Hearts of Fire
Page 27
So he called them all.
Even as he opened his eyes, he could hear them coming, a rapidly approaching flurry of wings. His heart leaped, and he finally understood what had been lacking in him, what he’d managed to regain after such a long struggle: forgiveness. He’d forgiven the angels for not understanding him, but more importantly, he’d finally forgiven himself. And it turned out that beneath all the anger and pain and self-perpetuating misery, his heart still beat after all. Dru was right. He might have fallen, but he’d paid enough.
Lucifer’s eyes, blue ringed in red, were wide with fury. “No! No!” He whipped his head to the side to seek out Torrin, who was only waiting for the word.
“Kill her!”
But even as the words left Lucifer’s lips, Meresin let the smallest bit of his power escape to arrow straight for Torrin’s head. The torturer screamed, staggering backward and clutching his head. Black blood streamed from his nose, and the dagger clattered to the ground. Dru ran to Meresin, and he wrapped his arms around her, letting himself savor the feel of her one more time.
Even if he came out of this nothing more than a shell, if the lightning stole everything but his breath, he knew his memory would be worth something to her. Maybe, for a fallen angel like him, that was enough.
Lucifer screamed, raising his sword above his head and rushing them.
“I love you,” Meresin whispered against Dru’s ear. Then he pulled her tight against his chest, flared his wings, and unleashed the storm.
Chapter Twenty
Her dreams were full of the sound of wings, whisper soft. But when Dru finally opened her eyes, the only thing she saw was a man who had never flown, though she loved him dearly all the same.
“Justin?” she lifted her hands to her face, groggy and feeling as though she’d been asleep for ages. Her muscles ached, a sensation she hadn’t experienced in so long she’d nearly forgotten what it felt like. Her voice sounded like she’d been gargling with razor blades, and her eyes were gritty, as though she’d been in…in an…
“Explosion,” she rasped, remembering all at once. The horror and shock hit her then, as strong as it had been in the final seconds before Meresin had unleashed a storm unlike any she’d ever experienced, or ever would again. She remembered his arms around her. She remembered his whisper.
I love you.
She scrambled to a sitting position, her gaze darting around the room frantically. “Justin. Where is Meresin? What happened? He was hanging onto me, and the archangels were coming, and then—”
“I know,” Justin said, his voice soft and soothing. He leaned in from where he sat in a chair beside the bed she lay in. They were in her rooms in the palace, she realized. Home. But it felt depressingly wrong.
“I heard,” Justin continued. “Uriel and the, ah, others brought you here. After.” He sighed, scrubbing a hand across the back of his neck. “I’m sorry for everything I said about Meresin, Dru. He showed what he was made of when he saved you. I didn’t know he had any goodness in him, but you saw it. I’m sorry I doubted your choice. I guess you’re not the only one with a bossy streak.”
He looked so sad. Sad and incredibly tired, which Justin almost never did. Raw panic welled in her throat like a scream.
“Where is he?” she asked, and then grabbed Justin’s forearm when his eyes dropped. “Where is he, Justin?”
“Dru,” he said, placing his free hand over hers and rubbing gently, even though she was aware her claws were pricking his skin. “He’s not here. I didn’t even see him. Uriel and one other, Raphael, brought you back and left almost as quickly. Uriel said a little, but not much. I’m not sure…” He hesitated, but she already knew what was coming.
“You’re not sure what kind of shape he’s in,” she said. Her own voice sounded like a far-off echo. “But he’s alive. He must be. I am.”
Justin sighed. “Alive, yes. But…not conscious, Dru. They were going to do what they could. What he did…” He shook his head. “They said it was like he took all the power he had left and just let it go. It destroyed the forge, most of the demons that were there, and part of the mountain. The archangels were almost there when it happened. They got the ones Meresin didn’t take out.”
“And Lucifer?”
