Games of the Heart
Page 43
It was then I realized I was breathing heavily.
And through that, I forced out, “Mike, you don’t want kids. I do. Not a little. A whole lot. I’m not going to –”
He cut me off with, “How many?”
I blinked and asked, “What?”
“How many kids do you want?”
“Perfect world, two. But I’d take one.”
“This works out, we’d make beautiful babies.”
It was then I realized I wasn’t breathing at all.
With effort, I forced out, “Are you serious?”
“Are you serious that you want kids?” he shot back.
I nodded.
“Then yes.”
“But how can you change your mind just like that?” I asked.
“Honey, you ran away from me nearly three weeks ago. It was not ‘just like that’. Dreams don’t happen and that’s it. You have to feed them and keep them alive. And if kids feed you, it would far from suck to give you that. Do I want to be a new Dad in my forties? Fuck no. If I get my dream, am I willing to feed it what it needs? Absolutely.”
I didn’t know what to do with this. I couldn’t even process it.
“But you don’t want to be a new Dad in your forties,” I reminded him of something he just then told me.
His arm got tighter, he pushed me deeper into the wall and his voice got lower when he said, “This is the deal, Angel. You…ran…away from me. And I tasted regret for the first time in my life. And that didn’t sting, it f**kin’ killed. So you need to know this. You want kids, I’ll give them to you and, trust me, sweetheart, I’ll be happy. I like kids and, like I said, you and me’ll make beautiful ones. Now, I can’t move until Reesee is in college. After that, you want Texas, I’ll be there. Before that, we’ll find some way to deal.”
“Mike,” I whispered, “we’ve known each other in real-life terms for a day.”
“No, Dusty. I’ve loved you since you were twelve and I’ve read your diaries, you can’t deny you felt the same f**kin’ thing. You weren’t old enough then for my thoughts to go there but we both know that bond started then and we both know just how it changed when it snapped tight in that hotel room. I’m not saying we drop to the floor right now and start tryin’ for a baby and I’m not askin’ you to marry me. I am sayin’ that I care about you, I do it deeply and I have for a really f**kin’ long time. We’re gonna explore this and I hope to God the feelin’ I got is not wrong because I tried time and again to make it feel wrong but all it ever felt was right.”
I stared into his dark brown eyes that, throughout this, never left mine.
Then I whispered, “I can’t go through that again, what you did to me.”
“I won’t make you.”
“Mike –”
His head dropped so his lips were nearly on mine and his eyes were so close they were all I could see.
“I won’t make you.”
God, his words were a rumbly growl I felt against my skin where, I swear, it felt like they were seeping in, entering my bloodstream, warm and sweet.
I heard my cell ring and my eyes went from Mike’s to his shoulder since he was so close I couldn’t see around him.
“Leave it,” he ordered and I looked back up at him.
“I can’t,” I said softly. “Rhonda isn’t good. The boys are out at a movie with her tonight and if –”
He let me go but immediately grabbed my hand and walked me to the coffee table where my phone was.
We both looked down at the display.
“Not the boys,” Mike stated on a mutter but I saw who was on the display. My chest seized, my mind went blank with fury and even with my hand still held in Mike’s, I bent, snatched it up and used my thumb to take the call.
Then I put it to my ear.
“You’re on drugs having the gall to call me,” I said to my bitchface sister and felt Mike’s hand tighten in mine even as his body drew nearer.
“Nice,” she hissed.
“Unless you’re calling to apologize for what you’ve been doing to Rhonda and how you’ve flipped out Fin, I have not one thing to say to you,” I announced.
“Oh yes you do. I own a quarter of that farm and –” she started.
“I’m buying you out,” I declared and Mike got even closer.
“Do you think I’d let you buy me out?” Debbie hooted in my ear.
“I do,” I fired back. “Because if you don’t, I’m hunting your bitch ass down, tying you to a chair and torturing you until you sign your quarter of the farm to me.”
I got that out then was not able to say another word or hear my sister’s reply because the phone suddenly wasn’t in my hand, it was in Mike’s. Then he was not holding my other hand, he had my phone to his ear and he’d walked three steps away.
“Debbie, you got Mike,” I watched him say into the phone, he paused then my mouth dropped right open when he said, “Shut your mouth and listen to me. Dusty just got home, I’m not fully briefed on the shit that’s goin’ down and right now, you are on a call freeze. You do not call Dusty, Fin, Kirb and definitely not Rhonda. Not for two weeks. You do, you answer to me. You get me?” Pause then, “I’m a cop, cops know cops and the cops we know, know other cops. In your business, you know that. You also know you don’t piss off a cop.” Another pause while I stared at him with a still opened mouth and big eyes and then he kept going, “No, that’s not a threat. Do not dick with me, do not dick with Dusty and absolutely do not dick with Rhonda, Fin and Kirby. Your reign of terror is over, woman. It ended thirty seconds ago. I suggest you get used to that starting now.”
Then he took my phone from his ear and touched the screen with his thumb.
“I…I…” I stammered but got no further.
Mike’s neck was bent, eyes to my phone, his thumb was moving on the screen and he muttered distractedly, “Please tell me you got Fin on…” he trailed off, his thumb hit something and he put the phone to his ear. He waited five seconds while I watched then he stated, “Finley? Mike Haines. Listen and don’t talk. You, your brother or your mother are gonna get phone calls from your Aunt Debbie imminently. Confiscate all phones, turn them off and do not let them have them back until you get the all-clear from me or your Aunt Dusty. And even after tonight, do not answer a call if the call is coming from Debbie. Instruct your brother and mother to do the same. Your Aunt Dusty or I’ll explain later. Got me?” He paused, “Do it now.” He paused again and this went on longer. Then he asked, “Got them? Good. Enjoy the movie.”
