Hearts of Blue
Page 81
“You can’t unsee what you saw,” said Lee. “So, what are you gonna do about it?”
Turning abruptly, I scowled at him. “Is that the only reason you’re here? You want to know if I’m going to turn you in?”
Lee’s expression was sober. “I’m a survivor, Karla, first and foremost. If someone’s fixing to feed me to the lions, I want to be prepared.”
My hands clenched into fists, my mouth a firm line as I levelled him with all the animosity I had inside me. “And what if I say I’m going to do it? Will you hurt me? Will you threaten me to keep quiet?” I was glad I’d managed to withhold my tears and keep my voice steady, when all I wanted to do was cry.
Lee stood from the couch, his posture tense. “You think I have that in me?”
“I have no idea what you have in you, Lee. Not two days ago you told me you were getting out of the game. Today you robbed a bank. What do you want me to say?”
“I want you to at least give me the respect I deserve and believe that I’d never lay a hand on you. And if you were going to turn me in, then I think there should be enough loyalty between us by now for you to give me a heads-up. Let me get out of the country before you put me in the firing line.”
“You’d do that?” I asked, disbelieving. “You’d leave London?”
“Yeah, and I’d take everyone I care about with me,” he replied before a sad look passed over his features. “Well, almost everyone.”
My heart hurt, my head swimming with emotions as I tried not to succumb to the tenderness in his voice. Several moments of quiet ensued, and I went to sit on the couch. Lee remained standing, his eyes glued to me like I was a wild animal who might bite at any moment.
“I’m presuming you gave all the money to McGregor.”
Lee’s voice was low. “Apparently, the price of freedom these days comes at a cool three million.”
I flicked my gaze to his. “Do you have any idea what he’s going to do with it?”
“Buy another villa in Spain for his mistress. Fuck if I know, Snap. All I care about is that he won’t be bothering me or my family again. We can stay in London and go clean. It’s a win-win.”
“He could use it to do bad things, bring even more crime into the city.”
“He’s gonna do that anyway. Look, this isn’t about him doing bad, it’s about me doing good. You can sit there and spout all the moral philosophies you want. I still know it’s all bullshit. Nice guys finish last, and I’d step over a thousand people if it meant the ones I cared about were safe, because I know every single one of those thousand would step over me, given half the chance.”
What he said went against everything I believed in. I could name him a hundred times I’d put a stranger’s safety before my own because it was my job. Still, I understood why he had such a cynical view of the world. His own parents had abandoned him when he was just a child, so too had his aunt. From a young age he’d learned that people were selfish, only out for themselves. It hardened him to believe everyone was like that. For Lee, true altruism didn’t exist. Well, I was going to show him that it did.
“It’s not true, you know,” I said finally.
Lee looked back at me, clearly having been lost in his own thoughts. “What’s not true?”
“That they’d all step over you. I wouldn’t.”
“Yeah, well, you’re different.”
“Not really. You just think that way because you’re not looking in the right places. Good people exist, selfless people.”
Taking a step forward, he closed the space between us and knelt down in front of me. When he spoke, his voice was a whisper. “Was I looking in the right place the day I met you?”
“Yes,” I replied. “And I’m not turning you in.”
Lee exhaled a heavy breath, all the tension going out of him. He bent his head to stare at the floor, like he couldn’t bring himself to look at me.
“Why?” he asked, the quiet word laced with confusion. He was genuinely surprised, and I knew that up until this moment, he truly believed I was going to report him.
“Because in spite of everything, I can’t help protecting you, the same way I would anyone else who needed it.” As soon as the words were out, I knew they weren’t entirely true, and though I was doing something good for Lee, I wasn’t being selfless. In fact, saving him was probably the most selfish decision I’d ever make. I knew then that I cared more about him than I did my career, or the law, and it was downright terrifying. The thing was, sometimes when I looked at Lee I saw the boy he used to be, the one who had to grow up too fast. The fact that I couldn’t be there to help him back then made me feel so powerless, but I could regain that power by helping him now.
He lifted his head. “So that’s it? I could be anyone, and you’d still be making the same choice?”
“Your brothers need you,” I answered, avoiding the question.
His expression sobered as he drew away, staring at me like he was trying to figure out my game. There was no game. I’d fallen for him, plain and simple, and I’d never be the same again.
“I won’t forget this,” he said, his voice steady. It wasn’t full of gratitude or emotion, no tears of happiness were shed, but somehow I knew he meant it more this way.
For the rest of my life, Lee Cross would always believe that he owed me, when in reality he owed me nothing. Maybe someday he’d learn that real gifts were freely given, no need for payment in return.
