Hold Me
Page 57
“You’re not that kid anymore,” he said gently. “You would be able to control what was happening around you.”
“Not enough. Better to avoid the risk.”
“Life without living is boring. It’s beige. What’s the point? You have a gift, Destiny. A chance at the dream.”
More emotion flashed in her eyes. This time he had no trouble reading the annoyance.
“Don’t talk to me about my dreams. You don’t know anything about them. This is my choice. I don’t want to be like them. You have no idea what it was like. No idea about what happened. It was different with Grandma Nell. Life made sense there. It was quiet. We lived by the rhythm of the seasons. With nature. That’s what I want.”
“Nature isn’t quiet,” he told her. “It’s violent and beautiful. Most of all, it’s uncontrollable. You’re denying who you are on so many levels. You have a passionate nature. If you ignore that, you ignore who you are. You still have a chance.”
“Kipling, I...” She stared at him. “Are we still talking about me?”
“Of course. I’m the expert here. Living the dream—there’s nothing better. I know what I’m talking about. You still can.”
“And you can’t.”
Blunt but true, he thought, ignoring the stab of longing for what had been. For who he had been. “I had a good run, and I mean that in all senses of the word.”
“I’m sorry,” she said softly. “I get what you’re saying. That I should be grateful. I still have a chance. The thing is, I don’t want it.”
He didn’t think she was telling the truth. Not on purpose but because she was afraid.
“I’m not your problem,” she pointed out. “Let it go. I only want to talk about business now.”
He nodded because he didn’t have a plan. Not yet, anyway. But he would figure one out, and then he would fix the problem. Not just because he’d taken her virginity, but because it was the right thing to do. And maybe, just maybe, because a part of him wanted to. Very much.
* * *
DESTINY DID HER best to get lost in her work. She’d completed the mapping, and the information had been fed into the tracking program. Their next step would be to start practice searches.
She had plenty to do, but kept finding herself thinking about Kipling. Avoiding him wasn’t an option—they had a job to do. So far he’d kept things professional. But when they were in the same room, she felt him watching her. Not in a creepy, scary way, but as if assessing the situation. And that made her nervous.
She wanted to tell herself that she was imagining things, only she knew she wasn’t. He was a man who liked to fix things, and explaining that she didn’t have a problem wasn’t going to be enough to dissuade him. The sex thing had really thrown him, although for the life of her, she couldn’t figure out why. They’d done it; she was fine. Let’s move forward. But, no. He wanted her to have an orgasm.
As if that would change anything, she thought as she headed into Kipling’s office. Seriously, how good could it be?
Determined to act like the professional she was, she pushed all personal thoughts aside when she saw a pretty, thirtysomething blonde with spiky hair sitting at the desk across from Kipling’s. Rumor was, the second-in-command he’d hired was a woman. Destiny had been eager to meet her.
The woman looked up and smiled. “Destiny Mills?” she asked as she rose and offered her hand. “I’m Cassidy Modene. I’ve done a lot of research on your STORMS program, and I’m excited to work with it.”
“Welcome to Fool’s Gold,” Destiny said, shaking her hand. “When did you start work?”
“This morning.” Cassidy grinned. “I’m the optimistic type, so I’d already packed up everything I own in my truck. It helps that I’m not much of a pack rat. Having a husband in the navy has taught me that. Mayor Marsha and Kipling offered me the job, I accepted and here I am. My horses will join me in a few weeks. My husband, Jeff, should be here by the end of the year.”
“I heard the program was expanding to include horses and search and rescue dogs. The tech guys back in the computer lab are quivering with excitement at the thought of all the modifications they’re going to have to make. They do love a challenge.”
“I’m with them on that.”
The two women sat by Cassidy’s desk. Destiny wanted to ask where Kipling was, but told herself it didn’t matter. It wasn’t as if she’d been looking forward to seeing him or anything. He was a colleague. Their conversations were always interesting, and she liked the verbal challenge of dealing with him. Nothing more.
Even so, she found herself asking, “Kipling’s not in yet?”
“He stopped by City Hall for a quick meeting with the mayor. He’ll be back shortly.”
Destiny nodded as if the information was mildly interesting and nothing more, then went through the basics of the STORMS program with Cassidy. They moved to the big map on the wall.
“There’s a lot of rugged terrain in the area,” Cassidy said as she traced the city limits. “My horses will be a help. They can go farther and longer than anyone on foot. Plus carry gear.”
Destiny nodded as she typed into her tablet. “You’re right. With more supplies, the searches aren’t as limited geographically. If they have a way to set up camp, they can stay where they are for the night and start fresh in the morning. That gives us a lot of advantages. Also, there’s an easier way to transport injured people to a helicopter pickup site.”
