Heart Recaptured
Page 21
“I do not want to leave the safety of these walls,” I said in reply, trying my best to calm my frantic heart and ignore the comment about his “sluts.”
Ignoring me, Ky pulled a lever on the side of the wheel, and the vehicle moved forward and the gates began to open.
Ky reached down, patted my knee, and said, “Tough shit, sweet cheeks. Lesson two, there’s more to life than being caged in a protective bubble. You had it at that cult; now you’re locking yourself away here. Gotta take life by the balls at some point and squeeze those fuckers with the skill of a whore.”
My knee tingled from where his hand had touched my skin. Unused to these reactions, I prayed, Lord, give me the strength to do this today. Give me the strength to resist this sinful man.
“So? You gonna shut the fuck up and grab those balls?” Ky said, his eyes dancing with mischief.
I nodded and tried to appear relaxed. I could not tell him that my people would be coming back for me, Maddie, and Mae. I remained silent, ready to observe what was about to be revealed as the heavy steel gates opened, letting in the evil outside world.
As we rolled onto the road, I admired the large trees surrounding the small winding lane. This is what it would feel like to fly, I thought, the vehicle quickly gaining speed, the trees a flash of greens and browns to my unfocused eyes.
The world began to rush by so fast that my eyes could not fathom what they were seeing. As I absorbed God’s divine creation, for a moment, I forgot Ky was in the machine with me, that I was away from my people. For but a sliver of time, I forgot… everything.
Sitting back on the seat, I kept my eyes glued outside, anticipating what I might see when we departed this country lane.
“So…” Ky said, and I rolled my head to face him. He shifted awkwardly, like he was uncomfortable in my presence. “How you liking life on the outside of the commune?”
My stomach clenched at his question, and I internally debated whether or not to be truthful. Deciding not to lie, I admitted, “I do not like it at all.”
Ky’s eyebrows raised and he asked, “Why?”
Playing with my hands, I admitted, “It is not the world I know. Everything I was brought up to believe was wrong, you—the Hangmen—seem to embrace and enjoy.”
“That’s why you think we’re all evil, ‘cause we like drinking, killing, and fucking?”
“Yes,” I answered honestly, wincing at the fact that he was so brazen about his lifestyle. He spoke so casually about killing, as if it were an everyday occurrence.
“It’s all relative, sweet cheeks. I think what you just came from was a clusterfuck and pretty fuckin’ sick too,” he said after a stifling minute of silence.
Outraged, I asked, “How so?’
“‘Cause even to a sinner like me, thinking one man could brainwash hundreds of people into believing he was a messenger of God and fuck little kids while doing so seems all kinda fuckin’ wrong to me. Hell, I’ll lay it on the line for you, Li. That prophet and that cult of yours was just using God to cover a fuckin’ pedophile ring.” Ky’s voice grew tighter the more he spoke.
“What is a pedophile?”
Ky’s shocked gaze met mine, then he refocused on the road. “Men, adults that like to fuck little kids.”
I was became breathless, shocked at his accusations. “No…” I whispered, my heart racing. “It was the elders' duty to join with us to rid us of our original sin.”
Ky’s eyes darkened. “Right. Like I said, fucking brainwashed.”
“You would not understand. You have no faith. Just live immorally,” I replied, feeling a sickness in my stomach at this conversation.
“You know what? You thinking we—the Hangmen—are wrong from living outlaw against what society dictates kinda fucks me off. We earn that bourbon and pussy after a hard day burning asphalt for this club, and kill only to protect what’s ours, just like those cunt elders that killed your sister, Bella, took Mae to force her to marry a walking corpse, and shot at my men when we went in to get her back,” Ky added, then glanced at me. “And, bitch, ain’t you a fuckin’ Christian?”
“Yes,” I shot back. “I am devout to our Lord and savior Jesus Christ… and my prophet.”
“Then what the fuck happened to ‘thou should not fuckin’ judge others,’ ‘love thy fuckin’ neighbor,’ and fuckin’ ‘love and forgive the sinners’ shit? ‘Cause all I’m hearing spill from your mouth now is fuckin’ hypocritical bullshit and judgmental preaching.”
I sat, mouth agape, as he added, “Yeah, speechless, Li? ‘Cause you’re hearing right now how fuckin’ flawed you and your goddamn faith sound.”
“My faith is not flawed!” I defended. I couldn’t help but ponder that some of Ky’s comments might have substance.
I sighed, shifted in my seat, and said, “But…”
“But?” Ky questioned, a smile threatening to burst onto his lips.
“But you are correct. I should not judge others so freely. I had never thought of my viewing the club as wrong in that way,” I admitted. This time, I was awarded a full, devastatingly handsome Ky smile, and it was devastatingly handsome.
That tingling returned between my legs and I prayed it would pass before Ky noticed something was wrong with me… because there was something wrong me… I was being corrupted… by Ky. The sensations he brought out in me were almost too much to bear.
When I calmed down, I mulled over Ky’s words, then said, “Forgiveness and judgment aside, you should really strive not to sin for the sake of your salvation, Ky.”
“Salvation? You think I can be saved, sweet cheeks? You care about me being saved?” He sounded bemused.
“I believe everyone can be saved.” I could feel Ky watching me. “For example, those women that you share relations with…” I trailed off, and I heard Ky cough to hide his laughter. “You should not be so free to engage with them. Restrain or save yourself for a woman you want to marry under God’s law. That is a pure love, Ky. Scripture says a love like that is like no other. This woman will help save you or at least to give you a safe place to come home to.”
