Grayson's Surrender

Page 14

"But?"
"There were times…" Feeling like an ungrateful brat, she paused, running her fingers along the empty basket before setting it aside. "On my eighth birthday I wanted a backyard party with lots of friends and a really big dollhouse." Lori placed Barbie and Ken on the lawn furniture and put Skipper on the swing. "I got a pocket travel dollhouse and a picnic in front of the Eiffel Tower. Not a bad trade, all things considered, huh?"
Gray smiled but didn't answer. Instead he tapped the dollhouse, then the bike. "Guess that explains why you were hell-bent today on picking the biggest and heaviest toys on the shelf."
She studied him through narrowed eyes, impressed anew. "You're a perceptive man."
A dimple dented his right cheek. "Nah, just one who got quite a workout lugging that loot up the stairs."
Rocking back on her heels, she surveyed the fully furnished Barbie house. Perfect. Maybe it was silly or even selfish giving Magda the things she'd wanted as a child, huge toys, a large airy room … unconditional love. All the same, she couldn't stop the twitter of excitement over bringing Magda home. Home. That said it all.
Lori shifted to Gray and cupped his face in one hand. "Thank you."
He cleared his throat. "For what?"
"For coming with me. For pretending to be interested in Capri pants and clogs. For being my friend." She leaned over the bowl of chips and pressed a kiss to his mouth. Just a simple kiss between friends, she told herself. Nothing wrong with that.
A one-second lip brush was all she intended. She meant to pull away. But she didn't move. Neither did he.
Chapter 8
He should pull away, and he would, in a minute. Or two. If only he could find one ounce of willpower to resist the temptation of Lori's full lips beneath his after so many months of starving for a taste of her.
A soft moan floated between them. From her? Or him? Her small fist fell to rest on his chest—and unfurled.
Willpower became a scarce commodity.
That one touch of their lips, one simple caress of her hand filled him with so much more than possibility. It was a promise. He didn't have to question how good it would be between them.
He knew.
And that knowledge fired through him with memories of steamy summer nights dedicated to exploring every inch of Lori's beautiful body. Discovering what made her cry out with pleasure. Hoping that if they found enough pleasure together she might forget he couldn't give her what she really needed.
Lori's hand curved up around his neck.
What the hell was he doing?
Gray tore himself away from her, his breathing ragged over nothing more than a near-innocent kiss. Damn, but she'd gotten to him with her gorgeous stiff upper lip. She could make the best of anything, even being dragged around the world by parents who were too absorbed in their jobs to realize what their lonely kid needed. She deserved better, then and now.
Lori stared back at him with fogged and confused eyes, so unlike her normally confident self. They'd never even opened their mouths, and he wanted to toss her down on the Oriental rug. He wanted to tangle his body and life with hers in ways they'd only just begun to explore in their three months together.
They'd traveled this route before, and it hadn't worked. He didn't even want to consider why their breakup had kicked him harder than any of the others, and for him, there'd been plenty. He stunk at long-term relationships, another reason the transient Air Force lifestyle suited him so well.
Even if he and Lori fulfilled the momentary promise, it was just that. A moment. Lori hadn't wanted to live with him in Charleston. She sure as hell wasn't going to give up her job and follow him to Tacoma, Washington, for however long they could survive a relationship this time.
Gray rocked back, the ache in his leg almost as powerful as the one in his boxer shorts. He needed to get out of her apartment, now, before he lost what little control he had left in his depleted armament.
He shoved to his feet. "I should go."
"Gray?" Barbie's dream house loomed behind her.
He made for the door. Bat out of hell took on a whole new meaning.
"Gray?"
His boots stopped, but he didn't turn. The mantel clock ticked in the silence while he waited. Finally he pivoted on his boot heel to face her. "What, Lori?"
She sat on her feet, brows knit together. "How can you do that?"
"Do what?"
"Just shut it down and walk away?" she asked, holding up a trembling hand as she rose slowly to her feet. "I'm dying here, Gray, really hurting. I can barely stand, much less walk."
He did not need to hear this. If he gave in and offered her comfort now, he wouldn't walk away until morning. And he'd be damned if he would hurt her that way again. "Lori, honey—"
"How do you do it?" Her voice trembled as much as her hands. "I sure could use one of your easy smiles right now."
"So could I," he mumbled, trying unsuccessfully to look anywhere but at Lori's molten-hot eyes. Where was the wide-open sky when a guy needed it?
Lungs working overtime, Lori stared at Gray, wishing she understood him. One thing was blatantly clear. The man was itching to leave. And that hurt, increasing an ache already deep, hungry and selfish within her.
It also made her damn mad. How dare he blast back into her life, then walk away leaving her shaking and needy? She'd already blown the friendship. She might as well have something from him, something to make the pain stop, even if only for a while.
An unrelentingly logical part of her argued she should stop and think. Passion and anger weren't the best emotions to fuel decisions.
For once she didn't want to be logical. She wanted Gray. On the floor. Now.
Hands on her hips, she advanced a step, determined to get what she wanted for a change. "Well, Major? I asked you a question. How do you do it? Teach me. I want to know how to entice you into having no-commitment sex with me."
