Head Over Heels
Page 35
“You ’bout done with it yet?” Tara asked.
“Yeah, I believe I am. But I want you to know, once I tell you, it’s not an all-access pass to any group hugs. Those need to be put on the schedule in advance.” She drew a deep breath, or as deep as she could anyway. “I love you. I love you both.”
“Well, would you listen to that.” Tara’s tone was dry, in direct contrast to her suspiciously wet eyes. “You just emotionally compromised yourself and lived to tell the tale.”
There was a knock on the open door, and they all looked up at Sawyer standing there, eyes locked on Chloe. Yes, she’d just emotionally compromised herself.
And she was about to do it again.
“The nurse says you’ll be out of here in less than an hour,” Sawyer said. “Need a ride?”
Chloe looked at her sisters. Maddie jumped up, grabbing Tara by the hand. “Oh, that would be great. We’re expecting a few scheduled guests, and…”
“Just say good-bye, sugar,” Tara said, shaking her head. “And remind me to teach you how to lie better than that.”
And then they were both gone.
An hour later, Chloe was dropped down on Sawyer’s couch and gruffly told to “hang on.” She sat on the couch, shivering. “I’m n-not c-cold. It’s just what happens sometimes after a bad asthma attack and all the meds.” Her heart raced, too, like it was trying to get outside of her chest, and it pissed her off.
Sawyer wrapped her in a blanket, then carefully lifted her into his arms. She cuddled in, absorbing his body heat as her eyes locked in on the nebulizer on the coffee table. “What’s that?”
“A nebulizer.”
“I know that. I mean, what’s it doing here?”
“I bought one.”
Her heart squeezed. “When?”
“What does it matter?”
“When, Sawyer?”
“A few days ago.”
She stared into his eyes. “Why did you buy a nebulizer if you were going to dump me?”
“I believe you dumped me,” he said lightly.
She stared at him. “Okay, we’re going to circle back to that in a minute. Sawyer…” She looked around at the living room. Painted walls. Furniture. “Up until a week ago, you didn’t have anything in here, and now you have a nebulizer. Do you know what that means? It means,” she went on without waiting for an answer, “that you like me.” She smiled, feeling the warmth of the knowledge chase away the chill. “You really, really like me.”
“Don’t get excited. I like all my house painters.” He settled her head against his chest. She knew he was giving her time to settle. And also, she realized as he stroked a big hand up and down her back, he was giving her his heat, strength, and reassurance—the last of which wasn’t exactly second nature to him. She knew his job didn’t allow for much softness, or a lot of emotion for that matter. Obviously he’d let that spill over into his life, but she knew he was trying his damnedest to offer her what he thought she needed.
Damn. Damn, she was a goner, and she curled into him, tracing little patterns on his stomach with her fingers, enjoying the hard ridges of his abs. Wriggling to get comfortable, she pressed her face into his throat and inhaled him, then rested her head on his chest. Unlike her, he wasn’t trembling or shaking at all. “Sorry,” she murmured. “I can’t stop shaking.”
“Adrenaline letdown.”
“What about you?” she asked. “You ever get adrenaline letdown? Because I just can’t imagine anything getting to you.”
Sawyer tugged her hair until she met his gaze, his own clear and unguarded. “You,” he said, shockingly gently. “You get to me. You scared the hell out of me today.”
“Makes two of us.”
His grip tightened on her. “If anything had happened to you…” He shook his head and cut the words off.
“I’m okay.” She touched his scruffy jaw. “You make a comfy chair, Sheriff. Sure you’re a little hard in spots, but—”
“Chloe.” He laughed and pressed his forehead to hers. “You get to me,” he said again quietly. “I want you to know that. You get to me, just the way you are.” He leaned in close. “No changing.”
She absorbed the words as she’d absorbed his heat and felt a weight lift from her shoulders. “What if being myself isn’t always pretty or polite?” she whispered.
“Well, Christ, I hope not,” he said. “Polite is f**king exhausting. Chloe, listen to me. You being you is who I fell for. Now, as for who you fell for…” He drew in a deep breath. “What Todd said today, about when we were teenagers.”
“I don’t care. It doesn’t change how I feel about you.”
“Be sure. Because most of it was true.” He ran his thumb over her fingers. She stared down at his large, tanned, callused hand against her much smaller, pale one, which looked almost frail in his. “It’s not easy to talk about.”
“It’s me, Sawyer. You can tell me anything. You know that, right?”
“I do now. But until recently, my life was all about work. Only work. I figured I owed it to everyone here for the second chance the town gave me.”
