Get off on the Pain
Page 45
Another hour slowly passes before I finally hear Bailey leave with Landen. It’s got to be getting close to two a.m. and there’s still no sign of Memphis. I want to go next door and ask Alex, but the white car is still out front and I don’t want to disturb whatever it is that they’re doing.
Yawning, I take a deep breath and roll over on my side to turn on some music. I need anything but silence right now. I need something, anything to take my mind off Memphis.
Suddenly my emotions are beginning to get the better of me, so I pull the blankets around me and try to get comfortable. It just doesn’t feel the same though. I feel lonely and . . . empty. The feeling is overwhelming.
Closing my eyes, I pretend that I’m back in Memphis’ bed, wrapped up in his strong arms. I moan as I imagine the smell of his skin. Something about being so close to him makes me feel safe and cared for. I have to admit that it’s something I’ve never felt before. I’ve had two short relationships and neither one of them ever made me feel that way, not even a little. There is no comparison whatsoever.
I take a deep breath and it’s almost as if I can really smell him. Something about that makes me feel happy inside, and I find myself smiling like an idiot.
“God that smell is so sexy,” I whisper.
“So are you.”
Throwing my hand over my chest, I sit up real fast and almost scream with joy when I see Memphis standing in the doorway. My heart speeds up as he steps into my room, and that’s when I see it. His face is bloodied and bruised, his hands cut open, and his shirt is splattered with blood.
“Oh my God!” I jump out of bed and run over to him. “What happened Memphis? Are you okay?” I run my hands over his face as panic surges through me. Seeing him this way breaks my heart more than I could have ever imagined. Every single part of me screams and aches to take care of him and take away his pain.
“Did this happen in the alley, Memphis? Talk to me! You look bad, really fucking bad. I can handle it. I’ve seen more shit than you could ever imagine over the course of my life.”
He shakes his head and grips my hands, bringing them down to his chest. “Nah. None of those fuckers in the alley could do this kind of damage to me. Trust me.” His jaw steels. “This is something that I really need you to stay out of. Do you understand me?”
I swallow hard and shake my head.
“Do. You. Understand. Me?”
He bites his bottom lip and lets out a frustrated breath when I don’t answer him. “Dammit, Lyric. I shouldn’t have come here.”
He gets ready to walk away but I stop him. “No.” I wrap my arms around his waist and pull him back toward me. “Let me take care of you, Memphis. Please,” I whisper.
He looks into my eyes for a long moment before pulling his shirt off and tossing it beside my bed.
I can’t help but to cringe when I notice the bruises that are forming on his ribcage. There’s some on both, but mainly on the right one. He stands with his fists clenched at his sides as I run my fingers over his bruises before kneeling in front of him to kiss them.
I feel his fingers wrap into the back of my hair and I let out a small breath, unable to contain the rush that it gives me. I find my hands trailing up his chest as I lower myself even more and press my lips against the bulge in his jeans.
“You don’t have to do this,” he whispers. “It’s not safe for you to want me this way.”
This isn’t what I had in mind when I said I wanted to take care of him, but I can’t help but to want to kiss every inch of his body and make him feel better. Seeing him this way only makes it clear to me that I’ll do anything to make this man feel good. He deserves so much more than he thinks. I just wish he could see that.
“I’m not scared of my feelings for you,” I whisper as I reach up to undo his jeans. “What I’m scared of is not being close to you.”
I look up and our eyes meet right before I tug his jeans down his legs. His eyes are filled with something I’ve never seen before: hope. He looks at me with concentration, never taking his eyes away from me as I pull his boxer briefs down, letting his cock spring free.
It’s so fucking beautiful. Everything on this man’s body is so damn beautiful that it leaves me utterly speechless.
Swirling my tongue around his dick, I take him in my mouth, feeling him yank on my hair as he moans out loud. This only makes me want him more, so I take him deeper and deeper until he’s hitting the back of my throat.
I expect him to be rough with me, but am surprised when he caresses my cheek with one hand while holding onto my hair with the other.
“That’s it, baby.” He thrusts into my mouth a few times, growling out, before tilting my chin up so that our eyes meet again. “Fuck me, I need to be inside you.”
He pulls me up to my feet and places both hands on my face, cupping it. He stands like this for a minute with his jaw flexing, before he picks me up and slams his lips against mine, us both falling back on the bed.
I am so lost in the moment that I don’t even realize he’s undressing me until we’re both naked and I feel him pressing at my entrance.
“You’re so damn beautiful to me,” I whisper. “Everything about you, Memphis. I promise you that.”
He shakes his head and begins to back away. “No, I’m not.” His nostrils flare as he runs a hand through his messy hair. “I’ve made mistakes, a lot of fucking mistakes, and I can’t take any of them back. Most of those mistakes make it hard to look in the mirror.”
I wrap my arm around his neck and pull him back down to me. I look into his eyes so he can see the truth in them. I want him to know that I mean this. “Everyone makes mistakes. It’s not about the mistakes that you’ve made. It’s about what you do to make sure those mistakes never happen again. What’s important is that you learned from them and have decided to change it before moving forward.”
I tilt my head up to kiss his chin. “We’re only human, Memphis. You’re human I’ve made mistakes that I’m not proud of as well. I thought my father was the only one making mistakes, but if I was any better than him I would have stopped him from making those mistakes when I had the chance.”
