Full Contact
Page 94
Swallowing my fears, I stiffen my spine and push past him into the apartment. “I need to speak to you. I’ll take five minutes of your time and then I’ll leave.”
He nods and closes the door, turning to lean against it, his thick arms folded. “Okay.”
“Okay.” My hands clench and unclench by my sides. He’s wearing the sexiest damn pajama pants I’ve ever seen, navy blue with the Redemption logo on the side, tight in all the right places, and nothing else.
The nothing else is distracting. I feast my gaze on the hard planes of his chest, the solid ripple of muscle in his abs. So delicious I want to lick him all over.
“Sia?” His soft voice draws me away from that fantasy.
My cheeks flame. “Sorry.”
“You want a drink?” He peels himself away from the door and brushes past me as he heads toward the kitchen. My body heats, trembles at his touch, and I follow him across the floor.
“I’m not drinking anymore.”
Ray pauses beside the fridge. Frowns. “Water?”
“Sure. Water is good.”
“You want to eat something?” He fills a water glass from the tap and hands it to me, the slight touch of his finger sending a zing of electricity through me.
“I’m…uh…not really eating anymore either.”
He stills, then plucks the water glass from my hand and places it on the counter. “What’s going on?”
My heart bangs in my chest, and I curl my fingers around the cool concrete counter. “I…I’m…pregnant,” I blurt out. “That night in the rain. I missed my pill the next day, and then I was in the hospital, and by the time I told them, it was too late to catch up.”
His eyes darken almost to black and a sliver of panic winds its way through my heart. “I didn’t mean for it to happen, but I want this baby. After what happened to me, I never thought I’d be able to have children, and to me it’s an incredible gift.”
He stares, silent, unmoving. His face gives nothing away. Although I had prepared myself for rejection, I can’t help my heart from sinking through the floor, nor can I help the ball of sorrow from lodging itself in my chest.
“I’m not asking you to be involved unless you want to be,” I say quickly, desperate now to get out. “I’ve taken the job at Redemption, so I’ll have enough to get by, and my parents decided to downsize, so they don’t need financial help.” I’m babbling, but I can’t stop. “I just…thought it was the right thing to do to let you know. I love you. More than anything I want to have this baby with you. I’m not afraid anymore. Not of you. Not of your job. Not of me. Jess made me realize I’m a survivor. And tomorrow, I’m going to testify against Luke at his trial and I’ll really be able to put the past behind me.”
He still hasn’t moved from the kitchen. A sob wells up in my throat and I turn for the door. “Good-bye, Ray.”
“Don’t go.”
“What did you say?”
“You don’t go. You don’t leave. You don’t walk away.” His voice, deep and raw, slides over me like a warm blanket. Hope flutters in my chest, and I turn around and find myself in his arms.
“Did you really think I would let you leave?” He kisses my forehead, then cups my jaw in his hand, brushing his thumb over my cheek.
“You did before.”
“Biggest fucking mistake of my life.” He teases my mouth open, grazing his tongue along the seam of my lips. My fingers curl into his shoulders, and I lean up for more. He tastes lemony and sweet. He tastes of Ray.
I arch closer to him, my body coming alive at the feel of those hard muscles against me. I want him so badly, I can barely breathe, and yet I need to clear the air.
“What I said at the hospital…about you breaking your promise and not being fast enough. That was wrong of me, and I’m sorry. It wasn’t your fault and yet you took all the blame.”
“I’ve always blamed myself.” He buries his face in my neck. “For Scott. For Lisa. For you. For not being there when the people I cared about most needed me. I wanted to be worthy for once in my life. Worthy of your love.”
“You have my love,” I whisper in his ear. “I love you. And although there is nothing to forgive, I forgive you. But you need to forgive yourself and move on, just like I’m going to do. Not just for me, but for Scott and Lisa. For our baby.” I slide my hand down his chest to rest over his heart, where we cut him together that night in the rain. “That’s what the pain is about, isn’t it? Guilt. If we have any hope for a future together, you have to let it go.”
He frowns. “It’s not that easy.”
“Come with me.” I clasp Ray’s hand and lead him to the alcove. Then I slip off my dress and underwear and hold out my arms. “Make love to me. Kiss me. Hold me. Hug me. Take me. But do it without the pain.”
Ray groans. “It’s been so long, and I want you so bad. I might be rough.”
“I can handle rough.”
“And I’m gonna be hard.”
“I love it hard.”
“And fast.”
This time I laugh. “Not if I have anything to say about it.”
Ray takes me in his arms. “I’m gonna give it to you sweet, beautiful girl. Soft and sweet.”
