Gathering Darkness
Page 84
She went to the window and looked out at the perfect day. She concentrated until dark clouds amassed in the previously blue sky—a marriage of water and air magic. When the skies broke open with a storm, she went to the balcony, squeezed her eyes shut, and let the rain soak her. It doused her flames, but did nothing to chase away the darkness gathering within her.
That darkness that had begun to consume her.
You should kill them all for what they’ve done to you.
Her eyes snapped open. For a moment, she imagined doing just that: using her magic to destroy the people who had claimed to love her, but who only used her. For a moment, the thought was pleasing.
But then she realized the horror of it.
Her hair and dress now soaking wet, she pushed away from the balcony banister and raced across her chambers, scattering the flowers she’d used in her lessons earlier that day.
In a daze, she left her room and stumbled down the hallway, not bothering to look at who might be around. She was sure she received some strange reactions to her disarray as she dripped water in her wake, but she didn’t care.
“Princess,” a guard asked as she passed his station, “are you all right?”
“No,” she whispered. He started to trail after her offering further assistance, but she summoned air magic to press him against the wall, allowing her to slip away without resistance.
She wasn’t sure where she was going until she got to the room in the servants’ wing that had been given to Alexius. She’d protested the decision to give him servants’ quarters rather than more opulent guest accommodations, but he’d said he didn’t mind. He’d understood and said he liked it there just fine.
Lucia pushed the door open and went inside, trembling from both the cold water slick on her skin and the magic that slithered just beneath it.
She waited in the dark room and tried not to lose control, tried not to dip further into her powers for fear of what would happen next.
Finally, a sliver of light from the torches in the hallway brightened the room as Alexius opened the door.
“Lucia,” he said. “What are you doing here?”
Seeing him didn’t give her the relief she’d hoped for; rather, it only intensified the pain she felt over what she’d nearly done. “I don’t know what’s wrong with me.”
The torches on the walls began to blaze, distracting her for a moment. She hadn’t done that; Alexius had lit them with his magic.
Suddenly he was taking her in his arms, his handsome face now a mask of concern.
“What happened?”
“I nearly killed her.”
“Who?”
“Cleo. She was lying to me, all this time. She betrayed both of us. I actually believed she could be my friend.” She inhaled raggedly, feeling more heartbroken than she’d thought possible over that deceptive girl. “But I was stupid. So stupid to trust her, even for a moment. I can’t trust anyone!”
“Lucia. Look at me. Please try to breathe.”
“I wanted her to die. I wanted to make her scream in pain for what she’s done. I know that’s wrong, that it’s horrible. So horrible.”
“No,” he said, shaking his head. “It’s not wrong.”
“How can you say that? I’d begun to believe my magic was good, but if it can make me feel this . . . this darkness I can barely control even with this ring . . . then how can it be right?”
“You have to stop doubting yourself. There’s darkness in the world, of course, but there’s always a balance to it. You’re living proof of that balance. To accept the good, you also have to accept the bad. If you keep fighting this truth, it will only tear you apart.” His expression grew anguished. “Damn it. I don’t want lose you. I don’t want to ever lose you. Do you understand?”
“But, Alexius—”
He pulled her closer, his hands on either side of her face, and kissed her deeply. She gasped with surprise against his lips, then sighed with relief. This was what she needed—his touch, his assurance that all was well. His mouth against hers in a kiss that never stopped, only deepened further.
It was a kiss unlike any other they’d shared, comparable only to their first in her dreams, which had shattered her unconscious world to pieces all around her.
This kiss held every bit of passion that that one had, only this one was real, flesh and blood. But it too made her feel as if her entire world were breaking apart, this time leaving behind nothing but Alexius.
“Please,” he whispered against her lips, “don’t ever doubt yourself. You’re perfect to me in every way. I love you, Lucia. I love you so much.”
He kissed her again, and she fully returned it this time, opening herself up to the bright glow deep within her that helped chase away what darkness remained in her heart.
It felt so good. She wanted more.
Lucia worked to find the ties of his shirt, pulling them away to reveal the golden swirl on his chest. It was darker today than when she’d first seen it in her dreams and again in the throne room, appearing more as a tattoo than the physical evidence of his Watcher origins. She brushed her lips over it, feeling the rapid pulse of his heartbeat beneath.
He inhaled sharply, his hands gripping her arms, halting her. “Princess . . .”
