Hold Me
Page 29
She paused to breathe. “There are kids that come in for a couple of weeks. They stay up there. They’re from, like, Los Angeles. The inner city, one of the counselors said. I talked to this girl who had never been to the mountains before. She’d never seen a forest! She said there were, like, eight trees in this tiny park by her house. She’d counted them.”
Starr shook her head. “I’ve never met anyone like that. She was so fun and had an incredible voice. But everything is different for her. Her family doesn’t have any money. I didn’t know it was really like that for some people.”
“I’m glad she’s able to go to camp.”
“Me, too. I met a lot of kids who live in town. Some of them are my age.” She ducked her head for a second. “Felicia’s son is nice. Carter. He has friends he wants to introduce me to. He said we could hang out.”
Destiny had been nodding along with the conversation, but right then she got stuck.
“A boy?” she asked, wondering if the fear and outrage showed in her voice.
Starr stared at her. “Duh, most sons are boys, so yeah. We’re friends. It’s cool. He’s nice. I like him.”
“Like him how?”
Starr rolled her eyes. “What are you worried about? I’m fifteen. It’s okay for me to like a boy. It’s what teenagers do.”
Destiny told herself to stay calm. That this could be managed. “I get that,” she said slowly. “But you have to be careful. We both do.”
“Careful? What are you talking about?”
“It’s in our genes. Like having red hair. And an interest in music. You get that from your dad, right?”
“Okay,” Starr said cautiously. “What does that have to do with Carter?”
“Other traits can be inherited. Things like falling in and out of love. You saw what happened with your parents. Do you want that for yourself? These are decisions you need to think about. Because if you don’t think, you might act. Sex is dangerous.”
Starr turned away. “Don’t say that to me. I don’t want to talk about it. I’m fifteen. I know some kids are doing...that, but I’m not. Who do you think I am?”
“I think you’re Jimmy Don’s daughter. Believe me, I’ve wrestled with the same thing. You have to be careful around boys.”
“Is that why you’re not married? You’re being careful?”
“I know what I’m looking for. I simply haven’t found it yet.”
Starr frowned. “You mean you have a list or something?”
“Yes. I do. I want to make a sensible decision about the man I spend my life with.”
“Love isn’t sensible,” Starr told her. “Even I know that.”
“You’re right. Love is words and chemistry. It has little value. Better to make a decision based on reasonable, understandable criteria. That’s lasting.”
She wasn’t sure if Starr would see her point or call her an idiot. What she didn’t expect was for the teen’s eyes to fill with tears.
“Is that what you really think?” Starr demanded, coming to her feet. “There’s really no love? That my mom didn’t love me?”
Destiny wanted to slap herself. She stood. “No! Of course she loved you. I don’t mean the love between parents and a child. I was talking about romantic love. Your mom treasured you.”
“You don’t know anything,” Starr yelled. “She only cared about my dad and her drugs. She didn’t love me. She abandoned me over and over again, and then she died. I know my dad doesn’t care. Obviously. He barely knows who I am, and he sure doesn’t want me. I’m only here because you got stuck with me. I get it, okay? I get it.”
Her voice rose with the last three words.
“I know I don’t have anywhere to go. I know that no one wants me. I get it!”
She took off at a run and bolted into her bedroom, slamming the door behind her. The harsh sound reverberated through the house.
Destiny sank back onto the chair and covered her face with her hands. The distance between what she’d wanted to say and what had come out of her mouth was so great, it couldn’t be measured. She’d only been trying to protect Starr. Instead she’d hurt her.
She stood and walked to the closed bedroom door. After knocking, she spoke.
“Starr, honey. I’m sorry.”
“Go away.”
“We need to talk.”
“No, we don’t. If you don’t believe in love, then knowing I hate you won’t matter at all. I hate you, Destiny. Leave me alone.”
There was a sharp click as the lock was engaged, followed by a few seconds of silence, then sobs that tore through Destiny’s heart. She sank onto the floor outside her sister’s bedroom door and tried to breathe. Honest to God, she had absolutely no idea what to do.
* * *
BEFORE MOVING TO Fool’s Gold, Kipling had never had anything to do with city government, or government of any kind. He’d assumed the day-to-day running of a location simply happened. Like most people, he’d groused about laws that seemed an unnecessary interference. He hadn’t known there were so many complex steps that ended with a seamless stream of services that affected people’s lives.
But since the move, he’d attended monthly city council sessions. At first he’d worried about being bored, but now he looked forward to the details of what went on behind the scenes. Mayor Marsha ruled her town well, and she had a lot to contend with. Thanks to the constant flow of tourists, the growth of the town, a major university and dozens of successful businesses, all with different interests and needs, there was always a crisis, a problem and something incredibly funny going on.
