Hideaway
Page 45
This was all their fault. Michael’s brother got Damon arrested in the first place, and thank God he was dead, or I would’ve done it myself. If it wasn’t for that, Damon would’ve finished college, and we’d be gone.
And then the rest of them…. My brother would’ve taken a bullet for them, and they chose Erika Fane without hesitation. Years of him always having their backs, and they threw him away like it was nothing. They didn’t even fight for him.
I heard a high-pitched sound ring through the air, and I looked up, seeing that I was on the sidewalk crossing the bridge. I turned my weary eyes out onto the water, seeing a tugboat pushing a barge downstream, its foghorn echoing through the storm.
Looking down at the camera in my hand, I raised my fist and launched it out into the river, seeing it disappear into the black water.
I dropped my eyes, shaking my head. That wasn’t true, though, was it? I could see Damon’s side, because I knew how much he was hurting. I knew how he thought.
No one at home loved him. Our father was a tyrant, and his mother…. He was terrorized by her. I groaned at the sickness rising from my stomach, remembering all the things he never meant for me to see in that tower.
All the things she didn’t know I was there to see.
Because of all that, Damon became very possessive of the few good people in his life.
Me, his friends....
Anything that threatened us was immediately an enemy.
That’s why he hated Erika—or Rika, as everyone seemed to call her. He wasn’t right, but I knew where he was coming from, so I could understand it.
But he got himself arrested by fucking around with Winter, a girl he knew was off limits. In more ways than one.
And it was him who went too far last year and had to go into hiding.
If he really wanted us to be on our own, he would’ve taken me with him. Forget his friends. Forget Rika. Just go and both of us get out of here, and we could finally be free.
But that didn’t happen, and I now realized it would never happen.
I bit my bottom lip, trying not to cry anymore. We weren’t ever going to leave, were we? He was using me, too.
Crossing my arms over my chest, I started walking again, trying to hold everything back, but I just couldn’t. I walked and walked and walked, over the bridge, past the old farmer’s market on State Street, and down the dilapidated, empty lanes of Whitehall, and I didn’t cry, but the tears kept spilling anyway as I clenched my teeth together, shivering.
The rain had soaked my clothes, my head was weighted with the drenched hat, and icy coldness covered my skin. I could feel every hair trying to stand up as chills spread across my body.
I finally stopped, my arms hugging myself as my teeth chattered, and looked up.
Sensou shone in red, an emblem with a maze within a maze next to it and Japanese script in the center. I guess my feet knew where I was supposed to be.
Like a machine. That was me.
With shaking hands, I peeled back my cuff and looked at my watch, seeing that it was eight in the morning. Kai told me last night to be here by nine.
I needed to call David and tell him I didn’t need a ride this morning.
Heading to the front of the dojo, I yanked on the door, but it didn’t give. Locked.
Walking around the side of the building, I entered the dark alley, all the brick buildings around me painted black, even the fire escapes.
Jogging up to the side door, I huddled under the awning and pulled at the door.
But it also didn’t give.
I wrapped my arms around myself again, leaning back against the building.
The cold was seeping down to my bones, and I hung my head, my eyelids falling closed.
My mother was either smoking away what I gave her or buying a new outfit right now. Whatever it took to make herself feel better.
Wouldn’t she just love to see me doing whatever it took to bring in more money? Of course, she’d feel sorry about it, but really, what did she think was going to happen to me when Damon bought me all those years ago? She had asked him what he wanted me for. He simply answered, “Does it matter?”
It didn’t. In a perfect world she wanted to be able to afford to care, but when it came down to it, she had no idea what he could’ve done to me, and the unknown wasn’t enough to stop her from giving me away.
I was what Kai said I was. A tool. Something others used.
My eyes welled up again, and I wiped my cheek with my sleeve.
“Morning.”
I shot my eyes to the right for a quick glance.
Kai’s black pants were covered in raindrops, and he approached, a duffel bag over his shoulder and a folded newspaper over his head. I turned my face away, which I knew must be red and splotchy. I didn’t want him seeing me like this...my street cred and all.
“What…” He stopped at my side, under the awning. “You’re soaking wet. What hap—”
“Don’t ask me any questions, please,” I begged in a quiet voice. “I just got caught in the rain, and I…I’ll be fine.”
I squeezed my fists, trying to warm my hands, but I failed to hold back the shivers.
I hadn’t looked at his face, but I didn’t hear him move for a moment, so I didn’t know what he was doing.
Finally, I heard the door unlock and open.
“Get in here. Come on,” he told me.