I lick my lips and push back my emotions. “I’m no different than you are. You think you’re no good for me . . . but I think you’re just what I need.”
Yawning, I take a deep breath and roll over on my side to turn on some music. I need anything but silence right now. I need something, anything to take my mind off Memphis.
Suddenly my emotions are beginning to get the better of me, so I pull the blankets around me and try to get comfortable. It just doesn’t feel the same though. I feel lonely and . . . empty. The feeling is overwhelming.
Closing my eyes, I pretend that I’m back in Memphis’ bed, wrapped up in his strong arms. I moan as I imagine the smell of his skin. Something about being so close to him makes me feel safe and cared for. I have to admit that it’s something I’ve never felt before. I’ve had two short relationships and neither one of them ever made me feel that way, not even a little. There is no comparison whatsoever.
I take a deep breath and it’s almost as if I can really smell him. Something about that makes me feel happy inside, and I find myself smiling like an idiot.
“God that smell is so sexy,” I whisper.
“So are you.”
Throwing my hand over my chest, I sit up real fast and almost scream with joy when I see Memphis standing in the doorway. My heart speeds up as he steps into my room, and that’s when I see it. His face is bloodied and bruised, his hands cut open, and his shirt is splattered with blood.
“Oh my God!” I jump out of bed and run over to him. “What happened Memphis? Are you okay?” I run my hands over his face as panic surges through me. Seeing him this way breaks my heart more than I could have ever imagined. Every single part of me screams and aches to take care of him and take away his pain.
“Did this happen in the alley, Memphis? Talk to me! You look bad, really fucking bad. I can handle it. I’ve seen more shit than you could ever imagine over the course of my life.”
He shakes his head and grips my hands, bringing them down to his chest. “Nah. None of those fuckers in the alley could do this kind of damage to me. Trust me.” His jaw steels. “This is something that I really need you to stay out of. Do you understand me?”
I swallow hard and shake my head.
“Do. You. Understand. Me?”
He bites his bottom lip and lets out a frustrated breath when I don’t answer him. “Dammit, Lyric. I shouldn’t have come here.”
He gets ready to walk away but I stop him. “No.” I wrap my arms around his waist and pull him back toward me. “Let me take care of you, Memphis. Please,” I whisper.
He looks into my eyes for a long moment before pulling his shirt off and tossing it beside my bed.
I can’t help but to cringe when I notice the bruises that are forming on his ribcage. There’s some on both, but mainly on the right one. He stands with his fists clenched at his sides as I run my fingers over his bruises before kneeling in front of him to kiss them.
I feel his fingers wrap into the back of my hair and I let out a small breath, unable to contain the rush that it gives me. I find my hands trailing up his chest as I lower myself even more and press my lips against the bulge in his jeans.
“You don’t have to do this,” he whispers. “It’s not safe for you to want me this way.”
This isn’t what I had in mind when I said I wanted to take care of him, but I can’t help but to want to kiss every inch of his body and make him feel better. Seeing him this way only makes it clear to me that I’ll do anything to make this man feel good. He deserves so much more than he thinks. I just wish he could see that.
“I’m not scared of my feelings for you,” I whisper as I reach up to undo his jeans. “What I’m scared of is not being close to you.”
I look up and our eyes meet right before I tug his jeans down his legs. His eyes are filled with something I’ve never seen before: hope. He looks at me with concentration, never taking his eyes away from me as I pull his boxer briefs down, letting his cock spring free.
It’s so fucking beautiful. Everything on this man’s body is so damn beautiful that it leaves me utterly speechless.
Swirling my tongue around his dick, I take him in my mouth, feeling him yank on my hair as he moans out loud. This only makes me want him more, so I take him deeper and deeper until he’s hitting the back of my throat.
I expect him to be rough with me, but am surprised when he caresses my cheek with one hand while holding onto my hair with the other.
“That’s it, baby.” He thrusts into my mouth a few times, growling out, before tilting my chin up so that our eyes meet again. “Fuck me, I need to be inside you.”
He pulls me up to my feet and places both hands on my face, cupping it. He stands like this for a minute with his jaw flexing, before he picks me up and slams his lips against mine, us both falling back on the bed.
I am so lost in the moment that I don’t even realize he’s undressing me until we’re both naked and I feel him pressing at my entrance.
“You’re so damn beautiful to me,” I whisper. “Everything about you, Memphis. I promise you that.”
He shakes his head and begins to back away. “No, I’m not.” His nostrils flare as he runs a hand through his messy hair. “I’ve made mistakes, a lot of fucking mistakes, and I can’t take any of them back. Most of those mistakes make it hard to look in the mirror.”
I wrap my arm around his neck and pull him back down to me. I look into his eyes so he can see the truth in them. I want him to know that I mean this. “Everyone makes mistakes. It’s not about the mistakes that you’ve made. It’s about what you do to make sure those mistakes never happen again. What’s important is that you learned from them and have decided to change it before moving forward.”
I tilt my head up to kiss his chin. “We’re only human, Memphis. You’re human I’ve made mistakes that I’m not proud of as well. I thought my father was the only one making mistakes, but if I was any better than him I would have stopped him from making those mistakes when I had the chance.”
I lick my lips and push back my emotions. “I’m no different than you are. You think you’re no good for me . . . but I think you’re just what I need.”
