Goddess Interrupted
Page 46
I hesitated. She had a point, especially if Calliope continued to order Cronus around. He hadn’t seemed willing to put up with it much longer. More than anything I wanted to say to hell with it and go in after them, but that didn’t solve the problem with Henry. “If something happens to me—”
“It won’t,” she said f irmly. “You bested the Queen of the Gods, and now you’re Queen of the Underworld.”
“I’m not.” I scowled at an unoffending f lower. “Cronus interrupted the ceremony.”
“So? You’re still queen. You don’t need a stupid ceremony to prove it.”
As I stared at the blossoms at my feet, I realized with a start that they were the same ones that Henry had been sending. This was where he’d gotten them—it really had been him after all. He’d wanted me to come here. He wanted my help.
“I can’t risk it like that,” I said, although my resolve was waning. “I can’t risk Henry’s life.”
Ingrid gave me an exasperated look. “Listen to what’s happening. It’s been ages. James and Ava aren’t back yet, and while they might still be trying to sneak around Calliope, chances are they’ve been captured, too. If they don’t come out, what are you going to do? Wait for Calliope to throw their bones through the crack so you know what happened? Or are you going to be our queen and f ight for your realm?”
It wasn’t my realm though. It was Henry’s. “I don’t even deserve to be here,” I all but wailed. “Henry should have let me die. I don’t deserve to be a goddess or his wife or his queen or any of it. I never have. I’m only here because I was the last one left.”
Ingrid tilted her head like a confused puppy. “Of course you deserve to be here. Henry’s not stupid. He would never trust his entire realm to someone he didn’t think could handle it.”
Not if the only other choice was losing it completely, but I didn’t dare say that aloud.
She let out a frustrated huff and pranced around me, as if she were sizing me up. “Don’t you get it? You were chosen because you’re special. So was I.” She tossed her hair over her shoulder. “If it hadn’t been for Calliope, I’d be in your shoes, and you know what? I’d be scared, too. I’d be really, really scared. Being brave doesn’t mean never being afraid, you know. It means going for it anyway because you know it’s the right thing to do.”
“There’s nothing I can do,” I said miserably.
“How do you know until you try?” She stopped in front of me and nodded toward the wall. “You’re the one who has the deal with Cronus, not them. If something’s happened, you could be their only hope. Go help them. Prove to yourself that you deserve this. Show yourself why Henry believes in you.”
“What if I get killed?” I kicked a small stone, and it skit-tered a few feet until it hit the rock wall. “What if I get them all killed?”
“What if you’re the reason they survive?” I could see why Henry had chosen her as a potential queen. She was smart, the kind of smart I wasn’t sure I’d ever be no matter how many years I lived, and her optimism was infectious.
And what if she was right? What if James and Ava—and as much as I didn’t like her, Persephone—were in trouble, and they needed me? If I walked through that wall, there was a good chance my life would no longer be in my control, but had it ever been?
I’d been coasting without any expectations or ambitions for so long that I’d forgotten what it was like to be in charge of my own life. I’d poured so much of myself into helping my mother f ight to stay alive that I’d managed to lose myself in the process. I’d done what she and Henry and everyone else had told me from the beginning. Even the choices I’d made—like choosing not to join Henry in Eden when he’d asked me—had ended in a disaster that forced me in a direction I hadn’t wanted to go. I didn’t mind, not really. I loved Henry, and the council was becoming the family I’d never known. And as long as I survived Calliope’s wrath, immortality was a nice perk, at least until everyone else had died and Henry and I were the only ones left. But I was trying not to think that far ahead.
Still, I’d done it all because I had to. Because someone had made me or manipulated me into it. My mother had spent my whole life grooming me to be the kind of person who could pass the council’s tests; the two friends I’d made in Eden had only approached me because they needed to guide me toward Henry. The council had ruled over my entire life in one way or another. Their expectations made me a burden to Henry. My marriage was because of them.
Even my birth had been their decision.
James was right: nothing in my life had ever really been my choice. But this was, and I was going to do the right thing.
“All right,” I said. “I’ll go. If Calliope kills me, I’m blaming you.”
Ingrid beamed. “That means you have to give me credit when you save their lives.”
“How can you be so damn sure I’ll make it out of there when you don’t even know me?”
She set the bunny down and promptly embraced me. I didn’t have time to move away, but I didn’t think I would have anyway. Her skinny arms were warm around me, and I needed a hug. “Henry believes in you. That’s enough for me.”
