Full Circle

Page 7

“Fuck,” Mateo mumbled, pulling farther away and sitting on the edge of the bed. His leg started to bounce, his head in his hands and his elbows on his legs.
The room was thick with tension, though Josiah didn’t understand why.
“That’s what today’s been about, huh? We were gonna play this happy fuckin’ family today because you knew all along shit was about to get fucked up. It’s my ass on the line. If I want to risk it, you should let me.”
Josiah sat up. Tristan didn’t move as Josiah spoke. “This isn’t a bad thing, Teo. We move to an apartment by Rhonda. What’s the difference? Plus, it’ll be our place since we’re all going into it together.”
Mateo didn’t reply to him, but Tristan continued. “It’s not just your ass on the line, though. And it would be stupid to screw up your probation when you only have a year. We can handle a year.”
Those words filled Josiah’s heart, the fact that Tristan was making long term plans for them, but the other part of what Tristan said made his skin clammy.
“It doesn’t risk your ass as long as there’s no record I’m living with you. We move, and I get rid of my place, and that’s when we have to worry about it coming down on you. I won’t fuck with your career like that. Who cares if it comes down on me?” Mateo pushed to his feet.
“What?” Josiah asked, but then little puzzle pieces started to fill in, making a picture that he wondered why he hadn’t fully seen before. “You can get in trouble at work by being with Mateo, can’t you?” Yeah, a prosecutor being with someone on probation, fresh out of prison and with gang ties, couldn’t be something that happened every day, but could Tristan lose his job over Teo?
“Shit.” Tristan eased away from Josiah and sat on the edge of the bed. Mateo paced back and forth across the room. “I won’t lose my position. I’m not going to let that happen. We have less than a year to worry about. We’re getting two apartments next door to each other—”
“Wait. What?” Josiah interrupted. Now his pulse was going crazy. Tristan had his finger to his, no doubt counting. And Mateo was pulling away. Shutting down.
“One will be in my name, one will be in Josiah’s. You’ll tell your PO that you’re renting a room from Josiah. It’s appearances only, Mateo. We’ll all still be in the same bed every night, but if someone stops by during the day, I’m borrowing a cup of sugar.”
Neither Josiah nor Mateo laughed at Tristan’s attempt at a joke.
“Fuck!” Mateo shouted.
Tristan’s eyes closed, and he mouthed, one, two, three, four, five.
Five minutes ago, they were making love. A couple hours ago, they were laughing and talking. And now Tristan was counting, and Teo ready to bolt. Hadn’t they gotten over the hard parts yet? Didn’t they deserve things to settle down?
“Tris.” Josiah laid a hand on Tristan’s shoulder.
“I’m fine,” he whispered, opening his eyes. “This makes sense. It’s the best way.”
He loved Tristan more for their relationship being important enough for him to put this much thought into it.
“Go to him,” Tristan told Josiah.
Josiah kissed him, got off the bed, and went to Mateo. His lover shook his head as Josiah approached, but then grabbed onto the back of Josiah’s neck and pulled him closer when Josiah didn’t back away. “That’s not how this was supposed to work. I wasn’t supposed to make shit harder. I wasn’t supposed to fuck shit up.” He turned to Tristan but still held Josiah. A month ago, he probably would have walked out.
“I can’t let you risk your career for me. It’s less than a year. I can live by myself till—”
“No!” Tristan cut Mateo off. They both stared at each other, neither moving, neither giving in. But those were his men. Stubborn. When things didn’t go as planned, they closed off, making an ache form in Josiah’s chest. Building a wall between them that Josiah would do whatever he had to do to knock down.
Josiah stared at Teo as he spoke. “That’s what you do when you love someone, Teo. You make sacrifices. Look how many things you’ve sacrificed for me.” He’d turned into what he hated for Josiah. He’d hurt. He’d killed. He’d been alone for nine years.
Josiah grabbed Mateo’s hand. He was surprised when his man went easily, following him over as they both stopped in front of Tristan.
“I hurt you, Jay. And what have I done for Tristan? Pushed my way into your house, into your relationship? It’s cool. I’ll be okay, mi precioso. I’m not runnin’. I promised you I wouldn’t run. I’m just not gonna let him lose what he fought for, for me. I’m not gonna make you uproot your life because of my shit.”