“He’s the King of Hell.” Justin’s smile was rueful. “I don’t even want to speculate about what it would take to bring him down. I’m not even sure it can be done. Darkness is as much a part of the Balance as light is.”
“I don’t care,” Dru said. She hurt everywhere, and it had nothing to do with her muscles anymore. She wanted to curl up in a little ball until all of this went away, but she knew very well that wouldn’t work. She was awake. This was real.
Meresin was gone, and from the way Justin was handling her with kid gloves, she didn’t know what kind of life would be in the cards for her fallen angel.
“Lucifer is horrible. He had Meresin tortured for centuries. It’s why he was so messed up.” Her voice shook when she spoke. It would be a long time before the immediate horror of Torrin’s knife at her throat faded. She’d been sure they were both going to die.
That might not have happened, but she was still here alone. Lucifer had managed to badly damage what he couldn’t outright destroy. She hated imagining his glee when he found that out.
She hated imagining Terra Noctem without Meresin in it.
Justin gave her a long, silent look, as though he was mulling something over. Then, very quietly, he said, “They found his things. Ruined, mostly, but Uriel thought you might want to have what made it through.”
Justin reached over to pick up a small item off the nightstand, innocuous enough that she hadn’t noticed it until now. When he picked it up, though, she recognized what he had at once. It was the small, fabric-wrapped square Meresin had stuffed in his bag.
“Oh,” she said, the word little more than a shaking breath. She took it gingerly, afraid it might just fall apart. It was reassuringly solid, though, despite the fact that the dark material was singed and smelled faintly charred. She carefully unwrapped it, exposing first the edge of a solid metal frame…and then the picture it surrounded.
She blinked, and the tears began to wet her cheeks.
She wasn’t sure who had taken it, but she remembered the night. All of the renegade Fallen, her and Justin, Ember, Vivi, and even Sofia—this was the first time Phenex’s mate had gone out with them in the city, she was almost certain—had gone out for dinner and drinks at a place in Terra Noctem called Flicker. It had been a lot of fun, though Dru distinctly remembered Meresin having to be coaxed into staying. At some point in the evening, someone had suggested a picture. She had forgotten all about it, but here was the shot, featuring the whole crew in all their questionable glory. She was laughing, her arms draped around Vivi and Ember. Gadreel was grabbing Murmur’s chest. Phenex was making devil horns with his fingers. And Meresin was there, part of the group but not a part, somber where everyone else was lighthearted, and watching her with so much longing it was palpable.
She wished very much that she’d seen this before, back when she’d been so sure he hated her.
“I was such an idiot,” she said, smiling despite the pain. It was a good memory. “He needed me—all of us—after all. I should have figured it out so much sooner.”
“Dru,” Justin said, a gentle admonishment. “Meresin was…I mean is…pretty good at keeping his feelings to himself. He’s had a long time to practice.”
She wiped away the tears, allowed herself one more sniffle, and sat up straighter. She propped the picture on the nightstand, knowing she would cherish it no matter what happened. But she also had no intention of staying in this bed when Meresin was out there somewhere. Whatever she could do, even the smallest thing, she would do it. But the most important thing right now was that she be able to see him, to be with him.
“Where did Uriel and the others go?” she asked.
Justin shook his head. “I don’t know.”
“Well, when did they say they’d be back?” Her frustration sharpened her voice. I should have told him I loved him one more time. I should have said it again at the end, when he would have accepted it. But there hadn’t been time.
“Dru, I don’t know,” he said, giving her hand a little squeeze. “I’ve gotten used to seeing Uriel, but not like that. Full armor, blood-spattered, and glowing like a candle. His friend was twice as intimidating. Barely spoke and still looked ready to use the massive sword he was carrying. Uriel blames himself for what happened.”
Dru frowned. “Why?”
“Because I should have realized that Lucifer was watching him so closely. Just as I should have realized my part in Meresin’s fall and made amends long before now. I admit, the years have been good for tempering my love of order. The last two years, especially.”