“Thanks,” I said awkwardly. “I’ll try.” Once she released me, I ran my hand over the stone, trying to f ind the crack. Just as my f ingertips sank into the rock, Ingrid said in a small voice, “Kate?”
“It won’t,” she said f irmly. “You bested the Queen of the Gods, and now you’re Queen of the Underworld.”
“I’m not.” I scowled at an unoffending f lower. “Cronus interrupted the ceremony.”
“So? You’re still queen. You don’t need a stupid ceremony to prove it.”
As I stared at the blossoms at my feet, I realized with a start that they were the same ones that Henry had been sending. This was where he’d gotten them—it really had been him after all. He’d wanted me to come here. He wanted my help.
“I can’t risk it like that,” I said, although my resolve was waning. “I can’t risk Henry’s life.”
Ingrid gave me an exasperated look. “Listen to what’s happening. It’s been ages. James and Ava aren’t back yet, and while they might still be trying to sneak around Calliope, chances are they’ve been captured, too. If they don’t come out, what are you going to do? Wait for Calliope to throw their bones through the crack so you know what happened? Or are you going to be our queen and f ight for your realm?”
It wasn’t my realm though. It was Henry’s. “I don’t even deserve to be here,” I all but wailed. “Henry should have let me die. I don’t deserve to be a goddess or his wife or his queen or any of it. I never have. I’m only here because I was the last one left.”
Ingrid tilted her head like a confused puppy. “Of course you deserve to be here. Henry’s not stupid. He would never trust his entire realm to someone he didn’t think could handle it.”
Not if the only other choice was losing it completely, but I didn’t dare say that aloud.
She let out a frustrated huff and pranced around me, as if she were sizing me up. “Don’t you get it? You were chosen because you’re special. So was I.” She tossed her hair over her shoulder. “If it hadn’t been for Calliope, I’d be in your shoes, and you know what? I’d be scared, too. I’d be really, really scared. Being brave doesn’t mean never being afraid, you know. It means going for it anyway because you know it’s the right thing to do.”
“There’s nothing I can do,” I said miserably.
“How do you know until you try?” She stopped in front of me and nodded toward the wall. “You’re the one who has the deal with Cronus, not them. If something’s happened, you could be their only hope. Go help them. Prove to yourself that you deserve this. Show yourself why Henry believes in you.”
“What if I get killed?” I kicked a small stone, and it skit-tered a few feet until it hit the rock wall. “What if I get them all killed?”
“What if you’re the reason they survive?” I could see why Henry had chosen her as a potential queen. She was smart, the kind of smart I wasn’t sure I’d ever be no matter how many years I lived, and her optimism was infectious.
And what if she was right? What if James and Ava—and as much as I didn’t like her, Persephone—were in trouble, and they needed me? If I walked through that wall, there was a good chance my life would no longer be in my control, but had it ever been?
I’d been coasting without any expectations or ambitions for so long that I’d forgotten what it was like to be in charge of my own life. I’d poured so much of myself into helping my mother f ight to stay alive that I’d managed to lose myself in the process. I’d done what she and Henry and everyone else had told me from the beginning. Even the choices I’d made—like choosing not to join Henry in Eden when he’d asked me—had ended in a disaster that forced me in a direction I hadn’t wanted to go. I didn’t mind, not really. I loved Henry, and the council was becoming the family I’d never known. And as long as I survived Calliope’s wrath, immortality was a nice perk, at least until everyone else had died and Henry and I were the only ones left. But I was trying not to think that far ahead.
Still, I’d done it all because I had to. Because someone had made me or manipulated me into it. My mother had spent my whole life grooming me to be the kind of person who could pass the council’s tests; the two friends I’d made in Eden had only approached me because they needed to guide me toward Henry. The council had ruled over my entire life in one way or another. Their expectations made me a burden to Henry. My marriage was because of them.
Even my birth had been their decision.
James was right: nothing in my life had ever really been my choice. But this was, and I was going to do the right thing.
“All right,” I said. “I’ll go. If Calliope kills me, I’m blaming you.”
Ingrid beamed. “That means you have to give me credit when you save their lives.”
“How can you be so damn sure I’ll make it out of there when you don’t even know me?”
She set the bunny down and promptly embraced me. I didn’t have time to move away, but I didn’t think I would have anyway. Her skinny arms were warm around me, and I needed a hug. “Henry believes in you. That’s enough for me.”
“Thanks,” I said awkwardly. “I’ll try.” Once she released me, I ran my hand over the stone, trying to f ind the crack. Just as my f ingertips sank into the rock, Ingrid said in a small voice, “Kate?”
