Goddess of Love

Chapter Nineteen

"T hank you, ma'am. That was a great class!"
Venus smiled beatifically at the young fireman who had, at the beginning of the class, been holding his diagram upside down. "Thank you, darling. I'm pleased you enjoyed it."
"More than that, ma'am!" he gushed. "I can't wait to..." He broke off, blushing. "Well, I mean thanks. I learned a lot."
"You are most welcome." Venus stood by the classroom door, saying good-bye to her class. It really had gone well. They had been attentive and enthusiastic. She had thoroughly enjoyed herself, which she had to admit to herself, had a lot to do with the fact that the most attentive, enthusiastic and handsome member of the class had been Griffin, who was currently hanging back, very obviously waiting for the rest of the men to say their good-byes and leave. The last grateful fireman finally left, and the goddess's stomach fluttered as Griffin approached her.
His eyes smiled at her. "I didn't know you were a teacher."
"I'm really not. At least I'm usually not, though I suppose you could say that I have done my share of instruction about love." She paused, struggling to get the modern words right.
"So you're a therapist?"
Relieved that he'd provided her a viable profession, Venus nodded and smiled innocently. "Yes. A sex therapist. I taught class today as a favor for a friend who works here at the college."
"Then I will have to remember to thank your friend for causing you to be here today."
"Really? Why is that?" She felt better with the conversation leaving the technical whys and hows of her being there.
"I went back to find you, but you weren't there."
He was being blunt, so she decided to match him in honesty. "I waited until it was clear you were in no hurry to return to me. Then I left."
He blew out a long, frustrated breath. "I didn't mean to be gone so long. I didn't want to be gone so long. The mayor and the chief wouldn't let me get away until I explained every aspect of the community education plan I have proposed for the Midtown Station to them. I'm sorry if it seemed like I stood you up."
Venus felt herself bristling. "Actually I never considered that you might have stood me up," she lied. "I simply wearied of waiting, so I left."
Griffin frowned in response to her haughty tone.
"Well, it was lovely to see you again, and I do hope you enjoyed my class." Venus turned from him and started stuffing chalk and vagina diagrams back into her bag. Why was she being so short and rude to him? She'd wanted him to talk to her - wanted him to apologize to her. And here he was doing both and she was suddenly cutting him off. Venus silently considered her emotions.
She was hurt! By Hercules's scraggly scrotum, Griffin had hurt her when he hadn't returned, and the reminder of believing he'd stood her up still hurt!
"Oh, gosh! Hi, Griffin." Pea's sweet voice broke the silence.
Venus turned back to Griffin to see Pea looking flustered, but holding out her hand for him to shake. The goddess's heart plummeted into her stomach.
Griffin's smile was genuine as he took her hand. "Hello, neighbor. Nice to see you again, Pea. I should have realized you were the friend Venus was helping out here at the college."
"You should have?" Pea asked, with a confused little smile.
"Yeah, at the masquerade party Venus said you two were close. Actually maybe you could help me out here. I'm trying to make up for the fact that I got pulled away by business that night and left her outside by herself too long."
"At Lola's masquerade?"
"Yeah, and now she's pissed." He glanced at Venus, and what he saw made him add, "Not that I blame her. But I can make it up to her. Tonight. With dinner. How about you act as my reference and convince her that I'm just an ordinary guy and not an axe murderer."
"Or a liar?" Pea asked, only she wasn't looking at Griffin. She was staring at Venus.
"Definitely not a liar," Griffin said. "That's what I want to prove to her."
"Pea, I can - "
Pea's blank expression didn't change, but she interrupted the goddess with a smooth, "Venus will let you make up for your mistake." Venus opened her mouth, but Pea talked right over her.
"I have a date tonight, so it's only right she should have one, too."
Venus blinked in shock. "A date? Tonight? With..."
Pea's blank mask cracked just a little. "With him, Victor. He came to my office while you were teaching class."
"And all is well between the two of you?" Venus asked.
