Here Be Sexist Vampires
Page 18
David had decided that he wanted his outlet to be his palms, not his eyes, so he was working on that and doing excellently – Reuben had weakened his power in advance to ensure that David’s blast couldn’t do any more than give his victim a minor shock, and he practiced mostly on Denny who said he would happily practice with his own powers in his own time so he could help David today. Denny looked out for David a lot, which was good as I came to realize that David was very nervous of his power and by virtue of his young age.
It turned out that Reuben had a little trouble with controlling whether he strengthened someone’s gift or whether he weakened it, but by the end of the session he had a better hang of it. He was working toward increasing the degree to which he could affect someone’s gift and with being able to affect someone’s gift with minimal bodily contact as opposed to holding onto them for up to eight seconds.
Max and Harvey were hard work because both believed that they had nothing left to learn…So I paired them up, which they soon regretted. I first let Slap-head – he was back to that now that he was being a wanker – explore whether he could choose exactly what senses he wanted to affect (he didn’t believe this was possible until, one by one, I took each of his senses away and then left him to silently whine about it to the wall). It transpired that although cocky Harvey was able to send something zooming away with his telekinesis, he couldn’t make something come toward him, or rotate, or levitate so I allowed him to practice on a practically defenceless Slap-head. Slap-head of course stole every one of Harvey’s senses once he recovered his own just as payback.
Each time the recruits were successful in their attempts, I would give them a nod of approval, but after that would holler, ‘Again!’ And, to their credit, they did it over and over and over. I was tempted to loudly express how pleased I was with their efforts but I couldn’t afford to show any signs of compassion or kindness with these blokes as they would only view this as a weakness and start taking the piss. Coaches needed to have a tough exterior or they’d all end up being wankers again. Besides, as Max had said, they were big boys.
By the end of the night, they were all exhausted…but also optimistic. Proud to be tired because they were proud of their efforts. I was actually proud of them too. I showed this by simply saying in a flat tone, “You did good. You worked hard. But it doesn’t end there. You’ve got goals to hit, don’t lose sight of them.” Then as motivation I made them a promise. “Once you meet those goals and can master the formations that I have in mind for you to learn, I’ll let you practice an attack on one of the other squads.”
Every one of them cheered. I knew that the other squads teased the newest recruits. It was tradition. It was part of the tough love of the place; soldier sense of humour was somewhat different. But it pissed these blokes off all the same, just as it would piss me off.
“Oh yeah I’ll send those shitheads flying through the air,” said Harvey. “Then we’ll see if still they want to throw eggs at my door.”
I smiled evilly. “Or…you could learn to levitate objects properly and levitate some eggs up to their doors…Tit for tat and all that. But you didn’t hear that suggestion from me.”
The recruits were all cooking up revenge plots as they left the arena, each sure to shout “See you tomorrow night, Coach.”
And they did see me tomorrow night. And the next night. And the next. Each time they put in maximum effort, never complained at the constant holler of ‘Again’, and the improvement was immediate. Jared never knew this as he never came to observe. Not even when I took them out to the rainforest to familiarise themselves with it and do some training there. As such, the night of the ‘bet’ came and went. Jared hadn’t mentioned it at all. Nor did he mention Antonio’s order that Jared and I lead the squad together during the attack on The Hollow. Antonio had assured me that Jared was aware of his ‘order’ so I’d decided that I would wait until Jared brought up the subject before we spoke of it. But he didn’t. He had barely mentioned anything to me. Toneless, polite greetings and farewells were all I got now.
“You’re going to have to tell me what’s going on because all the emotions swirling around that office are giving me migraines,” whined Fletcher one evening as he barged past me and into my apartment. As always looking like he had just stepped out of a fashion magazine. I felt even drearier now considering that I was waltzing around in my white fluffy robe and silk pyjamas.
“Well hello to you too, Fletch. I’m fine thanks.”
