Fyre

Page 91

Nursie’s voice came echoing along the corridor. “Merrin! Tell them we’re full!”
“Mum! Help!” Merrin at last managed a small yell.
Thud, thud, thud came the sound of hobnail boots on floorboards: mummy monster was coming to rescue her baby. “Oi, what’s going on? You let go, you great big bully!”
“Ouch!” yelled Jim Knee.
A large fist landed square on the jinnee’s nose, which was still very sore from hitting the bollard. To Septimus’s dismay, Jim Knee collapsed in a heap on the doorstep. Septimus leaped forward and grabbed hold of his jinnee’s collar—a greasy affair that protruded over the purple cloak.
“Get up, you idiot,” he hissed. Merrin stared at Septimus in amazement. He would never have dared call his old Master that.
A shadow fell across Septimus. He looked up and saw the substantial bulk of Nursie looming over him. “Get that horrible man away from my Merrin,” she told Septimus. Nursie took in Simon. “And you can buzz off too. Blasted Heaps. Nothing but trouble.” She turned to Merrin, who was leaning against the doorway, pale as a ghost. “Are you all right, my precious?” she asked.
Merrin nodded weakly.
It was at that moment that the door to the Port Witch Coven was wrenched open and the Witch Mother staggered out. “Master!” came the loud rasp of her voice. All on the doorstep turned in amazement to watch the Witch Mother—a round barrel of black robes smelling of cat poo—clatter precariously across to the Doll House in her tall, spiked shoes. The Witch Mother’s face, creased from sleeping in her thick white makeup (which covered her allergy to woodworm) was set in an expression of extreme humbleness. She grabbed hold of the Doll House railings and hauled herself up, heading for Simon and Jim Knee. Jim Knee stared at the Witch Mother in horror. He did not like witches.
Neither did Nursie. “And you can buzz off too, you old carcass,” Nursie informed the Witch Mother, and gave her a push. The Witch Mother wobbled precariously and grabbed hold of Simon to stop herself falling. Simon pushed her away and the Witch Mother clattered back against the railings.
Alther watched in dismay as a full-scale brawl threatened to break out on the doorstep of the Doll House. He decided to Appear, making himself as opaque as possible, for he was sure that Nursie was one of those who never normally saw ghosts.
“Madam,” he said.
“What?” demanded Nursie.
“There seems to be some kind of misunderstanding.”
“I understand perfectly. This horrible old baggage.” Nursie stabbed her finger on Jim Knee’s nose for emphasis.
“Ouch!”
“Not only kidnapped my little boy when he was a baby but now he has the nerve to come back and try it all over again. Well, I’m not having it. Not this time.”
“Madam,” said Alther. “Please let me explain. We have come to help your son; he is in grave danger from—”
“Him!” Nursie poked at Jim Knee again for emphasis.
“Ouch!”
“And he is lucky I don’t do worse than poke—”
“Ouch!”
“Him—”
“Ouch!”
“In—”
“Ouch!”
“The—”
“Ouch!”
“Nose.”
“Ouch, ouch, ouch!”
The Witch Mother watched Nursie’s treatment of DomDaniel in amazement. A new respect for her neighbor began to dawn. “Er . . . Nursie,” she ventured.
“What now?” demanded Nursie.
“Please accept my most humble apologies for any inconvenience that the Coven may have caused you in the past and my assurances that we will do all we can in the future to assist you in any way. Any way at all . . .” The Witch Mother made an awkward bow to Nursie.
Nursie was on a roll. Her enemies were falling before her like bowling pins and she was going to make the most of it. “And you, you smelly old bat—you can buzz off an’ all,” she snapped at the Witch Mother.
The Witch Mother continued bowing frantically and began to back away. “Yes, thank you. I will indeed buzz off as you so kindly suggest.”
The motley group on the doorstep of the Doll House watched the Witch Mother totter back next door, lift the Darke Toad doorknocker and let it go with a bang. The door opened and the Witch Mother staggered inside. As soon as the door to the Port Witch Coven closed Septimus told Jim Knee to Transform. There was a flash of yellow light on Nursie’s doorstep and DomDaniel was gone; in his place stood an exotic-looking man dressed in yellow holding his red, swollen nose.