Starr shook her head. “I’ve never met anyone like that. She was so fun and had an incredible voice. But everything is different for her. Her family doesn’t have any money. I didn’t know it was really like that for some people.”
“I’m glad she’s able to go to camp.”
“Me, too. I met a lot of kids who live in town. Some of them are my age.” She ducked her head for a second. “Felicia’s son is nice. Carter. He has friends he wants to introduce me to. He said we could hang out.”
Destiny had been nodding along with the conversation, but right then she got stuck.
“A boy?” she asked, wondering if the fear and outrage showed in her voice.
Starr stared at her. “Duh, most sons are boys, so yeah. We’re friends. It’s cool. He’s nice. I like him.”
“Like him how?”
Starr rolled her eyes. “What are you worried about? I’m fifteen. It’s okay for me to like a boy. It’s what teenagers do.”
Destiny told herself to stay calm. That this could be managed. “I get that,” she said slowly. “But you have to be careful. We both do.”
“Careful? What are you talking about?”
“It’s in our genes. Like having red hair. And an interest in music. You get that from your dad, right?”
“Okay,” Starr said cautiously. “What does that have to do with Carter?”
“Other traits can be inherited. Things like falling in and out of love. You saw what happened with your parents. Do you want that for yourself? These are decisions you need to think about. Because if you don’t think, you might act. Sex is dangerous.”
Starr turned away. “Don’t say that to me. I don’t want to talk about it. I’m fifteen. I know some kids are doing...that, but I’m not. Who do you think I am?”
“I think you’re Jimmy Don’s daughter. Believe me, I’ve wrestled with the same thing. You have to be careful around boys.”
“Is that why you’re not married? You’re being careful?”
“I know what I’m looking for. I simply haven’t found it yet.”
Starr frowned. “You mean you have a list or something?”
“Yes. I do. I want to make a sensible decision about the man I spend my life with.”
“Love isn’t sensible,” Starr told her. “Even I know that.”
“You’re right. Love is words and chemistry. It has little value. Better to make a decision based on reasonable, understandable criteria. That’s lasting.”
She wasn’t sure if Starr would see her point or call her an idiot. What she didn’t expect was for the teen’s eyes to fill with tears.
“Is that what you really think?” Starr demanded, coming to her feet. “There’s really no love? That my mom didn’t love me?”
Destiny wanted to slap herself. She stood. “No! Of course she loved you. I don’t mean the love between parents and a child. I was talking about romantic love. Your mom treasured you.”
“You don’t know anything,” Starr yelled. “She only cared about my dad and her drugs. She didn’t love me. She abandoned me over and over again, and then she died. I know my dad doesn’t care. Obviously. He barely knows who I am, and he sure doesn’t want me. I’m only here because you got stuck with me. I get it, okay? I get it.”
Her voice rose with the last three words.
“I know I don’t have anywhere to go. I know that no one wants me. I get it!”
She took off at a run and bolted into her bedroom, slamming the door behind her. The harsh sound reverberated through the house.
Destiny sank back onto the chair and covered her face with her hands. The distance between what she’d wanted to say and what had come out of her mouth was so great, it couldn’t be measured. She’d only been trying to protect Starr. Instead she’d hurt her.
She stood and walked to the closed bedroom door. After knocking, she spoke.
“Starr, honey. I’m sorry.”
“Go away.”
“We need to talk.”
“No, we don’t. If you don’t believe in love, then knowing I hate you won’t matter at all. I hate you, Destiny. Leave me alone.”
There was a sharp click as the lock was engaged, followed by a few seconds of silence, then sobs that tore through Destiny’s heart. She sank onto the floor outside her sister’s bedroom door and tried to breathe. Honest to God, she had absolutely no idea what to do.
* * *
BEFORE MOVING TO Fool’s Gold, Kipling had never had anything to do with city government, or government of any kind. He’d assumed the day-to-day running of a location simply happened. Like most people, he’d groused about laws that seemed an unnecessary interference. He hadn’t known there were so many complex steps that ended with a seamless stream of services that affected people’s lives.
But since the move, he’d attended monthly city council sessions. At first he’d worried about being bored, but now he looked forward to the details of what went on behind the scenes. Mayor Marsha ruled her town well, and she had a lot to contend with. Thanks to the constant flow of tourists, the growth of the town, a major university and dozens of successful businesses, all with different interests and needs, there was always a crisis, a problem and something incredibly funny going on.
