Heaven's Sinners
Page 5
He jerks at my words, and for a moment, his hand moves as if he wants to reach for me, but he quickly drops it.
“It wasn’t...”
“Don’t bother. I don’t want to hear it. I’ve heard enough... I heard enough when you whispered sweet nothings in my ear. It doesn’t matter in the end. You and Cheyenne deserved each other because you were both fake and selfish.”
He growls now. “Don’t talk about her like that!”
“Why not?” I scream. “Why can’t I talk about your precious wife like that? She was the sunshine in everyone’s lives. She was the perfect daughter, the perfect wife, the perfect god damned sister and what was I? Nothing more than a thorn in all of your sides. I never compared, I never even came close. She lapped it up, every fucking second of it. She had you all wrapped around her finger and she knew it. She didn’t even want you, Spike, she only did it because I wanted you. She always had to have what I wanted. Screw you, I hate you as much as I fucking hate her!”
Tears are streaming down my face now and I spin, rushing toward my front door. He never should have gotten that much emotion from me. He doesn’t deserve it.
My words were unfair, and a big part of me knows that. To Spike, Cheyenne was the prefect wife. She adored him. She treated him well. She was sweet and kind. To me, she was my sister, and I loved her, but I also knew what she was like deep down. Spike was never the man she wanted for herself. She had feelings for him, and yes, she grew to love him, but it was only because of me that she began to look in the first place.
“Ciara, don’t fuckin’ walk away...”
I spin around. “Fuck you. I never said that to you, and I should have. I’ve been all over the place with this. For the longest time, I blamed you for her death, but that was my hurt coming out over you, it wasn’t because of fact. When I realized it was unfair and it wasn’t your fault, I came back and tried to make it better. I tried to make it better for the man who was once my friend, but you shot me down. So I’m saying what should have been said, from the very moment you started using me to get to her. Fuck you, Danny!”
We’re both quiet for a long moment, eyes meeting, hearts pounding. It’s him that speaks.
“I might deserve that, but I wasn’t the only one who fucked up.”
I glare at him. “No, you weren’t. That’s the problem. I know I fucked up too, but I’m trying, Spike. I’m trying to fix what I broke.”
“Ain’t nothin’ to be fixed. I was done with you years ago, and nothin’ you can do will ever get that back. You need to get that in your head, and leave it there, Ciara.”
“You know what’s so pathetic about this situation?” I rasp, my hands shaking. “It’s that no matter how angry I am at you, no matter how many times you spit hurtful words at me, or how many times I keep telling myself to walk away, I can’t. I want to save you. I want that friend that I know is in there. I can’t walk away, Spike. I hate you, and yet I can’t walk away.”
His eyes are full of anger and pain when he spits out his next words. “Don’t want you to fuckin’ save me, Ciara. Don’t want you in my fuckin’ life. When will you get that through your head? I don’t want to be in your life. I didn’t chose you, I chose her. You need to fuckin’ move on. I am not the same person I was before.”
I laugh, even though hot tears are running down my cheeks. I won’t let him break me now. Not after everything I’ve fought for. His words burn, they wrap around my heart and squeeze so tightly I struggle to breathe.
“See, that’s where you’re wrong. I know that person is in there, and I won’t stop until I find something inside you worth believing in again.
“So keep trying, Spike. You can spit hateful words at me as much as you want. You might have given up on the friendship we built all those years ago, but I didn’t. I never did, and as much as you hate it, I never will.”
Then I spin, and I walk inside before he can say another word. Spike needs to know someone isn’t going to give up on him. He needs to know someone is willing to fight. My head is screaming at me to turn him away and run, but my heart is telling me to stay and fight for what I believe in.
And I believe in him.
Somewhere inside, I know he’s still there.
CHAPTER 2
PRESENT - CIARA
I stand at the door for long moments, wiping my eyes and gathering myself. I hear his Harley start up, and speed off. With a deep breath, I turn, and make my way into the kitchen. Just as I reach the counter, my phone rings. Sighing, I look down and see Addi’s name flashing on the screen. I bet she got in big trouble for our behavior tonight. We were only having fun, but when you’re dating a biker, you don’t do that kind of thing. Not without your man by your side, anyway. Cade trusts her, and he’s fairly easygoing when it comes to letting her go out, but Addi has far too much spunk for her own good and ends up in trouble more often than not.
“Hey,” I say, trying to make my voice sound reasonably normal.
“Hey honey, are you ok?”
“I should be asking the same thing...”
She laughs softly. “Yeah, I’m ok. Make-up sex fixes everything.”
“Ah,” I cry. “TMI, Addi!”
She giggles. “Yeah, well, it keeps him calm. Speaking of, how did you and Spike end the night? You weren’t removing anything...were you?”