Uriel’s rich, resonant voice sounded from the doorway. Dru jerked her head up, startled. The archangel stepped inside the door, and he was just as Justin had described, only without the blood. He was a sight, shining in golden armor that picked up the gold of his hair and made the blue of his eyes, along with the white of his wings, that much more striking. His coloring was very similar to Lucifer’s, she realized. But Lucifer’s light was deceptive. Uriel’s came from within.
Uriel’s face was as serious as always, but with a softness she didn’t think she’d ever seen before. He had the look of a man who’d been dealing with a lot of worry, a lot of sadness, and only just come out the other side.
“Is he all right? Is he going to be all right?” She couldn’t bring herself to say something as simple as hello. And when Uriel gave her a rare, brilliant smile and stepped to one side, her heart stumbled in her chest.
“Why don’t you ask him yourself?” he said. “He’s only a little less ornery than he was. You’ll have your hands full. But…please know that I wish you all the happiness. He chose well. As did you.”
Dru was out of the bed and across the room before she caught even a glimpse of Meresin, but that didn’t hinder her at all when she leaped and wrapped herself around him. He caught her easily, and she showered his face in kisses, laughing and crying at the same time. She breathed in his scent, the wild and clean smell of a summer storm, and knew she would be perfectly content to stay in his arms forever.
His laugh, warm and genuine, was the most beautiful sound she’d ever heard. His lips, so soft, were the target of a number of her rapid-fire kisses, but finally, he caught her mouth in a long, lingering kiss that was full of the sweetest passion she’d ever experienced. His tongue teased hers in long, thorough strokes, and her legs were unsteady when she finally lowered them to the floor and pulled back. She rubbed her nose against his.
“You’re okay,” she said, hoping that by saying it out loud she could completely believe it.
“And you’re crying,” Meresin said, his violet eyes glowing faintly. Not with anger, though. It was the same soft glow she’d seen the night they’d made love. “I don’t want to make you cry, Dru. I’ll probably make you want to scream sometimes, but I don’t ever want to make you cry.”
“It’s happy crying,” she said. “And don’t worry, it takes a lot. This qualifies.” She sniffled, then reached up to stroke his face. Somehow, his beauty was even more striking—his alabaster skin shone, and the angles of his face seemed less sharp, his cheeks less hollow. Maybe it was just that he didn’t appear haunted or angry anymore. Though she loved him either way.
“How?” she asked, smiling so hard that her cheeks actually hurt. “Did the real Amriel fix you after all?”
“Amriel needed some fixing himself, after they dug him out of the rubble. He’s fine, and his forge is being rebuilt in a better location, but…no. He didn’t need to.”
When she simply raised her eyebrows, he continued. “When I let go of my power that last time, I let go of a lot of other things, too. My rage. My grudges, fun though they were.” He smiled gently and stroked his hand over her hair. “I found things more important than myself to worry over, to fight for. I found my heart. And I found you.”
She laughed softly, and he smiled again. “There. I like that better.” He wiped away a lingering tear with his thumb.
“I still don’t understand,” she said. “The lightning was destroying you.”
“The lightning is a part of me now,” he said. “I was made from the storm. The power should have been a natural fit. It was the things that fed it that were destroying me. Simple to fix in theory, takes a near-death experience to figure out in practice. That, and falling in love. That helped.” He kissed her gently. “You helped. So much. Loving you is the first thing I’ve done right in thousands of years, Dru. Uriel thought forcing me to go back to Purgatory, hearing the truth from Amriel himself about the nature of my power, might finally push me to change. You and I threw a wrench in his plans. I can’t say it wasn’t nice hearing him admit our way was better.”
“Our way was terrifying.”
He tipped his head from side to side, seeming to weigh that assessment. “Well, that, too. But the best things are usually the hardest to get. The girl. A heart. A soul.”
Dru’s eyes widened. “I—” She forgot what she was saying when one silvery-white wing wrapped around her, cradling her against him. “I thought you didn’t want to see me cry again!”