“Sawyer, you do realize that the reason no one talks about your past. And that the reason it’s not plastered on that damn Facebook page isn’t because they’re asking for penance. It’s because they’re protective of you. They care about you and respect you.” She hugged him. “So stop punishing yourself. It’s over and done.”
He was quiet a moment. “Is everything over and done?”
Her breath caught, and she pulled back to look into his eyes. “I don’t want it to be.”
“What do you want?”
“To know you,” she said without hesitation. “All of you. I want to know what makes you feel good.”
“Your laughter,” he said without hesitation. “Feeling your hands on me. The way you look at me, whether I’ve been a complete dumbass, or just made you come—”
With a laugh, she ducked her head, but he dipped his down until she was looking at him again. “You want to know what scares me?” he asked.
“Yes.”
He leaned even closer and slid a hand to the nape of her neck. “The thought of never having those things with you again. I’m a little slow but not an idiot, Chloe, and I learn from my mistakes.” He cupped her jaw. “I love you, Chloe.”
“Dammit!”
He blinked. “That wasn’t quite the reaction I’d expected.”
“No, it’s just that I meant to say it first!”
He stared at her. “You could say it now.”
“I love you. God, I love you.” She let out a breath. “Whew. That’s more exhausting than an asthma attack.”
He smiled. A real slow, glorious, sexy-as-hell smile. “Maybe it just requires practice.”
She returned his smile, feeling so light and happy she could float to the ceiling, although that might have been all the drugs in her system. “Or confirmation.”
“Confirmation?”
She pulled out her phone, and he appeared puzzled. “You say I love you, and it reminds you that you have to make a call?” he asked.
“You knew loving me was going to require patience.” She accessed her Magic Eight Ball app. “How about it?” she said to the screen. “Me and Sawyer. Yes?”
“Christ, Chloe.” Sawyer straightened with a scowl. “You know what it’s going to say, what it always says when it’s referring to me.”
“It’s been right every single time with us.” She looked at him. “Are you scared?”
“No. But if it says Try Again Later, it’s going out the window.”
Absolutely yes
Epilogue
“A closed mind is a good thing to lose.”
Chloe Traeger
A month later
On the afternoon of Maddie and Jax’s wedding rehearsal, the sisters stood together in the cottage, holding hands at the front door.
“This is it,” Maddie whispered. She bit her lower lip, looking pale. Very pale. “I mean this is really it.”
“Uh-oh.” Chloe turned to Tara. “Lock the back door quick; we’ve got a flight risk.”
“Really, really it…” Maddie whispered, sounding bewildered, like she hadn’t been beating them all over the head with her bridal magazines for the past six months.
“No, honey, it’s just the rehearsal,” Tara said gently, stroking Maddie’s hair. “It’s not the it it.”
“Which means you can still make a run for it if you want,” Chloe said. “I’ll drive.”
“Chloe!” Tara scolded.
Maddie just kept biting her lower lip.
“Seriously,” Chloe told her. “I’ll call Jax right now and tell him we’re going out for a bag of chips. He’d totally buy it. We get on the Vespa and just keep going as far as the tank of gas will take us. Which, granted, isn’t all that far, but—”
“Stop it,” Tara said, covering Maddie’s ears.
“We’ll leave the Steel Magnolia behind, too,” Chloe said, studying Maddie. “Your call, Mad.”
Maddie closed her eyes. “I have the pretty dress. It’s all ready for tomorrow. I’d sure hate to waste that dress.”
“No problem,” Chloe said. “We’ll Craigslist it. For Sale: a wedding dress, size eight, almost worn once by accident. You’ll get good bucks for it.”
Tara reached around Maddie and pinched Chloe. Chloe pinched her back.
Normally, Maddie would have smacked them both, but she ignored them to peek out the window. Jax was waiting for them at the marina, along with Ford, the two of them standing between the marina building and Ford’s docked boat. Sawyer wasn’t here yet because he’d gotten held up at work, but Chloe had gotten a text that he was on his way.
Maddie watched Jax tip his head back and laugh at something Ford said, and a soft smile crossed her lips. “I really do want him, you know. As mine.”
Chloe smiled triumphantly at Tara. “Good to know.”
Tara let out a relieved breath, and they all took each other’s hands again. “Ready, Maddie?”
“Ready,” Maddie said, not quite so pale now. She squeezed her sisters’ fingers. “Let’s do this. Let’s go get me a husband.”
Together they walked to the marina just as Lucille pulled up in her old clunker. “Perfect timing!” the older woman called out. “I’ve got thirty minutes between happy hour and bingo night.”
They all settled on the dock. Tomorrow, the railings would be lined with potted flowers. There’d be a runner for them to walk on. Guests would line the way, lots of them.