Addi knows about Spike’s little fetishes. Having a woman remove his piercings is one of them.
“It wasn’t...”
“Don’t bother. I don’t want to hear it. I’ve heard enough... I heard enough when you whispered sweet nothings in my ear. It doesn’t matter in the end. You and Cheyenne deserved each other because you were both fake and selfish.”
He growls now. “Don’t talk about her like that!”
“Why not?” I scream. “Why can’t I talk about your precious wife like that? She was the sunshine in everyone’s lives. She was the perfect daughter, the perfect wife, the perfect god damned sister and what was I? Nothing more than a thorn in all of your sides. I never compared, I never even came close. She lapped it up, every fucking second of it. She had you all wrapped around her finger and she knew it. She didn’t even want you, Spike, she only did it because I wanted you. She always had to have what I wanted. Screw you, I hate you as much as I fucking hate her!”
Tears are streaming down my face now and I spin, rushing toward my front door. He never should have gotten that much emotion from me. He doesn’t deserve it.
My words were unfair, and a big part of me knows that. To Spike, Cheyenne was the prefect wife. She adored him. She treated him well. She was sweet and kind. To me, she was my sister, and I loved her, but I also knew what she was like deep down. Spike was never the man she wanted for herself. She had feelings for him, and yes, she grew to love him, but it was only because of me that she began to look in the first place.
“Ciara, don’t fuckin’ walk away...”
I spin around. “Fuck you. I never said that to you, and I should have. I’ve been all over the place with this. For the longest time, I blamed you for her death, but that was my hurt coming out over you, it wasn’t because of fact. When I realized it was unfair and it wasn’t your fault, I came back and tried to make it better. I tried to make it better for the man who was once my friend, but you shot me down. So I’m saying what should have been said, from the very moment you started using me to get to her. Fuck you, Danny!”
We’re both quiet for a long moment, eyes meeting, hearts pounding. It’s him that speaks.
“I might deserve that, but I wasn’t the only one who fucked up.”
I glare at him. “No, you weren’t. That’s the problem. I know I fucked up too, but I’m trying, Spike. I’m trying to fix what I broke.”
“Ain’t nothin’ to be fixed. I was done with you years ago, and nothin’ you can do will ever get that back. You need to get that in your head, and leave it there, Ciara.”
“You know what’s so pathetic about this situation?” I rasp, my hands shaking. “It’s that no matter how angry I am at you, no matter how many times you spit hurtful words at me, or how many times I keep telling myself to walk away, I can’t. I want to save you. I want that friend that I know is in there. I can’t walk away, Spike. I hate you, and yet I can’t walk away.”
His eyes are full of anger and pain when he spits out his next words. “Don’t want you to fuckin’ save me, Ciara. Don’t want you in my fuckin’ life. When will you get that through your head? I don’t want to be in your life. I didn’t chose you, I chose her. You need to fuckin’ move on. I am not the same person I was before.”
I laugh, even though hot tears are running down my cheeks. I won’t let him break me now. Not after everything I’ve fought for. His words burn, they wrap around my heart and squeeze so tightly I struggle to breathe.
“See, that’s where you’re wrong. I know that person is in there, and I won’t stop until I find something inside you worth believing in again.
“So keep trying, Spike. You can spit hateful words at me as much as you want. You might have given up on the friendship we built all those years ago, but I didn’t. I never did, and as much as you hate it, I never will.”
Then I spin, and I walk inside before he can say another word. Spike needs to know someone isn’t going to give up on him. He needs to know someone is willing to fight. My head is screaming at me to turn him away and run, but my heart is telling me to stay and fight for what I believe in.
And I believe in him.
Somewhere inside, I know he’s still there.
CHAPTER 2
PRESENT - CIARA
I stand at the door for long moments, wiping my eyes and gathering myself. I hear his Harley start up, and speed off. With a deep breath, I turn, and make my way into the kitchen. Just as I reach the counter, my phone rings. Sighing, I look down and see Addi’s name flashing on the screen. I bet she got in big trouble for our behavior tonight. We were only having fun, but when you’re dating a biker, you don’t do that kind of thing. Not without your man by your side, anyway. Cade trusts her, and he’s fairly easygoing when it comes to letting her go out, but Addi has far too much spunk for her own good and ends up in trouble more often than not.
“Hey,” I say, trying to make my voice sound reasonably normal.
“Hey honey, are you ok?”
“I should be asking the same thing...”
She laughs softly. “Yeah, I’m ok. Make-up sex fixes everything.”
“Ah,” I cry. “TMI, Addi!”
She giggles. “Yeah, well, it keeps him calm. Speaking of, how did you and Spike end the night? You weren’t removing anything...were you?”
Addi knows about Spike’s little fetishes. Having a woman remove his piercings is one of them.
