Hard to Love You
Page 11
I’m able to muster up a small smile, “I am now.”
He doesn’t ask what just happened and I’m grateful for that. “You ready to get out of here?”
I nod, Cole squeezes me one last time before he lets go. He reaches up and wipes away my tears with his thumbs. Once all my tears are dry he reaches for my hand and entwines our fingers. Even though I only met Cole this afternoon I feel comfortable with him. Cole and I could become great friends; I almost feel like he knows what I’m going through. Maybe one day he’ll tell me his past. As for me telling Cole about mine, I don’t have a choice - he seems to be seeing it unfold right before his eyes.
As we start to walk off the dance floor I know Mason isn’t here anymore, I can’t feel him. I look over my shoulder in search of Jaylinn, I don’t want to be rude and not say goodbye, even though I know she would understand. She is still wrapped in Cooper’s arms, swaying back and forth. My heart aches and when she sees me she waves her goodbye and Cooper winks at me.
Our way back to my house its quiet, I hate it. It’s making me think of Mason and how badly I want to be with him. Locked behind closed doors where the real Mason is. Not the one everyone else knows; the bad ass Mason Cahill, the unattainable one. I want to run my fingers in his dark thick hair, stare into his stormy blue eyes, and engulf my body into his rock hard one.
“You want to talk about it?” Cole finally breaks the silence.
We’re about five blocks away from my house and those five blocks seem like miles away. I want to run into my bedroom, dive into my bed and bury myself in there for days until I can overcome this heartache. “No, I’m good.” I rest my head back against the headrest.
“He was the one, huh?” Cole questions.
I can’t answer him; I know my voice will tell the truth, so I just shake my head.
“I thought I’d found mine too. We were high school sweethearts.” He shakes his head like he can’t believe it. “We actually knew each other growing up, our parents were friends. It was like we were set up to be together way back then.”
He stops talking; he is staring straight ahead, gripping the steering wheel hard. I wait a few minutes before I ask, “What happened?”
Cole looks over at me, so many emotions flash over his face, “She broke my heart.”
We leave the conversation at that. He doesn’t want to tell me how and I’m ok with that because I’m not ready to tell him what Mason did to me just yet. We pull into my driveway and all the lights are off, except the front porch. We sit there for a few minutes, neither of us in a hurry for the night to end.
“Thanks for coming tonight.” Cole says, breaking the silence.
“It was fun.” And it was, until Mason showed up. All the guys in the band are a riot and I see myself hanging out with them again.
He laughs, “No reason to lie.”
I look over at him and smile, he can already read me. “It was, minus the two mishaps.”
He shrugs, “Yeah I guess you’re right. The guys really like you, too. We are playing again Friday night, you want to come again?”
I shake my head and he nods, thinking I’m rejecting him. “I want to, but my best friend, MacKenzie, Mason’s sister, is getting married Saturday. So I have to play maid of honor this weekend.”
“That’s going to be awkward.” He chuckles.
“Understatement of the year.” I mumble back. I should ask him now to be my date; it’s the perfect time although I should talk to MacKenzie first. I’m sure she’ll understand, I’ll promise her nothing will happen but I just can’t do this by myself.
I look over at him and he smiles that perfect smile. If it was another time and place, then I could see myself with Cole. “You want to be my knight in shining armor and be my date?”
He studies me for a few minutes, staring into my eyes, it causes me to squirm. Why is he staring at me so intently? There isn’t anything good inside me, it’s all tainted. Always feeling unwanted, unloved. My parents got a divorce because of me. Mom’s around and she’s great and all but she works her ass off to keep a roof over our heads. My sister blames me for them splitting. The only one who has ever made me feel special, loved, was Mason. But now I don’t even have that.
He reaches over and pats my leg, “Yeah. I’ll go. I may be signing my own death warrant but why the hell not.”
I squeeze his hand that is still resting on my leg, “Thanks Cole, and don’t worry, nothing will happen at MacKenzie’s wedding. I think everyone is going above and beyond to see to that.”
“No big deal, I was only messing with you. I could use a fight anyway.” Cole says with a wink.
“I’m sorry there’s so much drama that surrounds me. It seems to follow me wherever I go.”
“Hailey, really don’t worry about it. Everyone has their own share of drama. God knows I have enough of it to last me a lifetime.” I stare off into space for a few minutes. The silence is comfortable.
Cole looks over at me and grabs my hand. It’s not weird or unfamiliar.
“Cole?”
“Yeah?”
“I don’t want you to think I’m using you because I’m not. I’m just in a shitty situation. I wish I were in another time and place in my life. I’d like to see where things would go with us but I just can’t. You’re don’t seem ready, I’m not ready. So the only thing I have to offer is friendship.” I admit to him. I feel better for getting that off my chest.
“I know you’re not using me, Hailey. I get it; I really do, so stop worrying about it. Friends are what we’re going to be.” He agrees.
And so that was settled. Cole and I both laugh when I say “See you Friday”. Since I got flowers today that means if Mason keeps his deliveries as scheduled I will get more on Friday. Cole comes to my side of the car, opens the door for me and walks me to my front door. He kisses me on the forehead and leaves.
Thursday morning I text MacKenzie and see what she’s up to. I tell her I want to come over and see my nephew. We make plans for lunch and she promises to keep Mason clear from the house.
I stop by the toy store before arriving at the house. I know she’s going to yell at me for spoiling him but I can’t help it.
I pull into the driveway a little while later and get out of my car with my hands full of food and gifts. MacKenzie opens the door with Ryder on her hip. He’s so adorable. Head full of dark curly hair, bright blue eyes like his mom and strong features like his dad. There is no denying that he is theirs.
