Heart Recaptured
Page 36
Trying to shake the nausea, I watched as Cowboy slung an arm around Hush’s shoulders and led him to a secluded bench where the two of them sat, opening bottles of beer.
“What do you think they did on their ‘run’? Something bad?” Maddie asked and pointed at Hush and Cowboy.
“I have no idea,” I answered. “But Hush and Cowboy are good men. They are always so nice to me.”
“Are…are Hush and Cowboy nice to you because they want you carnally? Do you tempt them?” Maddie asked.
My stomach fell at the thought.
I cast my gaze upon them sitting on that bench, now talking quietly, and said, “I desperately hope not. They seem sincere. It would devastate me if I discovered I had lured them in.” I did not know what it was, but I honestly did not think they viewed me in such a way. I preferred to believe they liked talking to me, for me, not my looks.
“Is…?” Maddie dropped her head and stared wistfully at the exit to our room. “Is it possible for a man to like or… want us and it not be due to our beauty?”
Answering Maddie’s rather out-of-character question, I replied, “I do not know, sister. Mae seems to think so.” I watched her green eyes soften with relief… excitement, perhaps? And I added, “Is there a reason for your question?”
Maddie sighed and rubbed at our tattooed wrists, the tattoos forced upon us as children: Revelation 21:8, the mark of our people.
“No reason. I just… It is just that someday… Well, it would be lovely to think that a certain… man, a protective and strong man that I trust, may help me know what it is to love. What it is to feel safe… with him, because of him and maybe… maybe…”
“What, sister?” I asked, edging closer to hold her hand.
Her big round eyes blinked furiously, trying to chase away tears. Then she whispered, “Maybe I could make him feel safe too.”
I had no words. Instead, I squeezed her hand in support. I wished strongly for that future for my broken, damaged Maddie… and the man that had made her consider such things.
“Lilah?”
“Yes?”
“Does Ky make you feel that way? The way you both look at one another… It is… it is…” She smiled. “Beautiful.”
“Beautiful?” I echoed, Maddie’s words swooping to steal my breath away.
“Since he began to teach you, he has changed. I watch people closely, sister, from my place by the window. I know I am like a shadow, never doing much but gazing to the world outside while I hide away in here like a scared child. But I am not ready to venture outside yet. And until that day, I watch, and I learn how to behave to survive outside of The Order’s strict rules. And sister, I have watched Ky very closely.”
I swallowed, waiting for more information. My heart beat a heady rhythm in anticipation.
“When we first came here, he was happy, seemed to enjoy women and his life, but his smile did not reach his eyes.”
“Go on,” I prompted, leaning in closer.
Maddie ran her hands through the ends of her long black hair and continued. “But now, when he smiles at you, his eyes smile too.”
“They do?”
Maddie’s lips curled in happiness. “He no longer looks at other women, though they lustfully look at him. He watches only you. Sees only you. Smiles at only you… I think, for him, you are the brightest star in his sky, blotting out those who have come before.”
My heart wanted to burst with the warmth those words inspired within me. Maddie’s soft hand suddenly laid on mine and the simple gesture of comfort from my sister almost made me cry. “It is beautiful,” she affirmed, sincerely.
“But Maddie, he is not of our faith, is he? It would be wrong… to return feelings for him too, to want him, would it not?” I asked, for once putting my guarded heart on my sleeve.
Maddie pulled on my hand and brought me forward, only to wrap me in her slim arms. The comfort from my usually-distant sister caused my heart to swell and, for once, I let myself just feel my true feelings, and I knew at that point that Ky was the brightest star in my sky too.
Maddie’s gentle hand ran down my hair and she said, “I think that love is love, no matter the flaws, or faith of the person you choose to give your heart to. We are all fallen in some way, Lilah, none of us perfect, but to feel someone’s unconditional love, surely that is all that matters in the end.”
I closed my eyes, feeling so full of hope that I felt it radiating from my pores. Pressing a kiss to the top of Maddie’s head, I went to speak, when lights suddenly flared down the distant road illuminating the room, cutting off my sentence, and the familiar roar of engines filled the night air. My heart instinctively raced and excitement coursed through my body.
He was back.
I watched through the window with rapt attention as the bikes came closer and the gates began to open. One by one the bikes roared into view, and I recognized Ky at the front, his long blond hair tied back with a leather string and his broad body taut under his dirtied-by-the-road white shirt. Men filed in after him, Viking, AK, Smiler, Tank, and Bull.
Ky removed his helmet, raking back his messy hair, and people swarmed around him, welcoming him home. Moving from the window, I ran to the bathroom and retrieved my headdress. Tying it in place, I straightened my dress and headed for the door.
“Where are you going?” Maddie asked, moving from the bed to stand before me.
“I must greet Ky from his journey.” I reached for the doorknob, but Maddie took hold of my hand.
“Lilah, you know we are to stay away from downstairs when there are people here. The rules are that you be with a brother for protection or you expose yourself to danger. We have both seen what happens to women unaccompanied by a Hangmen brother. They are treated like trash.” Her voice quivered. She was afraid for me.
Stepping up to her small height and placing a hand on her shoulder, I said, “I shall be with Ky momentarily. He will protect me. I trust him.”
Maddie flashed me a relieved, timid smile and moved back to the bed, resuming her usual seat by the window, watching the outside world, learning how to survive.
Exiting the door, I felt a flood of relief that Flame had left his post, and I locked the door, ensuring Maddie’s safety. With a racing heart, I ran down the stairs and headed for Ky’s private room. I did not, and would not, ever venture into the yard; it was still too intimidating for me, too open to this life, so I planned to wait for him in his personal quarters, outside of his door.
