Hearts on Air
Page 8
“I can’t sleep with you, Trev. I’m sorry, but I just can’t.”
He leaned his body into mine again. His hard dips and lines somehow fit perfectly to my rounded curves. His mouth bent to my ear as he whispered, “Don’t pretend like you can’t feel this. Imagine how it would be. All this tension that’s been building up for years finally having an outlet. I bet you’d blow my mind. I bet it would be fucking epic.”
I trembled at his low, husky words, momentarily lost in a lust-filled haze before his meaning sank in. Building up for years. Had he known I’d wanted him all this time and simply ignored it for whatever fucked up reason? Fury simmered just below the surface as I summoned all my strength and finally pushed away from him.
“You’re a prick,” I spat and kept walking in the direction of the music. The further I got down the steps, the more I could hear voices and the sounds of people having fun.
“Reya, what the hell?” Trev called, catching up and grabbing me by the arm.
“Leave me alone. I need a drink.”
“Why are you so angry all of a sudden?”
At this I spun around to face him. “I’m angry because you just gave yourself away. All this time you’ve known I fancied you, yet you just kept stringing me along, giving me crumbs of friendship when you knew I liked you as more.”
Trev swore under his breath. “It’s more complicated than that.”
I let out a joyless laugh. “Oh, sure.”
Turning back around, I continued down the steps until I entered the platform. The place was packed with people, a makeshift bar set up at one end and a dancefloor at the other. Some people danced, while others stood around drinking and talking, or well, shouting to be heard.
Music blared loud from the speakers and determination formed within me. I had the power now. All those of years of sleeping around had finally jaded Trev to the point where he’d opened his eyes and seen what was right in front of him.
Well, I wasn’t going to just roll over and let him have me, not after all the nights I spent nursing a broken heart and coming to terms with the fact that I just wasn’t his type.
Tonight I was going to find a man and I was going to have sex with him. I was going to find a man who meant nothing to me, just like all those girls who Trev chose instead of me meant nothing to him. I was going to give him a taste of his own medicine.
I got a double vodka from the bar and knocked it back quickly, then asked for another. Across the way Trev moved through the crowd, his eyes on me. I looked away, swallowed down my second drink, then headed for the dancefloor. I lost myself amid the gyrating bodies, soon soliciting the attention of a tall blond guy. He danced beside me for a bit then placed his hands on my hips and we swayed together to the music.
Barely a second later someone caught my hand and tugged me away from the guy. I was vaguely aware of his complaints, but then Trev’s scent invaded my senses and it was all I could focus on. God, why was everything about him so intoxicating?
The vodka hit me hard as he tugged me to a semi-private corner of the platform. When he stopped I looked up at him. I’d never seen him so conflicted. He looked hurt and somehow terrified, and in spite of my previous resolution, all I wanted to do was hug him and make him feel okay. I tried to tamp down the urge.
“What?” I said over the weight of the music.
He only stared at me, chewing his lip until it bled.
“Oh for God’s sake, I’m going home.”
I turned around but he grabbed me, wrapped his arms around my waist and pulled my back flush with his front. He brought his mouth to my ear and shouted, “I have ADHD!”
I jolted at the confession, then frowned and twisted in his arms. What was I supposed to say to that? Trev tilted his head in the direction of the bathrooms and I followed him. It was quieter out there so we could talk more easily.
I studied him and he appeared uncharacteristically embarrassed. “Did you just say you have ADHD?”
He stared at the wall above my head. “You know how me and the boys were contacted to do that TV show?”
I nodded. Trev, alongside a few of his free-running buddies, had been trying for a TV deal for a while now. In fact, he’d had the idea since the very first time I met him. Recently, they’d caught the attention of a television executive with their Youtube videos. Now they were working out the logistics of filming a TV show, where they travelled around different cities pulling off parkour stunts. It still wasn’t set in stone, but it was an exciting opportunity for him nonetheless. “Yeah, what about it?”
“Well, as part of the preliminaries we had to undergo a psych evaluation. You know, to make sure we’re all psychologically stable enough to spend several months travelling around in a tour bus together. Turns out I’ve had undiagnosed ADHD from childhood and they want me to start taking medication for it.”
“Oh, Trev,” I breathed, shocked by the revelation. “Why didn’t you tell me?”
“I was embarrassed. And I didn’t want you to tell Karla, who would then tell Lee, and then everyone would just feel shitty about the fact that we were too poor growing up to realise I had this stupid condition the whole time. Lee would only beat himself up about it.”
I reached out and gave his arm a squeeze. “Trev, you have to tell them. You can’t just deal with this all on your own, and your family would want to help. I know they would.”
He looked at me now. “Nah, they’ve got enough on their plates. The only reason I’m telling you is because I want you to understand my behaviour. I want you to know the reason I’ve never been able to let you in.” He tapped his left temple. “I was fucked in the head.”
I narrowed my gaze. “You weren’t fucked in the head. Don’t talk about yourself like that. You had a disorder, and if you hadn’t had such a deprived childhood you would’ve been treated for it. It’s not your fault, Trev.”
I pulled him into a hug and he took it willingly. My mind swam with the news, so much about him suddenly making sense. His issues with self-control, his short attention span, his need for high-risk behaviour. All of it was down to this thing he had and never even knew about.