"Yes, everything's okay," Pea said coolly. Then she cut her eyes at Griffin. "So there's no reason you shouldn't go out with him. None at all." Pea gave her a tight smile before walking quickly away.
Griffin stepped closer to her and Venus felt her stomach flutter again.
"Say you'll go out with me tonight." His gaze caught hers, pulling it away from Pea's retreating back. They stared at one another. Griffin was so close Venus could easily imagine his body against hers, and even through her worry for Pea, she found herself wondering what it would feel like if she and Griffin were naked and able to take their time pleasuring each other. Would it be as good as the rush of lust she had experienced during their hasty coupling under the tree...?
"Yes, I will," Venus heard herself say.
He stepped even closer to her and Venus could smell his unique scent and feel the heat of his body. "You won't regret it," he said.
"I - I have to go talk to Pea," Venus said abruptly. "I'll see you tonight." She started to walk away, but his voice made her pause.
"When and where tonight?"
"Six o'clock." She picked the time randomly, her mind already trying to figure out what she was going to say to her friend. "Oh, and right now I live with Pea." At least Venus hoped she still did. Griffin smiled and nodded. "I'll be there at six sharp, my goddess."
Pea was sitting at her desk staring at the wall when Venus entered her office. The goddess couldn't remember when she'd ever felt so terrible.
"Forgive me, Pea," she said, without any preamble. "I should have told you that I'd been with Griffin that night."
Pea shrugged and wouldn't meet her eyes. "Whatever. You're a goddess, and goddesses can do whatever they want."
"No, that's not true." Venus sat heavily in Pea's interview chair. "Actually you are partially right. As a goddess I can literally do whatever I want to do, but as your friend there are things I wouldn't do."
"You mean like go after the guy I have a major crush on while you're making it look like you're helping me catch him?"
"That's not how it happened."
Pea finally looked at her and Venus hated the hurt that so obviously filled the mortal woman's eyes. "Then explain it to me, because from where I'm sitting it looks exactly like that's what happened. And worse than that, it looks like you're one of those terrible girls who made me so miserable in high school."
"Oh, Pea, no!" Venus felt her eyes fill with tears. "Please don't think that! What happened was an accident, and the biggest mistake I made was not telling you about it."
Pea lifted her chin and finally met Venus's gaze. "I just want to know one thing. Was it all a lie?
All that stuff you told me about myself?"
Tears spilled down Venus's cheeks. "No! I didn't lie to you, not even about Griffin. I just didn't tell you everything I should have. I wanted to. I even started to. But I didn't want to hurt you. And," Venus added as she wiped at her face with the back of her hand, "I didn't want to lose your friendship."
"Tell me what happened."
Venus drew a deep breath and told Pea everything - from the instant connection she'd felt - and tried her best to ignore - with Griffin to how he approached her at the masquerade. By the time Venus got to the part about him ravishing her under the tree, Pea was listening wide-eyed. Then she explained how she believed Griffin had stood her up.
Pea had stayed silent until then, but she blurted, "You thought he stood you up! That's why you looked so strange and sad when I found you outside."
Venus opened her mouth to assure Pea that it hadn't been that big of a deal. The Goddess of Love is, after all, always in control, always fine. But before she could say the words she realized how false they were, and she realized something else. She wanted to talk to Pea about all of this - she needed to talk to Pea because the mortal had truly become her friend.
"I've never been stood up before, and I - I didn't know what to do or how to act," the goddess admitted. "I just sat there and hurt. I should have told you what happened, but I didn't even know how to say it. Then when you told me about the other man I thought that if I could just get them together, you'd see how much better your new guy was than Griffin, and even then if you didn't see what a cad Griffin was, I give you my word, I wouldn't have let him use you and hurt you."
"Like you thought he used and hurt you," Pea said.
"Yes, like that."
"It feels awful, doesn't it, to think you've been rejected and lied to, especially by someone you care about?" Pea said quietly.
Venus couldn't find her voice; she only nodded and wiped fresh tears from her face with the tissue Pea handed her.
"You do care about Griffin, don't you?" Pea said.