And through that, I forced out, “Mike, you don’t want kids. I do. Not a little. A whole lot. I’m not going to –”
He cut me off with, “How many?”
I blinked and asked, “What?”
“How many kids do you want?”
“Perfect world, two. But I’d take one.”
“This works out, we’d make beautiful babies.”
It was then I realized I wasn’t breathing at all.
With effort, I forced out, “Are you serious?”
“Are you serious that you want kids?” he shot back.
I nodded.
“Then yes.”
“But how can you change your mind just like that?” I asked.
“Honey, you ran away from me nearly three weeks ago. It was not ‘just like that’. Dreams don’t happen and that’s it. You have to feed them and keep them alive. And if kids feed you, it would far from suck to give you that. Do I want to be a new Dad in my forties? Fuck no. If I get my dream, am I willing to feed it what it needs? Absolutely.”
I didn’t know what to do with this. I couldn’t even process it.
“But you don’t want to be a new Dad in your forties,” I reminded him of something he just then told me.
His arm got tighter, he pushed me deeper into the wall and his voice got lower when he said, “This is the deal, Angel. You…ran…away from me. And I tasted regret for the first time in my life. And that didn’t sting, it f**kin’ killed. So you need to know this. You want kids, I’ll give them to you and, trust me, sweetheart, I’ll be happy. I like kids and, like I said, you and me’ll make beautiful ones. Now, I can’t move until Reesee is in college. After that, you want Texas, I’ll be there. Before that, we’ll find some way to deal.”
“Mike,” I whispered, “we’ve known each other in real-life terms for a day.”
“No, Dusty. I’ve loved you since you were twelve and I’ve read your diaries, you can’t deny you felt the same f**kin’ thing. You weren’t old enough then for my thoughts to go there but we both know that bond started then and we both know just how it changed when it snapped tight in that hotel room. I’m not saying we drop to the floor right now and start tryin’ for a baby and I’m not askin’ you to marry me. I am sayin’ that I care about you, I do it deeply and I have for a really f**kin’ long time. We’re gonna explore this and I hope to God the feelin’ I got is not wrong because I tried time and again to make it feel wrong but all it ever felt was right.”
I stared into his dark brown eyes that, throughout this, never left mine.
Then I whispered, “I can’t go through that again, what you did to me.”
“I won’t make you.”
“Mike –”
His head dropped so his lips were nearly on mine and his eyes were so close they were all I could see.
“I won’t make you.”
God, his words were a rumbly growl I felt against my skin where, I swear, it felt like they were seeping in, entering my bloodstream, warm and sweet.
I heard my cell ring and my eyes went from Mike’s to his shoulder since he was so close I couldn’t see around him.
“Leave it,” he ordered and I looked back up at him.
“I can’t,” I said softly. “Rhonda isn’t good. The boys are out at a movie with her tonight and if –”
He let me go but immediately grabbed my hand and walked me to the coffee table where my phone was.
We both looked down at the display.
“Not the boys,” Mike stated on a mutter but I saw who was on the display. My chest seized, my mind went blank with fury and even with my hand still held in Mike’s, I bent, snatched it up and used my thumb to take the call.
Then I put it to my ear.
“You’re on drugs having the gall to call me,” I said to my bitchface sister and felt Mike’s hand tighten in mine even as his body drew nearer.
“Nice,” she hissed.
“Unless you’re calling to apologize for what you’ve been doing to Rhonda and how you’ve flipped out Fin, I have not one thing to say to you,” I announced.
“Oh yes you do. I own a quarter of that farm and –” she started.
“I’m buying you out,” I declared and Mike got even closer.
“Do you think I’d let you buy me out?” Debbie hooted in my ear.
“I do,” I fired back. “Because if you don’t, I’m hunting your bitch ass down, tying you to a chair and torturing you until you sign your quarter of the farm to me.”
I got that out then was not able to say another word or hear my sister’s reply because the phone suddenly wasn’t in my hand, it was in Mike’s. Then he was not holding my other hand, he had my phone to his ear and he’d walked three steps away.
“Debbie, you got Mike,” I watched him say into the phone, he paused then my mouth dropped right open when he said, “Shut your mouth and listen to me. Dusty just got home, I’m not fully briefed on the shit that’s goin’ down and right now, you are on a call freeze. You do not call Dusty, Fin, Kirb and definitely not Rhonda. Not for two weeks. You do, you answer to me. You get me?” Pause then, “I’m a cop, cops know cops and the cops we know, know other cops. In your business, you know that. You also know you don’t piss off a cop.” Another pause while I stared at him with a still opened mouth and big eyes and then he kept going, “No, that’s not a threat. Do not dick with me, do not dick with Dusty and absolutely do not dick with Rhonda, Fin and Kirby. Your reign of terror is over, woman. It ended thirty seconds ago. I suggest you get used to that starting now.”
Then he took my phone from his ear and touched the screen with his thumb.
“I…I…” I stammered but got no further.
Mike’s neck was bent, eyes to my phone, his thumb was moving on the screen and he muttered distractedly, “Please tell me you got Fin on…” he trailed off, his thumb hit something and he put the phone to his ear. He waited five seconds while I watched then he stated, “Finley? Mike Haines. Listen and don’t talk. You, your brother or your mother are gonna get phone calls from your Aunt Debbie imminently. Confiscate all phones, turn them off and do not let them have them back until you get the all-clear from me or your Aunt Dusty. And even after tonight, do not answer a call if the call is coming from Debbie. Instruct your brother and mother to do the same. Your Aunt Dusty or I’ll explain later. Got me?” He paused, “Do it now.” He paused again and this went on longer. Then he asked, “Got them? Good. Enjoy the movie.”