But for now, it was just Lucille and the five of them—
Six, Chloe corrected, hearing Sawyer drive up. The sound of his truck made her all warm and mushy on the inside, and she laughed at herself. Sap.
Lucille pointed everyone to their places, then looked around for Sawyer.
“Here.” He was sauntering toward them with his long-legged stride, eyes on Chloe, a small smile threatening the corners of his mouth at the sight of her.
Jax had taken his place at the end of the dock, the water at his back. Following Lucille’s direction, Ford escorted Tara to the end of the walkway.
Watching, knowing she was next, Chloe turned to Sawyer, who offered his arm.
He was still in uniform, still armed to the teeth, still looking a little tense from what had undoubtedly been a long day on the job.
They hadn’t seen each other in three days. She’d been in Los Angeles, fulfilling the last of her traveling spa obligations. She looked up at him, trying to keep herself in check when she really wanted to throw herself into his arms. Whether it was the happiness emanating off Maddie, or Chloe’s own swelling emotions, she wasn’t sure, but she felt far too close to tears.
She had no idea why.
Except she did.
Sawyer escorted her down the makeshift aisle and she moved to stand next to Tara.
Maddie came down the aisle next, beaming, her face radiant. Lucille walked them through the short ceremony, and when it was over, Jax practiced kissing Maddie.
Since that went on for some time, Ford suggested that he should practice kissing Tara.
While they were working on that, Sawyer pulled Chloe in tight. “Hey.” He nuzzled at her ear. “You okay?”
Because she didn’t know, she cupped his face and pulled it to hers for some practicing of their own. When the kissing was over, everyone was talking and laughing about the wedding, about Ford and Tara’s engagement, about honeymoons and futures.
Chloe took it all in, wishing her smile didn’t feel congealed on her face. She needed to just suck it up. Truly she was happy for her sisters. So happy. Tomorrow Maddie and Jax would be married.
And then in the next month, Tara and Ford would follow suit.
They’d still be sisters, of course. They’d always be sisters, but it would never again be just the three of them.
Chloe was going to go back to being on her own.
Sawyer took her small hand in his much larger one and squeezed. There was a silent inquiry in the touch, and she looked up into his eyes.
He searched her gaze for a long moment, then brought their joined fingers up to his mouth. “You’re not okay,” he said, as always, seeing what no one else did. “You’re sad.”
“Of course not.”
“Yeah, I believe I am. But I want you to know, once I tell you, it’s not an all-access pass to any group hugs. Those need to be put on the schedule in advance.” She drew a deep breath, or as deep as she could anyway. “I love you. I love you both.”
“Well, would you listen to that.” Tara’s tone was dry, in direct contrast to her suspiciously wet eyes. “You just emotionally compromised yourself and lived to tell the tale.”
There was a knock on the open door, and they all looked up at Sawyer standing there, eyes locked on Chloe. Yes, she’d just emotionally compromised herself.
And she was about to do it again.
“The nurse says you’ll be out of here in less than an hour,” Sawyer said. “Need a ride?”
Chloe looked at her sisters. Maddie jumped up, grabbing Tara by the hand. “Oh, that would be great. We’re expecting a few scheduled guests, and…”
“Just say good-bye, sugar,” Tara said, shaking her head. “And remind me to teach you how to lie better than that.”
And then they were both gone.
An hour later, Chloe was dropped down on Sawyer’s couch and gruffly told to “hang on.” She sat on the couch, shivering. “I’m n-not c-cold. It’s just what happens sometimes after a bad asthma attack and all the meds.” Her heart raced, too, like it was trying to get outside of her chest, and it pissed her off.
Sawyer wrapped her in a blanket, then carefully lifted her into his arms. She cuddled in, absorbing his body heat as her eyes locked in on the nebulizer on the coffee table. “What’s that?”
“A nebulizer.”
“I know that. I mean, what’s it doing here?”
“I bought one.”
Her heart squeezed. “When?”
“What does it matter?”
“When, Sawyer?”
“A few days ago.”
She stared into his eyes. “Why did you buy a nebulizer if you were going to dump me?”
“I believe you dumped me,” he said lightly.
She stared at him. “Okay, we’re going to circle back to that in a minute. Sawyer…” She looked around at the living room. Painted walls. Furniture. “Up until a week ago, you didn’t have anything in here, and now you have a nebulizer. Do you know what that means? It means,” she went on without waiting for an answer, “that you like me.” She smiled, feeling the warmth of the knowledge chase away the chill. “You really, really like me.”