"Yes, I do," Venus managed to choke out. "But not as much as I care about you. If it hurts you, I won't ever see him again. I give you my solemn oath."
Pea smiled at her friend, and Venus was relieved beyond words to see the love and trust return to her eyes. "You know, you were right about Griffin."
"He's a terrible cad?" Venus sniffled.
Pea laughed. "Well, maybe. But I was talking about what you said about him yesterday - or really what you said about how I felt about him. It wasn't Griffin I wanted. It was what he represented to me: the perfect man I could never find, never have as my own."
"You're wrong about that. You can find the man who will be perfect for you, and you can make him yours."
Pea's smile was more than a little naughty. "Oh, I know that."
"I think it's your turn to talk now. I want to hear about Victor."
"I want to tell you about him, but first I think I'm going to knock off for the rest of the day. You and I have dates to get ready for." Pea grabbed her purse and stood up, looking questioningly at the goddess when she didn't move.
"Do you forgive me, Dorreth?" Venus asked solemnly.
"Of course I do, Goddess. That's what friends do, forgive each other's mistakes."
Venus studied Pea with newfound respect. "Thank you, Dorreth Pea Chamberlain. You are a truly good person."
Pea flushed and grinned. "I like to look on the positive side of life."
"An excellent attitude to practice."
"Yeah, I got it from Oprah. As she would say, being strong and positive is one way of being a powerful, modern woman."
"Oprah?"
"Think of her as a sister goddess."
"Really? A modern woman who's a sister goddess? I want to hear all about her, too," Venus said, as she stood and linked arms with Pea.
"So little time...so many goddesses..." Pea laughed as the two of them went arm in arm from her office.
"You know, there's really no reason for you to be so nervous," Pea told Venus for the zillionth time.
"Of course there is. I've never been on a date."
Pea giggled. "Do you know how unbelievable that is? I mean, you're the Goddess of Love!"
Venus frowned severely at Pea. "Of course I am. What does that have to do with this?"
"How is it that you've never been on a date before? You're the most beautiful woman I've ever seen. Men must fall all over you."
Venus's expression lightened. "Thank you, darling. And of course men fall all over me."
"Then why no date until now?"
Venus sighed and joined Pea sitting on the end of her bed. "It's different with the immortals. We don't date. We have delicious passion-filled torrid affairs. Unions that blaze across the heavens and cause wars to be fought and civilizations to thrive."
"Jeesh, then why bother with Griffin at all?"
"Because he treated me like a mortal woman. He seduced me. And not because I'm the Goddess of Love, but because he desired the woman he believed me to be." Venus's voice was so faint Pea leaned closer to hear her. "Until that night at Lola's, I've always been in control. If I want a god - he succumbs to me. If I desire the attentions of a mortal - he gratefully worships me. I've always been the seducer, never the seduced. I've always been so in control that I even decided on a marriage of convenience."
"You're married!"
Venus nodded her head but shrugged her shoulders. "In name only. He's not physically perfect, so he's an outcast in Olympus. He thought by marrying me he could gain acceptance. I thought by marrying him I could gain..." She paused. She was getting ready to say her normal line - that by marrying Vulcan she thought she'd gain a shield to retreat behind. That even Love grew weary and looked for a quiet place to rest, and stoic, outcast Vulcan and his fiery realm could provide her with that. But recently she'd begun questioning her motives in marrying Vulcan. Aloud she heard herself admitting, "No. That's not true. I pretended that I needed him for one thing, while I was really using him as an excuse. I hid behind the marriage so that I didn't have to look at the emptiness in my own life." She smiled sadly at Pea, violet eyes brimming with tears. By the Titans' enormous manhoods, she hadn't cried so much in centuries. "Ridiculous, isn't it?" Venus said miserably. "That Love could be lonely."
"I don't think there's anything at all ridiculous about you." Pea put her arm around the goddess.
"I think you're beautiful and kind and amazing. And I also think that one very important point has been made clear today. You didn't come here just for me. You came here for you."
"For me?"
"Maybe the Goddess of Love came to Tulsa to find herself."
"But I know who I am. I am Love."
