Gabe
Page 59
Afterward, Eli deposits me on the couch while he packs a bag. And I don’t argue. All I want is to curl up and sleep and there’s no way I can sleep here after what happened. I make sure he brings my laptop and enough clothes to last for a week.
Luckily I know without even asking that Kay and Eli won’t mind if I stay with them for a while. My living room looks like it’s been through a food processor. Until I can order new furniture, there's no point in going back to my place.
I’m in a state of shock the entire drive to Eli’s house. Even though it’s the middle of the night, Kay must have been watching from the window because as soon as we pull into the driveway, she comes out of the house. Just the sight of her unravels the tenuous thread around my emotions. I lose it all over again. Kaylee is a born nurturer so she holds me and rocks me back and forth while I bawl like a baby. She takes me straight upstairs and I crawl in bed and cry myself to sleep.
When I wake up again early morning light fills the room. To my surprise Kay is on the other side of the bed. That makes me feel both grateful and pathetic.
”Kay, you didn't have to stay with me. I'm sure Eli wasn't happy sleeping alone."
"Eli is a big boy. He'll be just fine. You on the other hand, are not. I heard you crying in your sleep. I’m so sorry this happened to you."
Tears start anew at the thought. I’m not just crying because someone violated my home but because all I really want is Gabe. I let my guard down and trusted someone for the first time in a long time. But he’s not at all the person I thought he was. All I can do is mourn the loss of the love I thought was real.
Kay looks stricken as I wipe my cheeks.
"Oh sweetie. That day when we came to tell you about Gabe, you seemed like you knew everything.“
I smile through my tears. “I thought I did. But I just thought he stole cars. I didn’t know he was like the man who scammed my father. People like that steal so much more than money. They steal your dreams. And your ability to ever trust anyone again. He was just playing me the whole time. Like it was a game and he was just amusing himself by seeing how naive I could be.”
She reaches across and grabs my hand. We used to sleep like this when we were little girls and spent the night at each other's houses. I was afraid of the dark for an embarrassingly long time but Kay never made fun of me for needing the nightlight. She was my comfort then.
I feel so lucky that she's still here to comfort me now.
"Come on. You slept through breakfast and I didn't want to wake you. But you need to eat something."
She coaxes me to the kitchen and then makes me soup and a grilled cheese sandwich. I didn't think I was that hungry but before long I'm devouring my food. A warm sense of comfort rolls through me. After lunch we curl up on the couch and watch some television.
Eli comes in at some point, watching me with a worried look. I force a smile to let him know that I'm okay. Although I'm pretty sure I won't be okay for a while. I thought I'd found someone that understood me and appreciated all that I am. Finding out that wasn't real was a greater blow than I could have imagined.
I've gotten over humiliation and failure many times before but this feels like drowning.
* * * * *
The next few days are more of the same. Kay has several recording sessions and I force her to go so she can't hover over me the whole time. It's a little better when I'm alone. I listen to music and read some of the books on my e-reader that I haven't had time to get to before. Keeping myself busy gives me a break from thinking too hard. But nothing helps me at night. All the distractions in the world don't keep the dreams away.
It's a week later when I've finally had enough. When I wake up I immediately push the covers back. I still have the desire to cry but I shove it down deep. Maybe it's because I've spent so much of the last few months wallowing in humiliation but I am over it.
I am stronger than this.
Gabe lied and that hurts but the things I've learned about myself aren't dependent on how I feel about him. I am smart and I do have good ideas. My greatest strength is my willingness to laugh at myself and make the best of whatever situation I'm in. So that's what I'm going to do.
When I enter the kitchen, Kay and Eli are sitting around the breakfast table.
"Morning." I sit and try to ignore their shocked looks.
I've been alternately weepy and depressed for the last week so I'm sure my sudden chipper mood is a little strange. Eli watches me closely like he's afraid I'm going to start sobbing at any moment.
"Good morning. Here, I know how much you love pancakes." Kay brings me a plate with pancakes and bacon. The smell surrounds me and my stomach growls. I drown the stack on my plate with syrup.
“This is great." I glance over at Eli. "You get to eat like this every day? You are so lucky."
Eli just hums and then shovels another forkful of pancake in his mouth. Since Eli has a stack on his plate that's twice as big as mine, I know he agrees. No one cooks like Kay.
Kay sits across from us and snags a piece of bacon off the plate in the middle of the table. "Breakfast is the most important meal. And I think we can all use a little pick me up right about now."
