Hold Me
Page 66
“I’d like to.”
Starr tried the chord again, this time singing along with the song.
“Good,” Destiny murmured.
She hoped that focusing on the music would prevent her sister from seeing the awfulness of the conversation. No teenager should have to read a biography to learn about her father. Not when the man was still alive and more than capable of spending time with her. But that wasn’t Jimmy Don’s way. He was in Europe for a couple more months, and after that, he was heading to Asia. Places where he could be adored by screaming fans.
In her head she understood that he needed to feel relevant. And for all she knew, money was an issue. Their father had often lived large. He’d always been generous—she had the trust fund to prove it—and sometimes that generosity got the better of him.
“And in the night, I remember my denim promises. And think of you,” she sang, joining in with her sister at the end of the song. “Good. You’ve been practicing.”
Starr smiled. “Plus, I’m learning a lot at camp. The classes help. I’m learning to play the keyboard.”
“When camp’s over, we can get you an instructor in town,” Destiny offered. “I’m happy to teach you what I know, but I never studied music.”
Starr rested her arm on her guitar and shook her head. “I don’t understand that. You’re so good. You were nominated for a Grammy when you were, like, eight. You could have had a career a thousand times over. Why didn’t you want to be like your parents?”
Two weeks ago Destiny would have dismissed the question or at least tried to change the subject. Now she knew that the best way to connect with her sister was through honest, caring conversation. Not that she was an expert, but two sessions of family therapy had already taught her a lot.
“Living on the road isn’t anything I would enjoy,” she began. “You don’t get to see much of the places where you play. You perform, drive all night, then set up the next day. If you’re lucky, you have a few hours to walk around town.”
“How did you go to school?”
“If I was on the road with my parents, I didn’t. Or they brought along a tutor. Sometimes they left me at home, and then I went to regular classes.”
Starr picked out a few notes on her guitar. “But you never belonged, right? Living like that, it would have been hard to make friends.”
“It was.”
“Do you think that’s why you move around now? Because you don’t know how to be in one place?”
An unexpected and insightful question, Destiny thought. “I don’t know,” she admitted. “Maybe I’ve been reliving what I know.”
Starr glanced at her then looked away. “Do you get lonely?”
“Sometimes. When I do, I play music or write a song. It’s different here,” she admitted. “I have friends in a way I never have before. People let you in.”
“I know, right?” Starr smiled. “Like at camp. I’m just one of the group. It’s nice to belong.”
“It is. We’re going to have to figure out where we’re going to live. I have my place in Austin, but it’s a rental and too small for us. I haven’t really had a home base in a long time. I meant what I said. I’ve given notice with my company. We’ll get a house or something.”
Starr stared at her. “You’re really quitting?”
“Of course. You need to be settled. High school is a really important time.”
“You didn’t go to high school.”
“I know, and sometimes I think it would have been good for me. A rite of passage, so to speak.” She shrugged. “We don’t have to decide right away. You can think about it.”
“What if I want to stay here? In Fool’s Gold.” Starr bit her lower lip then spoke in a rush. “We both have friends here, right? And the schools are really good. We like the town, and you’re dating Kipling, so that could work out.”
Her tone was hopeful, her eyes huge. Destiny drew in a breath. Stay. She’d never stayed anywhere before and even after realizing she would need to have a permanent home for Starr, it had all been more theoretical than reality.
There were pluses to staying, she thought. As Starr had pointed out, they had friends. A community. She liked what she knew about the town. It was big enough to have things to do but not so large that they couldn’t belong. They could find a cute house—maybe one of the older ones in an established neighborhood. Fix it up together. Not that she knew anything about remodeling, but they could learn together.
As for Kipling, they weren’t dating. They were friends. And they’d had sex. And she was having dinner at his house. But that wasn’t dating, was it? Because he was not part of her sensible plan. There was no way Kipling was interested in a sexless marriage and to be honest, around him, she didn’t want one, either. So how could they have a meeting of the minds with all those hormones getting in the way? Not that he was asking or anything. They were friends. It wasn’t love or anything close to love.
“Destiny?”
“Sorry.” She shook her head in an attempt to clear her head. “Fool’s Gold works,” she told her sister. “I’m happy to stay if that’s what you want.”
“Really?” Starr put down her guitar and threw herself at Destiny. They hugged, then Starr bounced back to her cushion and grinned. “That is so cool. Because I’ve been thinking I want to start a band.”
