Goddess Interrupted
Page 26
“So it’s my fault for pushing him?” I said, and the moment it was out, I knew it was true. My face reddened. I hated the desperation that f illed me, making it impossible to see logic and reason; I hated the part of me that was capable of acting this way. All I wanted was to know he cared. That he wasn’t doing this because he had to. I didn’t want to force him, but he wasn’t doing it on his own, and I didn’t know what to feel anymore. Not when I was giving up my entire future on a maybe.
I touched the f lower made of pink quartz and pearls in my pocket. The things he’d said to me before the ceremony—his insistence that he wanted me here. It was enough. It had to be.
“Yes,” said James, oblivious to how deeply that one word cut me. “It’s your fault. You accepted this, for better or for worse, and you need to give it more than a day. I appreciate what you’re going through, but beating yourself up about it right now isn’t going to solve anything. Toughen up, get it through your head that Henry does in fact love you, and move on. We have more important things to do.” James was right. I had to get it together. We had to do this f irst, and then I could f igure things out with Henry, if I ever got to see him again in the f irst place.
As I replayed the ceremony in my mind, those last few minutes I’d seen him, I squeezed my eyes shut and took a shaky breath. “I hesitated.”
Silence, and then Ava said in a small voice, “What?”
“During the coronation, when Henry asked me if I was willing. I hesitated.”
“I noticed that,” said James, and when I looked at him, he was leaning up against a tree with his arms crossed and his expression drawn. Of course he’d noticed. “It doesn’t mean anything, so don’t read into it. It was your right to hesitate.”
“James!” said Ava, and he shrugged.
“It is. You know it is. We can pretend this is only about Henry, and that Kate is nothing but lucky, but remember what it was like when you gave up humanity? It’s not an easy transition.”
“Whatever I had then was nothing compared to what I have now with all of you. Everyone loves me here,” said Ava, and James smiled faintly.
“Yeah, we’re all a little in love with you,” he said. “But that’s only because you’re dy***ite in bed. Otherwise you’re a pain in the ass.”
Ava reached out to smack him, and as the earlier tension dissipated, I struggled not to picture the two of them together. “You two—?” I said in a strangled voice.
James focused on the f ire, and Ava shrugged. “I am the goddess of—”
“Love and sex. Yeah, I got that.” I frowned. “Is there anyone you haven’t slept with?”
“Daddy and Henry,” she said, and I supposed that was better than no one. “Even though Daddy technically isn’t my father, it’s still a no-no.”
“Walter isn’t your father?” I said. “I didn’t know that.”
“I’m adopted,” she said proudly. “It’s a long story, but what I’m trying to say is that Henry does love you, and things are going to get better. This is just the beginning—
imagine how much everyone’s going to love you in a thousand years, and how much you’re going to love them, too.”
“Or hate,” said James, and I noticed a hint of dismay in his voice that I wasn’t used to hearing from him.
“They do tend to be two of a kind,” said Ava. “Love before marriage is a novel thing, you know—all of our marriages were arranged, and we all had to grow into them, too. It took me ages to fall in love with my husband, but eventually we got there, and it was worth waiting for.” My mouth dropped open. “You’re married? ”
“Well, so are you.”
I gave her a look. At least Henry was the only person I’d ever been with.
“Don’t give me that,” said Ava. “I know what you’re thinking. Admittedly you’re a little young—Daddy made me get married when I turned a hundred because he said I gave him such a headache—but you’ll see eventually. Most mortals only live to be seventy or eighty at the most. You wait another f ive hundred years being married to the same person, and then you tell me if you’re itching to play with someone else, no matter how much you love Henry.” I was pretty damn sure that as long as Henry would let me stay with him, I would never want to play with someone else, but I didn’t say that, not in front of James. If there was ever someone else, our summer together had shown me that it could very easily be him. Unless he was married, too.
And with the way he and Ava interacted—
“Who is it?” I said. “Your husband, I mean.” In the split second before she answered, I didn’t dare breathe. Anyone but James.
“Nicholas,” she said, as if it were obvious, and I released the breath I’d been holding. Out of all the members of the council, Nicholas would’ve been my last pick.
“That’s crazy,” I said faintly, refusing to look at James. I loved Henry. No matter how tough things got, James wasn’t a choice anymore. Maybe he’d been before I took my vows, but…
…but what if Henry took one look at Persephone and wanted her back?