He spotted the three empty bottles of Vodka flavoured NSTs on my table in front of the sofa and sighed. His words were gentle but firm. “Spill the beans, lady.”
I sat beside him on the sofa. Well, I flopped down onto it. “Remember the night when Jared and I nearly had a fumble?”
“How could I forget? The pair of you were throwing that much heated passion around that I was sweating cobs and downright bloody horny. Not that Norm was complaining when I got back to the room, mind. I was like a bleeding jungle cat the way I -”
“Fletch I love you but could the record please show that I do not want to visualise my friends doing it so feel free to withhold those kind of details.”
He rolled his eyes. “Prude.” In vampire speed he retrieved a bundle of NSTs from my refrigerator and returned to the sofa. Taking a honey flavoured one from the bundle, he spoke, “So, you were saying...”
“He told me about his consort collection...and then asked me if I’d like to join it.”
Fletcher’s mouth fell open. “No!” As of this moment, he was absorbed in the conversation.
“Yes.”
“The randy bastard. You’d think three was enough. Well don’t keep me in suspense, tell me what you said.”
“I told him I didn’t want to be a consort again, and that I couldn’t sleep with someone who collected women – who all live in the same apartment, by the way.”
“No!”
“Yes.” I didn’t realise until now just how much this had all got to me. “He couldn’t seem to wrap his conceited head around that, and he wouldn’t let it drop. Then we had another kiss. I’d been absorbing some of his energy because I was wiped out from the blood link being broken with my Sire, but I couldn’t get him to let go of me before I took too much of his energy. So the idea of the kiss was to distract him.”
“That’d definitely distract randy ole Jared. I’m guessing from that look on your lovely face that it didn’t end there.”
“Oh no it did. I mean, we didn’t do anything more than kiss. But the kiss had gotten a bit...”
“Tongue-tastic,” he supplied.
“Yeah. So then Jared made his proposition again. I said no again and then we ended up arguing. I don’t even know how it got so bad. I mentioned that his brother didn’t have a consort and he seemed to take that as I liked Evan as well. And when I said he saw women as possessions like my Sire had, he got all pissed off telling me not to ever compare me to either of them again. He said he’d let it all go and I could get on with my ‘celibate lifestyle’.”
Fletcher tilted his head as he considered it all. “So, basically, he’s sulking over a bonk.”
“A bonk that I won’t have with him, yeah.”
He snorted and adjusted his glasses. “Half his problem is he’s too used to getting whatever he wants.”
“Have you noticed that Joy’s been turning up at the office at least once a night?”
“What? Who? Oh you mean that cross between a whippet and a witch. Personally, I don’t know how he can shag something that looks like it’s just escaped from Azkaban.”
I instantly burst into laughter. Thank God Fletcher had turned up. He always had a way of making everything not seem so bad. The truth was that it had it annoyed the hell out of me that Joy had been turning up the past few nights. She and I did the ‘hello’ and ‘bye’ thing but that was all. Once she brought the other two consorts along. Both were Kejas too and almost as gorgeous as Joy. Daniela had a very Mexican look about her and a bust that any woman would envy, which completed compensated for the fact that she was dopey beyond comprehension. Tammy was dark-skinned and very voluptuous but the devious expression that seemed to be fixed on her face kind of negated her beauty. They also hello-ed and goodbye-ed me. Daniela actually seemed sincere about it, as opposed to the other two; their dark grins always made it feel as though they were really saying, ‘We hate you, please die’.
Jared would watch me closely when they were around. No idea why. I took to focusing on whatever documents were in front of me, no matter what they were. I would sooner have left the office altogether but then it would have looked as though their presence bothered me in some way and I was not about to let Jared believe that. Even though it was true. I have to admit to having a lack of rationality where Jared was concerned, though it made no sense. As such, the whip nearly materialized in my hands a few times when Joy gave him them noisy kisses of hers. Whipping her into insensibility would have felt good.
