Hold on Tight
Page 34
Dewayne’s eyes were wild as he breathed heavily. At least he seemed as affected as I was. Because I was affected. No, I was marked. For life. I may not have been kissed by anyone other than Dustin before this, but I knew that no one was ever going to compare to what I’d just experienced.
“We can’t. I shouldn’t have,” Dewayne said, shaking his head. Then he all but ran out of my house. I stood there and listened to his truck door close and the engine start up. I stood there long after his truck had pulled out of my driveway.
He hadn’t been able to get away from me fast enough. It wasn’t like I had asked him to kiss me. Had he expected me to push him away? Was I a bad kisser? Had that moan been mine, and he had been turned off?
God! I hated being so damn clueless at this.
“Momma? Why is the door open?” Micah’s voice asked, and I snapped out of my daze and turned to see my little boy frowning at me.
“Because I was waiting on you,” I replied, not missing a beat.
He smiled and ran over to me, and I was careful to hide my bruised arm as I hugged him.
“Did you have fun?” I asked.
He nodded but pulled back and looked up at me. “I missed you this morning. Mama T offered to make me biscuits, but I wanted to come home and eat Pop-Tarts with you. I remembered you didn’t have work today.”
Hillary had given me one Saturday off a month, and I was very thankful for that this morning. After what had just happened, leaving Dewayne at my house to watch Micah would have been hard and distracting.
“I can do better than Pop-Tarts. How about pancakes?” I asked him.
He grinned. “How about chocolate chip pancakes?”
“Sounds perfect,” I said. “Let me go change shirts and we will get to work.”
I didn’t let him see me long enough to see my arm before I slipped out of the kitchen and into my bedroom, where I put on a long-sleeve T-shirt.
DEWAYNE
She was Dustin’s. She would always be Dustin’s.
Why the f**k had I kissed her? Goddamn, I wasn’t going to be able to forget that. She’d been so damn sweet and hot all at once. Almost like she was innocent, when I knew she wasn’t. She had a kid. She wasn’t innocent, and she’d melted into my arms so easily. I had wanted to get her as close to me as f**king possible.
Then she’d moaned, and my dick had gone so hard it had almost broken the damn zipper on my jeans. Fuck, but she was a sexy moaner. If I hadn’t gotten away from her, I would have ended up f**king her on the sofa. The image of Sienna naked and wrapped around me sprang to mind, and I hit the steering wheel and cursed. I needed a f**king cigarette. Why did that shit have to kill you? Giving up alcohol was going to be a hell of a lot easier.
I couldn’t do this shit. She was Micah’s mom. She wasn’t someone I could f**k for fun and walk away from. And after today I wasn’t sure I could f**k her and walk away from her. Hell, not tasting her mouth again was going to kill me. No wonder my brother had knocked her up. Fuck! I wouldn’t have been able to keep my wits about me when I was between her legs either. Damn woman could make any man lose his mind.
Dustin would want Sienna happy and taken care of. He would want her to have the life she deserved. Not one with his loser older brother, who had made more f**king mistakes than the average person. Hell, I’d bruised her arm. How the f**k did someone hurt Sienna? I wasn’t drinking ever again. I was done. If that was the kind of shit I did, I wasn’t touching alcohol. Sienna and Micah were going to turn me into the damn Pope.
Micah deserved a man in his life he could look up to. I would be the uncle who doted on him and made him feel loved, but I wasn’t really much to look up to. I wasn’t that guy. I never was and never would be good enough for Sienna Roy and my nephew. She needed a man who could be with just her. Who didn’t need easy, no-strings f**ks. And Micah needed a stable uncle. One who was a good role model. One who didn’t f**king hurt his momma. Motherfucker! I wanted to beat my own ass. Sienna’s bruised arm turned my stomach. I’d done that to her. I was the worthless piece of shit I knew wasn’t worthy enough to kiss those sweet lips of hers.
Then I’d kissed her. What the hell! What kind of message did that send? Not a good one. Surely she knew I wasn’t for her. I wasn’t for anyone. I would have to talk to Sienna and apologize. She needed to understand that I couldn’t be what she needed. I wasn’t that guy. I would be there for them, I would be her friend, I would take care of them—but that was all I was good for. Nothing more.
A knock on my window startled me, and I turned to see Marcus Hardy frowning at me. I had parked in the lot of my apartment building, but I hadn’t gotten out. I opened the door and stepped out of the truck.
“What was that about?” Marcus asked.
“What?” I asked, trying to blow off whatever it was he’d seen.
Marcus cocked an eyebrow at me. “Oh, I don’t know. Maybe the snarling and cursing and hitting your steering wheel.”
Shit. He’d been there a while.
“Nothing,” I replied, and started walking to my apartment. I knew Marcus would follow me.
“Preston said Sienna Roy was back and she has a kid.”
Shit. Preston gossiped like a damn woman.
I nodded and pulled out my keys to unlock my apartment door.
