Hard to Love You
Page 51
I try to smile through the sadness, “I know but it doesn’t make it any easier.”
“True, but you’re too beautiful to be tied down by anyone just yet.”
And just like that my mood changed again. I smirk over at Logan this time, “Are you trying to get into my pants, Logan?”
He looks at me bashfully and then looks away at a couple walking in. “Things always have a way of working themselves out, you know.”
By the time we finish our beer I’m ready to go home and put this day behind me, and take another step forward.
Bentley got me a job answering phones, filing and performing general office duties at his aunt’s doctor’s office. The pay was good and it was close to the house so I could actually walk. Most of the time, one of the guys were around though, and they always offered to give me rides. I started pitching in for the bills and I felt more like I belonged now and not like a freeloader. Most of the nights I would cook dinner while the guys cleaned up afterwards. We all had a nice routine down.
Bentley is still throwing his crazy ass parties, which I only hang around at for a little bit. A few times I got pretty toasted and those were the nights that I missed Mason the most. Other times Logan and I would hang out, in either my room or his, watching movies.
The boys were pretty clean but I still refused to clean the bathrooms. It was bad enough I had to share a shower with them, I sure as shit wasn’t cleaning up after them. Bentley was still Bentley, playing his little pranks on me. I learned my lesson long ago to always check before you sit, you never know when he would put saran wrap on the toilet bowl. He even ruined Oreos for me. I had opened a packet and he got a hold of them one night when I went to bed and scrapped out the cream in the middle and replaced it with tooth paste. Most disgusting thing ever. He would often ask how I was doing and each time the answer was better. I wasn’t back to the old Hailey, and I don’t know if I ever would be. I felt like I grew up a little after all the Mason drama that went down.
Zeke had talked me into getting a tattoo. It took me about two weeks before I finally decided to just let him do his thing. There are four, pink, stargazer lilies on my right side. The first lily starts right where my bra lies - it was a fun time while that was healing - and the last one sits on my right hip. There are intricate lines that wrap all around the lilies, making it look even more striking and feminine. It hurt like a bitch and I whined the whole time but Zeke said I handled it like a champ. Once I got one I couldn’t stop. My next trip was for a tattoo and a piercing. The piercing is a dermal anchoring on my left hip that acted as a center for another flower that Zeke tattooed a week later. I am getting the other side done in the next week or so.
While life continued I do my best to move forward, but there isn’t a day that I don’t think about Mason. I miss him so much. Some days I feel like picking up the phone, just so I could hear that raspy voice that I longed for. I never do though, because the pain would only be worse in the end. I delete Mason from my Facebook account; change my email address and cell phone number. I feel like this is the only way to try and erase him from my life. I have to try to move on. Despite my progress, most nights I cry myself to sleep. One of the first few days I was there Logan heard me crying. He climbed in my bed and held me, trying to soothe my sadness. At first, being in arms not belonging to Mason felt foreign but there was something familiar about Logan’s embrace. He managed to ease my sobs until they were nothing more than a few stray tears and I fell fast asleep. It was the most peaceful sleep I’d had since things with Mason ended. From that night forward I have shared a bed with Logan. In the mornings Logan returns to his room and I go about my day. We haven’t talked about our sleeping arrangements but I feel a change with Logan. After he and I both get home from work I would catch him watching me. He always fixes me a plate of food while he gets his. Logan allows me to shower before him. I wonder about that one because he’s in there for an awfully long time after I get out. I try not to think about it but if I’m honest it kind of feels good knowing I affect him.
Just this morning, when I woke up, Logan was watching me sleep. I could feel his eyes on me before I even opened mine. When I rolled on my side to face him he lifted my chin so he could look me in the eyes. His face inched closer to mine, I froze. I wasn’t sure if I was ready for this with Logan just yet but then I told myself to relax and Logan kissed my cheek, before rolling out of bed and leaving me there with my thoughts. Could this routine become something more? Could I actually start another relationship? Was I ready? Was Logan the right person to try that with? All these question swarm in my head.
After I’d finished getting ready for work I went downstairs to get my coffee. Logan was standing in the kitchen. He winked at me when I walked over to the coffee maker.
“Morning.”
I laughed, “Morning.”
I glanced down at the coffee maker and I see my travel mug is already made and waiting for me. I looked up to Logan smiling at me.
“Thank you.” I stood on my tiptoes to kiss him on his cheek but he turned and I kiss him on the lips. I freeze mid-kiss. His lips were different but familiar too. They weren’t the soft, pouty ones that I craved but they were warm and inviting. After a few seconds I broke off the kiss and stared at Logan in shock.
Logan mumbled, “I’m sorry.”
I narrowed my eyes at him, “No you are not.”
He walked towards the fridge, “You’re right. I’m not.”
I smiled. I think I am actually ok with the kiss. “Don’t let it happen again.” I joked with him.
“Okay, whatever you say.” Logan said with his head shoved in the fridge, looking for something.
I grabbed my travel mug and started to walk away from him so that I could get to work on time but as I passed by him his hand came out and smacked me on the ass. “See you later, honey.”
I squeaked in surprise. I didn’t answer him back as I walked out of the house with a big ass smile on my face. Today was going to be a great day. The sun is shining, it’s not too hot and I just got my first, post Mason, kiss and I’m okay.
26
We’re on the road again, I can tell from the bed I’m sleeping in. It’s hard as a rock and the pillow is flat. I hate flat pillows. I don’t want to wake up just yet but the heat radiating on my back is making me uncomfortable. I know what I’m doing is wrong but I don’t give a shit. I have to do something to take away the stabbing pain in my chest, even if it’s only for a few hours.