“I wouldn’t let her or him bother you, luv. Spit him out of your mind. What about that Max bloke? He’s alright, and he likes you well enough. Luscious too.”
“Yep, he is,” I admitted. Max had continued his flirting and always on his own time, to his credit. I was actually beginning to think that the wanker wasn’t all that bad. The way he didn’t take life too seriously made him an attractive person to be around. I laughed a lot when he was there.
“Can I ask...I’ve noticed Evan goes to the office a lot these days, who is it he goes to see? I would’ve thought it was Jared, but whenever I pop my head through the door to speak to you he’s perched on your table.”
“I know how it might look, but I swear we’ve never flirted or anything. It’s always to see Jared but then me and Evan always end up laughing about something or other. I think he just finds it easy to talk to me because unlike every other woman in The Hollow I don’t mistake it for flirting and then try it on with him.” For some reason Evan had rejected every girl who showed interest in him, but he always turned them down gently; he was sweet in spite of the cockiness. Quite the opposite of his brother in that respect. One thing that really impressed me about him was that although his twin brother had been made Heir and was highly thought of and involved in absolutely everything, Evan wasn’t a bit jealous. He had told me that all that stuff wasn’t important to him; that he liked being just a Commander and that he thought his brother deserved the attention he received. “You know, I get the feeling that he’s a bit lonely sometimes, but I can’t work out why he seems to prefer it that way.”
“Oooh, maybe he’s secretly gay,” he crooned, excited. Then he suddenly sobered. “Oh luv, please don’t tell Norm about the ‘oooh’, he’ll kill me.”
I giggled. “I’ll take it to the grave.”
“You’re immortal. What grave?” He picked up another of the NSTs, a curry flavoured one, and eyed it suspiciously. “Why is it that this looks more like a burst abscess?”
Again I laughed. And that was pretty much how the evening with Fletcher went. I couldn’t help but absolutely adore the bloke. Every home should have a Fletcher.
Chapter Eight
(Jared)
Although Joy was whispering something in my ear about plans for tonight involving chocolate mousse, handcuffs and a whip, my eyes were on Sam. I guessed that Joy’s loud whispering was for Sam’s benefit. She felt threatened by Sam, I now knew, which was why she persistently appeared at the office, and I had to wonder if Joy’s mention of a whip was just to ensure that she got Sam the whip-queen’s attention. If Joy had succeeded, Sam wasn’t showing it.
She was at her desk staring at the documents in front of her, truly looking completely engrossed in what she was reading. Subconsciously she was twining a stray strand of her hair around her finger, reminding me of the time when I had my fingers in that hair. Her other hand was cupping her neck as she leant her head into it, reminding me of the time when I was leaving a trail of kisses along that neck. She was running her tongue along the inside of her bottom lip, reminding me of how that tongue had knotted with mine and how those lips had felt on mine. She was a greedy kisser, and I’d loved it.
The gentle rise and fall of her chest as she breathed was repeatedly drawing my attention to her cl**vage that was already accentuated enough by that low-cut vest. God bless Fletcher and his clothing advice. Every time she twirled her ankle my attention drifted to those legs that had felt so good curled around me.
She could have no idea how much she, by doing nothing, was making me want her.
I almost hated her for it.
Hating her would be a good thing. She was the only woman ever to make me feel bad about myself. As soon as I’d calmed down after our fight I’d wanted to slap myself. She hadn’t meant that thing about her Sire the way it came out. I knew that. But I’d been an ass to her, and I regretted it. Would I tell her that? No. Pride and all that.
It was stupid that I’d accused her of having a thing for my brother. She hadn’t. I knew that. But it was likely that she now did. Evan was just as bad as Joy for coming to the office all the time. Sam and he would then always end up talking. He always seemed to have something to say to her. It felt like I was being sliced at every time I watched her laugh at something he said or greet him with that big smile that she had never once showed me.
