Hold on Tight
Page 50
“You’re really clean. I don’t think I expected that,” she said, looking around.
I shrugged. “Don’t like things messy. Never have. Well, some things I like to get messy with.” I shouldn’t have gone there. Not with her here in my place alone. I wanted things, and thinking about doing messy things with her was too damn tempting.
“Oh,” she said, blushing, and looked away from me. The pink in her cheeks always was one of my favorite things to see. That and her smile. Her eyes always twinkled in a way that could make everything else okay.
“When you look at me like that, it makes me forget that you just want to f**k me one time and nothing more.” Her words came out of nowhere, and hearing her say “fuck” didn’t help me.
“It’s hard not to look at you,” I admitted. “Always has been.”
Sienna let out a nervous laugh. “Well, it’s always been hard not to look at you, too. So I guess we both have a problem. If we slept together, I’d want more of it. Once would never be enough. One kiss wasn’t enough. I don’t think I could ever get my fill.”
What the hell . . . ?
Sienna was just laying it out there. Why? I’d told her that I couldn’t be what she wanted. I had tried to hold her at arm’s length, so why would she walk into my apartment and tell me she could never get enough of me? That was brave. Unbelievably so. It was time I admitted the truth too.
“If I get a taste of what it feels like to be inside you, I won’t be able to stop. Ever. I’ve been addicted to you since I was seventeen years old. I fought it because you were my brother’s. Then I fought it because I wasn’t worthy of you. It’s my fault he wrapped his car around that tree that night. I’d threatened him, and he was drunk and ran off.”
I couldn’t tell her the rest. That I had been mad that he had gotten Kimmy pregnant and had been cheating on Sienna for over a year. I never wanted her to know that. Ever.
“Dustin made his own mistakes,” she replied. “He chose to drink and party, and he chose to drive his car when he shouldn’t have. I begged him not to drink, but he always laughed me off, saying he was only having fun and wasn’t hurting anyone. I let myself believe him. But in the end Dustin made the reckless decision that took his life. He missed out on knowing our son. He missed out on his future as a star. He missed out on so much. But it was no one’s fault but his. I blamed myself for so long, but I know now that he made that decision. Not me. And not you.”
No one had ever told me that. I knew it was true, but no one had ever said those words to me. Still, I knew what I’d said to Dustin to send him racing back to Sienna in a panic. He was worried I was going to tell her what he was doing. He wanted to stop me. I’d never imagined he would get behind the wheel.
“I loved him. I miss him every damn day,” I said, gripping the edge of the countertop. I never talked about Dustin like this. It hurt too much.
“I loved him too. He was my best friend. He gave me the greatest gift on earth before he left me. I have Micah.”
I wanted her memories of Dustin to remain intact. I owed my brother that much. Because I wasn’t staying away from her anymore. She was right—Dustin had made his own decisions, and he hadn’t cherished what he had. I would. I’d been cherishing her from afar for so damn long.
“Stay. Eat some cake with me,” I said, not wanting her to leave. “Where’s Micah?”
“Your parents’,” she replied.
“Can you stay the night?”
Her eyes went wide, and she took a deep breath. Then she nodded. “Yes.”
I shoved away from the counter. “Sienna.”
“Yes,” she replied a little breathlessly as I closed the space between us.
“Can we eat the cake later? Much later? Like for breakfast?”
She nodded again just before my mouth captured hers.
SIENNA
He was everywhere all at once. My head was spinning, and if he hadn’t backed me up against the wall, I would have crumpled to the ground. It was overwhelming and thrilling.
Dewayne sucked on my bottom lip before trailing kisses across my jaw, then settled in to torture the spot behind my ear. “Wanted to do this for so long,” he whispered against my skin. “This one spot. All over. Fuck, Sienna, I don’t know if I can go slow. I want to so much, but right now I just wanna be inside you.”
I wanted Dewayne any way I could have him. Knowing that he wanted more with me than one night and that he wanted this made me willing to grant his every wish. “We have all night,” I told him.
Then I was off the ground, and I wrapped my legs around his waist as he walked me through a door off to the side of the kitchen and straight to a king-size bed in the middle of the room. “Naked and on my bed. Fucking want that. Now,” he said, jerking his shirt off and tossing it away. He reached for my shirt, and I raised my hands willingly and let him pull it off me. His eyes looked like they had caught fire when he took in the sight of me in my bra.
“Take it off. I want to watch,” he said, not looking away from my chest.
I unhooked the back clasp and let my bra fall forward. Then I pulled it off my arms and moved it aside. I didn’t care where it ended up. I just cared about the look of hunger on Dewayne’s face, and knowing it was me he was looking at like that.
It sounded like he muttered something like “magic tits,” but I wasn’t sure I’d heard him right. His hands were on the waistband of my shorts and tugging them down, so all thoughts of his muttering left me. I had only been completely naked with one man, and he had been a boy. He had also never taken his time with me like this. Or looked at me like he was in awe.