"How long has it been since you've known love?" Pea asked gently. Venus studied the mortal sitting beside her whose arm was draped so casually and comfortingly around her. Ancient mortals weren't ever so relaxed in her presence. They were forever seeking...searching...beseeching her to fulfill their fantasies. But Pea wasn't like that. Although her heart's desire had been what bound Venus to this world, Pea had, from the beginning, seemed more concerned for Venus's welfare than her own. Even today, when Venus had hurt the little mortal, and it had appeared she'd betrayed her, Pea remained open to her and even offered the goddess comfort.
Then Venus did something she hadn't done for eons. She answered Pea's question with complete honesty, thereby admitting the truth to herself.
"I can't remember the last time I allowed myself to love. It's hard to believe. I've been loved, evoked love, fought for love and caused love, but it is quite possible I have never actually known love."
"It's time that changed, don't you think?"
"I'm not sure that I know how to go about it."
"Well, I'm not an expert or anything, but I think the key to knowing love might be in letting go."
"Letting go?" Venus asked, feeling incredibly out of her element. She was taking advice about love from a mortal who until a couple days ago didn't know how to control her own hair? But as Venus looked into Pea's eyes and saw wisdom and compassion there, the goddess remembered something she should have never forgotten. True love wasn't found in good hair or the right clothes, makeup or shoes. True love was found in the soul - as was wisdom and compassion.
"Yeah, letting go. Think about it. It makes sense. You can't know love unless you're willing to let go of a bunch of things like fear and selfishness and control."
"Control?"
"Control."
"Are you sure about that?"
"I'm afraid so."
"How did you get to be so wise, Pea?"
Pea grinned. "I've been hanging around a goddess. She's rubbed off on me. Now stop procrastinating and zap yourself a pair of black slacks and a violet cashmere sweater. Something the exact color of your eyes that will hug your curves and show off those great boobs. Zap up a black jacket to match the slacks while you're at it. And wear your hair up tonight so that he can see your beautiful neck. Then if Griffin's really a good boy you can take your hair down for him. Later," she finished mischievously.
Venus gave her a quick hug and then stood up. "Do I need to remind you to close your eyes?"
"Nope." Pea closed her eyes. "Oh, wait." She opened one eye and peered at Venus. "Forget the jacket."
"But what if it gets cold tonight?"
"Well, it just might. Then there you'll be, all nipply and jacketless." Pea exaggerated a sigh.
"Whatever will you do?"
"I don't think I taught you that," Venus said.
"You taught me the attitude. I made up the words to go with it."
"Close your eyes." Venus conjured up the outfit Pea had recommended and decided leaving out the jacket was, indeed, a stroke of brilliance. She studied herself in the mirror, pleased at what she saw in her reflection. The goddess glanced back at the bed. Pea was still sitting there with her eyes screwed tightly shut and an up-tilted curve to her lips. She did absolutely adore this little mortal. "Open your eyes now darling, and let's be sure you're ready for your own date."
Pea opened her eyes. "Oh, mine is easy. I've decided that I'm going to fix him dinner - here. I'm just going to wear those fabulous jeans you picked out for me and that silk knit sweater. Um, and my new lacy white lingerie." She blushed, but only a little.
Venus raised her brows. "Planning on letting him see your new lingerie?"
"Oh, gosh I hope so!" she said in a breathy voice, and then her soft blush flamed a deeper color.
"Is that wrong? It is, isn't it? I should be going slower. I mean, no matter what I see when I look into his eyes, I don't really know him."
"Darling, there's one thing my eons of experience have taught me. Love has no timetable. I've seen couples be slow and careful and wise about love, only to have it sift through their hands like sand in a sieve. I've also seen couples whose love flares the moment they first look in one another's eyes and never ceases to flame for one lifetime after another. It's the lovers, not the time."
"How do I know if it's real?"
"The same way lovers have known throughout eternity. Trust yourself and listen to your heart."
"Okay. I will if you will."
"Agreed," Venus said. "Now help me pile my hair up and I'll scrunch some more coconut oil into your lovely curls."