Because of that, I liked that Joy came to the office. This way, both Sam and I felt awkward sometimes. She could pretend to be engrossed in those documents all she wanted, just as she always did, but I’d bet she was well aware of everything that Joy said and did.
It turned out that Reuben had a little trouble with controlling whether he strengthened someone’s gift or whether he weakened it, but by the end of the session he had a better hang of it. He was working toward increasing the degree to which he could affect someone’s gift and with being able to affect someone’s gift with minimal bodily contact as opposed to holding onto them for up to eight seconds.
Max and Harvey were hard work because both believed that they had nothing left to learn…So I paired them up, which they soon regretted. I first let Slap-head – he was back to that now that he was being a wanker – explore whether he could choose exactly what senses he wanted to affect (he didn’t believe this was possible until, one by one, I took each of his senses away and then left him to silently whine about it to the wall). It transpired that although cocky Harvey was able to send something zooming away with his telekinesis, he couldn’t make something come toward him, or rotate, or levitate so I allowed him to practice on a practically defenceless Slap-head. Slap-head of course stole every one of Harvey’s senses once he recovered his own just as payback.
Each time the recruits were successful in their attempts, I would give them a nod of approval, but after that would holler, ‘Again!’ And, to their credit, they did it over and over and over. I was tempted to loudly express how pleased I was with their efforts but I couldn’t afford to show any signs of compassion or kindness with these blokes as they would only view this as a weakness and start taking the piss. Coaches needed to have a tough exterior or they’d all end up being wankers again. Besides, as Max had said, they were big boys.
By the end of the night, they were all exhausted…but also optimistic. Proud to be tired because they were proud of their efforts. I was actually proud of them too. I showed this by simply saying in a flat tone, “You did good. You worked hard. But it doesn’t end there. You’ve got goals to hit, don’t lose sight of them.” Then as motivation I made them a promise. “Once you meet those goals and can master the formations that I have in mind for you to learn, I’ll let you practice an attack on one of the other squads.”
Every one of them cheered. I knew that the other squads teased the newest recruits. It was tradition. It was part of the tough love of the place; soldier sense of humour was somewhat different. But it pissed these blokes off all the same, just as it would piss me off.
“Oh yeah I’ll send those shitheads flying through the air,” said Harvey. “Then we’ll see if still they want to throw eggs at my door.”
I smiled evilly. “Or…you could learn to levitate objects properly and levitate some eggs up to their doors…Tit for tat and all that. But you didn’t hear that suggestion from me.”
The recruits were all cooking up revenge plots as they left the arena, each sure to shout “See you tomorrow night, Coach.”
And they did see me tomorrow night. And the next night. And the next. Each time they put in maximum effort, never complained at the constant holler of ‘Again’, and the improvement was immediate. Jared never knew this as he never came to observe. Not even when I took them out to the rainforest to familiarise themselves with it and do some training there. As such, the night of the ‘bet’ came and went. Jared hadn’t mentioned it at all. Nor did he mention Antonio’s order that Jared and I lead the squad together during the attack on The Hollow. Antonio had assured me that Jared was aware of his ‘order’ so I’d decided that I would wait until Jared brought up the subject before we spoke of it. But he didn’t. He had barely mentioned anything to me. Toneless, polite greetings and farewells were all I got now.
“You’re going to have to tell me what’s going on because all the emotions swirling around that office are giving me migraines,” whined Fletcher one evening as he barged past me and into my apartment. As always looking like he had just stepped out of a fashion magazine. I felt even drearier now considering that I was waltzing around in my white fluffy robe and silk pyjamas.
“Well hello to you too, Fletch. I’m fine thanks.”
He spotted the three empty bottles of Vodka flavoured NSTs on my table in front of the sofa and sighed. His words were gentle but firm. “Spill the beans, lady.”
I sat beside him on the sofa. Well, I flopped down onto it. “Remember the night when Jared and I nearly had a fumble?”
