He's the Man
Page 51
He’d tried to hype himself up for his appointment. Just because he wasn’t going to heal fast enough to be eligible for reenrollment didn’t mean he could give up on treatment. He still needed to get better. He’d been sitting here in his truck for the past hour, trying to get up the nerve to go in. To move forward with his life. But despite it all, his mind just kept repeating It was all for nothing on an endless loop in his mind.
He wanted to punch something so badly but couldn’t, so he squeezed the steering wheel until the leather squeaked beneath his fingers. It was just so hard to accept that all this time and effort wasn’t enough to make his dreams come true. Even though he was under time pressure, the truth was he’d had a year to heal. It was a cop-out to blame it on lack of preparation or time. It just wasn’t going to happen. Probably ever.
Maybe it was time for him to face it.
When he’d first joined the military, it had been for the usual reasons. It was a way to pay for college and see the world. But as time went on, he’d come to rely on the camaraderie. He hadn’t had many opportunities to excel before. Being a soldier had given him an identity. Taught him discipline. The Army had literally made him a man. All he’d ever wanted was to be a part of something bigger than himself. Something important. Joining the Special Forces would have made him a part of an elite team.
But now that he was older, he’d discovered other ways he could belong. He’d learned things and discovered talents he hadn’t known he possessed.
The relationships he’d built with his friends were just as strong as blood ties. The Alexanders had become his “team” and the bonds between them were ones that would last a lifetime.
His fingers loosened on the steering wheel as he thought about his friends. They were there for him even if he failed the test. It didn’t matter if he was considered a hero by anyone else because he knew they regarded him as one.
Maybe it was time to stop searching for something he already had.
The passenger-side door opened, letting in a burst of cold air. He watched as Penny hopped up into the seat and slammed the door. She looked over at him apologetically.
“I’m sorry. I wanted to give you your privacy, but it’s really cold out there.”
He rested his head against the steering wheel again and closed his eyes. “It’s okay. I had every intention of coming in. It’s just that every time I was about to… Well… Anyway, I didn’t mean to stand you up.”
“I understand.” She didn’t say anything else, so he opened his eyes a few moments later. Her eyes were closed, too.
He took the opportunity to study her. It wasn’t often that he could look at her without being observed. She’d started to let down her guard a bit lately. She’d styled her hair in a loose bun and she was wearing a pair of earrings he’d never seen on her before. Watching her blossom had been a joy. She had so much inside of her to give, and he was honored that she’d begun to share herself with him.
Her eyes opened suddenly, and she jumped when she noticed him looking at her. He laughed softly at her shocked expression. “Hey.”
“Hey,” she whispered. “I just want to say that I’m really sorry you couldn’t heal before your deadline. I know this was really important to you.”
“You know, I’m okay. It was my dream to belong to something. To be a part of something meaningful. I’m finally understanding there are many different ways to make your mark on the world and to be a part of something. I’ve found the sense of family that I was looking for already.”
It was comforting to say it out loud. The world wouldn’t end if life took him in a different direction than the one he’d planned on. For the first time in days, he felt the tension in his chest loosen.
“I’m really glad for you. Like I said before, it won’t be long before you’ve completed my treatment and you won’t even need me anymore.”
He glanced over at her, his emotions playing across his rugged features. “I seriously doubt there will ever be a day when I don’t need you, Penny.”
Her eyes softened in that way that never failed to hit him straight in the heart. “I still can’t believe you feel that way about me.” She peeked up at him from beneath her lashes.
Did she still not know how he felt about her? It seemed insane that she could have him in the palm of her hand and not know that for her, he was completely undone. Everything about her slayed him. His heart was literally hanging by a thread.
“Believe it, pretty girl. I want to stay here with you after my therapy is over. I’ve already talked to my friend and he’s agreed to rent to me for the rest of the year. I can get a job here. Now that I’m doing so much better, I can work in construction again instead of just taking odd jobs. We can do this. We can see where this goes.”
Excitement took over and Matt reached across the seat to take her hand. Life was taking him in a different direction than he’d expected, but he was ready to go with it. Dealing with the events of the past year had taught him a few things. Namely to take what happened to you as an opportunity to learn and grow. Even though he wasn’t where he’d wanted to be, it didn’t mean he couldn’t be happy. Fulfilled.
Grateful.