Kay and Eli talk about random things but my mind isn't on any of it. After we clean up the table from breakfast, I take a quick shower and try to make my hair look presentable. I glance over at my cell phone. No calls. No texts. Nothing. I put my phone in my pocket.
Luckily I know without even asking that Kay and Eli won’t mind if I stay with them for a while. My living room looks like it’s been through a food processor. Until I can order new furniture, there's no point in going back to my place.
I’m in a state of shock the entire drive to Eli’s house. Even though it’s the middle of the night, Kay must have been watching from the window because as soon as we pull into the driveway, she comes out of the house. Just the sight of her unravels the tenuous thread around my emotions. I lose it all over again. Kaylee is a born nurturer so she holds me and rocks me back and forth while I bawl like a baby. She takes me straight upstairs and I crawl in bed and cry myself to sleep.
When I wake up again early morning light fills the room. To my surprise Kay is on the other side of the bed. That makes me feel both grateful and pathetic.
”Kay, you didn't have to stay with me. I'm sure Eli wasn't happy sleeping alone."
"Eli is a big boy. He'll be just fine. You on the other hand, are not. I heard you crying in your sleep. I’m so sorry this happened to you."
Tears start anew at the thought. I’m not just crying because someone violated my home but because all I really want is Gabe. I let my guard down and trusted someone for the first time in a long time. But he’s not at all the person I thought he was. All I can do is mourn the loss of the love I thought was real.
Kay looks stricken as I wipe my cheeks.
"Oh sweetie. That day when we came to tell you about Gabe, you seemed like you knew everything.“
I smile through my tears. “I thought I did. But I just thought he stole cars. I didn’t know he was like the man who scammed my father. People like that steal so much more than money. They steal your dreams. And your ability to ever trust anyone again. He was just playing me the whole time. Like it was a game and he was just amusing himself by seeing how naive I could be.”
She reaches across and grabs my hand. We used to sleep like this when we were little girls and spent the night at each other's houses. I was afraid of the dark for an embarrassingly long time but Kay never made fun of me for needing the nightlight. She was my comfort then.
I feel so lucky that she's still here to comfort me now.
"Come on. You slept through breakfast and I didn't want to wake you. But you need to eat something."
She coaxes me to the kitchen and then makes me soup and a grilled cheese sandwich. I didn't think I was that hungry but before long I'm devouring my food. A warm sense of comfort rolls through me. After lunch we curl up on the couch and watch some television.
Eli comes in at some point, watching me with a worried look. I force a smile to let him know that I'm okay. Although I'm pretty sure I won't be okay for a while. I thought I'd found someone that understood me and appreciated all that I am. Finding out that wasn't real was a greater blow than I could have imagined.
I've gotten over humiliation and failure many times before but this feels like drowning.
* * * * *
The next few days are more of the same. Kay has several recording sessions and I force her to go so she can't hover over me the whole time. It's a little better when I'm alone. I listen to music and read some of the books on my e-reader that I haven't had time to get to before. Keeping myself busy gives me a break from thinking too hard. But nothing helps me at night. All the distractions in the world don't keep the dreams away.
It's a week later when I've finally had enough. When I wake up I immediately push the covers back. I still have the desire to cry but I shove it down deep. Maybe it's because I've spent so much of the last few months wallowing in humiliation but I am over it.
I am stronger than this.
Gabe lied and that hurts but the things I've learned about myself aren't dependent on how I feel about him. I am smart and I do have good ideas. My greatest strength is my willingness to laugh at myself and make the best of whatever situation I'm in. So that's what I'm going to do.
When I enter the kitchen, Kay and Eli are sitting around the breakfast table.
"Morning." I sit and try to ignore their shocked looks.
I've been alternately weepy and depressed for the last week so I'm sure my sudden chipper mood is a little strange. Eli watches me closely like he's afraid I'm going to start sobbing at any moment.
"Good morning. Here, I know how much you love pancakes." Kay brings me a plate with pancakes and bacon. The smell surrounds me and my stomach growls. I drown the stack on my plate with syrup.
“This is great." I glance over at Eli. "You get to eat like this every day? You are so lucky."
Eli just hums and then shovels another forkful of pancake in his mouth. Since Eli has a stack on his plate that's twice as big as mine, I know he agrees. No one cooks like Kay.
Kay sits across from us and snags a piece of bacon off the plate in the middle of the table. "Breakfast is the most important meal. And I think we can all use a little pick me up right about now."
Kay and Eli talk about random things but my mind isn't on any of it. After we clean up the table from breakfast, I take a quick shower and try to make my hair look presentable. I glance over at my cell phone. No calls. No texts. Nothing. I put my phone in my pocket.