Even as he opened his eyes, he could hear them coming, a rapidly approaching flurry of wings. His heart leaped, and he finally understood what had been lacking in him, what he’d managed to regain after such a long struggle: forgiveness. He’d forgiven the angels for not understanding him, but more importantly, he’d finally forgiven himself. And it turned out that beneath all the anger and pain and self-perpetuating misery, his heart still beat after all. Dru was right. He might have fallen, but he’d paid enough.
Lucifer’s eyes, blue ringed in red, were wide with fury. “No! No!” He whipped his head to the side to seek out Torrin, who was only waiting for the word.
“Kill her!”
But even as the words left Lucifer’s lips, Meresin let the smallest bit of his power escape to arrow straight for Torrin’s head. The torturer screamed, staggering backward and clutching his head. Black blood streamed from his nose, and the dagger clattered to the ground. Dru ran to Meresin, and he wrapped his arms around her, letting himself savor the feel of her one more time.
Even if he came out of this nothing more than a shell, if the lightning stole everything but his breath, he knew his memory would be worth something to her. Maybe, for a fallen angel like him, that was enough.
Lucifer screamed, raising his sword above his head and rushing them.
“I love you,” Meresin whispered against Dru’s ear. Then he pulled her tight against his chest, flared his wings, and unleashed the storm.
Chapter Twenty
Her dreams were full of the sound of wings, whisper soft. But when Dru finally opened her eyes, the only thing she saw was a man who had never flown, though she loved him dearly all the same.
“Justin?” she lifted her hands to her face, groggy and feeling as though she’d been asleep for ages. Her muscles ached, a sensation she hadn’t experienced in so long she’d nearly forgotten what it felt like. Her voice sounded like she’d been gargling with razor blades, and her eyes were gritty, as though she’d been in…in an…
“Explosion,” she rasped, remembering all at once. The horror and shock hit her then, as strong as it had been in the final seconds before Meresin had unleashed a storm unlike any she’d ever experienced, or ever would again. She remembered his arms around her. She remembered his whisper.
I love you.
She scrambled to a sitting position, her gaze darting around the room frantically. “Justin. Where is Meresin? What happened? He was hanging onto me, and the archangels were coming, and then—”
“I know,” Justin said, his voice soft and soothing. He leaned in from where he sat in a chair beside the bed she lay in. They were in her rooms in the palace, she realized. Home. But it felt depressingly wrong.
“I heard,” Justin continued. “Uriel and the, ah, others brought you here. After.” He sighed, scrubbing a hand across the back of his neck. “I’m sorry for everything I said about Meresin, Dru. He showed what he was made of when he saved you. I didn’t know he had any goodness in him, but you saw it. I’m sorry I doubted your choice. I guess you’re not the only one with a bossy streak.”
He looked so sad. Sad and incredibly tired, which Justin almost never did. Raw panic welled in her throat like a scream.
“Where is he?” she asked, and then grabbed Justin’s forearm when his eyes dropped. “Where is he, Justin?”
“Dru,” he said, placing his free hand over hers and rubbing gently, even though she was aware her claws were pricking his skin. “He’s not here. I didn’t even see him. Uriel and one other, Raphael, brought you back and left almost as quickly. Uriel said a little, but not much. I’m not sure…” He hesitated, but she already knew what was coming.
“You’re not sure what kind of shape he’s in,” she said. Her own voice sounded like a far-off echo. “But he’s alive. He must be. I am.”
Justin sighed. “Alive, yes. But…not conscious, Dru. They were going to do what they could. What he did…” He shook his head. “They said it was like he took all the power he had left and just let it go. It destroyed the forge, most of the demons that were there, and part of the mountain. The archangels were almost there when it happened. They got the ones Meresin didn’t take out.”
“And Lucifer?”
“He’s the King of Hell.” Justin’s smile was rueful. “I don’t even want to speculate about what it would take to bring him down. I’m not even sure it can be done. Darkness is as much a part of the Balance as light is.”