He held the door open for me, and I ducked in under his arm, entering the dojo’s kitchen. I could call David and ask him to come, after all, to bring me some clothes. Or maybe there were some extras of those polos the employees wore. I could stick it out in my wet jeans for now.
I bit my lip, shaking, as Kai came in, dropped his bag, and turned on the lights. I glanced up, seeing he was in a white button-down, his chest visible through the wet drops. I just stared at him for a moment. His hair wet and sticking up, looking incredible and beautiful and taking my mind off the cold for a moment.
He came over, handing me a towel, but then he took my other hand, trying to take me somewhere.
I jerked out of his hold.
I didn’t need to be taken care of.
But he turned around, fixing me with a glare. “You don’t want to fight with me right now,” he warned. “Just do as you’re told. You’re good at that.”
And he took my hand again and pulled me after him. I stumbled a step, following him through the kitchen, into the lobby, and down the hall. The whole place was empty and dark, except for the small glow of the lights lining the trim on the bottom of the walls.
He pushed through the door to the women’s locker room, and led me past the lockers, toward the showers.
Opening a stall door, he reached in and turned on the water, the rainfall showerhead high overhead coming to life. Water started to pour and steam instantly billowed.
God, that looked good.
“You’re freezing,” he said, turning back to me. “Get these clothes off.”
He reached for the buttons on my jacket, and I knocked his hands away. “No.”
I crossed my arms in front of me, embarrassment swelling up inside me. “Don’t touch me.”
“I wasn’t going to touch you,” he said, his voice suddenly softer. “I just want to take off your jacket, okay?”
I shook my head.
“Look, you don’t have to take off your clothes,” he explained, his tone growing more urgent again, “but you have to get warm.”
I stared down at my white knuckles still clenched into fists. “My clothes will dry.”
He let out a sigh, sounding like a hushed growl, and before I realized what was happening, he wrapped his arms around me and lifted me off the ground, carrying me into the shower.
I pushed against his chest as he closed the shower door and put us both under the hot rainfall.
“No!” I argued.
But, his lips tight, he gave me an angry, “Shh….” and dropped me to my feet, his arms locking around my body and holding me to him.
Asshole!
I planted my hands on his chest, snarling up at him, but soon, the heat from the water started to seep into my clothes, and then the water was coursing down my skin.
Oh…
My skin erupted in a wave of delightful pinpricks, making my blood come alive as everything tingled with the heat.
And then the rest of them…. My brother would’ve taken a bullet for them, and they chose Erika Fane without hesitation. Years of him always having their backs, and they threw him away like it was nothing. They didn’t even fight for him.
I heard a high-pitched sound ring through the air, and I looked up, seeing that I was on the sidewalk crossing the bridge. I turned my weary eyes out onto the water, seeing a tugboat pushing a barge downstream, its foghorn echoing through the storm.
Looking down at the camera in my hand, I raised my fist and launched it out into the river, seeing it disappear into the black water.
I dropped my eyes, shaking my head. That wasn’t true, though, was it? I could see Damon’s side, because I knew how much he was hurting. I knew how he thought.
No one at home loved him. Our father was a tyrant, and his mother…. He was terrorized by her. I groaned at the sickness rising from my stomach, remembering all the things he never meant for me to see in that tower.
All the things she didn’t know I was there to see.
Because of all that, Damon became very possessive of the few good people in his life.
Me, his friends....
Anything that threatened us was immediately an enemy.
That’s why he hated Erika—or Rika, as everyone seemed to call her. He wasn’t right, but I knew where he was coming from, so I could understand it.
But he got himself arrested by fucking around with Winter, a girl he knew was off limits. In more ways than one.
And it was him who went too far last year and had to go into hiding.
If he really wanted us to be on our own, he would’ve taken me with him. Forget his friends. Forget Rika. Just go and both of us get out of here, and we could finally be free.
But that didn’t happen, and I now realized it would never happen.
I bit my bottom lip, trying not to cry anymore. We weren’t ever going to leave, were we? He was using me, too.
Crossing my arms over my chest, I started walking again, trying to hold everything back, but I just couldn’t. I walked and walked and walked, over the bridge, past the old farmer’s market on State Street, and down the dilapidated, empty lanes of Whitehall, and I didn’t cry, but the tears kept spilling anyway as I clenched my teeth together, shivering.
The rain had soaked my clothes, my head was weighted with the drenched hat, and icy coldness covered my skin. I could feel every hair trying to stand up as chills spread across my body.
I finally stopped, my arms hugging myself as my teeth chattered, and looked up.