I shoved the thought aside. I couldn’t think like that.
“I know, right?” Ava beamed. “He’s a good guy. He really knows how to handle his swords, too.” As images of Henry embracing Persephone f loated in front of me, I struggled to keep up with Ava. “What?”
I touched the f lower made of pink quartz and pearls in my pocket. The things he’d said to me before the ceremony—his insistence that he wanted me here. It was enough. It had to be.
“Yes,” said James, oblivious to how deeply that one word cut me. “It’s your fault. You accepted this, for better or for worse, and you need to give it more than a day. I appreciate what you’re going through, but beating yourself up about it right now isn’t going to solve anything. Toughen up, get it through your head that Henry does in fact love you, and move on. We have more important things to do.” James was right. I had to get it together. We had to do this f irst, and then I could f igure things out with Henry, if I ever got to see him again in the f irst place.
As I replayed the ceremony in my mind, those last few minutes I’d seen him, I squeezed my eyes shut and took a shaky breath. “I hesitated.”
Silence, and then Ava said in a small voice, “What?”
“During the coronation, when Henry asked me if I was willing. I hesitated.”
“I noticed that,” said James, and when I looked at him, he was leaning up against a tree with his arms crossed and his expression drawn. Of course he’d noticed. “It doesn’t mean anything, so don’t read into it. It was your right to hesitate.”
“James!” said Ava, and he shrugged.
“It is. You know it is. We can pretend this is only about Henry, and that Kate is nothing but lucky, but remember what it was like when you gave up humanity? It’s not an easy transition.”
“Whatever I had then was nothing compared to what I have now with all of you. Everyone loves me here,” said Ava, and James smiled faintly.
“Yeah, we’re all a little in love with you,” he said. “But that’s only because you’re dy***ite in bed. Otherwise you’re a pain in the ass.”
Ava reached out to smack him, and as the earlier tension dissipated, I struggled not to picture the two of them together. “You two—?” I said in a strangled voice.
James focused on the f ire, and Ava shrugged. “I am the goddess of—”
“Love and sex. Yeah, I got that.” I frowned. “Is there anyone you haven’t slept with?”
“Daddy and Henry,” she said, and I supposed that was better than no one. “Even though Daddy technically isn’t my father, it’s still a no-no.”
“Walter isn’t your father?” I said. “I didn’t know that.”
“I’m adopted,” she said proudly. “It’s a long story, but what I’m trying to say is that Henry does love you, and things are going to get better. This is just the beginning—
imagine how much everyone’s going to love you in a thousand years, and how much you’re going to love them, too.”
“Or hate,” said James, and I noticed a hint of dismay in his voice that I wasn’t used to hearing from him.
“They do tend to be two of a kind,” said Ava. “Love before marriage is a novel thing, you know—all of our marriages were arranged, and we all had to grow into them, too. It took me ages to fall in love with my husband, but eventually we got there, and it was worth waiting for.” My mouth dropped open. “You’re married? ”
“Well, so are you.”
I gave her a look. At least Henry was the only person I’d ever been with.
“Don’t give me that,” said Ava. “I know what you’re thinking. Admittedly you’re a little young—Daddy made me get married when I turned a hundred because he said I gave him such a headache—but you’ll see eventually. Most mortals only live to be seventy or eighty at the most. You wait another f ive hundred years being married to the same person, and then you tell me if you’re itching to play with someone else, no matter how much you love Henry.” I was pretty damn sure that as long as Henry would let me stay with him, I would never want to play with someone else, but I didn’t say that, not in front of James. If there was ever someone else, our summer together had shown me that it could very easily be him. Unless he was married, too.
And with the way he and Ava interacted—
“Who is it?” I said. “Your husband, I mean.” In the split second before she answered, I didn’t dare breathe. Anyone but James.
“Nicholas,” she said, as if it were obvious, and I released the breath I’d been holding. Out of all the members of the council, Nicholas would’ve been my last pick.
“That’s crazy,” I said faintly, refusing to look at James. I loved Henry. No matter how tough things got, James wasn’t a choice anymore. Maybe he’d been before I took my vows, but…
…but what if Henry took one look at Persephone and wanted her back?
I shoved the thought aside. I couldn’t think like that.
“I know, right?” Ava beamed. “He’s a good guy. He really knows how to handle his swords, too.” As images of Henry embracing Persephone f loated in front of me, I struggled to keep up with Ava. “What?”