“How could I forget? The pair of you were throwing that much heated passion around that I was sweating cobs and downright bloody horny. Not that Norm was complaining when I got back to the room, mind. I was like a bleeding jungle cat the way I -”
“Fletch I love you but could the record please show that I do not want to visualise my friends doing it so feel free to withhold those kind of details.”
He rolled his eyes. “Prude.” In vampire speed he retrieved a bundle of NSTs from my refrigerator and returned to the sofa. Taking a honey flavoured one from the bundle, he spoke, “So, you were saying...”
“He told me about his consort collection...and then asked me if I’d like to join it.”
Fletcher’s mouth fell open. “No!” As of this moment, he was absorbed in the conversation.
“Yes.”
“The randy bastard. You’d think three was enough. Well don’t keep me in suspense, tell me what you said.”
“I told him I didn’t want to be a consort again, and that I couldn’t sleep with someone who collected women – who all live in the same apartment, by the way.”
“No!”
“Yes.” I didn’t realise until now just how much this had all got to me. “He couldn’t seem to wrap his conceited head around that, and he wouldn’t let it drop. Then we had another kiss. I’d been absorbing some of his energy because I was wiped out from the blood link being broken with my Sire, but I couldn’t get him to let go of me before I took too much of his energy. So the idea of the kiss was to distract him.”
“That’d definitely distract randy ole Jared. I’m guessing from that look on your lovely face that it didn’t end there.”
“Oh no it did. I mean, we didn’t do anything more than kiss. But the kiss had gotten a bit...”
“Tongue-tastic,” he supplied.
“Yeah. So then Jared made his proposition again. I said no again and then we ended up arguing. I don’t even know how it got so bad. I mentioned that his brother didn’t have a consort and he seemed to take that as I liked Evan as well. And when I said he saw women as possessions like my Sire had, he got all pissed off telling me not to ever compare me to either of them again. He said he’d let it all go and I could get on with my ‘celibate lifestyle’.”
Fletcher tilted his head as he considered it all. “So, basically, he’s sulking over a bonk.”
“A bonk that I won’t have with him, yeah.”
He snorted and adjusted his glasses. “Half his problem is he’s too used to getting whatever he wants.”
“Have you noticed that Joy’s been turning up at the office at least once a night?”
“What? Who? Oh you mean that cross between a whippet and a witch. Personally, I don’t know how he can shag something that looks like it’s just escaped from Azkaban.”
I instantly burst into laughter. Thank God Fletcher had turned up. He always had a way of making everything not seem so bad. The truth was that it had it annoyed the hell out of me that Joy had been turning up the past few nights. She and I did the ‘hello’ and ‘bye’ thing but that was all. Once she brought the other two consorts along. Both were Kejas too and almost as gorgeous as Joy. Daniela had a very Mexican look about her and a bust that any woman would envy, which completed compensated for the fact that she was dopey beyond comprehension. Tammy was dark-skinned and very voluptuous but the devious expression that seemed to be fixed on her face kind of negated her beauty. They also hello-ed and goodbye-ed me. Daniela actually seemed sincere about it, as opposed to the other two; their dark grins always made it feel as though they were really saying, ‘We hate you, please die’.
Jared would watch me closely when they were around. No idea why. I took to focusing on whatever documents were in front of me, no matter what they were. I would sooner have left the office altogether but then it would have looked as though their presence bothered me in some way and I was not about to let Jared believe that. Even though it was true. I have to admit to having a lack of rationality where Jared was concerned, though it made no sense. As such, the whip nearly materialized in my hands a few times when Joy gave him them noisy kisses of hers. Whipping her into insensibility would have felt good.
“I wouldn’t let her or him bother you, luv. Spit him out of your mind. What about that Max bloke? He’s alright, and he likes you well enough. Luscious too.”