She looked up at him with sudden doubt. “Do you want me to leave?”
He let out a very light chuckle. “No. I don’t want you to leave.”
“So you want me to stay.”
That darkness that had begun to consume her.
You should kill them all for what they’ve done to you.
Her eyes snapped open. For a moment, she imagined doing just that: using her magic to destroy the people who had claimed to love her, but who only used her. For a moment, the thought was pleasing.
But then she realized the horror of it.
Her hair and dress now soaking wet, she pushed away from the balcony banister and raced across her chambers, scattering the flowers she’d used in her lessons earlier that day.
In a daze, she left her room and stumbled down the hallway, not bothering to look at who might be around. She was sure she received some strange reactions to her disarray as she dripped water in her wake, but she didn’t care.
“Princess,” a guard asked as she passed his station, “are you all right?”
“No,” she whispered. He started to trail after her offering further assistance, but she summoned air magic to press him against the wall, allowing her to slip away without resistance.
She wasn’t sure where she was going until she got to the room in the servants’ wing that had been given to Alexius. She’d protested the decision to give him servants’ quarters rather than more opulent guest accommodations, but he’d said he didn’t mind. He’d understood and said he liked it there just fine.
Lucia pushed the door open and went inside, trembling from both the cold water slick on her skin and the magic that slithered just beneath it.
She waited in the dark room and tried not to lose control, tried not to dip further into her powers for fear of what would happen next.
Finally, a sliver of light from the torches in the hallway brightened the room as Alexius opened the door.
“Lucia,” he said. “What are you doing here?”
Seeing him didn’t give her the relief she’d hoped for; rather, it only intensified the pain she felt over what she’d nearly done. “I don’t know what’s wrong with me.”
The torches on the walls began to blaze, distracting her for a moment. She hadn’t done that; Alexius had lit them with his magic.
Suddenly he was taking her in his arms, his handsome face now a mask of concern.
“What happened?”
“I nearly killed her.”
“Who?”
“Cleo. She was lying to me, all this time. She betrayed both of us. I actually believed she could be my friend.” She inhaled raggedly, feeling more heartbroken than she’d thought possible over that deceptive girl. “But I was stupid. So stupid to trust her, even for a moment. I can’t trust anyone!”
“Lucia. Look at me. Please try to breathe.”
“I wanted her to die. I wanted to make her scream in pain for what she’s done. I know that’s wrong, that it’s horrible. So horrible.”
“No,” he said, shaking his head. “It’s not wrong.”
“How can you say that? I’d begun to believe my magic was good, but if it can make me feel this . . . this darkness I can barely control even with this ring . . . then how can it be right?”
“You have to stop doubting yourself. There’s darkness in the world, of course, but there’s always a balance to it. You’re living proof of that balance. To accept the good, you also have to accept the bad. If you keep fighting this truth, it will only tear you apart.” His expression grew anguished. “Damn it. I don’t want lose you. I don’t want to ever lose you. Do you understand?”
“But, Alexius—”
He pulled her closer, his hands on either side of her face, and kissed her deeply. She gasped with surprise against his lips, then sighed with relief. This was what she needed—his touch, his assurance that all was well. His mouth against hers in a kiss that never stopped, only deepened further.
It was a kiss unlike any other they’d shared, comparable only to their first in her dreams, which had shattered her unconscious world to pieces all around her.
This kiss held every bit of passion that that one had, only this one was real, flesh and blood. But it too made her feel as if her entire world were breaking apart, this time leaving behind nothing but Alexius.
“Please,” he whispered against her lips, “don’t ever doubt yourself. You’re perfect to me in every way. I love you, Lucia. I love you so much.”
He kissed her again, and she fully returned it this time, opening herself up to the bright glow deep within her that helped chase away what darkness remained in her heart.
It felt so good. She wanted more.
Lucia worked to find the ties of his shirt, pulling them away to reveal the golden swirl on his chest. It was darker today than when she’d first seen it in her dreams and again in the throne room, appearing more as a tattoo than the physical evidence of his Watcher origins. She brushed her lips over it, feeling the rapid pulse of his heartbeat beneath.
He inhaled sharply, his hands gripping her arms, halting her. “Princess . . .”
She looked up at him with sudden doubt. “Do you want me to leave?”
He let out a very light chuckle. “No. I don’t want you to leave.”
“So you want me to stay.”