Starr tried the chord again, this time singing along with the song.
“Good,” Destiny murmured.
She hoped that focusing on the music would prevent her sister from seeing the awfulness of the conversation. No teenager should have to read a biography to learn about her father. Not when the man was still alive and more than capable of spending time with her. But that wasn’t Jimmy Don’s way. He was in Europe for a couple more months, and after that, he was heading to Asia. Places where he could be adored by screaming fans.
In her head she understood that he needed to feel relevant. And for all she knew, money was an issue. Their father had often lived large. He’d always been generous—she had the trust fund to prove it—and sometimes that generosity got the better of him.
“And in the night, I remember my denim promises. And think of you,” she sang, joining in with her sister at the end of the song. “Good. You’ve been practicing.”
Starr smiled. “Plus, I’m learning a lot at camp. The classes help. I’m learning to play the keyboard.”
“When camp’s over, we can get you an instructor in town,” Destiny offered. “I’m happy to teach you what I know, but I never studied music.”
Starr rested her arm on her guitar and shook her head. “I don’t understand that. You’re so good. You were nominated for a Grammy when you were, like, eight. You could have had a career a thousand times over. Why didn’t you want to be like your parents?”
Two weeks ago Destiny would have dismissed the question or at least tried to change the subject. Now she knew that the best way to connect with her sister was through honest, caring conversation. Not that she was an expert, but two sessions of family therapy had already taught her a lot.
“Living on the road isn’t anything I would enjoy,” she began. “You don’t get to see much of the places where you play. You perform, drive all night, then set up the next day. If you’re lucky, you have a few hours to walk around town.”
“How did you go to school?”
“If I was on the road with my parents, I didn’t. Or they brought along a tutor. Sometimes they left me at home, and then I went to regular classes.”
Starr picked out a few notes on her guitar. “But you never belonged, right? Living like that, it would have been hard to make friends.”
“It was.”
“Do you think that’s why you move around now? Because you don’t know how to be in one place?”
An unexpected and insightful question, Destiny thought. “I don’t know,” she admitted. “Maybe I’ve been reliving what I know.”
Starr glanced at her then looked away. “Do you get lonely?”
“Sometimes. When I do, I play music or write a song. It’s different here,” she admitted. “I have friends in a way I never have before. People let you in.”
“I know, right?” Starr smiled. “Like at camp. I’m just one of the group. It’s nice to belong.”
“It is. We’re going to have to figure out where we’re going to live. I have my place in Austin, but it’s a rental and too small for us. I haven’t really had a home base in a long time. I meant what I said. I’ve given notice with my company. We’ll get a house or something.”
Starr stared at her. “You’re really quitting?”
“Of course. You need to be settled. High school is a really important time.”
“You didn’t go to high school.”
“I know, and sometimes I think it would have been good for me. A rite of passage, so to speak.” She shrugged. “We don’t have to decide right away. You can think about it.”
“What if I want to stay here? In Fool’s Gold.” Starr bit her lower lip then spoke in a rush. “We both have friends here, right? And the schools are really good. We like the town, and you’re dating Kipling, so that could work out.”
Her tone was hopeful, her eyes huge. Destiny drew in a breath. Stay. She’d never stayed anywhere before and even after realizing she would need to have a permanent home for Starr, it had all been more theoretical than reality.
There were pluses to staying, she thought. As Starr had pointed out, they had friends. A community. She liked what she knew about the town. It was big enough to have things to do but not so large that they couldn’t belong. They could find a cute house—maybe one of the older ones in an established neighborhood. Fix it up together. Not that she knew anything about remodeling, but they could learn together.
As for Kipling, they weren’t dating. They were friends. And they’d had sex. And she was having dinner at his house. But that wasn’t dating, was it? Because he was not part of her sensible plan. There was no way Kipling was interested in a sexless marriage and to be honest, around him, she didn’t want one, either. So how could they have a meeting of the minds with all those hormones getting in the way? Not that he was asking or anything. They were friends. It wasn’t love or anything close to love.
“Destiny?”
“Sorry.” She shook her head in an attempt to clear her head. “Fool’s Gold works,” she told her sister. “I’m happy to stay if that’s what you want.”
“Really?” Starr put down her guitar and threw herself at Destiny. They hugged, then Starr bounced back to her cushion and grinned. “That is so cool. Because I’ve been thinking I want to start a band.”
