Heaven and Earth
Page 74
Eighteen
H e ran his hands down her arms, taking hers as he leaned over to touch his lips to her forehead.
“Well, you idiot, I’m in love with you, too. Let’s sit down and start there.”
“What? What?” She would have pulled her hands free, but he only tightened his grip. “Back off.”
“No.” He said it gently. “No, Ripley, I won’t back off. I won’t go away. And I won’t stop loving you. You might as well swallow that, then we can work on what’s scared you so much you want me gone.”
“Mac, if you love me, you’ll pack up and go back to New York for a while.”
“It doesn’t work that way. No,” he repeated as she opened her mouth again.
“Don’t be so damn—”
“ ‘Implacable’ is a term I’ve heard applied to me occasionally. It’s classier, I think, than ‘hardheaded.’
In this case, however, I don’t think either applies.” He angled his head. “You get spooked about something, worried about someone, your instinct is to step away. The way you did with your gift,” he continued over her protest. “The way you did with Mia. I won’t let you do that with me. With us. Ripley.” He lifted their joined hands, kissed her knuckles. “I’m so in love with you.”
“Don’t.” Her heart, she thought, couldn’t take it. “Just wait.”
“I hate to keep saying no to you. I’ll make it up to you later.” And he lowered his head and kissed her until her bones went liquid.
“I don’t know what to do, how to handle this. I’ve never had this before.”
“Me, either. We’ll figure it out. Let’s sit down and get started.”
“I told Zack I’d be back in twenty minutes. I didn’t think it would take that long to . . .”
“To dump me.” He grinned at her. “Surprise. You want to call him?”
She shook her head. “I can’t think straight. Hell, he knows where I am if he needs me.” It seemed as if everything inside her was jumping and twisting around. And yet, at the center of it, her heart was glowing like the moon. “You’re in love with me?”
“Completely.”
“Well.” She sniffled. “How come you never mentioned it before?” she demanded.
“How come you didn’t mention you were in love with me?”
“I asked you first.”
“Got me there. Maybe I was building up to it. You know . . .” He squeezed her arms before he nudged her into a chair. “Softening you up.”
“Maybe I was doing the same thing.”
“Really? Telling me you were done with me is an odd way to accomplish that.”
“Mac.” She leaned forward, and this time she took his hands. “You’re the first man I’ve ever said it to. You have to be careful throwing that word around. If you’re careless with it, casual with it, it loses power. You’re the first because you’re the first. And for me, you’ll be the only. That’s how it works with the Todds. We mate for life. So you have to marry me.”
His system kicked, a quick boot. “I have to marry you?”
“Yeah. So that takes care of that.”
“Hold on.” Pleasure trickled through him. “Don’t I get a ring or something? Then you get down on one knee and ask, and I say yes or no?”
“You’re pushing your luck.”
“I feel lucky. I’m buying a house.”
“Oh.” There was a tug. Grief, sorrow. Acceptance. “New York. Yeah, well, that’s where your work is. Guess they always need cops there.”
“Probably, but I’m buying a house here. Do you think I’d ask you to leave your heart? Don’t you know mine’s here now, too?”
She stared at him. For one long moment, she could do nothing but stare at him. And saw their lives in his eyes. “Don’t make me cry. I hate that.”
“I put in an offer on the Logan place.”
“The . . .” Big and beautiful and by the sea. “It’s not for sale.”
“Oh, but it’s going to be. I can be very tenacious. I want children.”
“So do I.” Her fingers tightened on his. “It’ll be good with us. Good and solid and real. But you have to do something for me first.”
“I’m not going away.”
“Can’t you trust me enough to do this one thing?”
“That won’t work either. Tell me what’s frightening you. Start with the dream last night.”
She looked away from him. “I killed you.”
“How?” he asked, sounding intrigued.
“What, have you got ice in your veins? I ended your life, your existence.”
“We’ll figure out the solution faster if we don’t panic. Tell me about the dream.”
She shoved away from the table, paced the room three times in tight little circles trying to burn off her agitation. And told him. And in telling him brought it all back so clearly that fear crawled through her like freshly hatched spiders.
“I killed you, and destroyed everything that matters,” she finished. “I can’t carry that load, Mac. Can’t deal with it. It’s why I turned away from what I am. Turned away from Mia. It seemed the right—the only—thing to do. Part of me still thinks that.”
“But you know that won’t work and that you have to face it.”
“You’re asking me to risk you, my family, my friends, my home.”
“No, I’m not,” he said gently. “I’m asking you to protect us.”
Emotion totally swamped her. “God, Mac, that was a big button to push.”
“I know it. I’ll help you, Ripley. I think I was meant to. Meant to love you,” he added, taking her fisted hand, smoothing it open. “To be a part of this. I don’t think my life’s work is a coincidence, or my coming here, or my sitting here with you right now. And I know we’re stronger together than we are apart.”
She looked down at their joined hands. Everything she wanted, she realized, and hadn’t known she was looking for, was right here in her grasp.
“If I kill you, it’s really going to piss me off.”