“What do you think they did on their ‘run’? Something bad?” Maddie asked and pointed at Hush and Cowboy.
“I have no idea,” I answered. “But Hush and Cowboy are good men. They are always so nice to me.”
“Are…are Hush and Cowboy nice to you because they want you carnally? Do you tempt them?” Maddie asked.
My stomach fell at the thought.
I cast my gaze upon them sitting on that bench, now talking quietly, and said, “I desperately hope not. They seem sincere. It would devastate me if I discovered I had lured them in.” I did not know what it was, but I honestly did not think they viewed me in such a way. I preferred to believe they liked talking to me, for me, not my looks.
“Is…?” Maddie dropped her head and stared wistfully at the exit to our room. “Is it possible for a man to like or… want us and it not be due to our beauty?”
Answering Maddie’s rather out-of-character question, I replied, “I do not know, sister. Mae seems to think so.” I watched her green eyes soften with relief… excitement, perhaps? And I added, “Is there a reason for your question?”
Maddie sighed and rubbed at our tattooed wrists, the tattoos forced upon us as children: Revelation 21:8, the mark of our people.
“No reason. I just… It is just that someday… Well, it would be lovely to think that a certain… man, a protective and strong man that I trust, may help me know what it is to love. What it is to feel safe… with him, because of him and maybe… maybe…”
“What, sister?” I asked, edging closer to hold her hand.
Her big round eyes blinked furiously, trying to chase away tears. Then she whispered, “Maybe I could make him feel safe too.”
I had no words. Instead, I squeezed her hand in support. I wished strongly for that future for my broken, damaged Maddie… and the man that had made her consider such things.
“Lilah?”
“Yes?”
“Does Ky make you feel that way? The way you both look at one another… It is… it is…” She smiled. “Beautiful.”
“Beautiful?” I echoed, Maddie’s words swooping to steal my breath away.
“Since he began to teach you, he has changed. I watch people closely, sister, from my place by the window. I know I am like a shadow, never doing much but gazing to the world outside while I hide away in here like a scared child. But I am not ready to venture outside yet. And until that day, I watch, and I learn how to behave to survive outside of The Order’s strict rules. And sister, I have watched Ky very closely.”
I swallowed, waiting for more information. My heart beat a heady rhythm in anticipation.
“When we first came here, he was happy, seemed to enjoy women and his life, but his smile did not reach his eyes.”
“Go on,” I prompted, leaning in closer.
Maddie ran her hands through the ends of her long black hair and continued. “But now, when he smiles at you, his eyes smile too.”
“They do?”
Maddie’s lips curled in happiness. “He no longer looks at other women, though they lustfully look at him. He watches only you. Sees only you. Smiles at only you… I think, for him, you are the brightest star in his sky, blotting out those who have come before.”
My heart wanted to burst with the warmth those words inspired within me. Maddie’s soft hand suddenly laid on mine and the simple gesture of comfort from my sister almost made me cry. “It is beautiful,” she affirmed, sincerely.
“But Maddie, he is not of our faith, is he? It would be wrong… to return feelings for him too, to want him, would it not?” I asked, for once putting my guarded heart on my sleeve.
Maddie pulled on my hand and brought me forward, only to wrap me in her slim arms. The comfort from my usually-distant sister caused my heart to swell and, for once, I let myself just feel my true feelings, and I knew at that point that Ky was the brightest star in my sky too.
Maddie’s gentle hand ran down my hair and she said, “I think that love is love, no matter the flaws, or faith of the person you choose to give your heart to. We are all fallen in some way, Lilah, none of us perfect, but to feel someone’s unconditional love, surely that is all that matters in the end.”
I closed my eyes, feeling so full of hope that I felt it radiating from my pores. Pressing a kiss to the top of Maddie’s head, I went to speak, when lights suddenly flared down the distant road illuminating the room, cutting off my sentence, and the familiar roar of engines filled the night air. My heart instinctively raced and excitement coursed through my body.
He was back.
I watched through the window with rapt attention as the bikes came closer and the gates began to open. One by one the bikes roared into view, and I recognized Ky at the front, his long blond hair tied back with a leather string and his broad body taut under his dirtied-by-the-road white shirt. Men filed in after him, Viking, AK, Smiler, Tank, and Bull.
Ky removed his helmet, raking back his messy hair, and people swarmed around him, welcoming him home. Moving from the window, I ran to the bathroom and retrieved my headdress. Tying it in place, I straightened my dress and headed for the door.
“Where are you going?” Maddie asked, moving from the bed to stand before me.
“I must greet Ky from his journey.” I reached for the doorknob, but Maddie took hold of my hand.
“Lilah, you know we are to stay away from downstairs when there are people here. The rules are that you be with a brother for protection or you expose yourself to danger. We have both seen what happens to women unaccompanied by a Hangmen brother. They are treated like trash.” Her voice quivered. She was afraid for me.
Stepping up to her small height and placing a hand on her shoulder, I said, “I shall be with Ky momentarily. He will protect me. I trust him.”
Maddie flashed me a relieved, timid smile and moved back to the bed, resuming her usual seat by the window, watching the outside world, learning how to survive.
Exiting the door, I felt a flood of relief that Flame had left his post, and I locked the door, ensuring Maddie’s safety. With a racing heart, I ran down the stairs and headed for Ky’s private room. I did not, and would not, ever venture into the yard; it was still too intimidating for me, too open to this life, so I planned to wait for him in his personal quarters, outside of his door.
