Hidden Huntress
Page 88
We’d lost the grimoire. Whether it had burned in the fire or been taken by Anushka, it didn’t really matter. Without it, I had no way to track her, and I felt as though I’d fallen back to where I’d been that night the King had summoned me to the beach. Everything I’d done had been for naught.
Well, almost everything. Lifting my head, I regarded Tristan’s lean form walking ahead of me, his head slightly turned as he talked with Chris, pestering him with questions about the city. Not so very long ago, it would have felt like a dream to have him be the only troll free of the curse, but now that dream seemed entirely short-sighted, as all our problems remained. I squeezed Souris to my chest with one arm and pressed closer to Sabine, who had her elbow linked with mine.
“Is there really no way to break this bond between you two?”
“Only death,” I said, sighing. “And even if there were a way, I wouldn’t take it. I love him.”
She was silent.
“You’re being awfully quick to judge, given you just met,” I said.
“I know enough.” Her voice was low. “Just looking at him makes my skin crawl. I cannot understand what you see in that… that thing.”
I flinched, but a second later, anger chased away the hurt and I dragged her to a stop. “There were those in Trollus who said the exact same thing to him,” I snapped. “Except I was the thing. I was the one who was different. But he didn’t see it that way, and neither do I.”
Chris coughed, and I looked up to see them both watching me. Tristan’s face was hidden in the shadows of his cloak, but I knew he’d heard what I said.
“Tomorrow, then?” Chris said, breaking the uncomfortable silence.
“Outside the south gate.”
I frowned, realizing they’d come up with some sort of plan and annoyed that I hadn’t been involved.
“Remember what I said about a disguise. In the daylight, no one will believe you’re human.” Chris jerked his chin at Sabine. “I’ll walk you home.”
“What plan is this?” I asked once my friends were out of earshot. “I didn’t realize we had one.”
“We need to find Anushka,” Tristan replied, his voice low. “I can see the effects of the promise you made to my father written all over you. I can feel them. When was the last time you ate? Slept? And that was when you had an avenue to find her – an avenue that is now lost to us. We must use another tactic, or we’ll both be dead within the week.”
His words spoke of concern, but that wasn’t what I felt. Tristan was frustrated and angry, and all I heard in his words were blame. My temper snapped. “What exactly would you have had me do? Turn my back and walk away while he had you beaten? Stand silently while he dragged out every individual in Trollus whom I cared about and tortured them? Killed them? I’m well aware that he manipulated me, but what I don’t understand is how you think I could possibly have made another choice.”
“Cécile…”
“Don’t!” I held up a hand to silence him. “You’ll barely even look at me, and do you think I don’t know why?” Once I started speaking, the words refused to stop. I needed everything out in the open so that it would be over and done, and no more words would hang unspoken. “Do you have any idea what it felt like knowing that in choosing to help you that I had disappointed you? That everything I’ve done and all the sacrifices I’ve made have been the exact opposite of what you wanted me to do?”
I squeezed my eyes shut, furious that they seemed intent on undermining my anger with tears. “I feel more allied with your cursed father than you, and just the thought of it makes me sick.”
Forcing my eyes open, I searched his face for some sign of what he was thinking. Something that might dull the anger and frustration mirroring my own. But there was nothing. He said nothing.
The snowflakes landing on my face felt blissfully cold against my overheated skin, and I tilted my chin up so that more would land, the little droplets of water running down my face serving as a disguise against any tears that might sneak out. I knew what I needed to tell him, but I was afraid what having it out in the open would mean for us. “A curse is an act of will cemented by power, and tonight I learned it can be broken by an act of will fueled by power. Only Anushka added in another element, one uniquely important to your kind.”
“A name.” His voice was rough, a statement and a question in one.
“Yes.” I stared at the dark sky. “But you never told me what your kind is really called, and ultimately, even if I had known, my desire to see the trolls free is too plagued by doubt to have managed the task.” I was circling around what needed to be said. But part of me was scared to put voice to what I knew. To what I had done. Because it was impossible for me to un-know it, and I was afraid he’d never come to terms with me having this much power over him.
Lowering my face, I met his gaze. “When you were taking me through the labyrinth, I had a dream – a dream that I did not remember until tonight. I was in a place of endless summer filled with creatures more colorful than any rainbow. And I met a man who made my eyes burn as though I were staring into the sun, and he gave me the name of that which I most desired.” I blinked once. “Your name.”