His lips twitched. “Me, too.”
H e ran his hands down her arms, taking hers as he leaned over to touch his lips to her forehead.
“Well, you idiot, I’m in love with you, too. Let’s sit down and start there.”
“What? What?” She would have pulled her hands free, but he only tightened his grip. “Back off.”
“No.” He said it gently. “No, Ripley, I won’t back off. I won’t go away. And I won’t stop loving you. You might as well swallow that, then we can work on what’s scared you so much you want me gone.”
“Mac, if you love me, you’ll pack up and go back to New York for a while.”
“It doesn’t work that way. No,” he repeated as she opened her mouth again.
“Don’t be so damn—”
“ ‘Implacable’ is a term I’ve heard applied to me occasionally. It’s classier, I think, than ‘hardheaded.’
In this case, however, I don’t think either applies.” He angled his head. “You get spooked about something, worried about someone, your instinct is to step away. The way you did with your gift,” he continued over her protest. “The way you did with Mia. I won’t let you do that with me. With us. Ripley.” He lifted their joined hands, kissed her knuckles. “I’m so in love with you.”
“Don’t.” Her heart, she thought, couldn’t take it. “Just wait.”
“I hate to keep saying no to you. I’ll make it up to you later.” And he lowered his head and kissed her until her bones went liquid.
“I don’t know what to do, how to handle this. I’ve never had this before.”
“Me, either. We’ll figure it out. Let’s sit down and get started.”
“I told Zack I’d be back in twenty minutes. I didn’t think it would take that long to . . .”
“To dump me.” He grinned at her. “Surprise. You want to call him?”
She shook her head. “I can’t think straight. Hell, he knows where I am if he needs me.” It seemed as if everything inside her was jumping and twisting around. And yet, at the center of it, her heart was glowing like the moon. “You’re in love with me?”
“Completely.”
“Well.” She sniffled. “How come you never mentioned it before?” she demanded.
“How come you didn’t mention you were in love with me?”
“I asked you first.”
“Got me there. Maybe I was building up to it. You know . . .” He squeezed her arms before he nudged her into a chair. “Softening you up.”
“Maybe I was doing the same thing.”
“Really? Telling me you were done with me is an odd way to accomplish that.”
“Mac.” She leaned forward, and this time she took his hands. “You’re the first man I’ve ever said it to. You have to be careful throwing that word around. If you’re careless with it, casual with it, it loses power. You’re the first because you’re the first. And for me, you’ll be the only. That’s how it works with the Todds. We mate for life. So you have to marry me.”
His system kicked, a quick boot. “I have to marry you?”
“Yeah. So that takes care of that.”
“Hold on.” Pleasure trickled through him. “Don’t I get a ring or something? Then you get down on one knee and ask, and I say yes or no?”
“You’re pushing your luck.”
“I feel lucky. I’m buying a house.”
“Oh.” There was a tug. Grief, sorrow. Acceptance. “New York. Yeah, well, that’s where your work is. Guess they always need cops there.”
“Probably, but I’m buying a house here. Do you think I’d ask you to leave your heart? Don’t you know mine’s here now, too?”
She stared at him. For one long moment, she could do nothing but stare at him. And saw their lives in his eyes. “Don’t make me cry. I hate that.”
“I put in an offer on the Logan place.”
“The . . .” Big and beautiful and by the sea. “It’s not for sale.”
“Oh, but it’s going to be. I can be very tenacious. I want children.”
“So do I.” Her fingers tightened on his. “It’ll be good with us. Good and solid and real. But you have to do something for me first.”
“I’m not going away.”
“Can’t you trust me enough to do this one thing?”
“That won’t work either. Tell me what’s frightening you. Start with the dream last night.”
She looked away from him. “I killed you.”
“How?” he asked, sounding intrigued.
“What, have you got ice in your veins? I ended your life, your existence.”
“We’ll figure out the solution faster if we don’t panic. Tell me about the dream.”
She shoved away from the table, paced the room three times in tight little circles trying to burn off her agitation. And told him. And in telling him brought it all back so clearly that fear crawled through her like freshly hatched spiders.
“I killed you, and destroyed everything that matters,” she finished. “I can’t carry that load, Mac. Can’t deal with it. It’s why I turned away from what I am. Turned away from Mia. It seemed the right—the only—thing to do. Part of me still thinks that.”
“But you know that won’t work and that you have to face it.”
“You’re asking me to risk you, my family, my friends, my home.”
“No, I’m not,” he said gently. “I’m asking you to protect us.”
Emotion totally swamped her. “God, Mac, that was a big button to push.”
“I know it. I’ll help you, Ripley. I think I was meant to. Meant to love you,” he added, taking her fisted hand, smoothing it open. “To be a part of this. I don’t think my life’s work is a coincidence, or my coming here, or my sitting here with you right now. And I know we’re stronger together than we are apart.”
She looked down at their joined hands. Everything she wanted, she realized, and hadn’t known she was looking for, was right here in her grasp.
“If I kill you, it’s really going to piss me off.”
His lips twitched. “Me, too.”