“Kid’s Dustin’s, then?” Marcus said, walking into my apartment behind me. Marcus would have this conversation by himself until I spoke up. He wouldn’t leave. That wasn’t Marcus. He was persistent.
“We can’t. I shouldn’t have,” Dewayne said, shaking his head. Then he all but ran out of my house. I stood there and listened to his truck door close and the engine start up. I stood there long after his truck had pulled out of my driveway.
He hadn’t been able to get away from me fast enough. It wasn’t like I had asked him to kiss me. Had he expected me to push him away? Was I a bad kisser? Had that moan been mine, and he had been turned off?
God! I hated being so damn clueless at this.
“Momma? Why is the door open?” Micah’s voice asked, and I snapped out of my daze and turned to see my little boy frowning at me.
“Because I was waiting on you,” I replied, not missing a beat.
He smiled and ran over to me, and I was careful to hide my bruised arm as I hugged him.
“Did you have fun?” I asked.
He nodded but pulled back and looked up at me. “I missed you this morning. Mama T offered to make me biscuits, but I wanted to come home and eat Pop-Tarts with you. I remembered you didn’t have work today.”
Hillary had given me one Saturday off a month, and I was very thankful for that this morning. After what had just happened, leaving Dewayne at my house to watch Micah would have been hard and distracting.
“I can do better than Pop-Tarts. How about pancakes?” I asked him.
He grinned. “How about chocolate chip pancakes?”
“Sounds perfect,” I said. “Let me go change shirts and we will get to work.”
I didn’t let him see me long enough to see my arm before I slipped out of the kitchen and into my bedroom, where I put on a long-sleeve T-shirt.
DEWAYNE
She was Dustin’s. She would always be Dustin’s.
Why the f**k had I kissed her? Goddamn, I wasn’t going to be able to forget that. She’d been so damn sweet and hot all at once. Almost like she was innocent, when I knew she wasn’t. She had a kid. She wasn’t innocent, and she’d melted into my arms so easily. I had wanted to get her as close to me as f**king possible.
Then she’d moaned, and my dick had gone so hard it had almost broken the damn zipper on my jeans. Fuck, but she was a sexy moaner. If I hadn’t gotten away from her, I would have ended up f**king her on the sofa. The image of Sienna naked and wrapped around me sprang to mind, and I hit the steering wheel and cursed. I needed a f**king cigarette. Why did that shit have to kill you? Giving up alcohol was going to be a hell of a lot easier.
I couldn’t do this shit. She was Micah’s mom. She wasn’t someone I could f**k for fun and walk away from. And after today I wasn’t sure I could f**k her and walk away from her. Hell, not tasting her mouth again was going to kill me. No wonder my brother had knocked her up. Fuck! I wouldn’t have been able to keep my wits about me when I was between her legs either. Damn woman could make any man lose his mind.
Dustin would want Sienna happy and taken care of. He would want her to have the life she deserved. Not one with his loser older brother, who had made more f**king mistakes than the average person. Hell, I’d bruised her arm. How the f**k did someone hurt Sienna? I wasn’t drinking ever again. I was done. If that was the kind of shit I did, I wasn’t touching alcohol. Sienna and Micah were going to turn me into the damn Pope.
Micah deserved a man in his life he could look up to. I would be the uncle who doted on him and made him feel loved, but I wasn’t really much to look up to. I wasn’t that guy. I never was and never would be good enough for Sienna Roy and my nephew. She needed a man who could be with just her. Who didn’t need easy, no-strings f**ks. And Micah needed a stable uncle. One who was a good role model. One who didn’t f**king hurt his momma. Motherfucker! I wanted to beat my own ass. Sienna’s bruised arm turned my stomach. I’d done that to her. I was the worthless piece of shit I knew wasn’t worthy enough to kiss those sweet lips of hers.
Then I’d kissed her. What the hell! What kind of message did that send? Not a good one. Surely she knew I wasn’t for her. I wasn’t for anyone. I would have to talk to Sienna and apologize. She needed to understand that I couldn’t be what she needed. I wasn’t that guy. I would be there for them, I would be her friend, I would take care of them—but that was all I was good for. Nothing more.
A knock on my window startled me, and I turned to see Marcus Hardy frowning at me. I had parked in the lot of my apartment building, but I hadn’t gotten out. I opened the door and stepped out of the truck.
“What was that about?” Marcus asked.
“What?” I asked, trying to blow off whatever it was he’d seen.
Marcus cocked an eyebrow at me. “Oh, I don’t know. Maybe the snarling and cursing and hitting your steering wheel.”
Shit. He’d been there a while.
“Nothing,” I replied, and started walking to my apartment. I knew Marcus would follow me.
“Preston said Sienna Roy was back and she has a kid.”
Shit. Preston gossiped like a damn woman.
I nodded and pulled out my keys to unlock my apartment door.
“Kid’s Dustin’s, then?” Marcus said, walking into my apartment behind me. Marcus would have this conversation by himself until I spoke up. He wouldn’t leave. That wasn’t Marcus. He was persistent.
