Half-Off Ragnarok
Page 53
“Huh.”
“Pretty much.” We had reached the bottom of the hill. The road continued around the base of the bowl, avoiding the farmed areas, to wind its way into the mobile homes. I kept following Dee. It seemed like the only safe thing to do.
People were starting to emerge from the trailers to either side, looking curiously toward my car. A few of them were wearing baseball caps, and most of them were bareheaded. Why shouldn’t they be? This was their home, and Shelby and I were the invasive species. One little girl had red bows tied around the necks of her snakes. Their scales were so pale that they looked almost white. I wondered whether they would darken as she aged. Immediately after, I wondered how rude of me it would be to ask.
Dee parked in front of a trailer. There was another space next to her, and so I slid into it, killing the engine. Shelby reached for her door. I put a hand on her arm, stopping her.
“Hang on,” I said, and produced a pair of polarized goggles from my pocket. She looked at me quizzically. “The gaze of a Pliny’s gorgon can stun if they’re not wearing specially tinted glasses. These will keep you from getting hurt.”
“And you think you weren’t planning to get me involved in all this,” she said, taking the goggles and sliding them on. “What about you?”
I tapped the arm of my glasses. “I’m already set. These are specially polarized. So is the reflective coating on my car windows. I plan ahead.”
“You say the sweetest things.”
“I try,” I said, reaching for the door. “Come on. Let’s go see how much trouble we’re in.”
The gorgons had started to move as soon as we stopped. By the time Shelby and I were out of the car, we were surrounded. Size didn’t seem to be a factor: even the little girl with beribboned snakes was standing there, clearly confident that she could take us if she had to. Given her natural advantages, she probably could.
“They’re with me,” Dee announced, stepping between me and the rest of the gorgons. That left Shelby alone between the two cars. I wasn’t sure I was comfortable with that. We should probably have planned this better.
A thin man with bronze skin and black-scaled snakes pushed his way through the crowd. He was wearing blue hospital scrubs that left the bottom foot or so of his legs exposed. He must have been seven feet tall. My animal hindbrain began a vigorous argument with the rest of my mind over the virtues of running vs. asking if I could perform a physical examination.
“And who, exactly, are ‘they,’ Deanna?” he demanded.
“They’re my guests, Frank,” said Dee, sounding unruffled. She reached up and removed her wig, causing her own brown-and-red snakes to uncoil and stretch to their full length. Several of Frank’s snakes stopped writhing in order to watch hers intently. “If that’s not enough for you—”
“It’s not,” said Frank dangerously.
“—allow me to present Alexander Price, and Shelby Tanner. Shelby belongs to the Thirty-Six Society.”
“Cheers,” said Shelby, solving the “separated from the group” issue by sliding across the hood of my car and landing on her feet beside me. “Nice . . . village? Village works as well as anything, I suppose. Nice village you’ve got here. How often are you doing crop rotation?”
“Every season,” said Frank automatically. Then he scowled. “Hang on. I’m not going to answer any questions about how we’re living. You’re the ones who should be answering questions.”
“Frank.” I could practically hear Dee roll her eyes. “They’re my guests. Behave.”
“They’re humans,” said one of the children—a little boy in a Pokémon T-shirt. Some things are apparently universal. He looked curious. The reason was revealed as he continued, “I’ve never seen humans before. Can we keep them?”
“No,” said Frank. “They won’t be staying. Or at least, they won’t be staying alive.”
“Do you lot always threaten company?” asked Shelby. “Like, is this a normal social thing, and I should start threatening you back if I want to be civil?”
“Please don’t,” said Dee.
“Go right ahead,” said Frank.
“When in doubt, we uninvited humans like to listen to the people who have a known track record of not trying to kill us,” I said hastily, before things could get any worse. “Look: we’re here because I asked Dee to bring us. She’s been a good friend, and I’m really glad to have been able to assist your community by supplying antivenin and other needed medical supplies. I take it you’re the community doctor, Mr. . . . ?”
“Franklin Javier Lusczando de Rodriguez,” said Frank, drawing himself up to his full height and looking haughtily down his nose. He had a lot of height, which made the gesture more impressive than pretentious, although it was a narrow margin.
“Ah, so you’re Dee’s husband.” I stole a glance at Dee, who wasn’t looking at me at all. This was probably not the top of her list of “ways I want my boss to meet my husband.” I looked back to Frank. “Anyway. Dee has been a huge help since I came to Ohio, and I want to help her in return. I know it would be devastating for you if a Covenant purge were to get started over all this silly cockatrice business.”
As I had expected, saying the word “Covenant” in the middle of a gathering of gorgons was like dropping a lit match into a barrel full of salamanders. Hissing filled the air as people turned to their neighbors, talking in quick, panicked voices. I held my ground, watching Frank. His snakes were still mostly calm, although they were twisting together in a way that could have indicated anything from confusion to guilt.
Finally, he frowned. “Silly cockatrice business?”
I blinked, glancing toward Dee again. She still wasn’t looking at me. “Well, this is going to be fun,” I muttered, and turned back to Frank. “I can see we have a great deal to discuss. Is there someplace we can go to talk about this, preferably where we won’t start a panic?”
Frank kept frowning as he studied me. At long last, he nodded and said, “I have a place. Come with me.”
Frank’s “place” turned out to be one of the larger mobile homes, set off from the rest by almost fifteen yards—unheard of privacy in a community where everyone shared the same open space as both a common area and a means of getting from one place to another. The reason for the privacy was apparent as soon as he opened the door to reveal the gleaming operating table and state-of-the-art dentist’s chair. There was even a maternity area, with several large incubators and a comfortable bed for mothers recuperating from their labor.
