.”
Josiah took a deep breath and continued. “Sometimes I wake up at night alone in bed, and I know the two of you are in Tristan’s office talking. You both have so much pain inside you, and I get that those memories and emotions need to be shared with each other. I know that there are some things the two of you will bond over in a way I won’t because we see the world differently. But you have to trust me enough to be honest with me when you need to. When we’re dealing with something that affects all three of us, we should all know.
“It’s not about protecting me then. I know that’s what you both want, and damn, I love that about you, but not when it hurts us. There are certain things, things that affect our whole, that you can’t try and protect me from. Our relationship can’t be about unequal parts. It’s about our whole. I can’t hold us together when I don’t know the shape of our pieces.”
In that moment, Mateo knew everything Josiah said was right. It was so fucking hard, though, knowing when to let that instinct to protect go, but he had to learn. Because Jay was right. He could handle it. It was Mateo who couldn’t handle worrying about Josiah. They always said Josiah was their glue, their light, but how could he be if they weren’t his match? If they didn’t ignite him, keep him aflame?
Before Mateo could speak, Tristan said, “I had someone following Javier. I just...I don’t know why. I think I needed to be your hero. A hero to you both. My mom was looking for that her whole life, and she never found it. I didn’t protect her, so I wanted to be sure I protected the two of you. He knows things about Mateo that could hurt him, and he’s the reason Mateo hurt you. I just wanted to make sure he wouldn’t hurt us again.”
Josiah’s eyebrows pulled together in confusion.
“I found something out...” Tristan looked at Mateo now. He fisted his hands, held his breath, because he knew he would get more of the puzzle now as well. And he also realized that once Mateo knew, he probably would wish he didn’t.
As if he sensed it, Josiah grabbed Teo’s wrist and held him. He had one hand on both Mateo and Tristan as they continued to kneel in front of him.
“I’m sorry,” Tristan said to Mateo. “This won’t change things. I won’t allow you to let it, Mateo. It doesn’t change the things you’ve done for him. It doesn’t change how well you’ve always loved him.”
Despite the layer of ice covering him, those words somehow made their way past the cold and into Mateo. That’s what he wanted, to love them well.
“Promise me.” Tristan used one of his hands to hold Mateo’s face. “Promise Josiah you won’t let this drown you. Josiah’s right, it takes all three of us to make a full circle.”
Mateo nodded once, hoping like hell he could keep his word.
“The attack, the night Josiah was hurt...Javier set that up. He knew where Mateo was the whole time. I don’t know why, but—”
“What the fuck do you mean?” Mateo jerked back. “Those motherfuckers who tried to rape him?” Who tried to kill him? “That doesn’t make sense. They weren’t demons.”
Mateo couldn’t keep still, so he paced the room.
“I don’t know the why of it, but it’s true. He set it up, to get you back into the gang.”
Dios. He didn’t know how he knew Tristan was right, but he did. Pieces started to fit into place. That night, things had been so fucked up, Teo had been held up. Too much went down to make Mateo late that night, but why? Why the fuck would Javier do that?