Hearts of Fire

Page 4

Levi shook his head. “No, but you’ll see him. He wants you to call on him when you’re ready to make the journey. But it needs to be soon.”
Meresin frowned. “Of course it does. He was never patient.”
“Why should he be? It won’t be long before you shed blood in Terra Noctem. I can feel the instability in you. Everyone can.”
“It was supposed to be my decision when to go,” he said. “Mine. That was what you told me.” He pinned Levi with a dark look, though he’d always known, even at the time, that the serpent was lying. It hadn’t mattered then. It shouldn’t now. He just hated being railroaded into this. Even if he knew it was better not to have a choice. Otherwise, he might never be ready.
“You’re making a decision,” Levi replied. “Go to Amriel, or be hunted down like a rabid animal and killed. It is a choice.”
He couldn’t keep the bitterness from his voice. “I’m not very good at making choices, if you’ll remember. The last time I tried to make an important one, I ended up back in the hellpits, waiting to be turned to dust. I finally did the right thing, and my wings are still as black as night. Raum and Phenex were redeemed for less, but here I am, alone in the dark. You want to explain that?”
Levi stared at him long and hard, and Meresin fought the urge to look away. Finally, Levi quietly said, “Is that what you want? Redemption?”
“I don’t…I don’t know,” he snapped, wishing he hadn’t admitted even that much. Hadn’t he learned that no one was ever to be trusted? And at the hands of Lucifer himself, no less. But even in the midst of the roiling sea of jealousy and anger that had nearly consumed him, that tiny shred of who he had once been remained. That vague and senseless longing to be more than he was.
It had nearly killed him once. If he wasn’t careful, it would push him into finishing the job.
“It doesn’t matter,” he said, trying to regain some kind of center and stop the lightning beginning to heat his blood, looking for an outlet. “I told you, my choice didn’t matter, and it didn’t change anything. I’m beyond redemption.”
Levi quietly considered this. Finally, he said, “Goodness and desperation aren’t the same, even if the end result of them can be. Maybe it wasn’t your actions, but your reasons.”
“Fuck my reasons!” Meresin snapped. “I betrayed my men! I incinerated my own damned army to make a run for the gates of Heaven, where I begged to be heard. And what did I get? Silence! Turns out forgiveness is as big a lie as the ones the Fallen tell. But at least we’re upfront about being full of shit.” The words were poison on his tongue, flowing up from deep in his chest.
He bared his teeth at the unforgiving moon. He had become a traitor against Hell in a way that none of his brothers had. He doubted that even Levi could understand what it felt like to see his brothers’ wings turning back to white, one by one, when none of them had ever asked to return to grace. The serpent was not known for his sympathy, and Meresin received none now.
“I get it, Meresin. But that’s not my area. If you want an answer, take it up with Uriel.”
“No need. I got my answer at the gates of Heaven—silence. Whatever Amriel did to me, it damned me for good.” He had to put the anger away before it spilled over and created a new set of problems. At the moment, he had enough. “I don’t need my wings to be white again. I just need to be able to function. Better than this, anyway.”
“Which is why I’m sitting here,” Levi said.
“Which is why Uriel sent you here.” Meresin tapped his fingers against his knee restlessly while he thought about what came next. “Speaking of that white-winged prick, nice of him to make it easy for me to get started. Call on him. I don’t even know if I can anymore. He knows that.”
Levi was unmoved. “I guess you’d better hope you remember somehow.”
Meresin made a disgusted sound. “Great. What happens if I can’t? What then?”
“Then he’ll come for you with his sword in hand. He was very clear about that.”
“Meaning he’s just looking for an excuse. Perfect. Next time you have the opportunity to defend me, don’t.”
Levi only grunted. “Spare me. You were barely hanging on in Hell. Do you really think no one has noticed that you’ve slipped further since we’ve been here? You’re of no use to anyone like this. Least of all yourself.”