“Pretty much.” We had reached the bottom of the hill. The road continued around the base of the bowl, avoiding the farmed areas, to wind its way into the mobile homes. I kept following Dee. It seemed like the only safe thing to do.
People were starting to emerge from the trailers to either side, looking curiously toward my car. A few of them were wearing baseball caps, and most of them were bareheaded. Why shouldn’t they be? This was their home, and Shelby and I were the invasive species. One little girl had red bows tied around the necks of her snakes. Their scales were so pale that they looked almost white. I wondered whether they would darken as she aged. Immediately after, I wondered how rude of me it would be to ask.
Dee parked in front of a trailer. There was another space next to her, and so I slid into it, killing the engine. Shelby reached for her door. I put a hand on her arm, stopping her.
“Hang on,” I said, and produced a pair of polarized goggles from my pocket. She looked at me quizzically. “The gaze of a Pliny’s gorgon can stun if they’re not wearing specially tinted glasses. These will keep you from getting hurt.”
“And you think you weren’t planning to get me involved in all this,” she said, taking the goggles and sliding them on. “What about you?”
I tapped the arm of my glasses. “I’m already set. These are specially polarized. So is the reflective coating on my car windows. I plan ahead.”
“You say the sweetest things.”
“I try,” I said, reaching for the door. “Come on. Let’s go see how much trouble we’re in.”
The gorgons had started to move as soon as we stopped. By the time Shelby and I were out of the car, we were surrounded. Size didn’t seem to be a factor: even the little girl with beribboned snakes was standing there, clearly confident that she could take us if she had to. Given her natural advantages, she probably could.
“They’re with me,” Dee announced, stepping between me and the rest of the gorgons. That left Shelby alone between the two cars. I wasn’t sure I was comfortable with that. We should probably have planned this better.
A thin man with bronze skin and black-scaled snakes pushed his way through the crowd. He was wearing blue hospital scrubs that left the bottom foot or so of his legs exposed. He must have been seven feet tall. My animal hindbrain began a vigorous argument with the rest of my mind over the virtues of running vs. asking if I could perform a physical examination.
“And who, exactly, are ‘they,’ Deanna?” he demanded.
“They’re my guests, Frank,” said Dee, sounding unruffled. She reached up and removed her wig, causing her own brown-and-red snakes to uncoil and stretch to their full length. Several of Frank’s snakes stopped writhing in order to watch hers intently. “If that’s not enough for you—”
“It’s not,” said Frank dangerously.
“—allow me to present Alexander Price, and Shelby Tanner. Shelby belongs to the Thirty-Six Society.”
“Cheers,” said Shelby, solving the “separated from the group” issue by sliding across the hood of my car and landing on her feet beside me. “Nice . . . village? Village works as well as anything, I suppose. Nice village you’ve got here. How often are you doing crop rotation?”
“Every season,” said Frank automatically. Then he scowled. “Hang on. I’m not going to answer any questions about how we’re living. You’re the ones who should be answering questions.”
“Frank.” I could practically hear Dee roll her eyes. “They’re my guests. Behave.”
“They’re humans,” said one of the children—a little boy in a Pokémon T-shirt. Some things are apparently universal. He looked curious. The reason was revealed as he continued, “I’ve never seen humans before. Can we keep them?”
“No,” said Frank. “They won’t be staying. Or at least, they won’t be staying alive.”
“Do you lot always threaten company?” asked Shelby. “Like, is this a normal social thing, and I should start threatening you back if I want to be civil?”
“Please don’t,” said Dee.
“Go right ahead,” said Frank.
“When in doubt, we uninvited humans like to listen to the people who have a known track record of not trying to kill us,” I said hastily, before things could get any worse. “Look: we’re here because I asked Dee to bring us. She’s been a good friend, and I’m really glad to have been able to assist your community by supplying antivenin and other needed medical supplies. I take it you’re the community doctor, Mr. . . . ?”
“Franklin Javier Lusczando de Rodriguez,” said Frank, drawing himself up to his full height and looking haughtily down his nose. He had a lot of height, which made the gesture more impressive than pretentious, although it was a narrow margin.
“Ah, so you’re Dee’s husband.” I stole a glance at Dee, who wasn’t looking at me at all. This was probably not the top of her list of “ways I want my boss to meet my husband.” I looked back to Frank. “Anyway. Dee has been a huge help since I came to Ohio, and I want to help her in return. I know it would be devastating for you if a Covenant purge were to get started over all this silly cockatrice business.”
As I had expected, saying the word “Covenant” in the middle of a gathering of gorgons was like dropping a lit match into a barrel full of salamanders. Hissing filled the air as people turned to their neighbors, talking in quick, panicked voices. I held my ground, watching Frank. His snakes were still mostly calm, although they were twisting together in a way that could have indicated anything from confusion to guilt.
Finally, he frowned. “Silly cockatrice business?”
I blinked, glancing toward Dee again. She still wasn’t looking at me. “Well, this is going to be fun,” I muttered, and turned back to Frank. “I can see we have a great deal to discuss. Is there someplace we can go to talk about this, preferably where we won’t start a panic?”
Frank kept frowning as he studied me. At long last, he nodded and said, “I have a place. Come with me.”
Frank’s “place” turned out to be one of the larger mobile homes, set off from the rest by almost fifteen yards—unheard of privacy in a community where everyone shared the same open space as both a common area and a means of getting from one place to another. The reason for the privacy was apparent as soon as he opened the door to reveal the gleaming operating table and state-of-the-art dentist’s chair. There was even a maternity area, with several large incubators and a comfortable bed for mothers recuperating from their labor.