Ky’s expression was unreadable as he stared at me. Hope bloomed that he had listened to what I had said. That he could change his sinful ways.
Ignoring me, Ky pulled a lever on the side of the wheel, and the vehicle moved forward and the gates began to open.
Ky reached down, patted my knee, and said, “Tough shit, sweet cheeks. Lesson two, there’s more to life than being caged in a protective bubble. You had it at that cult; now you’re locking yourself away here. Gotta take life by the balls at some point and squeeze those fuckers with the skill of a whore.”
My knee tingled from where his hand had touched my skin. Unused to these reactions, I prayed, Lord, give me the strength to do this today. Give me the strength to resist this sinful man.
“So? You gonna shut the fuck up and grab those balls?” Ky said, his eyes dancing with mischief.
I nodded and tried to appear relaxed. I could not tell him that my people would be coming back for me, Maddie, and Mae. I remained silent, ready to observe what was about to be revealed as the heavy steel gates opened, letting in the evil outside world.
As we rolled onto the road, I admired the large trees surrounding the small winding lane. This is what it would feel like to fly, I thought, the vehicle quickly gaining speed, the trees a flash of greens and browns to my unfocused eyes.
The world began to rush by so fast that my eyes could not fathom what they were seeing. As I absorbed God’s divine creation, for a moment, I forgot Ky was in the machine with me, that I was away from my people. For but a sliver of time, I forgot… everything.
Sitting back on the seat, I kept my eyes glued outside, anticipating what I might see when we departed this country lane.
“So…” Ky said, and I rolled my head to face him. He shifted awkwardly, like he was uncomfortable in my presence. “How you liking life on the outside of the commune?”
My stomach clenched at his question, and I internally debated whether or not to be truthful. Deciding not to lie, I admitted, “I do not like it at all.”
Ky’s eyebrows raised and he asked, “Why?”
Playing with my hands, I admitted, “It is not the world I know. Everything I was brought up to believe was wrong, you—the Hangmen—seem to embrace and enjoy.”
“That’s why you think we’re all evil, ‘cause we like drinking, killing, and fucking?”
“Yes,” I answered honestly, wincing at the fact that he was so brazen about his lifestyle. He spoke so casually about killing, as if it were an everyday occurrence.
“It’s all relative, sweet cheeks. I think what you just came from was a clusterfuck and pretty fuckin’ sick too,” he said after a stifling minute of silence.
Outraged, I asked, “How so?’
“‘Cause even to a sinner like me, thinking one man could brainwash hundreds of people into believing he was a messenger of God and fuck little kids while doing so seems all kinda fuckin’ wrong to me. Hell, I’ll lay it on the line for you, Li. That prophet and that cult of yours was just using God to cover a fuckin’ pedophile ring.” Ky’s voice grew tighter the more he spoke.
“What is a pedophile?”
Ky’s shocked gaze met mine, then he refocused on the road. “Men, adults that like to fuck little kids.”
I was became breathless, shocked at his accusations. “No…” I whispered, my heart racing. “It was the elders' duty to join with us to rid us of our original sin.”
Ky’s eyes darkened. “Right. Like I said, fucking brainwashed.”
“You would not understand. You have no faith. Just live immorally,” I replied, feeling a sickness in my stomach at this conversation.
“You know what? You thinking we—the Hangmen—are wrong from living outlaw against what society dictates kinda fucks me off. We earn that bourbon and pussy after a hard day burning asphalt for this club, and kill only to protect what’s ours, just like those cunt elders that killed your sister, Bella, took Mae to force her to marry a walking corpse, and shot at my men when we went in to get her back,” Ky added, then glanced at me. “And, bitch, ain’t you a fuckin’ Christian?”
“Yes,” I shot back. “I am devout to our Lord and savior Jesus Christ… and my prophet.”
“Then what the fuck happened to ‘thou should not fuckin’ judge others,’ ‘love thy fuckin’ neighbor,’ and fuckin’ ‘love and forgive the sinners’ shit? ‘Cause all I’m hearing spill from your mouth now is fuckin’ hypocritical bullshit and judgmental preaching.”
I sat, mouth agape, as he added, “Yeah, speechless, Li? ‘Cause you’re hearing right now how fuckin’ flawed you and your goddamn faith sound.”
“My faith is not flawed!” I defended. I couldn’t help but ponder that some of Ky’s comments might have substance.
I sighed, shifted in my seat, and said, “But…”
“But?” Ky questioned, a smile threatening to burst onto his lips.
“But you are correct. I should not judge others so freely. I had never thought of my viewing the club as wrong in that way,” I admitted. This time, I was awarded a full, devastatingly handsome Ky smile, and it was devastatingly handsome.
That tingling returned between my legs and I prayed it would pass before Ky noticed something was wrong with me… because there was something wrong me… I was being corrupted… by Ky. The sensations he brought out in me were almost too much to bear.
When I calmed down, I mulled over Ky’s words, then said, “Forgiveness and judgment aside, you should really strive not to sin for the sake of your salvation, Ky.”
“Salvation? You think I can be saved, sweet cheeks? You care about me being saved?” He sounded bemused.
“I believe everyone can be saved.” I could feel Ky watching me. “For example, those women that you share relations with…” I trailed off, and I heard Ky cough to hide his laughter. “You should not be so free to engage with them. Restrain or save yourself for a woman you want to marry under God’s law. That is a pure love, Ky. Scripture says a love like that is like no other. This woman will help save you or at least to give you a safe place to come home to.”
Ky’s expression was unreadable as he stared at me. Hope bloomed that he had listened to what I had said. That he could change his sinful ways.