“Don’t get excited. I like all my house painters.” He settled her head against his chest. She knew he was giving her time to settle. And also, she realized as he stroked a big hand up and down her back, he was giving her his heat, strength, and reassurance—the last of which wasn’t exactly second nature to him. She knew his job didn’t allow for much softness, or a lot of emotion for that matter. Obviously he’d let that spill over into his life, but she knew he was trying his damnedest to offer her what he thought she needed.
Damn. Damn, she was a goner, and she curled into him, tracing little patterns on his stomach with her fingers, enjoying the hard ridges of his abs. Wriggling to get comfortable, she pressed her face into his throat and inhaled him, then rested her head on his chest. Unlike her, he wasn’t trembling or shaking at all. “Sorry,” she murmured. “I can’t stop shaking.”
“Adrenaline letdown.”
“What about you?” she asked. “You ever get adrenaline letdown? Because I just can’t imagine anything getting to you.”
Sawyer tugged her hair until she met his gaze, his own clear and unguarded. “You,” he said, shockingly gently. “You get to me. You scared the hell out of me today.”
“Makes two of us.”
His grip tightened on her. “If anything had happened to you…” He shook his head and cut the words off.
“I’m okay.” She touched his scruffy jaw. “You make a comfy chair, Sheriff. Sure you’re a little hard in spots, but—”
“Chloe.” He laughed and pressed his forehead to hers. “You get to me,” he said again quietly. “I want you to know that. You get to me, just the way you are.” He leaned in close. “No changing.”
She absorbed the words as she’d absorbed his heat and felt a weight lift from her shoulders. “What if being myself isn’t always pretty or polite?” she whispered.
“Well, Christ, I hope not,” he said. “Polite is f**king exhausting. Chloe, listen to me. You being you is who I fell for. Now, as for who you fell for…” He drew in a deep breath. “What Todd said today, about when we were teenagers.”
“I don’t care. It doesn’t change how I feel about you.”
“Be sure. Because most of it was true.” He ran his thumb over her fingers. She stared down at his large, tanned, callused hand against her much smaller, pale one, which looked almost frail in his. “It’s not easy to talk about.”
“It’s me, Sawyer. You can tell me anything. You know that, right?”
“I do now. But until recently, my life was all about work. Only work. I figured I owed it to everyone here for the second chance the town gave me.”
“Sawyer, you do realize that the reason no one talks about your past. And that the reason it’s not plastered on that damn Facebook page isn’t because they’re asking for penance. It’s because they’re protective of you. They care about you and respect you.” She hugged him. “So stop punishing yourself. It’s over and done.”
He was quiet a moment. “Is everything over and done?”
Her breath caught, and she pulled back to look into his eyes. “I don’t want it to be.”
“What do you want?”
“To know you,” she said without hesitation. “All of you. I want to know what makes you feel good.”
“Your laughter,” he said without hesitation. “Feeling your hands on me. The way you look at me, whether I’ve been a complete dumbass, or just made you come—”
With a laugh, she ducked her head, but he dipped his down until she was looking at him again. “You want to know what scares me?” he asked.
“Yes.”
He leaned even closer and slid a hand to the nape of her neck. “The thought of never having those things with you again. I’m a little slow but not an idiot, Chloe, and I learn from my mistakes.” He cupped her jaw. “I love you, Chloe.”
“Dammit!”
He blinked. “That wasn’t quite the reaction I’d expected.”
“No, it’s just that I meant to say it first!”
He stared at her. “You could say it now.”
“I love you. God, I love you.” She let out a breath. “Whew. That’s more exhausting than an asthma attack.”
He smiled. A real slow, glorious, sexy-as-hell smile. “Maybe it just requires practice.”
She returned his smile, feeling so light and happy she could float to the ceiling, although that might have been all the drugs in her system. “Or confirmation.”
“Confirmation?”
She pulled out her phone, and he appeared puzzled. “You say I love you, and it reminds you that you have to make a call?” he asked.
“You knew loving me was going to require patience.” She accessed her Magic Eight Ball app. “How about it?” she said to the screen. “Me and Sawyer. Yes?”
“Christ, Chloe.” Sawyer straightened with a scowl. “You know what it’s going to say, what it always says when it’s referring to me.”
“It’s been right every single time with us.” She looked at him. “Are you scared?”
“No. But if it says Try Again Later, it’s going out the window.”
Absolutely yes
Epilogue
“A closed mind is a good thing to lose.”
Chloe Traeger
A month later
On the afternoon of Maddie and Jax’s wedding rehearsal, the sisters stood together in the cottage, holding hands at the front door.
“This is it,” Maddie whispered. She bit her lower lip, looking pale. Very pale. “I mean this is really it.”
“Uh-oh.” Chloe turned to Tara. “Lock the back door quick; we’ve got a flight risk.”