Shock slammed into me like a battering ram, but Tristan barely twitched. “My great-uncle told you? That’s impossible.”
I shook my head. “Clearly it isn’t.”
Well, almost everything. Lifting my head, I regarded Tristan’s lean form walking ahead of me, his head slightly turned as he talked with Chris, pestering him with questions about the city. Not so very long ago, it would have felt like a dream to have him be the only troll free of the curse, but now that dream seemed entirely short-sighted, as all our problems remained. I squeezed Souris to my chest with one arm and pressed closer to Sabine, who had her elbow linked with mine.
“Is there really no way to break this bond between you two?”
“Only death,” I said, sighing. “And even if there were a way, I wouldn’t take it. I love him.”
She was silent.
“You’re being awfully quick to judge, given you just met,” I said.
“I know enough.” Her voice was low. “Just looking at him makes my skin crawl. I cannot understand what you see in that… that thing.”
I flinched, but a second later, anger chased away the hurt and I dragged her to a stop. “There were those in Trollus who said the exact same thing to him,” I snapped. “Except I was the thing. I was the one who was different. But he didn’t see it that way, and neither do I.”
Chris coughed, and I looked up to see them both watching me. Tristan’s face was hidden in the shadows of his cloak, but I knew he’d heard what I said.
“Tomorrow, then?” Chris said, breaking the uncomfortable silence.
“Outside the south gate.”
I frowned, realizing they’d come up with some sort of plan and annoyed that I hadn’t been involved.
“Remember what I said about a disguise. In the daylight, no one will believe you’re human.” Chris jerked his chin at Sabine. “I’ll walk you home.”
“What plan is this?” I asked once my friends were out of earshot. “I didn’t realize we had one.”
“We need to find Anushka,” Tristan replied, his voice low. “I can see the effects of the promise you made to my father written all over you. I can feel them. When was the last time you ate? Slept? And that was when you had an avenue to find her – an avenue that is now lost to us. We must use another tactic, or we’ll both be dead within the week.”
His words spoke of concern, but that wasn’t what I felt. Tristan was frustrated and angry, and all I heard in his words were blame. My temper snapped. “What exactly would you have had me do? Turn my back and walk away while he had you beaten? Stand silently while he dragged out every individual in Trollus whom I cared about and tortured them? Killed them? I’m well aware that he manipulated me, but what I don’t understand is how you think I could possibly have made another choice.”
“Cécile…”
“Don’t!” I held up a hand to silence him. “You’ll barely even look at me, and do you think I don’t know why?” Once I started speaking, the words refused to stop. I needed everything out in the open so that it would be over and done, and no more words would hang unspoken. “Do you have any idea what it felt like knowing that in choosing to help you that I had disappointed you? That everything I’ve done and all the sacrifices I’ve made have been the exact opposite of what you wanted me to do?”
I squeezed my eyes shut, furious that they seemed intent on undermining my anger with tears. “I feel more allied with your cursed father than you, and just the thought of it makes me sick.”
Forcing my eyes open, I searched his face for some sign of what he was thinking. Something that might dull the anger and frustration mirroring my own. But there was nothing. He said nothing.
The snowflakes landing on my face felt blissfully cold against my overheated skin, and I tilted my chin up so that more would land, the little droplets of water running down my face serving as a disguise against any tears that might sneak out. I knew what I needed to tell him, but I was afraid what having it out in the open would mean for us. “A curse is an act of will cemented by power, and tonight I learned it can be broken by an act of will fueled by power. Only Anushka added in another element, one uniquely important to your kind.”
“A name.” His voice was rough, a statement and a question in one.
“Yes.” I stared at the dark sky. “But you never told me what your kind is really called, and ultimately, even if I had known, my desire to see the trolls free is too plagued by doubt to have managed the task.” I was circling around what needed to be said. But part of me was scared to put voice to what I knew. To what I had done. Because it was impossible for me to un-know it, and I was afraid he’d never come to terms with me having this much power over him.
Lowering my face, I met his gaze. “When you were taking me through the labyrinth, I had a dream – a dream that I did not remember until tonight. I was in a place of endless summer filled with creatures more colorful than any rainbow. And I met a man who made my eyes burn as though I were staring into the sun, and he gave me the name of that which I most desired.” I blinked once. “Your name.”
Shock slammed into me like a battering ram, but Tristan barely twitched. “My great-uncle told you? That’s impossible.”
I shook my head. “Clearly it isn’t.”