“Not enough. Better to avoid the risk.”
“Life without living is boring. It’s beige. What’s the point? You have a gift, Destiny. A chance at the dream.”
More emotion flashed in her eyes. This time he had no trouble reading the annoyance.
“Don’t talk to me about my dreams. You don’t know anything about them. This is my choice. I don’t want to be like them. You have no idea what it was like. No idea about what happened. It was different with Grandma Nell. Life made sense there. It was quiet. We lived by the rhythm of the seasons. With nature. That’s what I want.”
“Nature isn’t quiet,” he told her. “It’s violent and beautiful. Most of all, it’s uncontrollable. You’re denying who you are on so many levels. You have a passionate nature. If you ignore that, you ignore who you are. You still have a chance.”
“Kipling, I...” She stared at him. “Are we still talking about me?”
“Of course. I’m the expert here. Living the dream—there’s nothing better. I know what I’m talking about. You still can.”
“And you can’t.”
Blunt but true, he thought, ignoring the stab of longing for what had been. For who he had been. “I had a good run, and I mean that in all senses of the word.”
“I’m sorry,” she said softly. “I get what you’re saying. That I should be grateful. I still have a chance. The thing is, I don’t want it.”
He didn’t think she was telling the truth. Not on purpose but because she was afraid.
“I’m not your problem,” she pointed out. “Let it go. I only want to talk about business now.”
He nodded because he didn’t have a plan. Not yet, anyway. But he would figure one out, and then he would fix the problem. Not just because he’d taken her virginity, but because it was the right thing to do. And maybe, just maybe, because a part of him wanted to. Very much.
* * *
DESTINY DID HER best to get lost in her work. She’d completed the mapping, and the information had been fed into the tracking program. Their next step would be to start practice searches.
She had plenty to do, but kept finding herself thinking about Kipling. Avoiding him wasn’t an option—they had a job to do. So far he’d kept things professional. But when they were in the same room, she felt him watching her. Not in a creepy, scary way, but as if assessing the situation. And that made her nervous.
She wanted to tell herself that she was imagining things, only she knew she wasn’t. He was a man who liked to fix things, and explaining that she didn’t have a problem wasn’t going to be enough to dissuade him. The sex thing had really thrown him, although for the life of her, she couldn’t figure out why. They’d done it; she was fine. Let’s move forward. But, no. He wanted her to have an orgasm.
As if that would change anything, she thought as she headed into Kipling’s office. Seriously, how good could it be?
Determined to act like the professional she was, she pushed all personal thoughts aside when she saw a pretty, thirtysomething blonde with spiky hair sitting at the desk across from Kipling’s. Rumor was, the second-in-command he’d hired was a woman. Destiny had been eager to meet her.
The woman looked up and smiled. “Destiny Mills?” she asked as she rose and offered her hand. “I’m Cassidy Modene. I’ve done a lot of research on your STORMS program, and I’m excited to work with it.”
“Welcome to Fool’s Gold,” Destiny said, shaking her hand. “When did you start work?”
“This morning.” Cassidy grinned. “I’m the optimistic type, so I’d already packed up everything I own in my truck. It helps that I’m not much of a pack rat. Having a husband in the navy has taught me that. Mayor Marsha and Kipling offered me the job, I accepted and here I am. My horses will join me in a few weeks. My husband, Jeff, should be here by the end of the year.”
“I heard the program was expanding to include horses and search and rescue dogs. The tech guys back in the computer lab are quivering with excitement at the thought of all the modifications they’re going to have to make. They do love a challenge.”
“I’m with them on that.”
The two women sat by Cassidy’s desk. Destiny wanted to ask where Kipling was, but told herself it didn’t matter. It wasn’t as if she’d been looking forward to seeing him or anything. He was a colleague. Their conversations were always interesting, and she liked the verbal challenge of dealing with him. Nothing more.
Even so, she found herself asking, “Kipling’s not in yet?”
“He stopped by City Hall for a quick meeting with the mayor. He’ll be back shortly.”
Destiny nodded as if the information was mildly interesting and nothing more, then went through the basics of the STORMS program with Cassidy. They moved to the big map on the wall.
“There’s a lot of rugged terrain in the area,” Cassidy said as she traced the city limits. “My horses will be a help. They can go farther and longer than anyone on foot. Plus carry gear.”
Destiny nodded as she typed into her tablet. “You’re right. With more supplies, the searches aren’t as limited geographically. If they have a way to set up camp, they can stay where they are for the night and start fresh in the morning. That gives us a lot of advantages. Also, there’s an easier way to transport injured people to a helicopter pickup site.”