It was true. There was no pity in Levi, no sentimentality. Not even anger, most of the time. Just cold realism. Levi alone among them understood, at least in some small way, why he struggled. It wasn’t just his unpredictable and overwhelming power. They had both been pets, of a sort. And they both knew what it was to be truly alone. So when Levi spoke, he listened, even if he was speaking a truth Meresin didn’t really want to hear.
“When am I to leave the city? Tonight?”
“If that works for you, then yes. The longer you wait, the harder it’ll be to go.”
“Because I’m so very attached.” He snorted. “Nothing like being helped out the door with a foot in your ass. All right,” he said, and then more quietly to himself, “all right.”
Wasn’t this why he’d come here? To have this chance? It was hard to remember…he’d been half out of his mind when Leviathan had come with his offer.
Being chained in the dark for months would do that. Though he supposed he should be grateful that quick deaths weren’t Lucifer’s style. There was always plenty of suffering first.
“Maybe it’s better this way,” he heard Levi saying. “At this point, you’ve got nothing to lose.”
Maybe. Meresin thought again of Dru, let himself envision her face and the way she looked at him sometimes—like she saw him as more than just a walking, talking weapon that might malfunction at any moment. He didn’t want her misguided pity, and he didn’t need her defending him. Neither of those things stopped him from wanting her.
He pushed away the thought and got to his feet, jaw clenched. You couldn’t lose what you’d never had anyway. Dru didn’t matter. Not now.
“Levi, did Uriel—”
But there was only an empty space where Levi had been, leaving Meresin to stare at the spot in grudging admiration. Levi was no Fallen…but he was as sneaky as the devil himself.
“Fine, then. Let’s get this over with,” he said. And with that he spread his wings, rushing upward into the night.
Chapter Three
Dru paced back and forth in front of the obsidian throne her brother sat in while he watched her with a wary expression.
“You’re giving me a headache,” Justin finally said, propping his chin on his fist and frowning at her. Dru spun on him, her eyes wide.
“Are you kidding me? I’m giving you a headache? You’re the one going along with this insanity!”
“I’m not the one pacing and shouting,” he replied, getting the stubborn look in his eyes that she knew very, very well. Screaming at him the way she wanted to wouldn’t penetrate that thick skull of his. She’d learned that from long experience.
She took a deep breath, crossed her arms over her chest, and tried to figure out how to make him understand.
“He needs to be here, Justin. I know you think he’s dangerous, but I really think that having the other Fallen, having a purpose, is the only thing holding him together. Throw him out, and he won’t have a chance. And neither will whoever’s around when he loses it.”
Justin scrubbed a hand through his hair and sighed. “He’s going to lose control eventually whether or not he’s here. I think you know that.”
She tipped her chin up. “No, I do not know that.”
“Dru.”
“You have no idea what will happen. Maybe he just needs time!” She wished she could make herself believe it. Not that it mattered anymore. Meresin was leaving whether she approved or not, sent off by a powerful archangel to who knew where. She wished she could just not care, but judging by the slowly rising panic she was grappling with, that was pretty much an impossibility. What had been set in motion tonight seemed extreme, considering no one had been killed. Electrocuted, yes, but vampires were pretty resilient. What was a little electrical current being thrown around now and then?
God, maybe she was the one losing it.
Justin rose, and when he put his hand on her shoulder, his touch was as gentle as his voice. “I know you’re upset, but you’re directing it at the wrong guy. I wouldn’t have thrown him out, Dru. Not yet.”
She lowered her head so that her forehead touched his shoulder and sighed heavily. “I know.” And though she didn’t say so, her interest in Meresin would have been the deciding factor. She loved her brother for it, though she was frustrated as hell with herself.
Justin draped his arm around her back and gave her an affectionate rub.