We stood there for a long time, and I felt like my telling him it wasn’t his fault truly hit home. He’d needed someone to tell him that, and I was glad I got to be the person who did. His body practically melted into mine, and it was only when someone bumped into us that we pulled apart
He leaned his body into mine again. His hard dips and lines somehow fit perfectly to my rounded curves. His mouth bent to my ear as he whispered, “Don’t pretend like you can’t feel this. Imagine how it would be. All this tension that’s been building up for years finally having an outlet. I bet you’d blow my mind. I bet it would be fucking epic.”
I trembled at his low, husky words, momentarily lost in a lust-filled haze before his meaning sank in. Building up for years. Had he known I’d wanted him all this time and simply ignored it for whatever fucked up reason? Fury simmered just below the surface as I summoned all my strength and finally pushed away from him.
“You’re a prick,” I spat and kept walking in the direction of the music. The further I got down the steps, the more I could hear voices and the sounds of people having fun.
“Reya, what the hell?” Trev called, catching up and grabbing me by the arm.
“Leave me alone. I need a drink.”
“Why are you so angry all of a sudden?”
At this I spun around to face him. “I’m angry because you just gave yourself away. All this time you’ve known I fancied you, yet you just kept stringing me along, giving me crumbs of friendship when you knew I liked you as more.”
Trev swore under his breath. “It’s more complicated than that.”
I let out a joyless laugh. “Oh, sure.”
Turning back around, I continued down the steps until I entered the platform. The place was packed with people, a makeshift bar set up at one end and a dancefloor at the other. Some people danced, while others stood around drinking and talking, or well, shouting to be heard.
Music blared loud from the speakers and determination formed within me. I had the power now. All those of years of sleeping around had finally jaded Trev to the point where he’d opened his eyes and seen what was right in front of him.
Well, I wasn’t going to just roll over and let him have me, not after all the nights I spent nursing a broken heart and coming to terms with the fact that I just wasn’t his type.
Tonight I was going to find a man and I was going to have sex with him. I was going to find a man who meant nothing to me, just like all those girls who Trev chose instead of me meant nothing to him. I was going to give him a taste of his own medicine.
I got a double vodka from the bar and knocked it back quickly, then asked for another. Across the way Trev moved through the crowd, his eyes on me. I looked away, swallowed down my second drink, then headed for the dancefloor. I lost myself amid the gyrating bodies, soon soliciting the attention of a tall blond guy. He danced beside me for a bit then placed his hands on my hips and we swayed together to the music.
Barely a second later someone caught my hand and tugged me away from the guy. I was vaguely aware of his complaints, but then Trev’s scent invaded my senses and it was all I could focus on. God, why was everything about him so intoxicating?
The vodka hit me hard as he tugged me to a semi-private corner of the platform. When he stopped I looked up at him. I’d never seen him so conflicted. He looked hurt and somehow terrified, and in spite of my previous resolution, all I wanted to do was hug him and make him feel okay. I tried to tamp down the urge.
“What?” I said over the weight of the music.
He only stared at me, chewing his lip until it bled.
“Oh for God’s sake, I’m going home.”
I turned around but he grabbed me, wrapped his arms around my waist and pulled my back flush with his front. He brought his mouth to my ear and shouted, “I have ADHD!”
I jolted at the confession, then frowned and twisted in his arms. What was I supposed to say to that? Trev tilted his head in the direction of the bathrooms and I followed him. It was quieter out there so we could talk more easily.
I studied him and he appeared uncharacteristically embarrassed. “Did you just say you have ADHD?”
He stared at the wall above my head. “You know how me and the boys were contacted to do that TV show?”
I nodded. Trev, alongside a few of his free-running buddies, had been trying for a TV deal for a while now. In fact, he’d had the idea since the very first time I met him. Recently, they’d caught the attention of a television executive with their Youtube videos. Now they were working out the logistics of filming a TV show, where they travelled around different cities pulling off parkour stunts. It still wasn’t set in stone, but it was an exciting opportunity for him nonetheless. “Yeah, what about it?”
“Well, as part of the preliminaries we had to undergo a psych evaluation. You know, to make sure we’re all psychologically stable enough to spend several months travelling around in a tour bus together. Turns out I’ve had undiagnosed ADHD from childhood and they want me to start taking medication for it.”
“Oh, Trev,” I breathed, shocked by the revelation. “Why didn’t you tell me?”
“I was embarrassed. And I didn’t want you to tell Karla, who would then tell Lee, and then everyone would just feel shitty about the fact that we were too poor growing up to realise I had this stupid condition the whole time. Lee would only beat himself up about it.”
I reached out and gave his arm a squeeze. “Trev, you have to tell them. You can’t just deal with this all on your own, and your family would want to help. I know they would.”
He looked at me now. “Nah, they’ve got enough on their plates. The only reason I’m telling you is because I want you to understand my behaviour. I want you to know the reason I’ve never been able to let you in.” He tapped his left temple. “I was fucked in the head.”
I narrowed my gaze. “You weren’t fucked in the head. Don’t talk about yourself like that. You had a disorder, and if you hadn’t had such a deprived childhood you would’ve been treated for it. It’s not your fault, Trev.”
I pulled him into a hug and he took it willingly. My mind swam with the news, so much about him suddenly making sense. His issues with self-control, his short attention span, his need for high-risk behaviour. All of it was down to this thing he had and never even knew about.
We stood there for a long time, and I felt like my telling him it wasn’t his fault truly hit home. He’d needed someone to tell him that, and I was glad I got to be the person who did. His body practically melted into mine, and it was only when someone bumped into us that we pulled apart