“I don’t care,” Dru said. She hurt everywhere, and it had nothing to do with her muscles anymore. She wanted to curl up in a little ball until all of this went away, but she knew very well that wouldn’t work. She was awake. This was real.
Meresin was gone, and from the way Justin was handling her with kid gloves, she didn’t know what kind of life would be in the cards for her fallen angel.
“Lucifer is horrible. He had Meresin tortured for centuries. It’s why he was so messed up.” Her voice shook when she spoke. It would be a long time before the immediate horror of Torrin’s knife at her throat faded. She’d been sure they were both going to die.
That might not have happened, but she was still here alone. Lucifer had managed to badly damage what he couldn’t outright destroy. She hated imagining his glee when he found that out.
She hated imagining Terra Noctem without Meresin in it.
Justin gave her a long, silent look, as though he was mulling something over. Then, very quietly, he said, “They found his things. Ruined, mostly, but Uriel thought you might want to have what made it through.”
Justin reached over to pick up a small item off the nightstand, innocuous enough that she hadn’t noticed it until now. When he picked it up, though, she recognized what he had at once. It was the small, fabric-wrapped square Meresin had stuffed in his bag.
“Oh,” she said, the word little more than a shaking breath. She took it gingerly, afraid it might just fall apart. It was reassuringly solid, though, despite the fact that the dark material was singed and smelled faintly charred. She carefully unwrapped it, exposing first the edge of a solid metal frame…and then the picture it surrounded.
She blinked, and the tears began to wet her cheeks.
She wasn’t sure who had taken it, but she remembered the night. All of the renegade Fallen, her and Justin, Ember, Vivi, and even Sofia—this was the first time Phenex’s mate had gone out with them in the city, she was almost certain—had gone out for dinner and drinks at a place in Terra Noctem called Flicker. It had been a lot of fun, though Dru distinctly remembered Meresin having to be coaxed into staying. At some point in the evening, someone had suggested a picture. She had forgotten all about it, but here was the shot, featuring the whole crew in all their questionable glory. She was laughing, her arms draped around Vivi and Ember. Gadreel was grabbing Murmur’s chest. Phenex was making devil horns with his fingers. And Meresin was there, part of the group but not a part, somber where everyone else was lighthearted, and watching her with so much longing it was palpable.
She wished very much that she’d seen this before, back when she’d been so sure he hated her.
“I was such an idiot,” she said, smiling despite the pain. It was a good memory. “He needed me—all of us—after all. I should have figured it out so much sooner.”
“Dru,” Justin said, a gentle admonishment. “Meresin was…I mean is…pretty good at keeping his feelings to himself. He’s had a long time to practice.”
She wiped away the tears, allowed herself one more sniffle, and sat up straighter. She propped the picture on the nightstand, knowing she would cherish it no matter what happened. But she also had no intention of staying in this bed when Meresin was out there somewhere. Whatever she could do, even the smallest thing, she would do it. But the most important thing right now was that she be able to see him, to be with him.
“Where did Uriel and the others go?” she asked.
Justin shook his head. “I don’t know.”
“Well, when did they say they’d be back?” Her frustration sharpened her voice. I should have told him I loved him one more time. I should have said it again at the end, when he would have accepted it. But there hadn’t been time.
“Dru, I don’t know,” he said, giving her hand a little squeeze. “I’ve gotten used to seeing Uriel, but not like that. Full armor, blood-spattered, and glowing like a candle. His friend was twice as intimidating. Barely spoke and still looked ready to use the massive sword he was carrying. Uriel blames himself for what happened.”
Dru frowned. “Why?”
“Because I should have realized that Lucifer was watching him so closely. Just as I should have realized my part in Meresin’s fall and made amends long before now. I admit, the years have been good for tempering my love of order. The last two years, especially.”