Sensou shone in red, an emblem with a maze within a maze next to it and Japanese script in the center. I guess my feet knew where I was supposed to be.
Like a machine. That was me.
With shaking hands, I peeled back my cuff and looked at my watch, seeing that it was eight in the morning. Kai told me last night to be here by nine.
I needed to call David and tell him I didn’t need a ride this morning.
Heading to the front of the dojo, I yanked on the door, but it didn’t give. Locked.
Walking around the side of the building, I entered the dark alley, all the brick buildings around me painted black, even the fire escapes.
Jogging up to the side door, I huddled under the awning and pulled at the door.
But it also didn’t give.
I wrapped my arms around myself again, leaning back against the building.
The cold was seeping down to my bones, and I hung my head, my eyelids falling closed.
My mother was either smoking away what I gave her or buying a new outfit right now. Whatever it took to make herself feel better.
Wouldn’t she just love to see me doing whatever it took to bring in more money? Of course, she’d feel sorry about it, but really, what did she think was going to happen to me when Damon bought me all those years ago? She had asked him what he wanted me for. He simply answered, “Does it matter?”
It didn’t. In a perfect world she wanted to be able to afford to care, but when it came down to it, she had no idea what he could’ve done to me, and the unknown wasn’t enough to stop her from giving me away.
I was what Kai said I was. A tool. Something others used.
My eyes welled up again, and I wiped my cheek with my sleeve.
“Morning.”
I shot my eyes to the right for a quick glance.
Kai’s black pants were covered in raindrops, and he approached, a duffel bag over his shoulder and a folded newspaper over his head. I turned my face away, which I knew must be red and splotchy. I didn’t want him seeing me like this...my street cred and all.
“What…” He stopped at my side, under the awning. “You’re soaking wet. What hap—”
“Don’t ask me any questions, please,” I begged in a quiet voice. “I just got caught in the rain, and I…I’ll be fine.”
I squeezed my fists, trying to warm my hands, but I failed to hold back the shivers.
I hadn’t looked at his face, but I didn’t hear him move for a moment, so I didn’t know what he was doing.
Finally, I heard the door unlock and open.
“Get in here. Come on,” he told me.
He held the door open for me, and I ducked in under his arm, entering the dojo’s kitchen. I could call David and ask him to come, after all, to bring me some clothes. Or maybe there were some extras of those polos the employees wore. I could stick it out in my wet jeans for now.
I bit my lip, shaking, as Kai came in, dropped his bag, and turned on the lights. I glanced up, seeing he was in a white button-down, his chest visible through the wet drops. I just stared at him for a moment. His hair wet and sticking up, looking incredible and beautiful and taking my mind off the cold for a moment.
He came over, handing me a towel, but then he took my other hand, trying to take me somewhere.
I jerked out of his hold.
I didn’t need to be taken care of.
But he turned around, fixing me with a glare. “You don’t want to fight with me right now,” he warned. “Just do as you’re told. You’re good at that.”
And he took my hand again and pulled me after him. I stumbled a step, following him through the kitchen, into the lobby, and down the hall. The whole place was empty and dark, except for the small glow of the lights lining the trim on the bottom of the walls.
He pushed through the door to the women’s locker room, and led me past the lockers, toward the showers.
Opening a stall door, he reached in and turned on the water, the rainfall showerhead high overhead coming to life. Water started to pour and steam instantly billowed.
God, that looked good.
“You’re freezing,” he said, turning back to me. “Get these clothes off.”
He reached for the buttons on my jacket, and I knocked his hands away. “No.”
I crossed my arms in front of me, embarrassment swelling up inside me. “Don’t touch me.”
“I wasn’t going to touch you,” he said, his voice suddenly softer. “I just want to take off your jacket, okay?”
I shook my head.
“Look, you don’t have to take off your clothes,” he explained, his tone growing more urgent again, “but you have to get warm.”
I stared down at my white knuckles still clenched into fists. “My clothes will dry.”
He let out a sigh, sounding like a hushed growl, and before I realized what was happening, he wrapped his arms around me and lifted me off the ground, carrying me into the shower.
I pushed against his chest as he closed the shower door and put us both under the hot rainfall.
“No!” I argued.
But, his lips tight, he gave me an angry, “Shh….” and dropped me to my feet, his arms locking around my body and holding me to him.
Asshole!
I planted my hands on his chest, snarling up at him, but soon, the heat from the water started to seep into my clothes, and then the water was coursing down my skin.
Oh…
My skin erupted in a wave of delightful pinpricks, making my blood come alive as everything tingled with the heat.