He doesn’t ask what just happened and I’m grateful for that. “You ready to get out of here?”
I nod, Cole squeezes me one last time before he lets go. He reaches up and wipes away my tears with his thumbs. Once all my tears are dry he reaches for my hand and entwines our fingers. Even though I only met Cole this afternoon I feel comfortable with him. Cole and I could become great friends; I almost feel like he knows what I’m going through. Maybe one day he’ll tell me his past. As for me telling Cole about mine, I don’t have a choice - he seems to be seeing it unfold right before his eyes.
As we start to walk off the dance floor I know Mason isn’t here anymore, I can’t feel him. I look over my shoulder in search of Jaylinn, I don’t want to be rude and not say goodbye, even though I know she would understand. She is still wrapped in Cooper’s arms, swaying back and forth. My heart aches and when she sees me she waves her goodbye and Cooper winks at me.
Our way back to my house its quiet, I hate it. It’s making me think of Mason and how badly I want to be with him. Locked behind closed doors where the real Mason is. Not the one everyone else knows; the bad ass Mason Cahill, the unattainable one. I want to run my fingers in his dark thick hair, stare into his stormy blue eyes, and engulf my body into his rock hard one.
“You want to talk about it?” Cole finally breaks the silence.
We’re about five blocks away from my house and those five blocks seem like miles away. I want to run into my bedroom, dive into my bed and bury myself in there for days until I can overcome this heartache. “No, I’m good.” I rest my head back against the headrest.
“He was the one, huh?” Cole questions.
I can’t answer him; I know my voice will tell the truth, so I just shake my head.
“I thought I’d found mine too. We were high school sweethearts.” He shakes his head like he can’t believe it. “We actually knew each other growing up, our parents were friends. It was like we were set up to be together way back then.”
He stops talking; he is staring straight ahead, gripping the steering wheel hard. I wait a few minutes before I ask, “What happened?”
Cole looks over at me, so many emotions flash over his face, “She broke my heart.”
We leave the conversation at that. He doesn’t want to tell me how and I’m ok with that because I’m not ready to tell him what Mason did to me just yet. We pull into my driveway and all the lights are off, except the front porch. We sit there for a few minutes, neither of us in a hurry for the night to end.
“Thanks for coming tonight.” Cole says, breaking the silence.
“It was fun.” And it was, until Mason showed up. All the guys in the band are a riot and I see myself hanging out with them again.
He laughs, “No reason to lie.”
I look over at him and smile, he can already read me. “It was, minus the two mishaps.”
He shrugs, “Yeah I guess you’re right. The guys really like you, too. We are playing again Friday night, you want to come again?”
I shake my head and he nods, thinking I’m rejecting him. “I want to, but my best friend, MacKenzie, Mason’s sister, is getting married Saturday. So I have to play maid of honor this weekend.”
“That’s going to be awkward.” He chuckles.
“Understatement of the year.” I mumble back. I should ask him now to be my date; it’s the perfect time although I should talk to MacKenzie first. I’m sure she’ll understand, I’ll promise her nothing will happen but I just can’t do this by myself.
I look over at him and he smiles that perfect smile. If it was another time and place, then I could see myself with Cole. “You want to be my knight in shining armor and be my date?”
He studies me for a few minutes, staring into my eyes, it causes me to squirm. Why is he staring at me so intently? There isn’t anything good inside me, it’s all tainted. Always feeling unwanted, unloved. My parents got a divorce because of me. Mom’s around and she’s great and all but she works her ass off to keep a roof over our heads. My sister blames me for them splitting. The only one who has ever made me feel special, loved, was Mason. But now I don’t even have that.
He reaches over and pats my leg, “Yeah. I’ll go. I may be signing my own death warrant but why the hell not.”
I squeeze his hand that is still resting on my leg, “Thanks Cole, and don’t worry, nothing will happen at MacKenzie’s wedding. I think everyone is going above and beyond to see to that.”
“No big deal, I was only messing with you. I could use a fight anyway.” Cole says with a wink.
“I’m sorry there’s so much drama that surrounds me. It seems to follow me wherever I go.”
“Hailey, really don’t worry about it. Everyone has their own share of drama. God knows I have enough of it to last me a lifetime.” I stare off into space for a few minutes. The silence is comfortable.
Cole looks over at me and grabs my hand. It’s not weird or unfamiliar.
“Cole?”
“Yeah?”
“I don’t want you to think I’m using you because I’m not. I’m just in a shitty situation. I wish I were in another time and place in my life. I’d like to see where things would go with us but I just can’t. You’re don’t seem ready, I’m not ready. So the only thing I have to offer is friendship.” I admit to him. I feel better for getting that off my chest.
“I know you’re not using me, Hailey. I get it; I really do, so stop worrying about it. Friends are what we’re going to be.” He agrees.
And so that was settled. Cole and I both laugh when I say “See you Friday”. Since I got flowers today that means if Mason keeps his deliveries as scheduled I will get more on Friday. Cole comes to my side of the car, opens the door for me and walks me to my front door. He kisses me on the forehead and leaves.
Thursday morning I text MacKenzie and see what she’s up to. I tell her I want to come over and see my nephew. We make plans for lunch and she promises to keep Mason clear from the house.
I stop by the toy store before arriving at the house. I know she’s going to yell at me for spoiling him but I can’t help it.
I pull into the driveway a little while later and get out of my car with my hands full of food and gifts. MacKenzie opens the door with Ryder on her hip. He’s so adorable. Head full of dark curly hair, bright blue eyes like his mom and strong features like his dad. There is no denying that he is theirs.
