Hard to Love You
Page 43
I rest back against the wall, “I did this to protect you guys, Cooper. I f**king screwed everything up.”
Cooper’s arms fall to the side, “What did you do Mase? Stop being so cryptic.”
I take a deep breath, my lungs burn from the tightness. “It doesn’t matter now. It’s too late to fix it.”
Cooper sighs loudly, “Whatever you say.”
I can’t go to practice like this. I can’t deal with the questioning stares. “Tell Coach I’ve got the stomach flu, will ya?”
“He’s gonna be pissed, you know this right? He could handle the stomach flu but Mason you gotta get your hand looked at.” Cooper is staring down at it. I can’t even feel it. I can’t feel anything at this point.
I get up off the floor and go into the bathroom and take the hottest f**king shower I can. I wish I could burn off everything that happened yesterday from the time I opened my eyes. Maybe this is just a nightmare and I’ll wake up soon. Not likely but its wishful thinking.
Later that afternoon, after I’ve cleaned everything in my house, I go over to my parent’s house. I need some advice from Mom. I take my bike instead of my car and I go the long way to their house, the sound of the bike drowns out the voices in my head.
When I arrive at Mom and Dad’s, I go straight in and head for the kitchen where Mom normally is.
“Hey Mason.” Mom greets me. She’s got Ryder on her hip.
“Hey Ma.” I take a seat on one of the bar stools.
Mom puts Ryder down in the highchair and comes around to wrap her arms around me from behind. “Oh my God! Mason what in God’s name did you do to your hand?” Mom grabs my wrist and takes a closer look. “You have to have that checked out, Mason. I’m guessing Coach doesn’t know yet?”
“No. Not yet.” I’m going to regret punching that door tomorrow when he gets a look at it. I guess I’m going to be taken out of rotation for this. Hopefully it will only be for tomorrow and then I’ll be ok to pitch next week. And that’s only if Coach doesn’t kick me off the team.
Mom walks over to the freezer and gets an ice pack out, wraps it in a paper towel and then gently lays it on my busted knuckles. “Talk to me Mason?” She asks, “I know something is up, it’s written all over your face.”
Mom lays a hand on my shoulders. “I think I really screwed things up with Hailey.”
Mom lets go and takes a seat on the stool next to me. “I figured something was up. I know Hailey’s been upset but when she dropped Ryder off this morning she looked like hell, kind of how you look right now.”
I rest my elbows on the table and tell Mom everything that has happened, from me not really kissing Lily at the bar, to keeping something that could possibly hurt our family. From Sunday, after our game (leaving out the sex part of course), to waking up the next morning thinking we actually had a chance of getting back together, and then from coming home from practice yesterday to waking up this morning. I even tell her about blacking out and Lily claiming we slept together.
Mom pats my arm, “Well Mason, you’ve put yourself in quite a mess.”
I nod in agreement.
“Do you honestly think you slept with Lily?” Mom asks seriously.
I pinch the bridge of my nose. “No, I really don’t. What the hell do I do Mom?”
Mom stands up, grabs two coffee mugs and fills them with coffee and places them on the table in front of us. “Well, I think you need a break from all of this, Mason. You need to stop trying to protect everyone. I know you don’t want to see your family get hurt, but Mason, you can’t stop everything.” Mom scoops two sugars into her coffee. “Learn to put yourself first. Once you’ve learned how to do that, you fight like hell for what you want and stop at nothing to get it. Just like what you’ve done with baseball.” Mom walks over to the fridge and grabs the creamer.
I sit and stew about her advice. She’s right of course, Mom’s always right. I’ve always put everyone first to protect them. I’ve done it with MacKenzie so many times that I’ve lost count. I’ve done it for Hailey in little ways, and now I’m protecting Cooper. It’s time that I stopped. I’m tired of all this. I’m tired of always getting the shitty end of it.
“Thanks Ma, and not just for the advice, thanks for everything you’ve done for me.” I glance over at her and she’s smiling brightly at me.
“You’re welcome, Sweetie. Be the Mason that stops for nothing to get what he wants. I know he’s in there but you need to find him.”
A few hours later I’m lying on the floor with Ryder when someone rings the doorbell.
“I’ve got it.” Mom calls out to me.
I push the rattle closer for Ryder to grab. He’s babbling like crazy and I’m talking right back to him when Mom comes into the living room. I glance over at her and see that Hailey is standing there with her.
Shit!
21
When I woke up this morning I had a text from Mom telling me that Tara is coming for dinner. Tara doing something with the two of us means only one thing - she needs money. Tara moved out of home and in with her boyfriend right out of high school and has never looked back, that is until she needs something from Mom. I am in no mood to deal with my bitch of a sister today. Thankfully, when I dropped Ryder off with MacKenzie’s mom this morning she asked me to come over for dinner since it’s just her tonight.
When I pull up to MacKenzie’s parent’s house I’m surprised to see Mason’s bike in the driveway. I didn’t want to deal with Tara tonight and I definitely don’t want to deal with Mason. After twenty minutes I talk myself into going in the house. I’d rather deal with Mason than Tara. I ring the doorbell. I’m still not comfortable walking in after all these years, even though they tell me to every time I come over. I stand there and wait, Elle answers the door.
“Hey Sweetie.” Elle opens the door wider to allow me to walk in. “You could have let yourself in. We’re playing with Ryder.”
I follow Elle into the living room. Mason is lying on his stomach facing Ryder. It just makes seeing him harder. I want that life with him so badly but I’m furious about everything that has happened and nothing will change it at this point. Our feelings are hurt and we both need to heal.
Mason looks like he’s seen a ghost; I guess it really is a surprise that I’m here. I just hope he knows I’m not here for him. I know things will be uncomfortable for everyone while Mason and I go through our break up but I’m not going to cut them out. They are my family too. “Hailey.”