“Really, really it…” Maddie whispered, sounding bewildered, like she hadn’t been beating them all over the head with her bridal magazines for the past six months.
“No, honey, it’s just the rehearsal,” Tara said gently, stroking Maddie’s hair. “It’s not the it it.”
“Which means you can still make a run for it if you want,” Chloe said. “I’ll drive.”
“Chloe!” Tara scolded.
Maddie just kept biting her lower lip.
“Seriously,” Chloe told her. “I’ll call Jax right now and tell him we’re going out for a bag of chips. He’d totally buy it. We get on the Vespa and just keep going as far as the tank of gas will take us. Which, granted, isn’t all that far, but—”
“Stop it,” Tara said, covering Maddie’s ears.
“We’ll leave the Steel Magnolia behind, too,” Chloe said, studying Maddie. “Your call, Mad.”
Maddie closed her eyes. “I have the pretty dress. It’s all ready for tomorrow. I’d sure hate to waste that dress.”
“No problem,” Chloe said. “We’ll Craigslist it. For Sale: a wedding dress, size eight, almost worn once by accident. You’ll get good bucks for it.”
Tara reached around Maddie and pinched Chloe. Chloe pinched her back.
Normally, Maddie would have smacked them both, but she ignored them to peek out the window. Jax was waiting for them at the marina, along with Ford, the two of them standing between the marina building and Ford’s docked boat. Sawyer wasn’t here yet because he’d gotten held up at work, but Chloe had gotten a text that he was on his way.
Maddie watched Jax tip his head back and laugh at something Ford said, and a soft smile crossed her lips. “I really do want him, you know. As mine.”
Chloe smiled triumphantly at Tara. “Good to know.”
Tara let out a relieved breath, and they all took each other’s hands again. “Ready, Maddie?”
“Ready,” Maddie said, not quite so pale now. She squeezed her sisters’ fingers. “Let’s do this. Let’s go get me a husband.”
Together they walked to the marina just as Lucille pulled up in her old clunker. “Perfect timing!” the older woman called out. “I’ve got thirty minutes between happy hour and bingo night.”
They all settled on the dock. Tomorrow, the railings would be lined with potted flowers. There’d be a runner for them to walk on. Guests would line the way, lots of them.
But for now, it was just Lucille and the five of them—
Six, Chloe corrected, hearing Sawyer drive up. The sound of his truck made her all warm and mushy on the inside, and she laughed at herself. Sap.
Lucille pointed everyone to their places, then looked around for Sawyer.
“Here.” He was sauntering toward them with his long-legged stride, eyes on Chloe, a small smile threatening the corners of his mouth at the sight of her.
Jax had taken his place at the end of the dock, the water at his back. Following Lucille’s direction, Ford escorted Tara to the end of the walkway.
Watching, knowing she was next, Chloe turned to Sawyer, who offered his arm.
He was still in uniform, still armed to the teeth, still looking a little tense from what had undoubtedly been a long day on the job.
They hadn’t seen each other in three days. She’d been in Los Angeles, fulfilling the last of her traveling spa obligations. She looked up at him, trying to keep herself in check when she really wanted to throw herself into his arms. Whether it was the happiness emanating off Maddie, or Chloe’s own swelling emotions, she wasn’t sure, but she felt far too close to tears.
She had no idea why.
Except she did.
Sawyer escorted her down the makeshift aisle and she moved to stand next to Tara.
Maddie came down the aisle next, beaming, her face radiant. Lucille walked them through the short ceremony, and when it was over, Jax practiced kissing Maddie.
Since that went on for some time, Ford suggested that he should practice kissing Tara.
While they were working on that, Sawyer pulled Chloe in tight. “Hey.” He nuzzled at her ear. “You okay?”
Because she didn’t know, she cupped his face and pulled it to hers for some practicing of their own. When the kissing was over, everyone was talking and laughing about the wedding, about Ford and Tara’s engagement, about honeymoons and futures.
Chloe took it all in, wishing her smile didn’t feel congealed on her face. She needed to just suck it up. Truly she was happy for her sisters. So happy. Tomorrow Maddie and Jax would be married.
And then in the next month, Tara and Ford would follow suit.
They’d still be sisters, of course. They’d always be sisters, but it would never again be just the three of them.
Chloe was going to go back to being on her own.
Sawyer took her small hand in his much larger one and squeezed. There was a silent inquiry in the touch, and she looked up into his eyes.
He searched her gaze for a long moment, then brought their joined fingers up to his mouth. “You’re not okay,” he said, as always, seeing what no one else did. “You’re sad.”
“Of course not.”