“What is it with you and lost causes?” he asked, his voice gentle. Dru stiffened, but that didn’t stop him. “Why do this to yourself? All those humans. And before that—”
“This has nothing to do with Caius,” she said sharply. It was an unspoken rule between them that the one vampire in her past was off-limits for discussion. That he would broach that subject now hurt, probably more than it should have. Caius had been dead for longer than most of the vampires here had been alive. But Dru wasn’t so stupid that she didn’t realize she carried a piece of him with her anyway. Maybe that was what happened when you shoved a dagger through your immortal lover’s heart, then watched him self-immolate. It was the kind of thing that stuck with a woman. Even if the stabbing wasn’t the part she regretted.
She breathed in deeply. Easy, Dru. He probably thinks you’re over the whole I-killed-my-psychotic-vampire-boyfriend-two-thousand-years-ago thing. You know, like any sane woman would be.
“I want to help Meresin,” she said more evenly. “Not settle down with a mortgage and a minivan and a passel of cute little immortal flamethrowers—even if that were possible.”
“Dru, I’m not sure what you want anymore.” He didn’t sound amused.
She straightened to give him a long-suffering look and saw concern reflected in her brother’s dark eyes.
“Don’t get all brotherly on me,” she warned. “I’ll have to kick you and then find some rocks to throw. Maybe even put gum in your hair.”
“Wouldn’t be the first time. But I’m serious,” he said. “You put a boot in my ass when I needed to get out of here for a while and figure out what I really needed.”
“And you found it. Because I’m brilliant,” she replied. His obvious worry made her uncomfortable. Everyone knew she was the go-to girl for fixing stuff, whatever “stuff” happened to be on any given day. Needing to be fixed herself? Not so much.
“You are brilliant. You’re also lonely,” he said. “I know my sister.”
Dru rolled her eyes, though the words felt like a sucker punch. Yes, he did know her. He might even be a little bit right. Or a lot. But this was something she had no interest in discussing with him. She had a city, immortality, plenty of friends…she even had a kickass wardrobe it had taken centuries to build, along with the ability to take gorgeous, biddable, and, most importantly, human lovers whenever she wished. She’d tried for more once, but it had blown up in her face. Since then, it had seemed wiser to enjoy what was instead of chasing what could be.
Until now, anyway. She didn’t know what the hell she was doing.
“Oh, come on, Justin. My life is full,” she chided her brother. “It has been for ages. How can I be lonely when no one ever leaves me alone?”
He snorted. “I love you, but you are so full of—”
“Levi,” Dru interrupted, turning toward the man who had just stalked in eerie silence through the massive doors of the great hall. “Did you find him?”
“We’re not finished talking about this,” Justin whispered in her ear when he brushed past her to greet the returning leader of the city’s Fallen.
She only arched an eyebrow at him. Oh, yes we are.
“I found Meresin, yes.” Levi approached, all dark grace and swift, silent movement. His thick black hair was pulled into a long tail that hung down his back, and his pale blue eyes, startling against warm caramel skin, seemed to miss nothing. He wasn’t any less pretty than the Fallen he’d brought here, she thought, though where the ex-demons could have been carved from stone with their alabaster skin and cool perfection, Levi exuded the warmth of the living. At least he did in appearance. But there was ice in his eyes. Ice, and all the ages he’d lived in the shadows.
“Uriel is long gone, I assume,” Levi said. “He seemed to be in a hurry.”
“Gone,” Justin agreed. “And isn’t he always in a hurry?” The archangel with his blinding wings tipped in gold had a habit of disappearing as quickly as he appeared. Dru was still trying to adjust to his presence in general. Angels had rarely bothered with the earthly night races over the centuries. Maybe it was because, despite their unusual powers, vampires and werewolves and witches would all eventually show their essential humanity and die, their souls heading one place or the other. What did it matter to an angel how long it took them to get there? The demon lords, on the other hand, refused to believe that vampires and their ilk even had souls. It seemed like a better idea not to argue with them about it.
“I wish he had gone to Meresin himself,” Levi said. “I’ll be honest, I don’t like sending him off like this. It’s too sudden, and he’s…”