I shrugged. “Don’t like things messy. Never have. Well, some things I like to get messy with.” I shouldn’t have gone there. Not with her here in my place alone. I wanted things, and thinking about doing messy things with her was too damn tempting.
“Oh,” she said, blushing, and looked away from me. The pink in her cheeks always was one of my favorite things to see. That and her smile. Her eyes always twinkled in a way that could make everything else okay.
“When you look at me like that, it makes me forget that you just want to f**k me one time and nothing more.” Her words came out of nowhere, and hearing her say “fuck” didn’t help me.
“It’s hard not to look at you,” I admitted. “Always has been.”
Sienna let out a nervous laugh. “Well, it’s always been hard not to look at you, too. So I guess we both have a problem. If we slept together, I’d want more of it. Once would never be enough. One kiss wasn’t enough. I don’t think I could ever get my fill.”
What the hell . . . ?
Sienna was just laying it out there. Why? I’d told her that I couldn’t be what she wanted. I had tried to hold her at arm’s length, so why would she walk into my apartment and tell me she could never get enough of me? That was brave. Unbelievably so. It was time I admitted the truth too.
“If I get a taste of what it feels like to be inside you, I won’t be able to stop. Ever. I’ve been addicted to you since I was seventeen years old. I fought it because you were my brother’s. Then I fought it because I wasn’t worthy of you. It’s my fault he wrapped his car around that tree that night. I’d threatened him, and he was drunk and ran off.”
I couldn’t tell her the rest. That I had been mad that he had gotten Kimmy pregnant and had been cheating on Sienna for over a year. I never wanted her to know that. Ever.
“Dustin made his own mistakes,” she replied. “He chose to drink and party, and he chose to drive his car when he shouldn’t have. I begged him not to drink, but he always laughed me off, saying he was only having fun and wasn’t hurting anyone. I let myself believe him. But in the end Dustin made the reckless decision that took his life. He missed out on knowing our son. He missed out on his future as a star. He missed out on so much. But it was no one’s fault but his. I blamed myself for so long, but I know now that he made that decision. Not me. And not you.”
No one had ever told me that. I knew it was true, but no one had ever said those words to me. Still, I knew what I’d said to Dustin to send him racing back to Sienna in a panic. He was worried I was going to tell her what he was doing. He wanted to stop me. I’d never imagined he would get behind the wheel.
“I loved him. I miss him every damn day,” I said, gripping the edge of the countertop. I never talked about Dustin like this. It hurt too much.
“I loved him too. He was my best friend. He gave me the greatest gift on earth before he left me. I have Micah.”
I wanted her memories of Dustin to remain intact. I owed my brother that much. Because I wasn’t staying away from her anymore. She was right—Dustin had made his own decisions, and he hadn’t cherished what he had. I would. I’d been cherishing her from afar for so damn long.
“Stay. Eat some cake with me,” I said, not wanting her to leave. “Where’s Micah?”
“Your parents’,” she replied.
“Can you stay the night?”
Her eyes went wide, and she took a deep breath. Then she nodded. “Yes.”
I shoved away from the counter. “Sienna.”
“Yes,” she replied a little breathlessly as I closed the space between us.
“Can we eat the cake later? Much later? Like for breakfast?”
She nodded again just before my mouth captured hers.
SIENNA
He was everywhere all at once. My head was spinning, and if he hadn’t backed me up against the wall, I would have crumpled to the ground. It was overwhelming and thrilling.
Dewayne sucked on my bottom lip before trailing kisses across my jaw, then settled in to torture the spot behind my ear. “Wanted to do this for so long,” he whispered against my skin. “This one spot. All over. Fuck, Sienna, I don’t know if I can go slow. I want to so much, but right now I just wanna be inside you.”
I wanted Dewayne any way I could have him. Knowing that he wanted more with me than one night and that he wanted this made me willing to grant his every wish. “We have all night,” I told him.
Then I was off the ground, and I wrapped my legs around his waist as he walked me through a door off to the side of the kitchen and straight to a king-size bed in the middle of the room. “Naked and on my bed. Fucking want that. Now,” he said, jerking his shirt off and tossing it away. He reached for my shirt, and I raised my hands willingly and let him pull it off me. His eyes looked like they had caught fire when he took in the sight of me in my bra.
“Take it off. I want to watch,” he said, not looking away from my chest.
I unhooked the back clasp and let my bra fall forward. Then I pulled it off my arms and moved it aside. I didn’t care where it ended up. I just cared about the look of hunger on Dewayne’s face, and knowing it was me he was looking at like that.
It sounded like he muttered something like “magic tits,” but I wasn’t sure I’d heard him right. His hands were on the waistband of my shorts and tugging them down, so all thoughts of his muttering left me. I had only been completely naked with one man, and he had been a boy. He had also never taken his time with me like this. Or looked at me like he was in awe.