Nuzzling his neck, I murmur, “What about the pain?”
He nods and closes the door, turning to lean against it, his thick arms folded. “Okay.”
“Okay.” My hands clench and unclench by my sides. He’s wearing the sexiest damn pajama pants I’ve ever seen, navy blue with the Redemption logo on the side, tight in all the right places, and nothing else.
The nothing else is distracting. I feast my gaze on the hard planes of his chest, the solid ripple of muscle in his abs. So delicious I want to lick him all over.
“Sia?” His soft voice draws me away from that fantasy.
My cheeks flame. “Sorry.”
“You want a drink?” He peels himself away from the door and brushes past me as he heads toward the kitchen. My body heats, trembles at his touch, and I follow him across the floor.
“I’m not drinking anymore.”
Ray pauses beside the fridge. Frowns. “Water?”
“Sure. Water is good.”
“You want to eat something?” He fills a water glass from the tap and hands it to me, the slight touch of his finger sending a zing of electricity through me.
“I’m…uh…not really eating anymore either.”
He stills, then plucks the water glass from my hand and places it on the counter. “What’s going on?”
My heart bangs in my chest, and I curl my fingers around the cool concrete counter. “I…I’m…pregnant,” I blurt out. “That night in the rain. I missed my pill the next day, and then I was in the hospital, and by the time I told them, it was too late to catch up.”
His eyes darken almost to black and a sliver of panic winds its way through my heart. “I didn’t mean for it to happen, but I want this baby. After what happened to me, I never thought I’d be able to have children, and to me it’s an incredible gift.”
He stares, silent, unmoving. His face gives nothing away. Although I had prepared myself for rejection, I can’t help my heart from sinking through the floor, nor can I help the ball of sorrow from lodging itself in my chest.
“I’m not asking you to be involved unless you want to be,” I say quickly, desperate now to get out. “I’ve taken the job at Redemption, so I’ll have enough to get by, and my parents decided to downsize, so they don’t need financial help.” I’m babbling, but I can’t stop. “I just…thought it was the right thing to do to let you know. I love you. More than anything I want to have this baby with you. I’m not afraid anymore. Not of you. Not of your job. Not of me. Jess made me realize I’m a survivor. And tomorrow, I’m going to testify against Luke at his trial and I’ll really be able to put the past behind me.”
He still hasn’t moved from the kitchen. A sob wells up in my throat and I turn for the door. “Good-bye, Ray.”
“Don’t go.”
“What did you say?”
“You don’t go. You don’t leave. You don’t walk away.” His voice, deep and raw, slides over me like a warm blanket. Hope flutters in my chest, and I turn around and find myself in his arms.
“Did you really think I would let you leave?” He kisses my forehead, then cups my jaw in his hand, brushing his thumb over my cheek.
“You did before.”
“Biggest fucking mistake of my life.” He teases my mouth open, grazing his tongue along the seam of my lips. My fingers curl into his shoulders, and I lean up for more. He tastes lemony and sweet. He tastes of Ray.
I arch closer to him, my body coming alive at the feel of those hard muscles against me. I want him so badly, I can barely breathe, and yet I need to clear the air.
“What I said at the hospital…about you breaking your promise and not being fast enough. That was wrong of me, and I’m sorry. It wasn’t your fault and yet you took all the blame.”
“I’ve always blamed myself.” He buries his face in my neck. “For Scott. For Lisa. For you. For not being there when the people I cared about most needed me. I wanted to be worthy for once in my life. Worthy of your love.”
“You have my love,” I whisper in his ear. “I love you. And although there is nothing to forgive, I forgive you. But you need to forgive yourself and move on, just like I’m going to do. Not just for me, but for Scott and Lisa. For our baby.” I slide my hand down his chest to rest over his heart, where we cut him together that night in the rain. “That’s what the pain is about, isn’t it? Guilt. If we have any hope for a future together, you have to let it go.”
He frowns. “It’s not that easy.”
“Come with me.” I clasp Ray’s hand and lead him to the alcove. Then I slip off my dress and underwear and hold out my arms. “Make love to me. Kiss me. Hold me. Hug me. Take me. But do it without the pain.”
Ray groans. “It’s been so long, and I want you so bad. I might be rough.”
“I can handle rough.”
“And I’m gonna be hard.”
“I love it hard.”
“And fast.”
This time I laugh. “Not if I have anything to say about it.”
Ray takes me in his arms. “I’m gonna give it to you sweet, beautiful girl. Soft and sweet.”
Nuzzling his neck, I murmur, “What about the pain?”