Gray stumbled back as if he'd been gut shot. "Seems like you're doing all right on your own, hon." He rubbed the back of his neck, his eyes traveling a slow ride over her body. "Yeah, you're doing just fine."
That lingering look flowered a bloom of feminine power within her, and she sashayed forward. "I was fine … until you showed up again."
"We can't go back now."
A fresh burst of anger fired her feet across the rug. Lori stopped inches away from Gray. "You think I don't know that? I hate it. Hate it that I still want you. Hate it that you've exploded back into my life, my senses, my mind all over again." She watched him wince, knowing full well her words simultaneously stabbed and caressed, a dichotomy of pain and pleasure that had been signature to their relationship almost from the start. "Gray, I may hate it, but that doesn't make me stop wanting you."
"Geez, Lori." His voice strangled off as he raised his hands in surrender. "Don't go there. Not now."
"Don't go there? I could have used those sage words of advice five minutes ago. One stupid little kiss and I'm a mess all over again." The heat of him reached to her, wrapped around her with a pervasive power she couldn't avoid. She held both palms up in the scarce space between them. "Hands still shaking, Gray."
He clasped her hands in his. "Stop it, Lori."
"No, you stop it." Her voice rose as she struggled to jerk free.
He held tight. "Stop what? You're not making any sense. I was trying to leave."
"You were running away. That's different."
"What would staying have accomplished? The two of us making a mistake."
"At least it would be an honest mistake. We've always had that, right … honesty?" She closed the last step between them. With each gasping breath, her br**sts brushed him, touched him, tempted him as well as herself. "Can you honestly say you don't want me?"
A dark smile kicked up the corner of his mouth. "Oh, honey, I want you."
"Don't you laugh at me." Lori tried to tug free again, her arms straining.
"I'm not." His grin twitched.
His ever-ready smile pushed her over the edge. That damn gorgeous Barbie house hadn't helped, bringing up memories and dreams best left dormant. Why couldn't he be serious for once?
As if that wasn't enough, she'd circled right back around to a discussion of the past, remembering all the hopes she'd once pinned on Gray. Seeing those sexy hands sticking racing stripes all over a Big Wheel had been too explosive.
She'd be damned if she would cry herself to sleep tonight like some pitiful sap. She had better plans for finding forgetfulness.
Gray had known they couldn't spend two minutes together without stirring emotions too deep to bear, yet he'd insisted they spend the day together. Well, now he could suffer the consequences. And she looked forward to making him pay—for hours, naked, on her sofa just like old times.
Lori broke free. "You do want me. At least give me that much."
"Damn straight. I said just that in your guest room not three hours ago."
"Fine," she snapped the word out like a bullet. "Then let's do it, pal." Lori yanked her shirt out of her pants and whipped it over her head before giving herself time to change her mind. "Me and you, on the sofa, let's tangle it up right now for honest, steamy, screaming sex."
Gray looked as if that gut shot might be leveling him. His eyes glowed to life, warming over every patch of revealed skin. Her hair tickled along her back, and she imagined his hands there, soon.
He closed his eyes, swallowed heavily. Lori waited, hope and an odd fear curling through her like tendrils of smoke. He opened his eyes, resolution radiating in waves.
For or against? She couldn't decide what scared her more, his staying or leaving. Lori's br**sts tightened in anticipation beneath her ivory silk bra. Her stomach twisted like a wrung-out sponge reminding her what a hollow victory this would be. "Gray?"
"Negative."
Devastation crashed over her, chilling every inch of her bared body. "What?"
Slowly, he shook his head. "No. You deserve more than this, and you know it. I should go."
Should go? Not going to leave.
Should go.
She aimed straight for that tiny chink in his defenses. "Let me decide what I deserve. I'm not asking for anything beyond right now. What's holding you back, Major, if you really do want me?"
She grabbed his wrist and flattened his hand to her waist. On contact they both flinched. Had lightning sparked through the room? Her toes tingled. Even the roots of her hair seemed to crackle.
His palm trailed from her waist to her belly, halting on the vulnerable place just below her rib cage. Skin to skin, they yearned. She didn't have to ask or wonder. His need transmitted through that simple caress in a communication she hadn't forgotten in a year apart.
Her eyes slid closed as she savored his touch, the heat, familiar warmth. The backs of his fingers trailed up, slowly, between her breasts, along the tender curve of her neck, sliding into less fiery terrain to cup her face.
Then his hand fell away.
Lori swayed forward before regaining her balance. Her eyes fluttered open to find him watching her, intently, too aware of what he was doing to her.
"Why?" she demanded.
He grazed his knuckles over her cheek. "I like you."
The tingling changed to an icy shower, painful, like water on an electrified body. "What?"
"Yeah, I want you. But I like you, too. How's that for honest? I like you too much to do something I know will hurt you." His fingers curved to cup her face again with a tenderness that scared her more than passion. "You want me to be the bad guy here so it's easier for you when we say goodbye. I can't do it, Lori. Not again. You're going to have to do it on your own this time."