Cooper’s arms fall to the side, “What did you do Mase? Stop being so cryptic.”
I take a deep breath, my lungs burn from the tightness. “It doesn’t matter now. It’s too late to fix it.”
Cooper sighs loudly, “Whatever you say.”
I can’t go to practice like this. I can’t deal with the questioning stares. “Tell Coach I’ve got the stomach flu, will ya?”
“He’s gonna be pissed, you know this right? He could handle the stomach flu but Mason you gotta get your hand looked at.” Cooper is staring down at it. I can’t even feel it. I can’t feel anything at this point.
I get up off the floor and go into the bathroom and take the hottest f**king shower I can. I wish I could burn off everything that happened yesterday from the time I opened my eyes. Maybe this is just a nightmare and I’ll wake up soon. Not likely but its wishful thinking.
Later that afternoon, after I’ve cleaned everything in my house, I go over to my parent’s house. I need some advice from Mom. I take my bike instead of my car and I go the long way to their house, the sound of the bike drowns out the voices in my head.
When I arrive at Mom and Dad’s, I go straight in and head for the kitchen where Mom normally is.
“Hey Mason.” Mom greets me. She’s got Ryder on her hip.
“Hey Ma.” I take a seat on one of the bar stools.
Mom puts Ryder down in the highchair and comes around to wrap her arms around me from behind. “Oh my God! Mason what in God’s name did you do to your hand?” Mom grabs my wrist and takes a closer look. “You have to have that checked out, Mason. I’m guessing Coach doesn’t know yet?”
“No. Not yet.” I’m going to regret punching that door tomorrow when he gets a look at it. I guess I’m going to be taken out of rotation for this. Hopefully it will only be for tomorrow and then I’ll be ok to pitch next week. And that’s only if Coach doesn’t kick me off the team.
Mom walks over to the freezer and gets an ice pack out, wraps it in a paper towel and then gently lays it on my busted knuckles. “Talk to me Mason?” She asks, “I know something is up, it’s written all over your face.”
Mom lays a hand on my shoulders. “I think I really screwed things up with Hailey.”
Mom lets go and takes a seat on the stool next to me. “I figured something was up. I know Hailey’s been upset but when she dropped Ryder off this morning she looked like hell, kind of how you look right now.”
I rest my elbows on the table and tell Mom everything that has happened, from me not really kissing Lily at the bar, to keeping something that could possibly hurt our family. From Sunday, after our game (leaving out the sex part of course), to waking up the next morning thinking we actually had a chance of getting back together, and then from coming home from practice yesterday to waking up this morning. I even tell her about blacking out and Lily claiming we slept together.
Mom pats my arm, “Well Mason, you’ve put yourself in quite a mess.”
I nod in agreement.
“Do you honestly think you slept with Lily?” Mom asks seriously.
I pinch the bridge of my nose. “No, I really don’t. What the hell do I do Mom?”
Mom stands up, grabs two coffee mugs and fills them with coffee and places them on the table in front of us. “Well, I think you need a break from all of this, Mason. You need to stop trying to protect everyone. I know you don’t want to see your family get hurt, but Mason, you can’t stop everything.” Mom scoops two sugars into her coffee. “Learn to put yourself first. Once you’ve learned how to do that, you fight like hell for what you want and stop at nothing to get it. Just like what you’ve done with baseball.” Mom walks over to the fridge and grabs the creamer.
I sit and stew about her advice. She’s right of course, Mom’s always right. I’ve always put everyone first to protect them. I’ve done it with MacKenzie so many times that I’ve lost count. I’ve done it for Hailey in little ways, and now I’m protecting Cooper. It’s time that I stopped. I’m tired of all this. I’m tired of always getting the shitty end of it.
“Thanks Ma, and not just for the advice, thanks for everything you’ve done for me.” I glance over at her and she’s smiling brightly at me.
“You’re welcome, Sweetie. Be the Mason that stops for nothing to get what he wants. I know he’s in there but you need to find him.”
A few hours later I’m lying on the floor with Ryder when someone rings the doorbell.
“I’ve got it.” Mom calls out to me.
I push the rattle closer for Ryder to grab. He’s babbling like crazy and I’m talking right back to him when Mom comes into the living room. I glance over at her and see that Hailey is standing there with her.
Shit!
21
When I woke up this morning I had a text from Mom telling me that Tara is coming for dinner. Tara doing something with the two of us means only one thing - she needs money. Tara moved out of home and in with her boyfriend right out of high school and has never looked back, that is until she needs something from Mom. I am in no mood to deal with my bitch of a sister today. Thankfully, when I dropped Ryder off with MacKenzie’s mom this morning she asked me to come over for dinner since it’s just her tonight.
When I pull up to MacKenzie’s parent’s house I’m surprised to see Mason’s bike in the driveway. I didn’t want to deal with Tara tonight and I definitely don’t want to deal with Mason. After twenty minutes I talk myself into going in the house. I’d rather deal with Mason than Tara. I ring the doorbell. I’m still not comfortable walking in after all these years, even though they tell me to every time I come over. I stand there and wait, Elle answers the door.
“Hey Sweetie.” Elle opens the door wider to allow me to walk in. “You could have let yourself in. We’re playing with Ryder.”
I follow Elle into the living room. Mason is lying on his stomach facing Ryder. It just makes seeing him harder. I want that life with him so badly but I’m furious about everything that has happened and nothing will change it at this point. Our feelings are hurt and we both need to heal.
Mason looks like he’s seen a ghost; I guess it really is a surprise that I’m here. I just hope he knows I’m not here for him. I know things will be uncomfortable for everyone while Mason and I go through our break up but I’m not going to cut them out. They are my family too. “Hailey.”
