He's the Man
Page 55
“I haven’t said anything all week. I haven’t wanted to pressure you. But now we’ve run out of time and it’s the last day. So I guess that gives me my answer, doesn’t it?”
“It’s not that simple, Matt. If I ask you to stay and this doesn’t work out, then you’ve uprooted your whole life for me. This is still all so new. I can’t help but wonder if we’d feel this strongly if we’d met under different circumstances. If I wasn’t helping you heal and you weren’t lonely and in need of a friend. Maybe it’s better if we just date long distance so there isn’t as much pressure.”
Matt groaned under his breath. “You think I feel this way because I was just lonely and desperate?”
Penny winced. “Okay, that didn’t come out at all the way I intended. All I meant was that we met again under stressful circumstances. I’m not sure that’s enough to base a major life change on.”
“It’s about taking a risk. Do you believe I’m worth the chance or not?” Matt shrugged when she didn’t answer, even though it felt like his heart was being stomped on. “It’s clear I’m a risk you’re not ready to take yet.”
He didn’t want to leave. They had a connection he’d never felt with anyone else. Part of him wished he could have healed a little slower so he’d have more time with her.
Although that wasn’t really the problem, was it? He could stay a little longer. For all anyone knew, he could pretend he was still getting therapy and just stay at Eli’s house another month. Eli wouldn’t care.
But it was about so much more than that. It was time for him to stop feeling like he was on borrowed time. It was time for him to start living life on his own terms again. To take control.
He wanted Penny. He wanted to mix his clothes with hers and drive her crazy by leaving wet towels in the middle of the bathroom floor. He wanted to bring her food so she didn’t forget to eat and hold her close at night so she was never afraid. He could imagine a million ways to spend a million days together.
And every single one would be precious.
“If you want me to stay, you know where I’ll be. I’m not leaving until morning.” He kissed her on the forehead. Her eyes followed him as he walked to the door.
He hoped this wasn’t the last memory he had of her.
* * * * *
BY THE END of the day, Penny still hadn’t made a decision. She didn’t want Matt to leave, but it was a huge step from hanging out and having fun to moving in together. They’d only been together for a few months.
“Good night, Georgia.” She waved absently as she passed the reception desk. Just before she reached the front doors, she turned around. Georgia looked up from her computer and raised her eyebrows.
“Are you okay?”
“You said once that you weren’t with James because of what he could do for you. You’re with him because he makes you happy. It’s just… how did you know beforehand that he would make you happy? How did you know it was worth the risk?”
Georgia smiled gently. “I didn’t. No one knows that ahead of time. But I knew if I didn’t take the chance and find out that I’d regret it forever.”
“Right. Thanks. Good night.” Penny stepped out into the parking lot. A second later, the door flew open behind her.
“Penny!” Georgia jogged across the lot to where she stood. “I’ve tried to stay out of it because this needs to be your decision. I’m sure you can appreciate how hard it’s been for me to keep my opinion to myself.”
Penny smiled at the thought.
“But just ask yourself if you can stand there and wave goodbye to Matt when he leaves. Can you watch him leave and not feel like your heart is being ripped out?”
Penny imagined what it would be like the following week. Things would go back to the way they’d always been. Ordered. Logical. Safe. No more Italian dinners or smart-ass comments. No one to hold her at night and make fun of her quirks. No one to fight with. No one to laugh with.
She missed him already.
Penny shook her head. “No. I feel like my heart is being ripped out just thinking about it. I don’t want him to go. I’m just scared to move too fast. What if one of us gets hurt because we forced it?”
“Don’t take this the wrong way, but as your friend I’m telling you to stop being a chickenshit. As for the timing, you could do with forcing it a little.”
Penny nodded briskly but the disbelief must have been evident on her face.
Georgia pulled her into a hug. “It’s okay to be afraid, Penny. Anything worth having comes with the risk of losing it. But you can’t let fear rule your life. Now go.”
Penny raced to her car and threw her bag and jacket on the passenger-side seat. Urgency pushed her to get to Matt as soon as possible. It had hurt him to wait for her but he’d done it anyway. She drove out of the lot so fast her tires squealed when she turned onto the main road. Matt had said he was leaving tomorrow, but what if he’d gotten tired of waiting and left early?
Ten minutes later she pulled into the driveway of the house Matt had been using for the past few months. She got out and stood, staring at the single light burning in the window. The rest of the house was dark.
Was that light always on? The driveway was empty and she didn’t see Matt’s truck parked on the street. Had he already left? Maybe he’d gotten tired of waiting for her and decided to go home early. Maybe it hadn’t hurt him to drive away from her.