Uriel’s rich, resonant voice sounded from the doorway. Dru jerked her head up, startled. The archangel stepped inside the door, and he was just as Justin had described, only without the blood. He was a sight, shining in golden armor that picked up the gold of his hair and made the blue of his eyes, along with the white of his wings, that much more striking. His coloring was very similar to Lucifer’s, she realized. But Lucifer’s light was deceptive. Uriel’s came from within.
Uriel’s face was as serious as always, but with a softness she didn’t think she’d ever seen before. He had the look of a man who’d been dealing with a lot of worry, a lot of sadness, and only just come out the other side.
“Is he all right? Is he going to be all right?” She couldn’t bring herself to say something as simple as hello. And when Uriel gave her a rare, brilliant smile and stepped to one side, her heart stumbled in her chest.
“Why don’t you ask him yourself?” he said. “He’s only a little less ornery than he was. You’ll have your hands full. But…please know that I wish you all the happiness. He chose well. As did you.”
Dru was out of the bed and across the room before she caught even a glimpse of Meresin, but that didn’t hinder her at all when she leaped and wrapped herself around him. He caught her easily, and she showered his face in kisses, laughing and crying at the same time. She breathed in his scent, the wild and clean smell of a summer storm, and knew she would be perfectly content to stay in his arms forever.
His laugh, warm and genuine, was the most beautiful sound she’d ever heard. His lips, so soft, were the target of a number of her rapid-fire kisses, but finally, he caught her mouth in a long, lingering kiss that was full of the sweetest passion she’d ever experienced. His tongue teased hers in long, thorough strokes, and her legs were unsteady when she finally lowered them to the floor and pulled back. She rubbed her nose against his.
“You’re okay,” she said, hoping that by saying it out loud she could completely believe it.
“And you’re crying,” Meresin said, his violet eyes glowing faintly. Not with anger, though. It was the same soft glow she’d seen the night they’d made love. “I don’t want to make you cry, Dru. I’ll probably make you want to scream sometimes, but I don’t ever want to make you cry.”
“It’s happy crying,” she said. “And don’t worry, it takes a lot. This qualifies.” She sniffled, then reached up to stroke his face. Somehow, his beauty was even more striking—his alabaster skin shone, and the angles of his face seemed less sharp, his cheeks less hollow. Maybe it was just that he didn’t appear haunted or angry anymore. Though she loved him either way.
“How?” she asked, smiling so hard that her cheeks actually hurt. “Did the real Amriel fix you after all?”
“Amriel needed some fixing himself, after they dug him out of the rubble. He’s fine, and his forge is being rebuilt in a better location, but…no. He didn’t need to.”
When she simply raised her eyebrows, he continued. “When I let go of my power that last time, I let go of a lot of other things, too. My rage. My grudges, fun though they were.” He smiled gently and stroked his hand over her hair. “I found things more important than myself to worry over, to fight for. I found my heart. And I found you.”
She laughed softly, and he smiled again. “There. I like that better.” He wiped away a lingering tear with his thumb.
“I still don’t understand,” she said. “The lightning was destroying you.”
“The lightning is a part of me now,” he said. “I was made from the storm. The power should have been a natural fit. It was the things that fed it that were destroying me. Simple to fix in theory, takes a near-death experience to figure out in practice. That, and falling in love. That helped.” He kissed her gently. “You helped. So much. Loving you is the first thing I’ve done right in thousands of years, Dru. Uriel thought forcing me to go back to Purgatory, hearing the truth from Amriel himself about the nature of my power, might finally push me to change. You and I threw a wrench in his plans. I can’t say it wasn’t nice hearing him admit our way was better.”
“Our way was terrifying.”
He tipped his head from side to side, seeming to weigh that assessment. “Well, that, too. But the best things are usually the hardest to get. The girl. A heart. A soul.”
Dru’s eyes widened. “I—” She forgot what she was saying when one silvery-white wing wrapped around her, cradling her against him. “I thought you didn’t want to see me cry again!”