“True, but you’re too beautiful to be tied down by anyone just yet.”
And just like that my mood changed again. I smirk over at Logan this time, “Are you trying to get into my pants, Logan?”
He looks at me bashfully and then looks away at a couple walking in. “Things always have a way of working themselves out, you know.”
By the time we finish our beer I’m ready to go home and put this day behind me, and take another step forward.
Bentley got me a job answering phones, filing and performing general office duties at his aunt’s doctor’s office. The pay was good and it was close to the house so I could actually walk. Most of the time, one of the guys were around though, and they always offered to give me rides. I started pitching in for the bills and I felt more like I belonged now and not like a freeloader. Most of the nights I would cook dinner while the guys cleaned up afterwards. We all had a nice routine down.
Bentley is still throwing his crazy ass parties, which I only hang around at for a little bit. A few times I got pretty toasted and those were the nights that I missed Mason the most. Other times Logan and I would hang out, in either my room or his, watching movies.
The boys were pretty clean but I still refused to clean the bathrooms. It was bad enough I had to share a shower with them, I sure as shit wasn’t cleaning up after them. Bentley was still Bentley, playing his little pranks on me. I learned my lesson long ago to always check before you sit, you never know when he would put saran wrap on the toilet bowl. He even ruined Oreos for me. I had opened a packet and he got a hold of them one night when I went to bed and scrapped out the cream in the middle and replaced it with tooth paste. Most disgusting thing ever. He would often ask how I was doing and each time the answer was better. I wasn’t back to the old Hailey, and I don’t know if I ever would be. I felt like I grew up a little after all the Mason drama that went down.
Zeke had talked me into getting a tattoo. It took me about two weeks before I finally decided to just let him do his thing. There are four, pink, stargazer lilies on my right side. The first lily starts right where my bra lies - it was a fun time while that was healing - and the last one sits on my right hip. There are intricate lines that wrap all around the lilies, making it look even more striking and feminine. It hurt like a bitch and I whined the whole time but Zeke said I handled it like a champ. Once I got one I couldn’t stop. My next trip was for a tattoo and a piercing. The piercing is a dermal anchoring on my left hip that acted as a center for another flower that Zeke tattooed a week later. I am getting the other side done in the next week or so.
While life continued I do my best to move forward, but there isn’t a day that I don’t think about Mason. I miss him so much. Some days I feel like picking up the phone, just so I could hear that raspy voice that I longed for. I never do though, because the pain would only be worse in the end. I delete Mason from my Facebook account; change my email address and cell phone number. I feel like this is the only way to try and erase him from my life. I have to try to move on. Despite my progress, most nights I cry myself to sleep. One of the first few days I was there Logan heard me crying. He climbed in my bed and held me, trying to soothe my sadness. At first, being in arms not belonging to Mason felt foreign but there was something familiar about Logan’s embrace. He managed to ease my sobs until they were nothing more than a few stray tears and I fell fast asleep. It was the most peaceful sleep I’d had since things with Mason ended. From that night forward I have shared a bed with Logan. In the mornings Logan returns to his room and I go about my day. We haven’t talked about our sleeping arrangements but I feel a change with Logan. After he and I both get home from work I would catch him watching me. He always fixes me a plate of food while he gets his. Logan allows me to shower before him. I wonder about that one because he’s in there for an awfully long time after I get out. I try not to think about it but if I’m honest it kind of feels good knowing I affect him.
Just this morning, when I woke up, Logan was watching me sleep. I could feel his eyes on me before I even opened mine. When I rolled on my side to face him he lifted my chin so he could look me in the eyes. His face inched closer to mine, I froze. I wasn’t sure if I was ready for this with Logan just yet but then I told myself to relax and Logan kissed my cheek, before rolling out of bed and leaving me there with my thoughts. Could this routine become something more? Could I actually start another relationship? Was I ready? Was Logan the right person to try that with? All these question swarm in my head.
After I’d finished getting ready for work I went downstairs to get my coffee. Logan was standing in the kitchen. He winked at me when I walked over to the coffee maker.
“Morning.”
I laughed, “Morning.”
I glanced down at the coffee maker and I see my travel mug is already made and waiting for me. I looked up to Logan smiling at me.
“Thank you.” I stood on my tiptoes to kiss him on his cheek but he turned and I kiss him on the lips. I freeze mid-kiss. His lips were different but familiar too. They weren’t the soft, pouty ones that I craved but they were warm and inviting. After a few seconds I broke off the kiss and stared at Logan in shock.
Logan mumbled, “I’m sorry.”
I narrowed my eyes at him, “No you are not.”
He walked towards the fridge, “You’re right. I’m not.”
I smiled. I think I am actually ok with the kiss. “Don’t let it happen again.” I joked with him.
“Okay, whatever you say.” Logan said with his head shoved in the fridge, looking for something.
I grabbed my travel mug and started to walk away from him so that I could get to work on time but as I passed by him his hand came out and smacked me on the ass. “See you later, honey.”
I squeaked in surprise. I didn’t answer him back as I walked out of the house with a big ass smile on my face. Today was going to be a great day. The sun is shining, it’s not too hot and I just got my first, post Mason, kiss and I’m okay.
26
We’re on the road again, I can tell from the bed I’m sleeping in. It’s hard as a rock and the pillow is flat. I hate flat pillows. I don’t want to wake up just yet but the heat radiating on my back is making me uncomfortable. I know what I’m doing is wrong but I don’t give a shit. I have to do something to take away the stabbing pain in my chest, even if it’s only for a few hours.