Turning abruptly, I scowled at him. “Is that the only reason you’re here? You want to know if I’m going to turn you in?”
Lee’s expression was sober. “I’m a survivor, Karla, first and foremost. If someone’s fixing to feed me to the lions, I want to be prepared.”
My hands clenched into fists, my mouth a firm line as I levelled him with all the animosity I had inside me. “And what if I say I’m going to do it? Will you hurt me? Will you threaten me to keep quiet?” I was glad I’d managed to withhold my tears and keep my voice steady, when all I wanted to do was cry.
Lee stood from the couch, his posture tense. “You think I have that in me?”
“I have no idea what you have in you, Lee. Not two days ago you told me you were getting out of the game. Today you robbed a bank. What do you want me to say?”
“I want you to at least give me the respect I deserve and believe that I’d never lay a hand on you. And if you were going to turn me in, then I think there should be enough loyalty between us by now for you to give me a heads-up. Let me get out of the country before you put me in the firing line.”
“You’d do that?” I asked, disbelieving. “You’d leave London?”
“Yeah, and I’d take everyone I care about with me,” he replied before a sad look passed over his features. “Well, almost everyone.”
My heart hurt, my head swimming with emotions as I tried not to succumb to the tenderness in his voice. Several moments of quiet ensued, and I went to sit on the couch. Lee remained standing, his eyes glued to me like I was a wild animal who might bite at any moment.
“I’m presuming you gave all the money to McGregor.”
Lee’s voice was low. “Apparently, the price of freedom these days comes at a cool three million.”
I flicked my gaze to his. “Do you have any idea what he’s going to do with it?”
“Buy another villa in Spain for his mistress. Fuck if I know, Snap. All I care about is that he won’t be bothering me or my family again. We can stay in London and go clean. It’s a win-win.”
“He could use it to do bad things, bring even more crime into the city.”
“He’s gonna do that anyway. Look, this isn’t about him doing bad, it’s about me doing good. You can sit there and spout all the moral philosophies you want. I still know it’s all bullshit. Nice guys finish last, and I’d step over a thousand people if it meant the ones I cared about were safe, because I know every single one of those thousand would step over me, given half the chance.”
What he said went against everything I believed in. I could name him a hundred times I’d put a stranger’s safety before my own because it was my job. Still, I understood why he had such a cynical view of the world. His own parents had abandoned him when he was just a child, so too had his aunt. From a young age he’d learned that people were selfish, only out for themselves. It hardened him to believe everyone was like that. For Lee, true altruism didn’t exist. Well, I was going to show him that it did.
“It’s not true, you know,” I said finally.
Lee looked back at me, clearly having been lost in his own thoughts. “What’s not true?”
“That they’d all step over you. I wouldn’t.”
“Yeah, well, you’re different.”
“Not really. You just think that way because you’re not looking in the right places. Good people exist, selfless people.”
Taking a step forward, he closed the space between us and knelt down in front of me. When he spoke, his voice was a whisper. “Was I looking in the right place the day I met you?”
“Yes,” I replied. “And I’m not turning you in.”
Lee exhaled a heavy breath, all the tension going out of him. He bent his head to stare at the floor, like he couldn’t bring himself to look at me.
“Why?” he asked, the quiet word laced with confusion. He was genuinely surprised, and I knew that up until this moment, he truly believed I was going to report him.
“Because in spite of everything, I can’t help protecting you, the same way I would anyone else who needed it.” As soon as the words were out, I knew they weren’t entirely true, and though I was doing something good for Lee, I wasn’t being selfless. In fact, saving him was probably the most selfish decision I’d ever make. I knew then that I cared more about him than I did my career, or the law, and it was downright terrifying. The thing was, sometimes when I looked at Lee I saw the boy he used to be, the one who had to grow up too fast. The fact that I couldn’t be there to help him back then made me feel so powerless, but I could regain that power by helping him now.
He lifted his head. “So that’s it? I could be anyone, and you’d still be making the same choice?”
“Your brothers need you,” I answered, avoiding the question.
His expression sobered as he drew away, staring at me like he was trying to figure out my game. There was no game. I’d fallen for him, plain and simple, and I’d never be the same again.
“I won’t forget this,” he said, his voice steady. It wasn’t full of gratitude or emotion, no tears of happiness were shed, but somehow I knew he meant it more this way.
For the rest of my life, Lee Cross would always believe that he owed me, when in reality he owed me nothing. Maybe someday he’d learn that real gifts were freely given, no need for payment in return.