“All my life, I’ve been skeptical of things that seem too easy. What if you wake up tomorrow and don’t want this anymore? Maybe you should take some time to think about where you want to go from here?” Penny bit her lip and looked down at their hands entwined on the seat between them.
He wanted to punch something so badly but couldn’t, so he squeezed the steering wheel until the leather squeaked beneath his fingers. It was just so hard to accept that all this time and effort wasn’t enough to make his dreams come true. Even though he was under time pressure, the truth was he’d had a year to heal. It was a cop-out to blame it on lack of preparation or time. It just wasn’t going to happen. Probably ever.
Maybe it was time for him to face it.
When he’d first joined the military, it had been for the usual reasons. It was a way to pay for college and see the world. But as time went on, he’d come to rely on the camaraderie. He hadn’t had many opportunities to excel before. Being a soldier had given him an identity. Taught him discipline. The Army had literally made him a man. All he’d ever wanted was to be a part of something bigger than himself. Something important. Joining the Special Forces would have made him a part of an elite team.
But now that he was older, he’d discovered other ways he could belong. He’d learned things and discovered talents he hadn’t known he possessed.
The relationships he’d built with his friends were just as strong as blood ties. The Alexanders had become his “team” and the bonds between them were ones that would last a lifetime.
His fingers loosened on the steering wheel as he thought about his friends. They were there for him even if he failed the test. It didn’t matter if he was considered a hero by anyone else because he knew they regarded him as one.
Maybe it was time to stop searching for something he already had.
The passenger-side door opened, letting in a burst of cold air. He watched as Penny hopped up into the seat and slammed the door. She looked over at him apologetically.
“I’m sorry. I wanted to give you your privacy, but it’s really cold out there.”
He rested his head against the steering wheel again and closed his eyes. “It’s okay. I had every intention of coming in. It’s just that every time I was about to… Well… Anyway, I didn’t mean to stand you up.”
“I understand.” She didn’t say anything else, so he opened his eyes a few moments later. Her eyes were closed, too.
He took the opportunity to study her. It wasn’t often that he could look at her without being observed. She’d started to let down her guard a bit lately. She’d styled her hair in a loose bun and she was wearing a pair of earrings he’d never seen on her before. Watching her blossom had been a joy. She had so much inside of her to give, and he was honored that she’d begun to share herself with him.
Her eyes opened suddenly, and she jumped when she noticed him looking at her. He laughed softly at her shocked expression. “Hey.”
“Hey,” she whispered. “I just want to say that I’m really sorry you couldn’t heal before your deadline. I know this was really important to you.”
“You know, I’m okay. It was my dream to belong to something. To be a part of something meaningful. I’m finally understanding there are many different ways to make your mark on the world and to be a part of something. I’ve found the sense of family that I was looking for already.”
It was comforting to say it out loud. The world wouldn’t end if life took him in a different direction than the one he’d planned on. For the first time in days, he felt the tension in his chest loosen.
“I’m really glad for you. Like I said before, it won’t be long before you’ve completed my treatment and you won’t even need me anymore.”
He glanced over at her, his emotions playing across his rugged features. “I seriously doubt there will ever be a day when I don’t need you, Penny.”
Her eyes softened in that way that never failed to hit him straight in the heart. “I still can’t believe you feel that way about me.” She peeked up at him from beneath her lashes.
Did she still not know how he felt about her? It seemed insane that she could have him in the palm of her hand and not know that for her, he was completely undone. Everything about her slayed him. His heart was literally hanging by a thread.
“Believe it, pretty girl. I want to stay here with you after my therapy is over. I’ve already talked to my friend and he’s agreed to rent to me for the rest of the year. I can get a job here. Now that I’m doing so much better, I can work in construction again instead of just taking odd jobs. We can do this. We can see where this goes.”
Excitement took over and Matt reached across the seat to take her hand. Life was taking him in a different direction than he’d expected, but he was ready to go with it. Dealing with the events of the past year had taught him a few things. Namely to take what happened to you as an opportunity to learn and grow. Even though he wasn’t where he’d wanted to be, it didn’t mean he couldn’t be happy. Fulfilled.
Grateful.
“All my life, I’ve been skeptical of things that seem too easy. What if you wake up tomorrow and don’t want this anymore? Maybe you should take some time to think about where you want to go from here?” Penny bit her lip and looked down at their hands entwined on the seat between them.