“It’s not that simple, Matt. If I ask you to stay and this doesn’t work out, then you’ve uprooted your whole life for me. This is still all so new. I can’t help but wonder if we’d feel this strongly if we’d met under different circumstances. If I wasn’t helping you heal and you weren’t lonely and in need of a friend. Maybe it’s better if we just date long distance so there isn’t as much pressure.”
Matt groaned under his breath. “You think I feel this way because I was just lonely and desperate?”
Penny winced. “Okay, that didn’t come out at all the way I intended. All I meant was that we met again under stressful circumstances. I’m not sure that’s enough to base a major life change on.”
“It’s about taking a risk. Do you believe I’m worth the chance or not?” Matt shrugged when she didn’t answer, even though it felt like his heart was being stomped on. “It’s clear I’m a risk you’re not ready to take yet.”
He didn’t want to leave. They had a connection he’d never felt with anyone else. Part of him wished he could have healed a little slower so he’d have more time with her.
Although that wasn’t really the problem, was it? He could stay a little longer. For all anyone knew, he could pretend he was still getting therapy and just stay at Eli’s house another month. Eli wouldn’t care.
But it was about so much more than that. It was time for him to stop feeling like he was on borrowed time. It was time for him to start living life on his own terms again. To take control.
He wanted Penny. He wanted to mix his clothes with hers and drive her crazy by leaving wet towels in the middle of the bathroom floor. He wanted to bring her food so she didn’t forget to eat and hold her close at night so she was never afraid. He could imagine a million ways to spend a million days together.
And every single one would be precious.
“If you want me to stay, you know where I’ll be. I’m not leaving until morning.” He kissed her on the forehead. Her eyes followed him as he walked to the door.
He hoped this wasn’t the last memory he had of her.
* * * * *
BY THE END of the day, Penny still hadn’t made a decision. She didn’t want Matt to leave, but it was a huge step from hanging out and having fun to moving in together. They’d only been together for a few months.
“Good night, Georgia.” She waved absently as she passed the reception desk. Just before she reached the front doors, she turned around. Georgia looked up from her computer and raised her eyebrows.
“Are you okay?”
“You said once that you weren’t with James because of what he could do for you. You’re with him because he makes you happy. It’s just… how did you know beforehand that he would make you happy? How did you know it was worth the risk?”
Georgia smiled gently. “I didn’t. No one knows that ahead of time. But I knew if I didn’t take the chance and find out that I’d regret it forever.”
“Right. Thanks. Good night.” Penny stepped out into the parking lot. A second later, the door flew open behind her.
“Penny!” Georgia jogged across the lot to where she stood. “I’ve tried to stay out of it because this needs to be your decision. I’m sure you can appreciate how hard it’s been for me to keep my opinion to myself.”
Penny smiled at the thought.
“But just ask yourself if you can stand there and wave goodbye to Matt when he leaves. Can you watch him leave and not feel like your heart is being ripped out?”
Penny imagined what it would be like the following week. Things would go back to the way they’d always been. Ordered. Logical. Safe. No more Italian dinners or smart-ass comments. No one to hold her at night and make fun of her quirks. No one to fight with. No one to laugh with.
She missed him already.
Penny shook her head. “No. I feel like my heart is being ripped out just thinking about it. I don’t want him to go. I’m just scared to move too fast. What if one of us gets hurt because we forced it?”
“Don’t take this the wrong way, but as your friend I’m telling you to stop being a chickenshit. As for the timing, you could do with forcing it a little.”
Penny nodded briskly but the disbelief must have been evident on her face.
Georgia pulled her into a hug. “It’s okay to be afraid, Penny. Anything worth having comes with the risk of losing it. But you can’t let fear rule your life. Now go.”
Penny raced to her car and threw her bag and jacket on the passenger-side seat. Urgency pushed her to get to Matt as soon as possible. It had hurt him to wait for her but he’d done it anyway. She drove out of the lot so fast her tires squealed when she turned onto the main road. Matt had said he was leaving tomorrow, but what if he’d gotten tired of waiting and left early?
Ten minutes later she pulled into the driveway of the house Matt had been using for the past few months. She got out and stood, staring at the single light burning in the window. The rest of the house was dark.
Was that light always on? The driveway was empty and she didn’t see Matt’s truck parked on the street. Had he already left? Maybe he’d gotten tired of waiting for her and decided to go home early. Maybe it hadn’t hurt him to drive away from her.
