Hearts on Air
Page 48
Trev leaned forward, his elbows resting on his knees as he stared out at the city all lit up for the night. He seemed to be considering his words for a minute before he asked, “Do you get touched enough, Reya?”
I blinked, his question blindsiding me. “Um, touched as in—”
“Today when I held your hand you went off on that tangent about hand holding and how you wished adults did it more often,” he replied and turned to meet my eyes. His gaze was thoughtful. “So, I’m asking if you need someone to hold your hand. Or you know, touch you?”
I bit my lip, feeling peculiar from the way he was looking at me. “That doesn’t sound very friendly.”
“It can be whatever you want it to be.”
“I really don’t know what you’re getting at, Trev.”
He raked a hand through his hair and glanced away for a second. “I just don’t like the idea of you feeling lonely. I never did.”
That was funny because in the past he’d constantly left me on my own. “You don’t?”
“Remember the night when we went to that dine-in-the-dark restaurant and I put my foot in my mouth like usual? I said we didn’t need partners because we’d always have each other.”
I did. Too well. It was the first night we slept together. We didn’t have sex, but there’d been intimacy. “Yeah, I got pissed because you were condemning me to a life of spinsterhood.”
Trev’s expression grew pained, probably remembering how hurt I’d been. “It upset me so much to think of you feeling that way, alone and just wanting someone to love you. I felt like a piece of shit for upsetting you.”
“It was a long time ago.”
“I was still a fuckwit. Sometimes I can’t believe how stupid I was back then. I was too blind to see that I was fighting for all the wrong things.”
My chest squeezed. “You’ve got a pretty good life now, so some of the things you were fighting for must’ve been the right ones.”
He didn’t say anything for a few moments, just studied me like I was a storyboard full of thought bubbles. When he spoke his voice was soft. “Even now I don’t like the idea of you being lonely when I’m right here. So, you know, if you ever need someone to—”
“Touch me?” I asked archly. I couldn’t help the smile tugging at my lips.
“Okay, wrong choice of words but you know what I mean. If you ever need company, someone to hold your hand, just come find me, yeah?”
Butterflies fluttered in my chest. What he was offering was just so . . . romantic. Thoughtful. Empathetic. I could never imagine the old Trev offering me something like this, putting my feelings above everything else. It just never would’ve occurred to him. I hate to say it, but he really did take me for granted back then. Then again, can I really blame him when I was so willing to take any scraps he deigned to throw my way?
I stared into his eyes and saw the truth. He was acknowledging how he treated me in the past and he was trying to make up for it. This was his penance. It might’ve bothered me if I couldn’t see the sheer remorse in his eyes for his past actions.
“Okay, Trev, I’ll come find you.”
Happiness flooded his features as a slow smile spread across his lips. He looked thankful for the chance to simply be around me, and it was so bizarre. We sat in quiet for a little while before he spoke again.
“So, what did you want to talk about?” His voice was low and serious. He must’ve sensed this wasn’t going to be an easy topic.
A car horn honked from below; the noise of the city was all around us, even though we were situated in a private little bubble. It felt pleasant to just be alone with him. I turned my body to face him and clasped my hands together.
“I’m pretty sure Barry is trying to work our relationship into the show.”
Trev’s brows furrowed as he studied me. “What makes you think that?”
“Just a vibe. I’m being filmed a lot more than I think is warranted. Plus, you know they always work a personal angle into the episodes. In the first season, it was all about Paul and his ex-girlfriend. In the second it was Callum and Leanne and their whole love-hate thing. In this season, it can’t be you and me. I can’t let that happen.”
His eyes flicked back and forth between mine. “How do you know it won’t be Callum and Leanne again? Things might’ve settled down between them now but it never lasts long.”
I thought on that. He definitely had a point. “Maybe you’re right. I just worry.”
Trev studied me, his brows drawn in thought. “So what if they do feature us? What harm can it do?”
I shot him a look of disbelief. “Uh, it can do plenty of harm. I don’t want to become ‘known’, not even a little bit. And I don’t want those gossip magazines that write about you looking into my background. That wouldn’t end well.”
His expression intensified, understanding dawning on him. “If any journalist wrote a single word about your past I’d make sure they never worked again.”
“That’s very noble, but I’d rather not take the chance.” Plus, that wasn’t exactly how things worked nowadays. Once something was out in the world of all things cyber, it was impossible to pull.
Trev swore under his breath. I saw a million thoughts buzz around in his head. “I’ll try convince Barry to pick another angle, but you’ve already signed all the contracts. If they want to use you there’s not much we can do about it.”
“Then I’ll leave.”
His face flashed with anger. “You can’t leave. You’d be breaking the terms of the contracts by doing that, too.” I thought maybe there was another reason, but I didn’t voice it.
Still, I deflated because he was right about the contracts. This had the potential to become such a mess.
He threw his arm around my shoulders and pulled me to him in a soft embrace. “I’ll try and make sure nothing comes of it, okay?”
I stared into his eyes, wishing there was some way he could guarantee it, but I guessed trying was the best he could do. “Okay.”
We were both quiet then, and I thought about what was transpiring between us. Because despite my best intentions, things were transpiring. I knew deep down that he cared for me. But sometimes his emotions were still like a swinging pendulum. Horny and sexy one moment, caring and thoughtful the next. It was confusing, but it was Trevor. A man I still loved with every part of my heart. Whether I ever gave him that again would be something I’d war against. Karla told me to have fun, but I knew being safe—heart safe—might be more important after all.