“Yep, he is,” I admitted. Max had continued his flirting and always on his own time, to his credit. I was actually beginning to think that the wanker wasn’t all that bad. The way he didn’t take life too seriously made him an attractive person to be around. I laughed a lot when he was there.
“Can I ask...I’ve noticed Evan goes to the office a lot these days, who is it he goes to see? I would’ve thought it was Jared, but whenever I pop my head through the door to speak to you he’s perched on your table.”
“I know how it might look, but I swear we’ve never flirted or anything. It’s always to see Jared but then me and Evan always end up laughing about something or other. I think he just finds it easy to talk to me because unlike every other woman in The Hollow I don’t mistake it for flirting and then try it on with him.” For some reason Evan had rejected every girl who showed interest in him, but he always turned them down gently; he was sweet in spite of the cockiness. Quite the opposite of his brother in that respect. One thing that really impressed me about him was that although his twin brother had been made Heir and was highly thought of and involved in absolutely everything, Evan wasn’t a bit jealous. He had told me that all that stuff wasn’t important to him; that he liked being just a Commander and that he thought his brother deserved the attention he received. “You know, I get the feeling that he’s a bit lonely sometimes, but I can’t work out why he seems to prefer it that way.”
“Oooh, maybe he’s secretly gay,” he crooned, excited. Then he suddenly sobered. “Oh luv, please don’t tell Norm about the ‘oooh’, he’ll kill me.”
I giggled. “I’ll take it to the grave.”
“You’re immortal. What grave?” He picked up another of the NSTs, a curry flavoured one, and eyed it suspiciously. “Why is it that this looks more like a burst abscess?”
Again I laughed. And that was pretty much how the evening with Fletcher went. I couldn’t help but absolutely adore the bloke. Every home should have a Fletcher.
Chapter Eight
(Jared)
Although Joy was whispering something in my ear about plans for tonight involving chocolate mousse, handcuffs and a whip, my eyes were on Sam. I guessed that Joy’s loud whispering was for Sam’s benefit. She felt threatened by Sam, I now knew, which was why she persistently appeared at the office, and I had to wonder if Joy’s mention of a whip was just to ensure that she got Sam the whip-queen’s attention. If Joy had succeeded, Sam wasn’t showing it.
She was at her desk staring at the documents in front of her, truly looking completely engrossed in what she was reading. Subconsciously she was twining a stray strand of her hair around her finger, reminding me of the time when I had my fingers in that hair. Her other hand was cupping her neck as she leant her head into it, reminding me of the time when I was leaving a trail of kisses along that neck. She was running her tongue along the inside of her bottom lip, reminding me of how that tongue had knotted with mine and how those lips had felt on mine. She was a greedy kisser, and I’d loved it.
The gentle rise and fall of her chest as she breathed was repeatedly drawing my attention to her cl**vage that was already accentuated enough by that low-cut vest. God bless Fletcher and his clothing advice. Every time she twirled her ankle my attention drifted to those legs that had felt so good curled around me.
She could have no idea how much she, by doing nothing, was making me want her.
I almost hated her for it.
Hating her would be a good thing. She was the only woman ever to make me feel bad about myself. As soon as I’d calmed down after our fight I’d wanted to slap myself. She hadn’t meant that thing about her Sire the way it came out. I knew that. But I’d been an ass to her, and I regretted it. Would I tell her that? No. Pride and all that.
It was stupid that I’d accused her of having a thing for my brother. She hadn’t. I knew that. But it was likely that she now did. Evan was just as bad as Joy for coming to the office all the time. Sam and he would then always end up talking. He always seemed to have something to say to her. It felt like I was being sliced at every time I watched her laugh at something he said or greet him with that big smile that she had never once showed me.
Because of that, I liked that Joy came to the office. This way, both Sam and I felt awkward sometimes. She could pretend to be engrossed in those documents all she wanted, just as she always did, but I’d bet she was well aware of everything that Joy said and did.