I blinked, his question blindsiding me. “Um, touched as in—”
“Today when I held your hand you went off on that tangent about hand holding and how you wished adults did it more often,” he replied and turned to meet my eyes. His gaze was thoughtful. “So, I’m asking if you need someone to hold your hand. Or you know, touch you?”
I bit my lip, feeling peculiar from the way he was looking at me. “That doesn’t sound very friendly.”
“It can be whatever you want it to be.”
“I really don’t know what you’re getting at, Trev.”
He raked a hand through his hair and glanced away for a second. “I just don’t like the idea of you feeling lonely. I never did.”
That was funny because in the past he’d constantly left me on my own. “You don’t?”
“Remember the night when we went to that dine-in-the-dark restaurant and I put my foot in my mouth like usual? I said we didn’t need partners because we’d always have each other.”
I did. Too well. It was the first night we slept together. We didn’t have sex, but there’d been intimacy. “Yeah, I got pissed because you were condemning me to a life of spinsterhood.”
Trev’s expression grew pained, probably remembering how hurt I’d been. “It upset me so much to think of you feeling that way, alone and just wanting someone to love you. I felt like a piece of shit for upsetting you.”
“It was a long time ago.”
“I was still a fuckwit. Sometimes I can’t believe how stupid I was back then. I was too blind to see that I was fighting for all the wrong things.”
My chest squeezed. “You’ve got a pretty good life now, so some of the things you were fighting for must’ve been the right ones.”
He didn’t say anything for a few moments, just studied me like I was a storyboard full of thought bubbles. When he spoke his voice was soft. “Even now I don’t like the idea of you being lonely when I’m right here. So, you know, if you ever need someone to—”
“Touch me?” I asked archly. I couldn’t help the smile tugging at my lips.
“Okay, wrong choice of words but you know what I mean. If you ever need company, someone to hold your hand, just come find me, yeah?”
Butterflies fluttered in my chest. What he was offering was just so . . . romantic. Thoughtful. Empathetic. I could never imagine the old Trev offering me something like this, putting my feelings above everything else. It just never would’ve occurred to him. I hate to say it, but he really did take me for granted back then. Then again, can I really blame him when I was so willing to take any scraps he deigned to throw my way?
I stared into his eyes and saw the truth. He was acknowledging how he treated me in the past and he was trying to make up for it. This was his penance. It might’ve bothered me if I couldn’t see the sheer remorse in his eyes for his past actions.
“Okay, Trev, I’ll come find you.”
Happiness flooded his features as a slow smile spread across his lips. He looked thankful for the chance to simply be around me, and it was so bizarre. We sat in quiet for a little while before he spoke again.
“So, what did you want to talk about?” His voice was low and serious. He must’ve sensed this wasn’t going to be an easy topic.
A car horn honked from below; the noise of the city was all around us, even though we were situated in a private little bubble. It felt pleasant to just be alone with him. I turned my body to face him and clasped my hands together.
“I’m pretty sure Barry is trying to work our relationship into the show.”
Trev’s brows furrowed as he studied me. “What makes you think that?”
“Just a vibe. I’m being filmed a lot more than I think is warranted. Plus, you know they always work a personal angle into the episodes. In the first season, it was all about Paul and his ex-girlfriend. In the second it was Callum and Leanne and their whole love-hate thing. In this season, it can’t be you and me. I can’t let that happen.”
His eyes flicked back and forth between mine. “How do you know it won’t be Callum and Leanne again? Things might’ve settled down between them now but it never lasts long.”
I thought on that. He definitely had a point. “Maybe you’re right. I just worry.”
Trev studied me, his brows drawn in thought. “So what if they do feature us? What harm can it do?”
I shot him a look of disbelief. “Uh, it can do plenty of harm. I don’t want to become ‘known’, not even a little bit. And I don’t want those gossip magazines that write about you looking into my background. That wouldn’t end well.”
His expression intensified, understanding dawning on him. “If any journalist wrote a single word about your past I’d make sure they never worked again.”
“That’s very noble, but I’d rather not take the chance.” Plus, that wasn’t exactly how things worked nowadays. Once something was out in the world of all things cyber, it was impossible to pull.
Trev swore under his breath. I saw a million thoughts buzz around in his head. “I’ll try convince Barry to pick another angle, but you’ve already signed all the contracts. If they want to use you there’s not much we can do about it.”
“Then I’ll leave.”
His face flashed with anger. “You can’t leave. You’d be breaking the terms of the contracts by doing that, too.” I thought maybe there was another reason, but I didn’t voice it.
Still, I deflated because he was right about the contracts. This had the potential to become such a mess.
He threw his arm around my shoulders and pulled me to him in a soft embrace. “I’ll try and make sure nothing comes of it, okay?”
I stared into his eyes, wishing there was some way he could guarantee it, but I guessed trying was the best he could do. “Okay.”
We were both quiet then, and I thought about what was transpiring between us. Because despite my best intentions, things were transpiring. I knew deep down that he cared for me. But sometimes his emotions were still like a swinging pendulum. Horny and sexy one moment, caring and thoughtful the next. It was confusing, but it was Trevor. A man I still loved with every part of my heart. Whether I ever gave him that again would be something I’d war against. Karla told me to have fun, but I knew being safe—heart safe—might be more important after all.
